* 9:45: Fifteen minutes to go. Disappointingly, His Fantabulousness and Lloyd Blankfein are on separate panels, meaning no opportunity for potential backhands to the face. No matter. There’s gonna be a showdown. So while we wait:

[I have it on good authority that Lloyd and Lucas have rehearsed the above moves and will be performing them at intermission.]

* 9:57: The “Pink Ladies” have traded in their standard uniforms for prison garb. Good one, ladies.

* 10:03: Carl Levin (NO RELATION) is telling us why we’re here. Goldman Sachs took advantage of its clients, yada, yada, yada.

* 10:04: That’s right, cameraman, focus on The Fab (who’s grown his hair a little longer and is looking kind of hot).

* 10:09: Carl: “Goldman Sachs treats clients like objects (of profit).” Jackie Treehorn, a former prop trader, was the first to pioneer this model at the firm.

* 10:16: Goldman made money off its shorts. Dun Dun Dun.

* 10:26: Apparently Goldman didn’t just hurt its clients, it hurt everyone in the world. Take a moment right now to show us on the doll where Goldman touched you.

* 10:28: Going to interrupt Carl for a moment to announce that Melissa Francis gave birth last night to her second son (with husband Wray). The kid’s name is Greyson Alexander Thorn. May he grow up to be a Goldman banker.

* 10:32: Senator Susan Collins: I’m very discreet…but I will haunt your dreams.

* 10:38: According to Suzy, we’re not here to celebrate the fact that Goldman Sachs made some money during the crisis. Which means I’ve made a terrible mistake. Reader poll: cancel the stripper cake, even though she’s already inside? Or just say fuck it? Why should this lady get to say what’s what?

* 10:40: Senator Claire McCaskill is just going to throw words out there, arrange them in any way you like: bets, odds, bookies, tranches, waterfalls, golden showers, clown-facing, pit bosses, Las Vegas, street gamblers, KGB.

* 10:44: SENATOR MARK PRYOR: “I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING ON WALL STREET.”

* 10:47: Daniel Sparks, former mortgages department head and PMD: He only meant to stay at Goldman for two years. But he couldn’t let it go. There was something about Goldman he couldn’t shake. Something…special.

* 10:51: Josh Birnbaum, Former Managing Director, Structured Products Group Trading: Wharton grad. That is all.

* 10:56: Michael “Swenny” Swenson, Managing Director, Structured Products Group Trading: [guy behind left shoulder is just gonna play dead until the Model 5000 GS employee is finished]

* 11:02: Fabrice “Fab” Tourre: FINALLY. The only reason we’re here today. Reading of this statement. Unlike the Toyota hearings, no translator necessary. Won’t get good until he’s performing off the cuff but so far, I sense a ‘tude, and I like it. If he wants to make us really happy he’ll whip out a cigarette when he’s done and light up.

* 11:12: Before Carl finishes this little speech, is someone going to tell him that Sparks hasn’t found the email in the 938,918 page binder he was supposed to be looking for yet?

* 11:13: WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THIS PLAN FOR SPARKS TO JUST NEVER FIND THE RIGHT PAGE IS A GENIUS. LOOKIN’ AT YOU LUCAS.

* 11:16: Sparks: Senator Levin, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about. No joke, no offense, I straight up have no idea what you’re saying.

* 11:17: Senator Levin: IF I POINT AND SAY THE PHRASE ‘HOW DO YOU GUYS GET COMFORTABLE WITH’ OVER AND OVER AGAIN MAYBE AT SOME POINT IT WILL MAKE SENSE [aid whispering in Levin’s ear: “Sir, things are unraveling, it’s getting away from us.” Levin: “Shut it bitch.”] HOW DO YOU GUYS GET COMFORTABLE [FINGER POINTS] GET COMFORTABLE [FINGER POINTS] GUYS [FINGER POINTS] COMFORTABLE?!?

* 11:24: This is how it’s going to be. Every five to six minutes, Carl’s going to pick a new phrase to shout over and over, in the form of a question that people will have no idea how to answer. First phrase was “how do you guys get comfortable with,” next up, “crap pools.” Crap pools. Crap pools. Crap pools.

Sparks: I don’t…

CL: Crap pools.

Sparks: Sir?

CL: Crap pools.

Sparks: Um…

CL: Crap pools.

Sparks : All I’m saying…

CL: Crap pools?

Sparks: Mr. Chairman I’m just…

CL: Crap pools?

Sparks: Sir?

CL: Crap pools!

Sparks: We…

CL: Crap pools!

Sparks: I’m sorry?

CL: Crap pools! Knock, knock.

Sparks: Who’s there?

CL: CRAP POOLS!

Sparks: Look…

CL: Crap pools! Let me tell you a little story about a man named Crap pools! Crap pools! Even before you start. That was a preemptive Crap pools. Just know I have a whole bag of ‘Crap pools’ with your name on it.

11:30: Phrase # 3: “Shitty deals”

11:33: Carl: Who’s Tom Montag? Who’s Dan Sparks? Who’s Lloyd Blankfein? Who’s Carl Levin? WHERE AM I?

11:37: Senator Collins would like to go down the line and ask everyone if they felt they had a duty act in the best interest of their clients. Sending a silent plea to Fab to, after everyone else says yes, jumps up on the desk and say, “Our duty to our clie-ents vas simply zees [dramatic dick slap to random audience member’s face.]

11:43: Collins: “Mr. Chairman, I think a tactic of this group is to burn through time by asking the question to be re-stated.” You win this round, Susan.

11:47 Collins: Turn to page 104.

Birnbaum [turns to page 104, sees it has nothing to do wtih what she’s talking about]: Sorry, 104?

Collins: Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me! [confers with aid] Hmm, no. Not 104. 26. Bet you think you’re so smart, don’t you Goldie? Is this how you played your clients?

11:53: Levin: I’m hip to your games and your little tricks and we’re going to stay here until you answer the questions whether they make one ounce of sense or not, got it? [NOTE: THIS IS ONLY PANEL ONE OF THREE!!! SAVE YOURSELVES!]

12:00: Senator Kaufman: What I’m getting here from this hearing is that no one did anything wrong.

[panel: nods gravely]

12:05: Kaufman: I’m not a fan of hindsight or Monday Morning Quarterbacking (O RLY?). I’m not here to embarrass you You’re here to embarrass me and my colleagues. Just wanted to be clear on that. Got it, boss?

12:10 You guys this thing is sucking my will to live. There’s only one way way to recharge. Do this with me:

12:21 Senator Coburn: I’m just getting here, so I’ll make my opening remarks now, 3 hours into the thing. I was busy tending to more important issues. I was having a mole removed. Anyway, Swenson I have a question for yo, did you–

Swenson (as transcribed by PB): Senator, if you can’t bother to get here on time, just shut the fuck up already. I know what you’re going to ask and it was covered in my prepared statement. I will not repeat myself in order to accommodate your tardiness.

12:23 Senator Coburn: Who was your leader? Who sent you here? Who is your leader?

Birnbaum: We did it as a team.

Coburn: Who is your leader? Who led?

Birnbaum: We did it as a team. Are you suggesting there can only be one leader?

Coburn: There can only be on leader. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LLOYD BLANKFEIN (which, btw, is the title of my memoir).

Birnbaum: Swenny was my ultimate boss.

Swenson: Sparks was my boss.

Sparks: Zuul was my boss.

12:30: No longer interested in even pretending to give a shit about this charade, Swenny has turned to audible sighs. [Swenson, you asshole, this is kind of a turn on– call me. Sparks, you can give me a ring as well.]

12:36: Coburn: Were you embarrassed by those emails…the ones to your girlfriend?

Fab: Yeah, a little bit.

Coburn: Were you deeply embarrassed by them? Do you think Lucas and Lloyd released them to distract everyone from the fact that they’re currently structuring newfangled derivatives for Paulson&Co to short, such as Senator Levin’s performance on Dancing With The Stars?

12:40: We get it, Claire McCaskill, you have a gambling problem, particularly as it relates to sports betting. If GS just gives you a little money to get by can everyone go home?

1:15: [Riffing between Senator Ensign and Senator who’s name I missed based on joke Ensign took a week to come up with– “I think the people of Vegas would be offended to be compared to Wall Street. At least they know the game is rigged.”]

1:30: Ensign: I think one of the reasons you guys were able to get away with this whole scam is that you used fancy words that people who aren’t market manipulators wouldn’t understand. For instance, the word ‘static.’ Hows is someone who doesn’t work at Goldman or have their CFA supposed to understand what that means? Can you even tell me what that means right now?

Sparks: Sure, sir, and I understand it’s tricky. ‘Static’ is industry jargon for ‘fixed.’ Like when something doesn’t move.

Ensign: Okay, now define ‘canines.’

Sparks: Dogs. To the layman.

1:42: Senator Baucus: Do you think Goldman did anything wrong, Mr. Sparks?

Sparks: No, I would say I don’t think Goldman did anything wrong–

Baucus: Interesting. So you’re saying you don’t think Goldman did anything wrong?

Sparks: No, I would say I don’t think Goldman did anything wrong–

Baucus: Son, you’re not speaking my language.

1:55: Senator Tester: You guys have done a great job. You didn’t answer a single question but that’s okay that’s fine, that’s not your fault. Maybe later we can go out for a pop without the lawyers and you can tell me what really happened.

2:05: [Levin, to no one in particular] “Shiftin’ risk…CDO’s…lemons….lemons…”

2:20: Senator Coburn: I’m not finding what I want in these emails…you know…incriminating shit…so how about this– true or false, the firm has a policy which states that you’re not allowed to raise any ethical issues in an email. You know, the sort of shit that had you put it in an email, would’ve really helped me out today. Let’s just go down the line. Is that or is that not a firm policy.

Sparks: No.

Brinbaum: No.

Swenny: [Dramatic eye-roll] No.

Fab: No.

Coburn: Agree to disagree.

2:25: Senator Coburn: “We’re not that stupid.”

[…]

2:25: Senator Coburn: Does a ‘PM’ refer to ‘prime mover’?

Fab: Uhhh…generally it refers to ‘portfolio manager.’

Coburn: Phat magic?

Fab: Portfolio manager?

Coburn: Pimp money?

Fab: Portfolio manager?

Coburn: Potty mouth?

Fab: Portfolio manager?

Coburn: Pussy magnet?

Fab: Portfolio manager? But Pussy Magnet too, yes.

3:13 We’re past the 5 hour mark. HOW IS THIS STILL HAPPENING? Is it even legal not to break for lunch? There are two more panels to go– will Lloyd have to stay over night? HE DIDN’T BRING AN OVERNIGHT BAG!

AND BREAK.

3:30: I love you, Viniar but my fingers need a break. Resting them ’til LB.

545 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (545)

  1. Posted by anon | April 27, 2010 at 10:04 AM

    Run for your lives! There’s a giant shit cloud coming!

  2. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:05 AM

    Does Fab have a soul patch? I couldn’t tell with the wonderful panning by the cameraman.

