[via Reuters]
Earlier: Live-Blogging The Goldman Flogging
Related: Introducing The Lloyd Face
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
Bring it Bitches
…..We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. They stole it from us. Sneaky little hobbitses….
Hey Carl,
I’m going to gouge out your eyeballs and suck your fucking skull
wascally wabbit
“about 14 feet, angle of 15 degrees, must be 27mph to stay aloft, will need approximately 2.5 rotations, pencil weight 2.0 oz, #2 lead has hardness of 5 Mohs, point is sharp enough to pierce temple . . . nah.”
Damn I gotta drop a mean fucking deuce.
Come on. It was me! Yeah, they were all me! I pooped the bed. Why? Cause poop’s funny!
“What page are you on??!”
“Is that Heidi Montag? Holy shit her new face looks like a Goddamn coathanger abortion!”
no, eat my shorts
Is that Anal_yst over there? Man, I could really use some of his insight right now.
Blankfein reacts to Sen. Levin’s assertion that Blankfein wore a “special effects” forehead application that looks like a “Klingon Starter Kit” with the intention of intimidating the committee.
Clients! We don’t need no stinking clients!
Carl Levin: I despise the way you pose yourself. You and your whole fucking firm.
Lloyd: We’re both part of the same hypocrisy, congressman, but never think it applies to my firm.
Are you the stupid shit that thinks Guam might capsize?
The battle of wits has begun
Levin: Mr. Blankfein was there always an associate involved?
Willi Cici: A what?
Levin: A associate. Someone in between you and your possible inferiors who you passed on the actual order to sell crap pools someone.
Lloyd: Oh yeah, an associate. The firm had a lot of associates!
sue me
Did anyone read the binder? It’s actually pretty entertaining.
-guy who’s filling in for Anal_yst
This shot is clearly LB’s audition for “Diahrrea” in the Pepto Bismol song.
Fab is the new “Nausea, and C Levin made the unprecedented grab of three parts: “Heartburn”, “Indigestion” and “Upset Stomach”.
Levin also received special recognition for his multiple attempts to write a second verse of the Pepto Bismol song consisting only of the word “$hitty”.
You talking to me?
Are you talking to me??
Guy in the background: A little higher yes right there I think I can see it, A little bit more….
“Yes I could go for a frozen treat right about now. But no sprinkles. And for every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you.”
LLLLLLLOYD! Has so much radiation been leaking off the nucrotum since apr 16 that you can’t see?
“Shitty CDO’s? Crappy Pools? Here’s what I think of your “shitty” binder!
Is this one gonna be smooth or am I gonna have backsplash?
do i look like a clown to you?
do i fucking amuse you?
I wonder if the good senator has experienced the Arabian Goggles
KRAMER: Yeah, Lloyd Craig Blankfein. I go to his birthday party, and just before he blew out his candles, he gives me this look..
GEORGE: Stink eye?
JERRY: Crook eye?
KRAMER: EVIL eye.
“Do you have any fucking clue how long it’s been since I’ve flipped through a binder without post-its on the side showing me where to sign?”
what you talking about willis?
I really hope that they dont smell that one!
Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
“Oh no you di’nt!”
“Oh no you di’int!”
“In the first line- E, V, Q, T, Z; in the second line, it’s a little blurry, but, W, M, X, F… maybe V?”
“inconceivable!”
http://www.davidlouisedelman.com/wp-content/uploads/princess-bride.jpg
Levin, did you fart again?
@36 – my sentiments precisely. No wonder I am being mistaken for his (younger and way more handsome) brother…
Are eye doctors not covered under GSs health care plan?
God Damn IT!!!! I had two great captions except 21 and 27 took them already!!!
Ugh!!!
This guy looks like Yoda from Star Wars.
Maybe if I squint 1/2 the problems will disappear.
Anybody know what kind of car he drives?
I have a tickle in my anus.
Yes, I made about a million dollars for every page I’m holding here.