  3. Posted by Kung Fu Grip | April 27, 2010 at 10:06 AM

    Fabulous Fab looks just a bit nervous …..can’t say I blame him- he’s about to get corn-holed live and in living color-

  4. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    Why is Bess’ estranged father the Senator leading this hearing?

  5. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:10 AM

    Bess, you better have gotten your dad, the right honourable senator, to be asking some ballbuster questions otherwise i am going to have to get theatrical here.

  6. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:10 AM

    Someone should tell the Senator that the combover isn’t fooling anyone…

  7. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 10:11 AM

    @4/5 you slay me.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    Nice Big Lebowski ref Ms. Levin.

  9. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    @6 – lol. what about the giant mole/pimple on the left side of his lip? is that fooling anyone?

  10. Posted by merkin capital partners | April 27, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    Has there been a Maxine sighting? I assume she will sit in the gallery and yell out questions.

    “SCUSE ME! Axe him bout Golden’s credit card rates and FEES, axe him bout the fees. Fa the minaritees in the cuhmunity!”

  11. Posted by John Holmes | April 27, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    @Bess – your work is incomplete until you include NO RELATION in your tags. Maybe it’s because you are getting all hot from looking at His Fabulousness, but you are disappointing us. And we still want to know if his French babe in London is hot and why he writes to her in English.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:16 AM

    NICE CHARTS!

  13. Posted by anon | April 27, 2010 at 10:18 AM

    8 year olds dude. 8 year olds.

  14. Posted by ALL CAPS WHARTON | April 27, 2010 at 10:18 AM

    BESS’ PEDOPHILE UNCLE FROM MICHIGAN NEEDS TO STEP DOWN. THIS IS ATROCIOUS. A WITCH-TRIAL.

  15. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 10:21 AM

    Bess, text your uncle and tell him to STFU. I want Fab to make a speech and I want him to make it now.

  16. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:22 AM

    you mean these young guys on the camera created all of this shit, where is LB?

  17. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 10:23 AM

    @16 he’s on the third panel.

  18. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:24 AM

    Fab does not like so fabulous today….

  19. Posted by Senator Carl Levin (D) Michigan | April 27, 2010 at 10:24 AM

    Bess, I am your father

  20. Posted by anon | April 27, 2010 at 10:26 AM

    Maxine: Is this your homework Fab? Is this your homework Fab?

    Maxine: Your killing your father Fab! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!

  21. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:26 AM

    I think GS did not send enough grey haired employees to this grilling, this looks like it is going to be a major PR disaster for GS – no high visible GS employees at the table. Did they send associates or mid-level employees only?

  22. Posted by Congressional Logic | April 27, 2010 at 10:27 AM

    So is he saying that GS should not have shorted the market and just asked for more bailout money?

  23. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    Swenson’s blinking a message in morse code…anyone fluent?

  24. Posted by anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    Fab may flip a quarter at Bess’s dad and go Uncle Buck on him

  25. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    @ 21 Scroll up, go to second sentence.

  26. Posted by Dr. Fabrice | April 27, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    Bess: I just think, like, he hates me. I really think he wants to kill me.
    Therapist: He doesn’t really want to kill you. Sometimes we just say that.
    Bess’ Senator Dad Carl Levin: No actually the girl is quite astute. I really am trying to kill her, but so far unsuccessfully. She’s quite wily, like her old man.

  27. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:30 AM

    I think we should have a new rule: If you talk like you are chewing your cud, you shouldn’t be allowed on the panel.

  28. Posted by Rahodeb | April 27, 2010 at 10:30 AM

    Why does a stroke victim have the floor?

  29. Posted by Leroy the Masochist | April 27, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    Did Sen Collins put Vicodin on her cheerios this morning?

  30. Posted by HIREME | April 27, 2010 at 10:32 AM

    she sounds like the female steve hawking

  31. Posted by Kung Fu Grip | April 27, 2010 at 10:33 AM

    Holy F*CK – Get the hook!! get Sen. Collins off— is she having an anuerism?

  32. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:33 AM

    @21 – Are you being serious? Great. Now go back to Yahoo! Finance please.

  33. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:33 AM

    28, haha, beat me to it!!

  34. Posted by anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:34 AM

    Does the guy to Fab’s right have a soul patch on his forehead?

  35. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:35 AM

    I did all for the nookie(s).

    ~Fab Fab

  36. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    @30 – just hit the screen with coffee – thanks

  37. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    Fab: “I wouldn’t hit that with Blankfein’s dick.”

  38. Posted by JonIndia™ | April 27, 2010 at 10:36 AM

    @6 The honorable Senator should corn-row his combover.

  39. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:38 AM

    Sen. Susan Collins thinks the crisis is not catastrophic enough, say “nearly catastrophic”

  40. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:39 AM

    Blonde behind Collins looks very sad.

  41. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 10:39 AM

    I think there should be a rule/law that if you’re on a televised panel, you must first take public speaking classes…this is making a mockery of the “reading is fundamental” program. how did she get elected? collins = fail.

  42. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:41 AM

    and McCain is there. hell

  43. Posted by Dr. Fabrice | April 27, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    Bess: I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab!
    Daddy Carl: Bess, that hurts daddy when you say that. Honestly.

  44. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 10:43 AM

    Who is this now? Looks like my second-grade teacher.

  45. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    @40 yes, she thought collins spoke too fast to follow

  46. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 10:45 AM

    up 2% on volume.

  47. Posted by Eddy Elfenbein | April 27, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    This is a perfect opportunity for a Godfather 2-like scene when Frank Pentangeli testified before the Senate. Fab starts reading his testimony and Blankfein walks in with Fab’s brother Olivier and takes a seat in the back row. Then Fab suddenly recants: “Abacus? I never heard of an Abacus.”

  48. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    Just because *she’s* not here to celebrate doesn’t change the facts. I was told there’d be cake.
    -guest

  49. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:48 AM

    Who’s the asian with the funny faces over Sparks’ right shoulder?

  50. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:48 AM

    @47 that would be legendary

  51. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 10:48 AM

    GS is rising quickly. I think investors are starting to realize that those prosecuting them are dumber than dirt and GS’s lawyers will have them choking on pretzels in no time.

    What a farce!

  52. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:49 AM

    when lb is staged?

  53. Posted by Dr. Fabrice | April 27, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    Maxine W:Remember when we froze your semen? You said that if it didn’t look like you were coming back we should try to create an heir so a part of you would live forever?
    Daddy Carl L: Oh sure.
    MW: Well, after a couple of years we got a little.impatient. CL,I would like you to meet your daughter.
    CL: My Daughter?
    MW: Ja. BESS!
    [Bess enters]
    CL: Hello Bess.
    Bess: Hi.
    CL: I’m your father. Senator Carl Levin.
    Bess: I haven’t seen you my whole life and now you just show up and *expect* a relationship? I hate you. What?
    CL: Can I have a hug?
    Bess: No.
    CL: Give me a hug.
    Bess: No way.
    CL: Come on. Let’s go. Pronto.
    Bess: What are you doing?
    CL: I’m with it. I’m hip. Well, don’t look at me like I’m friggin’ Frankenstein! Come here and give your father a hug.
    Bess: Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho!
    [CL runs after her with his arms out]
    CL: Hug, hug, hug.

  54. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    @49 japanese i think

  55. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    @49 If I’m not mistaken, that’s George Takei.

  56. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    Wharton. There we go. You knew it was in there somewhere.

  57. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 10:53 AM

    Quick Recap:

    Indignant Senator 1: Rabble Rabble Rabble
    Indignant Senator 2: (Unintelligible)
    Indignant Senator 3: HARRUMPH!

  58. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    Not related? I can see whay you’d say so but it says right here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levites#Family_name that you are. But you also have some heavy hitters in your lineup, including a guy named Moses. So you have your compensations.

  59. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    @57

    I didnt get a HARRUMPH outta that guy!

  60. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    Tell me Swenson isnt the square of this group.

  61. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    LOL. This guy looks nervous.

  62. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    These Senator’s are absolute scum.

  63. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 11:01 AM

    @60- This guy blows. I’m pretty sure he’s going into such ridiculous detail just because he doesn’t know any better, but there’s an off-chance he’s just trying to confuse Bess’s uncle et al.

  64. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    @59

    You have to admit, they could just play this scene and call it a day:

  65. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    OMG OMG FINALLY!

  66. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    Americans=not guilty
    Fab=guilty as charged

  67. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:03 AM

    @53 Not Funny…..Fail…..Epic Fail even….

    Now everyone, the Carl/Bess Father/Daughter joke was funny the first, maybe second post. Now it is old so let’s put the lame horse out of its misery before more of you embarrass yourselves.

    That is All…..

  68. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:04 AM

    The woman behind Fabulous looks like a cabbage patch doll.

  69. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    Fab: “Your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries. “

  70. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    “I vill mount a vigorous defense, just like Chaz Degaulle. Viva la Fab!”

  71. Posted by creditquant | April 27, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    @68 totally. They need to filter the audience better.

  72. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:06 AM

    Well, the senators seems to have perked up now that Fab Fab is talking…

  73. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    I think Fab is hot. And I think he should make some serious bank, Martha Stewart style, by writing a book after all this is over and settled.

  74. Posted by booky | April 27, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    did you notice those binders on the desk? how can you not! wtf is that? lol

  75. Posted by HIREME | April 27, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    GET THESE GUYS SOME IPADS

  76. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    sacré bleu! this is an outrage, I did nothing wrong. harrumph!

  77. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    sparks is sweating

  78. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | April 27, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    “Apparently Goldman didn’t just hurt its clients, it hurt everyone in the world. Take a moment right now to show us on the doll where Goldman touched you.”

    Everything I love about Bess’ writing in two sentences.

  79. Posted by Uncle Carl Levin | April 27, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    WHY ARE YOU ASHAMED OF YOUR LINEAGE! AND WHY DIDN’T YOU ATTEND KATE’S BAT MITVAH? WAS THAT A SLIGHT????

  80. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    Does anyone have a link to the exhibits on the senate website?

  81. Posted by Caminooch | April 27, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    Carl Levin looks like a Sharpei.

  82. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    One day it will be Senatrix Levin asking the tough questions

  83. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    Why does Sen. Levin’s first question reference the 300th page of the binder? And referencing an email that was not in this exhibit?

    Holy shit this must be a joke. Who put this shit together?

  84. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:15 AM

    “I know you dont know” But answer me anyway, goddamnit!!!!

    – Levin

  85. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    @67 I know you’re a proud papa and all, but shouldn’t you be paying attention at the hearing rather than reading DB?

  86. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    that pile of paper is about 15% the height of the new health care law

  87. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    Fuck, politicians are such goddamn morons.

  88. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:19 AM

    how can u get comfortable….?

  89. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:19 AM

    Bess, I know it’s hard but it is time to put Daddy in a home

  90. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:22 AM

    HOW DO YOU GET COMFORTABLE?!

    DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?!

  91. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 11:23 AM

    I’m waiting for the Spanish Inquisition to jump out from that door behind Sen. Levin.

  92. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:25 AM

    Obfuscate! Obfuscate! Obfuscate!

    Sparks is doing his lawyers proud.

  93. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:25 AM

    I know we lost money on the long but I have no idea if we made money on the shorts???? Clearly the plan is to run out the clock on these questions without giving a clear response.

    I just don’t think this will work this time.

  94. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:26 AM

    Next Up:

    The Senate grills Cheap Suit Salesmen:

    …”Were you aware that you were selling unvented, polyester suits ? What were you thinking ? Did someone who purchased one if these suits for $40 try to turn around to sell it and could only get $10 for it ? How do you live with yourself ?”

  95. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:26 AM

    Cloudy, with a chance of grease balls.

  96. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 11:26 AM

    Sen. Levin: Look here. It say’s CRAP! “Crap pools.” Don’t even bother reading the rest of the email, I just wanted to say crap on international television. Crap. Pools.

  97. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    Are these people not briefed on anything? They have the whole GS mortgage team from ’07 here and this is the sh*t they can manage?

  98. Posted by HIREME | April 27, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    plead the fizzif

  99. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:28 AM

    Does this guy even work for Goldman, or did they just hire him for the Senate gig? He doesn’t know anything. Brilliant strategy.

  100. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:28 AM

    The Journal has a rather unflattering photo of Tourre on the main page. Ouch.

  101. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    Give Sparks a hat and cane – what a performance!

  102. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    senator levin, quite frankly…you can’t handle the truth! (sad trombone).

    this dog and pony show is complete and utter nonsense. now go to page 278, you see that email where fab wants to snuggle with his girlfriend? take my word for it, he wants to snuggel. how do you get comfortable with that?

  103. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    lots of book page flipping, seriously do they expect these Goldman kids to remember what color tie they also wore on April 20, 2008?

  104. Posted by booky | April 27, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    oh HE DID NOT JUST DROP THE S* BOMB so far the count is 5 times! hhahaha

  105. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    Oh, this is getting good.

  106. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:32 AM

    Someone count the “shitty”s. You could turn this into a drinking game.

  107. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:32 AM

    How is whether or not something is inherently a good or poor deal on trial here ? Have we really gone that far as a society ?

  108. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:32 AM

    is the FCC going to fine Levin for saying shitty multiple times?

  109. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    Mr. Levin has a potty mouth

  110. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    duck, dive, deny, lie, can’t recall, mis-remember, – outstanding -they’re perfectly groomed for a life in public office

  111. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:34 AM

    What a waste of time: Flash…US Congress decides to make short selling illegal. They also make it illegal to go long.

    While they are at it, they make it illegal not to not tell everyone you know, ever met or ever will meet in your life the god’s honest truth every time you open you mouth….this would include ex wives, chicks at bars, parole officers, trading counterparties, rouge nuclear states…etc.

    The good news it will put the lawyers out of business (politicians too)..

    Problem sorted…

  112. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:34 AM

    I cannot believe GS is going to come out *better* out of this whole farce. 18 months of “investigation” for this. Wow!

  113. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:34 AM

    Oh dear, you said doody!

  114. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:35 AM

    Bess, your dad is making us proud.

  115. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    Here goes Sen. Vicodin again – oh jesus -

  116. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    @92 — haha amen

  117. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:37 AM

    BUT THE LONGS LOST MONEY!!! Don’t you people get it?!?!!?!?

  118. Posted by creditquant | April 27, 2010 at 11:38 AM

    Wow this lady needs to look up what “fiduciary duty”, “market making” and “investment advisory” mean…

  119. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:38 AM

    Why does she not just have them say Yes, I am guilty, and then ask the question…

  120. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    Is that Diane Rehm from NPR?

  121. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:40 AM

    Here we go, a question for Farice…

  122. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:43 AM

    Tourre at the hearing is just the Senate’s revenge on the French for the one off tax on French banks that just shifted the US taxpayer money from SocGen to the French. Let them eat cake!

  123. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:43 AM

    What is a re-fir-ence ?

  124. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    Shut up, no, answer the question, I SAID SHUT UP.

  125. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    why is ms piggy seated behind senator collins? does someone have their hand up her a$$ too (perhaps that’s why her voice is a little shakey)?

  126. Posted by Guest of a Guest's Guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:46 AM

    Meg Ryan looks old over Fab’s shoulder .. wow… what happened there?

  127. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:46 AM

    Senator Shakey asks a question, does not like the answer and simply answer it for him.

    Who the hell are these people ?!?

  128. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:47 AM

    This is billiant.

    Senator: “Look at 104! Now, I am going to ask you a question about exhibit 26.”
    GS: “I dont see the email”
    Senator: “They are wasting our time!”

  129. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    why not just use a old fashioned overhead projector to show the page in question?

  130. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:48 AM

    this woman is a moron.

  131. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:49 AM

    How can they be so incompetent? It’s TRIVIAL to number pages.

  132. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:50 AM

    this has to be the most embarassing, disorganized and ignorant line of questioning…Goldman 1: Iquisitors 0

  133. Posted by booky | April 27, 2010 at 11:51 AM

    anybody else see the frustration on the politicians face that reads: “why wont these guys just roll over and play dead?”

  134. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:51 AM

    I’m convinced Birnbaum is just fuggin with this people

    What page?
    What exhibit?
    Was that a question or a statement?
    I went to Wharton – that’s a statement, plebes.

  135. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    Welcome to equity trading 101

  136. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    Sen. Levin call for cots….

  137. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    oh… so now she is making a judgement of this guy who is a trader and has a masters in finance that the charts are more accurate than his description and she is much more perceptive than he.

  138. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    now they’ve done it. “we’re going to stay here as long as it takes!” damn, levin…my dad tried that tactic on me once. once.

  139. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    Why arent’t they following my EXPLICIT instructions – Tell them NOTHING. Keep repeating, “Its a small neighborhood.”

    – Kimball, The Fugitive

  140. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    These are the people drafting the FinReg. Sh*t’s gonna get real soon. Long vol.

  141. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    Senator Lemony Snicket is awesome.

  142. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:54 AM

    Why don’t you Google it Senator?

  143. Posted by Birny | April 27, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    Birnbaum: Now are these really the questions I was called here to answer?
    Crap pools and and “$hitty deals? Please tell
    me you’ve got something more, Senator.
    Please tell me there’s an ace up your sleeve.
    This country wants culpability, please tell me their
    law maker hasn’t pinned their hopes to an
    ill-labeled, monstrous binder and perpetually
    repeated curse words.

  144. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    Why are the French such pussies?

  145. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    ooooo….scary…we’ll be here way past lunch…never done that before

  146. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 11:59 AM

    I think they should go after the creator of the pet rock next. I mean, that guy was just selling people rocks. It is his fault for selling them, not the idiots who bought them; definitly his fault.

  147. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 11:59 AM

    I would love for them all to just get up and walk away a la Jessup: “Thanks, Guys – I love Washington’… lol

  148. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 12:00 PM

    Sen. Levin: Now, to teach you boys a lesson, Officer Rabbit and I are going to watch you smoke the whole bag.
    CNBC (together): Please no…
    Sen. Levin: Please yes!

  149. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    There was a GIANT sucking sound. And then an explosion! dont you think there was an explosion?

  150. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:03 PM

    Kaufman is annoying as hell.

  151. Posted by worth79 | April 27, 2010 at 12:04 PM

    “this has to be the most embarassing, disorganized and ignorant line of questioning…Goldman 1: Iquisitors 0″

    agreed – but not too much of a stretch to figure that the SEC will probably be more than slightly astute when it comes to questioning these guys.

  152. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:04 PM

    They should now switch from the “Everyone was doing it” strategy to the “But Lehman’s started it” strategy. Cue 5…4…3…2…

  153. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:05 PM

    kaufman looks like a jewish john kerry

  154. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    note to anyone seated behind a senator who is speaking…sip the red bull, pinch yourself, do jumping jacks. but for goodness sakes, don’t sleep! wtf…that dude is getting better REM sleep than I did last night (but then again, I have a long short position)

  155. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    “large” short…

  156. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:10 PM

    what are “thin files?”

  157. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 12:10 PM

    Kaufman- Mr. Sparks do you like gladiator movies?

  158. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    I got barbelled last night
    – B. Frank

  159. Posted by creditquant | April 27, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    Of course you’d go with stated income mortgages if you have a view that the collateral will appreciate 10% annually. Jesus.

  160. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    Kaufman pulling for his alma mater. Wharton now ratchetting up the Biz School tables.

  161. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    What do you know about “thin files?” Nothing? Ok.

    What do you know about barbells? Nothing. Ok.

    Lets move on to the topic of fairness. What do you know about fairness?

  162. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    I can turn double A into Triple A

    –Ashley

  163. Posted by doyle | April 27, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    @141 lemony snickets…well done

  164. Posted by Uh.... | April 27, 2010 at 12:16 PM

    Did the late-joiner say he is working on a problem bigger than this one?

  165. Posted by Uh.... | April 27, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    Well, this is getting tiresome, I’m going to work on my own problem bigger than this one. Back in 10.

  166. Posted by Coburn - R | April 27, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    That concludes our fourth and final hearing – I will now move to my opening comments I should have given hours ago but quite frankly, I was working on something way way way more important than this ridiculous exercise in futility.

  167. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    Is that Adam West over Swenson’s shoulder?

  168. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    “Senator, if you can’t bother to get here on time, just shut the fuck up already. We will not repeat ourselves in order to accomodate your tardiness.”

  169. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 12:21 PM

    @164 yes.

  170. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 12:22 PM

    Coburn- Did you make a lot of money?

    Swenson- Define a lot?

    Coburn- Can you swim in it?

    Swenson- yes I can but no diving!

  171. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 12:22 PM

    damn swenson, your blinking is making me nervous…

  172. Posted by Rick Von Sloneker | April 27, 2010 at 12:22 PM

    @57 they should pass out Paddle Ball racquets next. The sherrif (congresswoman) is near???

  173. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 12:23 PM
  174. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    wow this guys are bigger pr!cks than I thought!

  175. Posted by creditquant | April 27, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    “we did it as a team”. Ha fucking amazing!

  176. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 12:25 PM

    How much grief is the dude who put together the binders improperly going to catch after the hearing??

  177. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    May I request the committee place hot interns in the front row next time? TYIA

  178. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 12:28 PM

    Coburn- Do you know LB?

    Umm no we know no one by that name.

    If you mean god… he was on the 5th floor at 85 Broad at 10am on that Monday and he doesn’t like to be second guessed.

  179. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:29 PM

    Exhibit 69, indeed.

  180. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:30 PM

    Can we get some of this, please (video): http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/28/world/europe/28ukraine.html

  181. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | April 27, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    Bess–12:23 post shouldn’t “Zulu” read “Zuul?” Because obviously GS is a conspiracy plot run by an evil Babylonian deity. Blankfein and Babylon both start with a B and end with a N!! PROOF!