I think this is a coded message to go long at 7am because he got a tip off on the FOMC from B^2.
http://blogs.wsj.com/deals/2010/04/28/blankfeins-voicemail-to-goldman-flock-this-is-lloyd-in-dc/
“Blankfein’s Voicemail to Goldman Flock: “This is Lloyd” in D.C.”
after I let this big one out, our CDOs taste better
I wish I sold you one of those synthetic CDOs
Carl, uh, you didn’t give a copy of all of these shitty e-mails to Rob Khuzami did you? If so, that was really shitty of you.
viniar: (looking on from afar) I knew I should have written the secret message on the back of page 215, I hope Lloyd doesn’t get upset at me.
lloyd: (thinking to himself) where are my fk’n notes? viniar is flying back commercial tonight!
What’chu talkin ’bout Willis?
On my 29th interview with the Firm, I arrived at 200 West fifteen minutes early, and was greeted by Lucas. He showed me to West St. where a black car was purring, waiting to whisk me away. I took a seat in the back, and Lucas closed the door before asking me to roll down my window. “See you out there, sport.” The driver immediately pulled away.
Moments after emerging from the Lincoln Tunnel, the driver pulled into an aerospace named Teterboro, and 5 men in black suits greeted me. They sat me down over tea, and asked basic questions regarding structured finance. Soon after, Lucas arrived in a helicopter, and I was escorted to greet him. He asked me whether I liked Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov. Knowing I only had 30 seconds to answer his question, and being familiar with the name but uncertain of the significance, I quickly replied, “Yes.” Lucas replied, “Good. Good.”
As he boarded the helicopter, I asked him what this interview consisted of; alas, he hadn’t heard me with the starting roar of the rotar blades. He hovered high above my head, going higher and higher. There was a great blast of music floating through the air, before Lucas’ voice was across the intercom. He screamed, “C-O-L-L-A-T-E BITCH” repeatedly. It was then that I noticed the sky littered with falling sheets of paper. I ran into the field, trying to collect as many documents as possible, but it was extremely difficult with the paint balls hitting my person, and the music driving my anxiety, and the wind kicking up dirt and pollen, manipulating my ability to breathe properly.
Two hours later, there I stood in front of Lloyd as he looked over the binder I had prepared at Teterboro. He looked up from the work I had created, squinted his eyes, and asked, “Can you come back next Wednesday?” Sure thing, I replied.
*aiming his penis with the other hand*
I’m never miss the spot between the eyes. Skeet!
“Oh no! John McCain is here! How will I be able to handle his insightful line of questioning? That damn Viniar had it easy…”
“Ouch!” Aside to self: Dammit, remember to have Geithner’s teeth pulled ASAP. Little bitch can’t give me a proper under-the-table BJ without scraping.
@52 – golf clap with a hat tip, I almost spit out my drink.
And Lloyd Blankfien slowly mmorphes into his true identity–the bad guy from the Phantasm movies!
P.S. Wanna know how clean LB rides? He shows up to get grilled by the populists with his last suit cuff button undone just so they know his sh!t is bespoke. Take that b!tches!
Lloyd Blankfein watches Carl Levin (D-MI) exit the Senate hearing room after the following exchange:
Carl: Frank let me handle this, he is making a few good points. I know a lot about the law and various other lawerings. I am well educated and well versed. I know that situations like this – real estate wise – they are very complex.
Lloyd: Actually, they are pretty simple the forms are all boiler plate.
Carl: OK, well we are all hungry and we are going to get to our hot plates soon enough, but let’s talk about the contract here.
Lloyd: Sorry, I forget where did you go to law school?
Carl: I am pleading the fifth sir.
Lloyd: I would advise you do that.
Carl: I will take that advice into cooperation. Now what say you and I go toe-to-toe on bird law and see who comes out the victor.
Lloyd: I don’t think I am going to do anything close to that and I can see clearly you know nothing about the law. It seems like you have a tenuous grasp on the English language in general…
Carl: Well, um filibuster.
Lloyd: Do you know what that word means?
Carl then screams something unintelligible and runs out of the back of the room.