  182. Posted by worth79 | April 27, 2010 at 12:33 PM

    Swenson eerily reminds me of Luis (Matt Ross) from American Psycho..

  183. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:35 PM

    @176 Those binders were cartoon-like in their size. Whoa-there’s probably 3 interns right now in emergency hernia surgery.

  184. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    Trying to get the French guy to rat out the ugly Americans. Good strate… oh never mind…

  185. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    is this the distinguished lady from Jersey?

  186. Posted by wow | April 27, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    Apparently McCaskill is a big sports better. Love the irony of comparing the legal activity of market making to the illegal activity of sports bookmaking.

  187. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    oh no.. Principal McCaskill is back! We are $crewed now! No Prom for any of us!

  188. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    Sparks is a total moron. How did he make MD at Goldman?

  189. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 12:39 PM

    Assuming your entire operation is identical to that of a bookie operating on the streets of Queens, tell me what your VIG is. What is your Vig?? Tell me, damn you! I know how bookies operate.

  190. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:39 PM

    McCaskill is pissed she put the nest egg on KU in the tourney

  191. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:40 PM

    CALL YOURSELF A BOOKIE, DAMMIT! I INSIST!!

  192. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:41 PM

    McCaskill: “What I want to know is what is GS’s spread in tonight’s Cavs game?”

    Didn’t she just admit to gambling? Hmmm, now THAT is illegal…no?

  193. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:42 PM

    McCaskill: Mr. Sparks, have you ever sucked d!ck for coke?
    Sparks: I’m not sure what this has to do with this hearing…
    McCaskill: Answer the question! Have you ever sucked d!ck for coke?!
    Sparks: Checkmate

  194. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:42 PM

    @188 – no, he is most certainly not dumb.

    And the answer to your question is: He made a metric fuckton of money for GS.

  195. Posted by booky | April 27, 2010 at 12:42 PM

    ACA sounds like KAKA

  196. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    @188 It’s an act. They have all been prepped well.

  197. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    This is cringeworthy. It’s like my mom telling me how to trade. She’s clueless.

  198. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:44 PM

    McCaskill: What can you tell me about John Paulson?

    Fabrice: He was part of that whole…Yale thing,
    you know.

    McCaskill: Yale thing?

    Fabrice: Yeah…Yale thing.

    McCaskill: What do you mean…Yale thing?

    Fabrice: Well, I think for one that he was probably a closet
    homosexual who did a lot of cocaine…that Yale thing.

  199. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:46 PM

    So is there just an invite only asset picking room at 85 Broad?

  200. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 12:47 PM

    Did she bet on the Timber-wolves too?

    Man she is a whiny annoying twathead.

  201. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    Are Goldie employees fighting back by buying up the stock for their 401k today to keep it positive?

  202. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    Grey Wolf is resposible for unemployment in Missouri? OHHH-kayyyy….

  203. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    “Why are there so many unemployed people in my state??!

    Answer me, damn it! Everything sounds “so weird” to me.

    Does everything “sound weird” to you??! Answer me! I demand answers!!!”

  204. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 12:50 PM

    swenson smacks back. stand down senator…senator has been corrected and is now flustered!

  205. Posted by Leroy the Masochist | April 27, 2010 at 12:50 PM

    McCaskill has no fucking clue!! It’s unbelievable

  206. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 12:51 PM

    whoever put the exhibit binder together…….

  207. Posted by D Trump | April 27, 2010 at 12:52 PM

    They just announced on CSpan that the people responsible for putting together the binders and tabs for today’s GS hearing will be brought before the panel at 4:40pm today as well – and someone will be fired.

  208. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    Claire McCaskill = The Maxine Waters of the Senate

  209. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    would we be here today if people followed the rules of this book?

    http://www.hulu.com/watch/1389/saturday-night-live-dont-buy-stuff

    and it’s Ēchō, not eechō frenchy

  210. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    - so the HC bill is more expensive then the Obama admin had said, costs were hidden from the public.

    When is that senate calling Obama to take responsibility for his actions?

  211. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    @198…FTW!

  212. Posted by Special K | April 27, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    No one has commented on:
    Teen Wolf
    Airwolf
    The 3 Wolves Howling at the Moon T-Shirt
    The Boy who Cried Wolf
    The Wolf’s Lair
    The Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

    How could these Senators miss these key Goldman Synthetics?

  213. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    Claire Rocks.

  214. Posted by Gyest | April 27, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    The Senators don’t know enough about finance, derivatives, market makers etc to even ask a single question of value. To think they will be in charge of creating new law- OMG another disaster!!

  215. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    Why are they allowed to testify about the SEC fraud allegations before the SEC has a go at them?

  216. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:22 PM

    they have no case. just setting table for agency-principal trading reform. http://ht.ly/1DLgj

  217. Posted by anon | April 27, 2010 at 1:23 PM

    Bess — why do you feel the need to make every entry a snide comment?

    Any inclination to intersperse any insight/criticism between the entertaining entries?

  218. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 1:24 PM

    @217 I reveal insight *through* snide comments. any other brain busters?

  219. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:25 PM

    Fab is killin it.

  220. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    I love the senators glossing over the govt’s responsibility in this mess. I mean if you call GS, you call barney, you call chuck shumer you call Obama you call EVERYONE!

    Fuck this court!

  221. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    These people are fucking morons.

  222. Posted by col jesup | April 27, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    Swenny: What did we do wrong? We did nothing wrong.
    Sparky: Yeah, we did. We were supposed to fight for the people who couldn’t fight for themselves. We were supposed to fight for Willie.

    fade to tom cruise smiling appreciatively

  223. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    anyone know how I can stream this on my smartphone? Bloomber radio needs wmp which my phone doesn’t have.

  224. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    Love how the Wall Streeters the so called geniuses made so much money while hard working well educated professionals barely survived. WS drove up luxury goods and housing prices so nobody but them could afford even a bottle of good wine. Well I met these people and over and over thought to myself how did they make their hundreds of millions because frankly they are all so low class and stupid- the wives are botoxed bimbos who couldnt put a sentence together -well now we all know- THEY ARE NOTHING BUT CRIMINALS, THIEVES, SCAM ARTISTS-and the wives hit the lottery just like the pizza guy who hits the meganumber. This might be a dog and pony show but it does expose our pathetic culture.

  225. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:31 PM

    finally a senator that is smart

  226. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 1:33 PM

    Speaking of NOT smart-What about Barney Frank??? Anyone want to discuss what is still going on- they are still giving out loans to people who will not and can not repay! Then what?

  227. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 1:35 PM

    When does the American public get to put Senators on parade to ask about lobbying and payoffs? Speaking of ethical behavior Senator!

  228. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:35 PM

    224….I too wonder how these wizards of wall st made so much money while the rest of us lost so much AND bailed them out too!

    Can anyone tell me what value add the Wizards of Wall St bring to this economy???????

  229. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 1:36 PM

    @224

    Go fuck yourself.

  230. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    @224: Senator McCaskill, should you really be blogging during this critically important hearing, which sheds new light on bookies, “thin files,” barbells, etc? What a “shitty” thing to do, Senator. With all due respect.

  231. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    The room is populated with morons- on both sides of the interrogation table-

  232. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:38 PM

    Birnbaum is getting snippy.

  233. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:38 PM

    This senator looks like a pig

  234. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:39 PM

    Birnbaum is bitch-slapping Mr. Crewcut

  235. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:39 PM

    Ta ta today Tester

  236. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    @231 I would “eeecho” that sentiment.

  237. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    tester v. birnbaum – like tyson v. holmes

  238. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    He “socialized” his thought.

    Can you define “socialize,” sir? Did you give it a few drinks and let it sleep with an analyst?

  239. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    Oh there is sweat now. Birnbaum pissed his boxer briefs.

  240. Posted by creditquant | April 27, 2010 at 1:42 PM

    Wow Birnbaum should’ve been a lawyer

  241. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 1:44 PM

    @229 I don’t need to your wife who left you will be doing it. But I’m sure she will be back once you build up your bank account! Talk about botoxed skanks raising kids with fetal alcohol syndrome- you are going to need the money- so go out there and steal more before Larry King becomes available!!

  242. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:44 PM

    Birnbaum’s answers and general attitude towards this sh*tshow has been entertaining

  243. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    Figures he’s from Montana

  244. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    Birnbaum’s smirks should gain him a cell at Ryker’s Island for the nite with a large man who would like a ‘wife’ for the nite

  245. Posted by Guest #2 | April 27, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    @241 Go Fuck yourself again-

    Different guy telling you to go fuck yourself

  246. Posted by Hrmph | April 27, 2010 at 1:50 PM

    When did Jon Goodman get elected to the senate? I hope he asks a question about “f*ck!ng a stranger in the @ss”

  247. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:51 PM

    So lets get this straight. We made all these bad deals that failed very quickly but the firm overall still made billions in net profits? If they did nothing wrong a simple spread sheet should be easy to produce that shows gains and loses and just go down the list.

    In the eyes of the general public Goldman is going to lose. The net will be public out cry to make sure they are not involved with anything Goldman related.

  248. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    This is asshole tennis and the taxpayer is the net. Fuck them all.

  249. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 1:54 PM

    (BTW, Senator Tester had three fingers hacked off in a meat grinder accident as a kid. Rahmbo only has one hacked off finger.)

  250. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 1:55 PM

    @241 huh?

  251. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    @247 A couple of reasoned, well-informed senators who actually knew what the f*ck they were talking about would have done GS damage. All this populist grand-standing and dumb accusations are hurting their own case.

    Believe me, GS did some shady sh*t or they wouldn’t be here, but this is just ridiculous.

  252. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    “I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING ON WALL STREET” Classic! If you don’t understand, shut the fuck up and stay out of it!

    And oh, is anyone going to mention the fact that SEC filed the lawsuit just to cover its own sorry battered ass and to keep its massive failure out of the papers last Friday?

  253. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 2:00 PM

    Hard hitting, overdramatic, nice combover, Senator Levin please submit to us the names of your election contributors. And who was that lobbyist you were having a free dinner with?

  254. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 2:01 PM

    Senator Ensign: Mr. Sparks, who provides the financial background for the ratings agencies?
    Mr. Sparks: Goldman Sachs.
    Senator Ensign: That’s Wall Street.
    Mr. Sparks: For the most part, yes.
    Senator Ensign: Do you think that might affect their priorities?
    Mr. Sparks: No. Just as, I’m sure, campaign contributions don’t affect yours.
    Senator Coburn: Mr. Sparks is not hear to testify on the goings on of the ratings agencies. We’re hear to examine the possibility of a warning label on CDOs. Now, Mr. Sparks, I have to ask you out of formality, do you believe that CDOs, over time, can lead to losing your nest egg and lead to other fiduciary conditions such as fucking over your client?
    Mr. Sparks: Yes. In fact, I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone who really believes that CDOs are not potentially harmful. I mean – show of hands – who out here thinks that CDOs aren’t dangerous?
    [The Fab whips out his dick and cock-slaps the nearest reporter. Flash bulbs begin popping like mad.]

  255. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 2:02 PM

    @252 HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!

  256. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:02 PM

    New rule: if you describe yourself as just “a farmer” you don’t get to question bankers about managing complex risk.

  257. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:03 PM

    @254

    God bless you Mr. Naylor!

  258. Posted by GUEST | April 27, 2010 at 2:04 PM

    The only JUNK is what’s on Levin’s head to keep his hairdo down in a windstorm.

  259. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:05 PM

    - I believe we were long at that time.

    – Yeah you were short

    – Know we were long

    – Exactly, less long

  260. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    Duuurrr me senator. I don’t get it. Why did you only sell assets you owned to people who valued them more than you? Why didn’t you sell to people who valued them less than you?

  261. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | April 27, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    @248 FTW: pithy, funny, and all too accurate.

  262. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 2:08 PM

    LB: “Okay, guys, listen. Next time you’re asked to testify in Washington, make sure you drive down there in Priuses, not private jets. It went much easier last year for the Detroit guys after they drove down in hybrid vehicles.”

  263. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:09 PM

    Lemonade for everyone!

  264. Posted by D Trump | April 27, 2010 at 2:10 PM

    This line of questioning reminds me of when my 97 yr old senile grandfather accused me of picking up our house and moving it to Florida behind his back. He didn’t want to listen to my explanation either. Almost identical conversation.

  265. Posted by D Trump | April 27, 2010 at 2:12 PM

    and boy was he pi$$ed at me….

  266. Posted by cordell walker | April 27, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    Mr. Levin should watch it.
    There’s a lot of money involved here and PR is a big deal.
    He doesn’t want the brakes in his car to fail suddenly, or to find himself in an unfortunate accident.

  267. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    “Big ‘ol Goldman Sachs Lemons”

  268. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:14 PM

    Where is Anal_yst and his simplified insight (i.e. all these senators are idiots, the MSM are clueless, buysiders are dumbasses, no one but me “gets it”)?
    Plus, my roots are showing and I need product advice.

  269. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    Is it just me or does this guy look like the penguin from Batman?

  270. Posted by Ludwig | April 27, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    Levin “You bastards shorted the bubble we helped cause, Why couldn’t you guys be good Americans like Dick Fuld.”

  271. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:16 PM

    I wish it were lemonade for everyone.

    Geez guys, how dare you take assets with limited value (lemons) and find a way to combine them in a way that increases value (lemonade). This is bad — how dare you create value.

  272. Posted by D Trump | April 27, 2010 at 2:18 PM

    methinks Senator Levin does not like Sparks.. or is it just me?

  273. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    I think Birnbaum is most likely to drop an f-bomb.

  274. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    Sparks s making some serious bank …word is that evrytime they ask for a page # llyod is going to give them 25k…stick it to these senate yoyos

  275. Posted by brain intact | April 27, 2010 at 2:22 PM

    @bess @218 — you clearly don’t, or I wouldn’t have asked.

    I suspect it has more to do with your inability to make any intelligent commentary on the issues at hand. What do you think?

  276. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    @248″This is asshole tennis and the taxpayer is the net. Fuck them all.”

    My SPY puts love it

  277. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    lloyd has got to be getting pissed about waiting for his minions to get done before his turn on the floor of this dog and pony show. at this rate, lloyd will have to sleep in d.c. tonight…I think he’s texting our favorite hooker fk’r right now.

  278. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    @177 the hot interns a) don’t show up until late May b) are only entrusted to give capitol tours and blow staffers who pick them up at Hawk&Dove

  279. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 2:25 PM

    Mr. Birnbaum: Gentlemen, it’s called education. It doesn’t come off the side of a pitchbook. It comes from our teachers, and more importantly our parents. It is the job of every parent to warn their children of all the dangers of the world, including CDOs, so that one day when they get older they can choose for themselves. I look at my son who was kind enough to come with me today, and I can’t help but think that I am responsible for his growth and his development. And I’m proud of that.
    Senator Levin: Well, having said that, would you condone him buying CDOs?
    Mr. Birnbaum: Well, of course not. He’s not not an institutional investor. That would be illegal.
    Senator Levin: Yes, I’ve heard you deliver that line on 20/20, but enough dancing. What are you going to do when he joins a hedge fund? C’mon, Mr. Naylor. When he gets a job will you share a CDO with him? Will you spend a lovely afternoon – like one of your ludicrous CDO pitchbooks? You seem to have to have a lot to say about how we should raise our children. What of your own? What are you going to do when he starts investing?
    Mr. Birnbaum: If he really wants a CDO, I’ll underwrite his first one.

  280. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:26 PM

    Some set of ears behind coburn

  281. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 2:26 PM

    @275 so why read her blog?

  282. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 2:27 PM

    Long me a short!

  283. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    @275 Go back to Yahoo

  284. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    All those printed documents… the only thing we are getting out of this is dead trees. dead trees.

  285. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    @275 do you know what a ‘brain buster’ is? it’s a fancy way– a GOLDMAN WAY- of saying ‘a question’ (generally a tough one). the reason I think you don’t know what a BB is, is that you answered “you clearly don’t, or I wouldn’t have asked.” which makes no sense. but please, as you were. also, I’m sorry to have let you down by only offering entertaining commentary and nothing insightful. I know that’s what you come here for and I’ve failed to deliver.

  286. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 2:32 PM

    This show is absolutely laff out loud. You can almost see fab trying not to smirk. What is an equity ?

  287. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:32 PM

    PM???
    Tourre that is my nickname pussy magnet

  288. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    These senators remind me of the Alliens talking when “Mars Attacks”

    1ST ALLIEN: QUACK, QUACK QUACK,QUACK—QUACK
    2ND ALLIEN: QUACK QUACK, QUACK QUACK QUACK

  289. Posted by Cody's Biggest Fan | April 27, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    “What does PM stand for? Is that Prime Mover?”

    LOL!!! Love it. These guys are all idiot shitheads!

  290. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    how the fuck did a “page turner” like sparks become partner?

  291. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    PM = prime mover, is that correct?

    oy, vey! these are the people about to re-write financial regulation? wtf? they don’t even know what the’re reading…make it stop, this is a bad dream, right?

  292. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    You know, before we all started having CDOs, in the olden days our grandparents, they would bring a chicken to the bank, they would say “I’ll paint your house.”
    I mean, that’s the old days of what people would do to get synthetic CDOs. Bankers are very sympathetic people. I’m not backing down from that system.

  293. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    “Was it more than a few?”

    WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE.

  294. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 2:38 PM

    “Fabulous Fab: Explain to me why someone wanted insurance on only the senior tranches, but not on the junior tranches!!! Explain that, and stop smirking at me as if I am a grandstanding idiot. I am not a grandstanding idiot. Anyone can see that.

    Next, explain how it can be that someone will buy shares of a stock, while at THE VERY SAME TIME!!!, someone else will sell it? Does this sound fair to you???! I’m asking you! Stop smirking at me, you evil bastard. I know you don’t do God’s work. I’ve seen your e-mails to your French squeeze. I know what kind of person you are, Fab.”

  295. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 2:39 PM

    lol @292

    I’m 2 and the orders chicken bid on that there synth ‘do

  296. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:40 PM

    I have not laughed so hard in my life. This is really entertaining. Absolutely nothing has been said for hours and everyone is out of central casting in Hollywood. Does anyone believe as I do that the Senators are behaving just like the scene in the Godfather when the Senator excuses himself after giving a speech about the noble Italian American community. I thought buying protection meant you were cutting in the mob??

  297. Posted by Anononononymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:41 PM

    After this fiasco, one of his aides should remind Blankfein that the SEC is much smarter than Congress.

    Just like a headless chicken is much smarter than a rock.

  298. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:41 PM

    Bess @285. I love you.

  299. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 2:43 PM

    I’m demanding a reality tv show be made of this. Lloyd must be just must be chugging pepto mouth agape in the green room.

  300. Posted by brain intact | April 27, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    @bess @ 285 “you clearly don’t, or I wouldn’t have asked” was in reference to your claim that “I reveal insight *through* snide comments”

    And thanks for the etymology re: BB, but not necessary.

  301. Posted by Jonathan | April 27, 2010 at 2:49 PM

    These poor guys are up against a Harvard Law trained lawyer Senator Levin. Very entertaining.

  302. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    @300 actually, those with a shred of intelligence understand that there is much insight to be gleaned through the entertaining, humorous commentary. it doesn’t have to be dry to shine a light, you just have to not be an idiot to see that. also, if you’re not getting anything out of this post, why are you still here, reading and commenting (multiple times)?

  303. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

    ~Groucho Marxberg
    CDO Desk
    85 Broad

  304. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    @301 are you serious? he looks like an absolute retard.

  305. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:52 PM

    @285, you do realize that liveblogs post the most recent entry first? So readers don’t have to scroll to the bottom every refresh? It’s kind of a … brainbuster.

  306. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 2:52 PM

    Paulson: “don’t call me outa name ”

    Fab: friggin birny shorts vol and then does nothing for two months, thinks he’s friggin stevie cohen. He’ll blow out.

  307. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 2:52 PM

    tester’s qualifications:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jon_Tester

    how is it that a farmer (sorry, former farmer) somehow thinks he’s qualified to discuss CDO’s? who elected this clown? oh wait, montana…that explains all I need to know.

  308. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 2:53 PM

    @304 yes, 301 is dead serious.
    -not 301

    PS Harvard sucks.

  309. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    CL: “so, let me understand this – RMBS stands for “Really Misleading Bond Sales – is that correct? ANSWER ME DAMMIT!”

  310. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    I think its great that GS can look simply shameful at the same time the govt look incompetent and totally disgusting.

    Its a win win.

  311. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    @305 you do realize that I don’t give a shit how other people may or may not do their live blogs? or no? okay, there it is.

  312. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    does anyone else think Birnbaum looks like the bad guy from the crappy Ghost Rider movie?

    http://z.about.com/d/movies/1/0/c/m/O/ghostriderpubw.jpg

  313. Posted by John Holmes | April 27, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    @285 and @275 – Hey Bess, why didn’t you just tell him F-You like you told me a week ago after I said I wanted to read more about Krygyzstan? (Which I really didn’t, I just get excited when you say F-You. I bet you do that to all the guys).

    Anyway, @275 – F-You. Go kill time reading the Huffington Post until Olbermannnn comes on MSLSD tonight and tells you how to think again.

  314. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:56 PM

    @305 good thing it looks like there are plenty of people willing to refresh the page to read this…

  315. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 2:57 PM

    @307: I like the farmer turned senator with the three hacked off fingers. But I liked McCaskill even more. She was absolutely fantastic. Not surprising, given her background:

    “Claire is a fourth-generation Missourian who has spent her entire life in the Show-Me State. Born in Rolla and raised in Lebanon and Columbia, Claire has never forgotten her roots. Claire’s first home was Houston, Missouri, where her father William worked at the McCaskill feed mill. Later, the family moved to Lebanon, the hometown of Claire’s mother, Betty Anne, where Betty Anne’s family ran the corner drugstore in town.