Although well intentioned @58, Lloyd and Uncle Carl Levin both went to HLS.
Love the IASIP reference, though.
carl, are you ready to have the information cock rammed down your throat?
Levin
I can’t believe they allowed you into Harvard Law School. Idiots like you were not found in my HLS class
L. Blankfein
I know what you’re thinking punk. You’re thinking did he fire six shots or only five. And to tell you the truth I forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this is a 44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world and will blow your head clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself a question. Do I feel lucky? Well do you, punk?”
Is LB going to have to choke a b*tch?
@61: which Levin are you referring to: Carl or Bess?
Looks constipated. Someone get the man some ex-lax
Now turn to p. 1365 in your siddur as we read responsively…
Oh, and this thread was done @52. There were tears in my eyes, people were staring.
-@63
Wait, you’re saying we did what to American Economy? And to Greece? Nah, couldn’t be.
LB: “Dude is talking millions!!! You brought me here to talk about MILLIONS!!!!”
Blue Steel… or maybe Magnum!
Blue Steel… or maybe Magnum!
@52 – there’s genmaitcha on my keyboard again. please donate to your favourite charity in like (not THE AAPL keyboard, so you are safe).
I suggest you and your Kmart Jaclyn Smith Collection outfit… stay the hell away from Lloyd Zoolander!
“note to self: how can i synthetically short congress?”
This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass Carl!
@52 Awesome.
@74 – continue to finance consumer spending on Chinese-made disposable junk.
NOS…
You messin’ with my mojo, mofo?
Exhibit 67???!!! You said it was exhibit 76 you dyslexic fuck.
What we have here is, failure to communicate.
“Crap, I think Levin heard me squeeze that one out.”
“i bet they have cheap ass toilet paper in the shitters on capital hill. maybe ill just take a cleveland steamer on levin’s chest and wipe with one of the 4,000 pages in this binder.”
Casting Shia as Fabrice in Wall Street 3 is fucking shi#$y.
“What page are on you Senator?…every single page of this book just says ‘Shitty Deal’in block crayon letters
Why must I be surrounded by frickin’ idiots?
Senator, you want me on that quote, you need me on that quote!
We use words like bid, offer, trade. They’re the backbone of our capitalism. You use them as a punchline! I haven’t the time or inclination to explain myself to a man who needs our financing but questions the way we do it. Better just to thank me. Or pick a security and make a market. But I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
I wonder if now is the right time to ask if the Treasury can print Lloydbucks?
@52 wins it going away by 69 lengths!
” Do you like Phil Collins? I’ve been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn’t understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins’ presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group’s undisputed masterpiece. It’s an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums.”
get some
If only you knew….
Mini-me replica
Now I remember….that fucker’s favorite horse is in, uhhhhhhhh, Stable 2, Stall 7.
NNNeeewwman
No, this is “Magnum” the last one was “Blue Steel”
No, Mr. Tester from Montana, my stage name is NOT Wallace Shawn.
“Can’t believe it! He’s nailing me on my shorts but has no clue what market making is. That Levin smuck is like the rest of them that have destroyed the country. How could I have paid campaign contributions to this joint? Fab! short everything! “
“Youuuu bespoke Einstein fat ass! I’m gonna cut you, synthesize you, and eat you alive in tranches, you piece of art!”
LB says: ”Senator, we always act in the best interests of our clients.”
LB thinks: ”I’m gonna take this here and fit it up that fat bitch some place where the sun don’t shine.”
“It was then that he realized that the 20% cotton paper would not cut it”
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my underground lair. I have gathered here before me the world’s deadliest assassins, and yet each of you has failed to kill Senator Levin. That makes me angry. And when Dr. Evil gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset. And when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset… people DIE!
Excuse me Paulson, while I go take a timberwolf
This is BS. If I were Jamie, they’d be kissing my @$$.
THis is how we get comfortable with the CDOs
You represent Detroit, and you’re telling ME not to sell a product I don’t believe in? What the fuck?
I will f*ck you up son! Bed-Stuy represent!