    After another move, Claire attended Hickman High School in Columbia, while her father served as a state insurance commissioner, and her mother became Columbia’s first woman city council member. At Hickman High School, Claire graduated near the top of her class and was very involved in student activities. Since she had already sewn many of her own clothes, Claire took an after-school job working in a fabric store.

    The day after graduating from high school, Claire left town for a job busing tables at Lodge of the Four Seasons at Lake of the Ozarks to earn money for college. Waitressing for six years helped Claire work her way through college and law school at the University of Missouri – Columbia.”

    http://mccaskill.senate.gov/?p=about_senator

  316. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    birnbaum is hilarious.

  317. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:00 PM

    Dude @300,

    B. Levin’s sense of humor is excellent but she does not have thick skin. Anything less than sloppy fawning for BL will result in persona non grata status for you.

    Strap your athletic cup on quick!!!

  318. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:02 PM

    After seeing today’s hearing, you can bet I’ve sent a strongly worded email to our public relations group about the name they chose for our firm!!

    ~F. E. Cal
    CEO
    Shitty Deal Capital Advisors, LLC
    Greenwich, CT

  319. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 3:02 PM

    Birny: We loaded up on the deck Leem 38 PUTS when they were at the mun.

    Biggest winner I ever had sen.

    Shoulda frickin been there, it was maje.

  320. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    Birnbaum is not good PR for GS. He is a bad bad smug lil man.

  321. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    Birnbaum….I am still here

  322. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    I am betting that Birnbaum wished Coburn stayed in his more important meeting all day.

  323. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    page 10,060

  324. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:05 PM

    @317- disagree, BL tends to only lash out (rightfully so) at the utter morons, such as 300.

    @320 good thing he doesn’t work there anymore…

  325. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:05 PM

    SPG …see page gazillion

  326. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    @ 317 Strap — FTW!!!

  327. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    I wanna put money with Birnbaum
    PLAYA

  328. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:07 PM

    What’s the over/under on when someone posts a comment saying “You can’t handle the truth!!!!!!!!”?

    ~Risk Dept.
    ACA

  329. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:07 PM

    @318 – Great idea!

    Jake Dristan
    CEO
    Crap Pool Advisors, LLC.
    234 Treme Terrace
    NY NY 10034

  330. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:08 PM

    Put it in the book, bitch

  331. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    @310: Totally. FTW. Its an absolute win-win.

  332. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    HELLO CLARISSE

  333. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:10 PM

    I think Swenson shits his pants everytime he says something…he constantly looks like a child about to get beaten with a large stick

  334. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    Mr Levin, could you please give me a detailed explanation of VaR?

  335. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    shorted, traded, made alot of money for your firm…..this is all so illegal I cant believe it….crap pools, page numbers, yes or no please….how does my comb over look? CARL

  336. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 3:13 PM

    @333 dead wrong. swenny’s is a look of contempt for having to sit here and answer these idiots’ questions.

  337. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    These graphs look like mountains, Wheeee!!!

  338. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    I bet if they only sent Birnbaum, this hearing would be over and the gov’t would be giving GS money

  339. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    your clients shouldnt know but definitely congress should be let in on it…..

  340. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 3:15 PM

    Levin- Next to the mountain things and those straight lines. Can tell me how GS felt about its positions where the squiggly line goes up and meets the mountain?

  341. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 3:16 PM

    Fab’s gal pal is hot….I want come

  342. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 3:16 PM

    BREAK TIME-

    Bring in the Krakan!

  343. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:16 PM

    Man, I wish someone puts together best-of package of this. Not watching this right now but I know what I am missing. Damn.

  344. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    did anyone see how short fab is HAHA

  345. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    @334……VaR is the light house for the soon to be financially ship-wrecked.

    ~J. Skilling
    Observable Shower, CO.

  346. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    Levin: Mr. Birnbaum, in your opinion, CFA or MBA?

  347. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    CL: “In conclusion, despite the fact I was obviously unable to prove anything or to make even one cogent point that supports my belief that you did something wrong here, I will jump directly to my prepared rhetoric that you have in fact proven my point indeed and that all of you Capitalists deserve jail time as a result. Thank you.”

  348. Posted by not 300 | April 27, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    @brain intact — try your luck over here: http://dealbook.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/27/live-blogging-the-senate-hearing-on-goldman/?hp

    @302 — if you had a shred of intelligence yourself, you would recognize that most of this commentary (from his/her perspective and mine) is neither entertaining nor humorous.

    that’s all…

  349. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    Birny: ( an aside to sveny ) *whispered* Man these guys are the biggest fade I’ve ever seen. Where do they clear ?

  350. Posted by Bess Levin | April 27, 2010 at 3:23 PM

    @348 it’s cute how you pretend to be some random person agreeing with 300 and not in fact 300 yourself. unfortunately IP records show that you are a liar.

    that’s all…

  351. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:24 PM

    @333/Bess, not that I disagree that the questions are idiotic, in fact a nutless monkey could make better arguments, but I still think Swenny looks terrified…reminds me of Luis Caruthers in [sorry to make the reference but it fits] American Psycho

  352. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    @350 FTW

  353. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:27 PM

    I still cant seem to get comfortable…

  354. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 27, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    @300 = Greg Michael’s fan. His new favorite = Kouve

  355. Posted by John Holmes | April 27, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    @348 -yeah absolutely, take brain intact and your sorry self to the NY Times blog, that is sure to be fascinating and entertaining. Don’t let the door hit you in the rear on the way out.

  356. Posted by John Holmes | April 27, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    @ Bess – and NOW I have to insist that you include “Pussy Magnet?” in your tags. Stay on top of this Bess, don’t make me come through this screen and give you a spanking.

  357. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    LMAO Luis Caruthers you nailed it @351

    Gotta remem to use that more.

  358. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:31 PM

    A Few Good Men??? I think Billy Madison is more appropriate:

    “what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

  359. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 27, 2010 at 3:35 PM

    @350: Anna Wintour with a dash of Maria Callas…

    Bess, If you were a tad older, and not betrothed and such, and if I could make Itchiko disappear…

  360. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:36 PM

    God I hope all the Congressioal panel members give their prior opening statements all over again – verbatim!!

  361. Posted by WSJevosn | April 27, 2010 at 3:37 PM

    Why do all risk managers look the same?

  362. Posted by AY? Non! | April 27, 2010 at 3:38 PM
  363. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 3:41 PM

    Why does everyone in this hearing look like they came out of central casting?

  364. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    Who the fuck screened the crowd? A “Shame” sign? Really?

  365. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    Levin- did you make a lot of money?

    Viniar- Yes, we could swim in it. Diving allowed and encouraged!

  366. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:43 PM

    I have a significant position.

  367. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 3:44 PM

    “You, you, you… you parse words!!! You are a parser.”

  368. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    i can confirm that there were significant positions

  369. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    “If it weren’t for the damn binder and tabs screw up you would all be in handcuffs today!!!!”

  370. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    Yeah, like the guy wearing the $6,000 suit is going to give straight answers to the guy who doesn’t make that in six months. Come on.

  371. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:48 PM

    Now they look like railroad tracks! Whoo-whoo!

  372. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 3:49 PM

    All right class, this is how you read a graph.

  373. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:49 PM

    Is that Nora Dunn prompting Levin?

  374. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 3:49 PM

    Lev: Admit it you were short !

    Viny: it’s nuanced, I did in fact own a house at the time so that is was my offest.

  375. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 3:50 PM

    I am quite certain, any grilling from the senators today does not compare to the grilling they received from lloyd or hank during more trying times…our elected officials are kidding themselves if they think this is instilling any fear.

  376. Posted by Guy Who Appreciates Big Tags | April 27, 2010 at 3:51 PM

    At least Goldman’s risk manager has his pants on.

    ~Former Enron Employee

  377. Posted by FUNdamental | April 27, 2010 at 3:53 PM

    Senator Levin: Well I’ve been told i’m kinda short, DO I MAGICALLY HAVE 2 BILLION DOLLARS! NOOOOOOOO my slush fund only has 10 million. SO WHY ARE YOU SO SPECIAL. (also, anyone on this panel tap erin callan, or have her number, or that picture getting out of the black car…yeah you know…cuz we could work something o…the mic is on? I MEAN FIRE AND BRIMSTONE AND STUFF!!!!

  378. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:57 PM

    @370 – amazing

    also bess’ thread post at 2:05 god so good

  379. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 27, 2010 at 3:57 PM

    OMG, this is a farce! Not a very entertaining one so far either. Back to my ‘Allo ‘Allo collection.

    (It is I – Levin!)

  380. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 3:58 PM

    @363,

    wtf does your rhetorical question even mean and what are you getting at?

    This is Goldman Sachs testifying in front of Congress. Who the hell should be there/where should they becoming from?

  381. Posted by not 300 | April 27, 2010 at 3:59 PM

    @350 how about someone sitting next to 300 in the same office behind a customized subscriber-edge router? Just because you’re capable of looking up IP addresses doesn’t mean you’re tech-savy; I would stick to commenting on wall street matters if I were you…

    –348

  382. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:03 PM

    @381 you sitting next to a collegue of yours and agreeing with him, on the internet, in the comment section of a website, is extremely, and i emphasis, extremely pathetic

  383. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    @381,

    my thoughts exactly. Unless 300 is posting from his house then he is just going through a proxy server with a few thousand other pitchbook monkeys.

  384. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 27, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    @381: maybe, maybe not.

    If it was the result of coworkers colluding against free speech, consider yourselves warned. Marxine is going to expose you on national television.

  385. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    @381: Can you tell me how to customize the tool bar on Microsoft Outlook? If you’re busy, can you ask someone else at the Help Desk? Thanks.

  386. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    emphasize sorry kitty stepped on keyboard

  387. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:05 PM

    Most commented thread ever?

    And the market was fun too. GS held like a rock.

  388. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 27, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    @383 – you have intimate knowledge of the back office…

  389. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 27, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    @385 – LOL

  390. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:07 PM

    Viniar looks a little nervous on the AIG questioning.

  391. Posted by StillNotNasser | April 27, 2010 at 4:09 PM

    I haven’t been watching so this is my catch-up. Is it really the case that a Senator investigating GS had to ask the meaning of the term “PM” in the relevant context?

    It obviously means “Pissoff, Maggot.”

  392. Posted by doyle | April 27, 2010 at 4:09 PM

    is viniar the CFO of the happy hand club too?

  393. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    @387- no, that’s jeffrey chiang. but this may surpass biff basness.

  394. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    Bess, I’ll help you blog

    3:50: Sen. Levin: Look at this chart. The black line is going below the railroad tracks in the middle and that means you hate America. Correct?
    Viniar: Well actually this chart is only for one group within the mortgage department and…
    Sen. Levin: Admit it. You love terrorists and you shorted America.
    Viniar: We had a lot of longs and we offset it with a lot of shorts.
    Sen. Levin: SO YOU SHORTED AMERICA AND MADE A BAJILLION DOLLARS!?
    Viniar: We increased our shorts somewhat and made about $500 million dollars in 2007, but…
    Sen. Levin: Yeah, well, 500 million sounds like a bajillion trillion dollars when you lose your house and you’re smoking crack on the street.

  395. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    stillnotnasser@391 sadly, that seriously happened. your taxpayer dollars at work.

  396. Posted by PermaGuest | April 27, 2010 at 4:11 PM

    “We’ll make this a matter of fiction than of fact…”

  397. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:12 PM

    Luddite @385,
    That was just lame. “Router” and “IP” screams IT to you? I’m surprised you even managed to find your way onto these fancy internets.

    ~Not 381

  398. Posted by covey01 | April 27, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    You guys crack me up! The right stuff :=)

  399. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    Thanks, Sharon….Unbelievable today!!! Euro yields were flatter than a fourth grade cheerleader and Libor is expecting a big move soon sort of like and ExLax consumer after a bad Mexican food lunch!! In US markets treasuries showed a flat curve based on the selling of PIIG products as investors went on a flight to safety with a Lockheed L-1011 track record. Like badge “BOJ” behind me, we need to be seeing the “salad days” of the bond market going forward! Naked walks through Versailles to the glittering light reflected from golden balls of the best and brightest may slow down the recovery we need going forward. Maria, back to you.

  400. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    Viniar looks like Mike Fratello. Wait a minute, Viniar is Fratello…Fratello is Viniar!

  401. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    Did we hit record comments?

  402. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 4:16 PM

    great, THIS fuckin’ guy again.

  403. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 4:16 PM

    @387 you have to be kidding. The prepube squad made GS look like a group of white collar amateur robbers.

    Now we have the grey hair brigade who think speaking in technical terms is going to win them points with the public. Only no one understands or cares what he talking about. GS looks like nothing more then a boiler room. I dont even think they are holding onto their shit.

    GS is taking it hard, long and short.

  404. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:16 PM

    401 – I think the J. Chiang episode reached more.

  405. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    @397: I’ll bet you are frequently surprised. What about the custom tool bar, though?

  406. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 4:21 PM

    Congress risk manager: Why are you spreading out of this ? I told you to liquidate the open and I’m treating this as an add. MOC on everything by the close or your out.

    And who the hell hired fabs anyway ?

  407. Posted by Perkins Maxwell | April 27, 2010 at 4:22 PM

    Upshot of all of this: Financial smarts ≠ media savvy. Let’s see if LB can rescue this mess. But right now Goldman’s digging itself a political hole. With a gold-plated shovel, perhaps, but a deep hole nonetheless.

  408. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 4:23 PM

    @403

    GS +1.01 on the day. Try and keep up.

    -not 387

  409. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    So, should Goldman have a tall chairman during bullish bubbles and a short chairman when those bubbles burst?

    ~2nd Year Student
    Billy Sol Estes School of Financial Speculation
    Massachusetts Institute of Technology

  410. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:24 PM

    @Genius at 403,

    387 was referring to the stock price.

  411. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    our clients pay us 7%; counterparties pay us a 7 mills

  412. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    Senator Dolittle: If I’m selling ” a short” …wheels turning… then next day I’m selling ” a long”….

    Doesn’t that make me a medium ?

    Viny: It’s spread product, you gotta be nimble

  413. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    Hey! “Repo-105″ and “Gold Scrot” will be playing Friday at The Closer to Home Club on the Triple A parkway. You call ‘em “wells” $5.00 all night.

  414. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Not 1 through 413 …

  415. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    Now hold on!!!! “Shitty credit ratings…..℠” is the proprietary sales mark of Moody’s and cannot be used without attribution and prior written consent!!

    ~Moody’s Internal Guy

  416. Posted by muchado | April 27, 2010 at 4:35 PM

    Citi, down; BofA, down; JPMorgan, down; GS, up. Suck it Congress.

  417. Posted by anon | April 27, 2010 at 4:35 PM

    Most comments on an essentially boring post ever.

    This post does not deserve this many comments.

  418. Posted by HeywoodJablome | April 27, 2010 at 4:35 PM

    @311/Bess

    Please replace shit w/ flying fuck. It’s aggressive and I enjoy the imagery.

  419. Posted by Size | April 27, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    Levin “Well, it sure sounds like a lot of money WHEN YOU’RE LIVIN IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!”

  420. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:38 PM

    While the younger folk in the first panel exhibited some stress, Viniar and the risk management guy are showing that they have what it takes to do god’s work at a senior level. Senators aren’t touching them and they exhibit no emotion

  421. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    @417 is Gundlach after a hard day of dildo purchasing.

  422. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    “I’m not sure what “succeed” means……..
    ~Viniar

  423. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    Mr Levin, what is your question…?

  424. Posted by Canadian Banker | April 27, 2010 at 4:41 PM

    @350/Bess: way to call brain intact/not300/ARS out on his shit. haha.

  425. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:41 PM

    God gave investors free will…and then he rested.

  426. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    Do you deny that you were observed storming into s and p screaming quote ” all right who the hell do I gotta blow around here to get this synth ‘do stamped investment grade”

  427. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:42 PM

    email….shemale

  428. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    Uh oh…Levin owes some dollars to the swear jar.

  429. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    @420 – agreed. But Viniar screwed up bad with that last question! He was doing so well not displaying smug entitlement and then….vampire squid baby!!!

  430. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    We gotta vote (read: CRAP) on banking reform

  431. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    Well, this certainly ended on a “shitty” note.

  432. Posted by 381 | April 27, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    @ 424:
    check you 381

    – 381, 3.14, 2.71, i

  433. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    New Century to Goldman….if you can package it, we will keep selling this shit

  434. Posted by muchado | April 27, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    Takeaway: When writing about your crappy and shitty securities in company e-mails, given them pet names, maybe after your favorite drink or sexual position.

  435. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Viniar: Can I get real for 5 here, yeah, it was pretty unfortunate that one of our employees said “that was a shitty deal” over email, yeah. I wish he wouldn’t have done that and you can believe that he or she won’t be the lucky recipient of a gold scrot.

  436. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    Goldman to New Century…I’m sorry, what page is that on?

  437. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:48 PM

    @370 = awesome.

  438. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 4:49 PM

    senator, even though we are doing God’s work, it’s possible for us to be agnostic when selling a security to a client.

    -where’s the forehead slapper when you need him?

  439. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 4:50 PM

    Can someone please let me know what Viniar said at the end there to make the audience react like that? Missed it :(

  440. Posted by anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    said it’s unfortunate that the shitty truth about the crap they were selling ended up in email

  441. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:54 PM

    @276 Hold those SPY puts baby! -@248

  442. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:54 PM

    I’m sad comments will surpass Jeffrey Chiang status.

  443. Posted by muchado | April 27, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    I’m sad that anyone votes for these idiots.

  444. Posted by anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:57 PM

    442 why do you contribute to your own sadness

    Dick Fuld

  445. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Vagina. Big, hairy, teeth-bearing vagina.

  446. Posted by LKLA | April 27, 2010 at 5:00 PM

    You’ve probably already noticed that we have a new guest writer. Perhaps you’ve heard of him? Zach Kouwe, formerly of the NY Times, was last in the news in a little episode a little while back when it came to light that he borrowed passages from the Wall Street Journal, a no-no that got him dismissed.

    You’re probably also aware he’d done a similar thing to yours truly when he lifted a memo from us and claimed he’d received it on his own (a claim later retracted by DealBook). Apparently that’s what it takes to get a job here these days! So ladies, if you’re looking for a new gig just start CTRL+C’ing DealBreaker– and I’m sure we’ll be giving you a call. Plagiarizers with tech expertise will get extra-special consideration.

  447. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    @442 then you missed the first scene/panel.

    The one with fabs and luis caruthers and this dude birnbaum who wouldn’t even bother to feign interest, and would say things like what page was that again, when he lost interest.

    Reality TV classic

  448. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:02 PM

    “Is there an ethics department?”

    “Of course. If you want to buy some ethics, the ethics department will be happy to sell you some of ours.”

  449. Posted by muchado | April 27, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    Are we back to comfortable? I’m comfortable saying that this is the biggest piece of crap I have ever seen. And I would put that in an e-mail.

  450. Posted by HeywoodJablome | April 27, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    @445

    VAGINA DENTATA

  451. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:06 PM

    Viniar reminds me of Gene Wilder’s character in The Producers.

  452. Posted by muchado | April 27, 2010 at 5:06 PM

    Ohhh–Viniar isn’t fixing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Why not Dave? Why aren’t you doing God’s work for us?

  453. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 5:08 PM

    bring out the gimp, er I mean, lloyd!

  454. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 27, 2010 at 5:08 PM

    “Do you think Fannie Freddie have problems? Do you? What about Iraq? Do you think there should be a withdrawal plan? Answer, damn you! What about the Mexican drug cartels? Does your firm have any official position on the cartels??! We want to assess your ethics, and we demand to know your position on these issues!”

  455. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Goldman Sachs puts its own interests before its clients’?????? Utter bullshit.

    ~Risk Manager who believes in the Tooth Fairy

  456. Posted by Torq | April 27, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    Moreover @442, the sad shitty truth about that jeff chiang comment thread was that it was never more double bb rated and has now been downgraded.

    Also, “take the pain bitch”

    just saying

  457. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    @444
    Because I have a conflict of interest, duh.

  458. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    Look, Mac, I’m tired, I want to go home, I just want to wash my hands of this whole stinkin’ mess, so I’m gonna ask you just one time: did you, or did you not, snap into a distinct and alternate personality, and go on a serial killing rampage?

  459. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:11 PM

    this is the best shit i have ever read.

  460. Posted by muchado | April 27, 2010 at 5:13 PM

    I’m going to go walk the dogs. At least that shit is real.

  461. Posted by Timberwolfe | April 27, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    Bernie got out of jail to become Lloyd’s lawyer.

  462. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    CONFIDENTIAL

    To: David Viniar
    From: Lloyd Blankfein
    Subj: In House Terminology
    —————————

    Effective immediately, via texting or IMs going forward, please refer to “the shorts” as “the Bermudas”.

  463. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    OMG IM SO EXCITED SOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!

  464. Posted by Wutang Financial | April 27, 2010 at 5:18 PM

    @458 appreciate the IASIP reference.

  465. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:19 PM

    wait wait, so is DCF discharged cock flows?

    – B. Fwank

  466. Posted by Timberwolfe | April 27, 2010 at 5:20 PM

    Lloyd:”Hard working diligent and thoughtful” notice how he didn’t say anything about ethics

  467. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:21 PM

    If they call them “securities”, why are they not secure? There’s not much of a leap between the phonetics of “shitty” and “security”.

  468. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 5:21 PM

    get your stink eye on!

  469. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    I’ve had enough. I’m switching the channel to “Hawaii 5-0″.

  470. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    Goldman gets grilled and our stock gets drilled. Puzzling.
    ~AIG Quant

  471. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Bessie…you there?

  472. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    Blankfein: I’m just saying that you can’t be sure you’re not the culprit.
    Levin: That’s ridiculous; I would know if I was the culprit.
    Blankfein: CDOs are a profit loss security, so maybe you just don’t want to remember.
    Levin: I would remember.
    Blankfein: [pretending to be serious] Now, how could you if it just erased your profits?
    Levin: That’s not how it works!
    Blankfein: Now, how do you know how it works?
    Levin: Knock it off! Okay, I’m interviewing you.
    Blankfein: No! That’s not what you said, you said that *I* would be conducting the interview when I walked in here! Now, exactly how many CDOs did you sell?!!

  473. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 5:25 PM

    while levin is talking camera sh be on lloyd…eye twitch r us

  474. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    who else thinks Swenson looks like Louis Carruthers, the biggest doofus in the business.

  475. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:30 PM

    LLOYD IS GETTING FEISTY

  476. Posted by guest | April 27, 2010 at 5:31 PM

    INCONCEIVABLE!

  477. Posted by WTF | April 27, 2010 at 5:32 PM

    @381 – blow yourself. And while you’re there, if you can even get a grip, go ahead and bite the little thing right off.

  478. Posted by Size | April 27, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    Levin is too stupid to know the difference between market making and asset management.

  479. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    v&t’s should calm everyone down

  480. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    How does Levin continue to pop off with those giant golden balls in his mouth?

  481. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 5:38 PM

    ken lewis would never be able to hold his ground like lloyd…hat tip to you sir.

  482. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:41 PM

    Could people please refer to him as Carl, it’s awkward when you use a name he tried to steal from Bess….

  483. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    fk’n (carl) levin watched boiler room to prepare for this hearing, so unfortunate that he does not understand what a market maker does…

  484. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    Goldman just bought google from me; they told me that they were going to OWN for the long term….assholes

  485. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:44 PM

    lloyd ftw…carl levin is a fucking idiot.

  486. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 5:45 PM

    Where the hell did they find this guy? I don’t think he understands how supply and demand works, much less financial markets. Someone school him on Econ 101 please…

  487. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | April 27, 2010 at 5:45 PM

    5:42: Sen. Levin: What happens when you go to the default swap store and you buy a CDS apple and you think it’s a bad apple?
    Lloyd: Senator, with all due respect, you, sir, are an idiot.

  488. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:50 PM

    He doesn’t know their earnings?

  489. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:50 PM

    McCain is freaky as shit – his slow talking and questioning were throwing LB off his game.

  490. Posted by Wutang Financial | April 27, 2010 at 5:51 PM

    Why does McCain always whistle his “s”?

  491. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:52 PM

    just when you thought clevin was a retard…here comes america’s least favorite senile grandfather to spout nonsense on something he has no understanding of.

  492. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:54 PM

    What the christ is McCain talking about – going after GS for not being one of the community banks that made bullshit subprime loans is just such a mental twist.

  493. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:56 PM

    Lloyd’s balls on the table. Levin just passed the hammer.

  494. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 5:56 PM

    Lloyd’s balls on the table. Levin just passed the hammer. Too bad McCain’s a bad carpenter.

  495. Posted by HeywoodJablome | April 27, 2010 at 6:00 PM

    fuck McCain is old and confused…

  496. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 6:01 PM

    500 million to small businesses?

    I never got any part of the Goldman Stimulus Package.

  497. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    WOW McCain fail. Huge fail.

  498. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 6:03 PM

    McCain just got his ass kicked and he knows it. Lloyd is mopping the floor with these senators…crazy poise

  499. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 6:03 PM

    LB do you give a shit about your clients?

    LB- Over the past 30 years? No.

  500. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    500 bitches

  501. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 6:09 PM

    I can see the ceiling lights on LB’s head. Or is that a halo?

  502. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 6:17 PM

    massively short…as opposed to?

  503. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 6:24 PM

    enough with these post-mortem grand standing…cry me a fk’n river senator. if paulson had lost money, would we really be discussing this? me thinks not.

  504. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 6:30 PM

    Kaufman: Someone was deciding to make these bets
    LB: It was the juniors. I didn’t know
    Kaufman: But you and other Wall St. people are very smart
    LB: We’re really not that smart
    Kaufman: Yes, you’re very smart
    LB: No, all the smart people end up at the rating agencies. Let’s talk about their role in this mess
    Kaufman: If you think you’re not that smart, why do you get paid so much?
    LB: It’s all relative. My bonus was so insignificant this year that I can’t even recall what it was…$9 mm or something…but I covered my long GS RSUs by creating synthetic GS RSUs and selling them, so net net, I’m not even sure what my bonus was

  505. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 6:31 PM

    I would like to thank Wamu and all of the other idiot small time bankers for making these 0% down, interest only, no doc ARM loans on second homes (and the distressed borrowers of course). I bought an awesome lake house out of foreclosure at <40% of the original loan amount. Built in 2007, never lived in, previous owner didn't repay a dime of principal. The second home market is in the shitter and cash buyers can get great deals. Thank you!

  506. Posted by OptionTrader | April 27, 2010 at 6:47 PM

    Lloyd: I I I I I I don’t know know.

    –Mr C.Walken will now begin questioning Mr Blankfein—

    Walken: I’ll be damned if some bald headed Jew is going to sit there and disclose its front-running and client manipulation to some Senators. You did and will do the only thing you could do, you held it up your ass, for 4 god damn years.

  507. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:05 PM

    this woman from missouri is fucking. slow.

  508. Posted by OptionTrader | April 27, 2010 at 7:08 PM

    @507 It’s Robin Williams in drag. Would you fuck her for $5M?

  509. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:10 PM

    Carl Levin VS Claire McCaskill for the Stupidest Person Alive award

  510. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:12 PM

    @508 i’d pay $5M to anyone who will shut this bitch up…she does not understand a word blankfein is saying but also has no idea what the fuck she is talking about!!!

  511. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:15 PM

    idk

    idk

    idk

    idk

  512. Posted by OptionTrader | April 27, 2010 at 7:18 PM

    @510 Not one of these fucking senators have any fucking idea what they are talking about…Did you see old man McCain fail in his questioning? Or perhaps you saw Old Man Levin scream like a retirement home patient?

  513. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    did this mofo just bring up some tier 100 bank from bumfucksville, nowhere?

  514. Posted by Investorcluzo | April 27, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    despite over 8 hours of a tutorial, these guys (and gals) – otherwise known as elected officials – don’t understand because they aren’t listening! they are trying to make their points and get their sound bytes for the local news…

    and now a shout out to stephens! c’mon, do they even have capital to get into these types of deals? senator, with all due respect, don’t speak what you don’t know (or understand)!

  515. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:31 PM

    @512 yea unfortunately saw it all, definitely one step closer to a heart attack after today’s hearing…no more watching cspan hearings for me…for the sake of my health at least

  516. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 7:31 PM

    I have to say LB doesn’t exactly come across as a genuine guy. He has given at least 3 blow jobs to Obama and has all but taken credit for the finance reform bill.

    He claims responsibility for the firm then has no idea why emails are released, who lied to clients and why or if GS shorted anything.

    GS sucks as much as the govt.

    Is this what Obama meant by increasing our rep in the world?

  517. Posted by JohnnyWalker | April 27, 2010 at 7:37 PM

    This is getting tedious we need some celebrities to testify.

  518. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:38 PM

    @516 – GS does not represent the US, it’s an Israeli bank

  519. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 7:42 PM

    Love these corn, horse, farm, plowfield references real homey BS. Can’t wait for Senator Cornball to raise cash and sell out the country to the lobbyists. Then Cornball sits around and looks shocked when accused of double dealing. Lawyers attacking Wall Street for conflict of interest is pure comedy.

  520. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:45 PM

    when can i set up court for all the fucking retards who bought mortgages they couldn’t afford? this is fucking unbelievable!

  521. Posted by Mr. Awesome | April 27, 2010 at 7:49 PM

    oh no he diiint.. he had to go there. He pulled the WB card.

    WE ALLL KNOW LB THAT WB KNEW….THE BAILOUT WAS COMING!!!

    LB really thinks WB believes in him and GS. Shit no…

    LB just showed his limitations…

    Vanity… my favorite sin.

  522. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:52 PM

    @198 Genius.

  523. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:53 PM

    what is the bar to be a senator…this levin guy is a fucking retard..he couldn’t add 1+1 to save his own goddamn life.

  524. Posted by Guest | April 27, 2010 at 7:53 PM

    Bring Levin his slippers and metamucil its getting late and he’s getting cranky.

  525. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 7:56 PM

    @198 Yale and Princeton top closet schools.

  526. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 8:08 PM

    way to look like an idiot on national television carl levin

  527. Posted by What the...? | April 27, 2010 at 8:25 PM

    Ok Lloyd…its now past midnight…can you answer my question? shitty this, crappy that, betting against….I am not sure who you are…big short? will you manage my money?

  528. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 8:27 PM

    great googily moogily, these politicians are fucking idiots. they are so fucking stupid that they have confused GS to the point that they too look like fucking idiots.

  529. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 8:31 PM

    sorry for bringing his name up, as it has not been mentioned in a long time, but is it possible Kouwe/Pooey is the retarded lovechild of these senators?

  530. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 8:35 PM

    Politicians didn’t sink the global economy.

  531. Posted by Wutang Financial | April 27, 2010 at 8:40 PM

    @530 They don’t? What about the US debt levels? What about Greece?

  532. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 8:43 PM

    @530 Why don’t you go talk to all the “real americans” who bought mortgages they couldn’t afford? Asshole.

  533. Posted by Anonymous | April 27, 2010 at 8:48 PM

    Cash instruments don’t sink the global economy, synthetics do.

  534. Posted by Effective Date | April 27, 2010 at 9:22 PM

    LOVE the stink eye

  535. Posted by Kouwe | April 27, 2010 at 9:54 PM

    short and French is no way to go through life

  536. Posted by marvy1 | April 27, 2010 at 10:11 PM

    Long and French is no better.

  537. Posted by Kouwe | April 27, 2010 at 10:18 PM

    @536, agreed

  538. Posted by Frenchie long/short | April 27, 2010 at 10:36 PM

    @536-7 morons

  539. Posted by JWS | April 28, 2010 at 12:24 AM

    Levin = The Penguin, where is his umbrella?

  540. Posted by wmrichards | April 28, 2010 at 2:08 AM

    There and but for the grace of god..

  541. Posted by Anonymous | April 28, 2010 at 10:27 AM

    @530 then why did a senator say that 90 percent of the crisis was the governments fault…….

  542. Posted by Andrew | April 28, 2010 at 1:50 PM

    Crap pools? Ha ha! Interesting article about how financial reform, which is strongly supported by Goldman Sachs, Blankfein and the ilk, helps investment firms exactly like Goldman Sachs!

  543. Posted by Anonymous | May 2, 2010 at 8:38 PM

    Bess Levin, you are a genius.

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