The First KFC Double Down Event Of The Season Taking Place Tomorrow


The Challenge: 7 KFC Double Down sandwiches in 30 minutes.

“This is a face-off between two men. Winner will be the first man to finish or whoever eats the most within the time constraints without a reversal. There is an open offer on the table to all comers with 2 to 1 odds that neither will be able to finish within the 30 minute window. The event is happening tomorrow from 12:30 – 1:00 PM.”

Some info on the participants, according to their colleagues:

Participant One:

*26 Years Old

* Heavy Weight – shaped like Wario without the mustache, 235 lbs, 5’8″

* He is a data freak and has been monitoring his weight daily for the past 7 years. He is currently at an all time high. He gave a presentation at a group meeting which presented regression results that explained the relationship between his seamless web ordering habits and his weight gain.

* Leaving the firm in June for MBA program that shall remain nameless.

Participant Two:

* 27 Years Old

* Middle Weight, approximately 5’11”

* Lives in New Jersey with his wife (almost everyone else in the office is unmarried and lives in Manhattan) and has a love of ultimate fighting.

Earlier: Have We Identified The Next Food Eating Challenge?

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137 Responses to “The First KFC Double Down Event Of The Season Taking Place Tomorrow”

  1. Moffat Top says:

    7 in 30 minutes? Really? That’s not difficult, I’m sorry. The challenge should be that you have to eat 7 sandwiches in 30 minutes and the first to have explosive diarrhea loses. Eating the sandwiches isn’t the challenge; the challenge is either surviving eating them or keeping your pants clean.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Will Obama be throwing out the first pitch?

  3. Anonymous says:

    7? After just 2 of those I would have to take an explosive Kouwe.

  4. Anonymous says:

    the first kfc double down event of the season for the anal league is taking place at SAC tomorrow. a face-off between two men, whoever can withstand the most amount of sandwiches shoved up his ass the longest wins.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I had one of those for dinner last night, sadly everything the NYT article mentioned was true – never again.

  6. @2: I think he already did. Michelle apparently fled to Haiti.

    Oh, “pitch”, nevermind….

  7. 2StopShop says:

    @4 – thank you for rehashing and butchering what was a somewhat funny comment from yesterday. Very Kouwesque of you.
    Maybe you should take a break and try again later.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Ugh…just looking at it makes me sick. Good luck, troopers.

  9. Tax Chick says:

    I predict fail on reaching 7. We’re talking about nearly 4,000 calories, over 200 grams of fat, and nearly 10,000 mgs of sodium in 30 minutes. Someone is choking or croaking.

  10. Anal_yst says:

    27 and married? Poor schmuck, but I’m not sure the competition is much better. Any way to short both?

  11. Anonymous says:

    that’s no challenge, that’s a snack.


  12. Anonymous says:

    Ping Jiang shoved one up my ass to prove I could still get an erection

    He was right

  13. Anonymous says:

    @12 I used that joke yesterday

    -The guy that made the ping jiang stuffing a double down up my ass joke yesterday

  14. guest says:

    @13 you made me laugh yesterday. thank you.

  15. Anonymous says:

    @14 :)

  16. @9/TC:

    Only if we are talking about the Original Recipe ® Double Down. The Grilled Double Down has less fat and calories, but more sodium for some reason.

    Whoever judges the contest MUST make sure that the contestants are consuming the same type of Double Down sandwich. I happen to know that sometimes cheating (!) occurs on Wall Street.

  17. Tax Chick says:

    @Pfluger – I considered both briefly, but then figured these guys wouldn’t pussy out on the contest by going with the grilled version.

  18. @TC: I figured you had done your research.

    Call me suspicious, but I just don’t trust some of these characters not to cheat.

    You gotta be specific, or these Wall Street villains will exploit any ambiguities in the rules to their greedy advantage.

    Just as they forced poor unsuspecting homeowners to sign papers for exotic mortgages, so too will they cheat in this endeavor. Its in their blood (except for Goldmanites, obviously).

  19. Anonymous says:


    “There is an open offer on the table to all comers with 2 to 1 odds that neither will be able to finish within the 30 minute window.”

    Put up or shut up

  20. Anonymous says:

    both will fail after 4

  21. PermaGuest says:

    Side bet: Jersey Transit sees massive delays in tomorrow’s p.m. rush b/c of a “sick passenger” at Seacaucus Jct.

  22. Tax Chick says:

    @Pfluger – You are correct in their tendencies to exploit ambiguities, but you must also take into account their enormous egos… why else would they be so self righteous about their just compensation. Evilness seeping out of every pore.

  23. @TC: Yeah, evilness….. Its why there are Czars everywhere now. The Czars will enforce fair play.

    None of this would’ve been necessary if they’d all be more like LB.

    Whenever I face a moral dilemma, I always ask myself the simple question, “What would Lloyd do?”

  24. Oprah says:

    “Lay off me, I’m starving”


  25. The Kernel says:

    Are any of these guys black? I am sorry but, we need to know, that is a major factor in who wins. Just like it was in the presidential election.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Anal_yst, thoughts?

  27. @25:

    Are you insinuating that blacks have an advantage in a chicken sandwich eating contest!???

    There is no place for impure thoughts here. Colonel Sanders designed his chicken sandwiches to appeal equally to all Americans, regardless of race, color, or creed.

  28. This is BS we had the first Double Down Challenge Today!. One of my colleagues claimed to be able to eat 5 double downs in 30 minutes. He could not eat all 5 of them but we was able to manage 4. I will be very surprised if either of these men can eat more than 4 in 30 minutes. The link attached will show you some pictures and details. We will have videos uploaded soon enough.

  29. The Kernel says:

    @27 yes I am inferring if not actually saying that, based on empirical data.

    How many times shave you eaten at KFC? i think prior experience with KFC is going to play a major role in who wins this competition.

  30. Anonymous says:

    What if one is Black Irish?

  31. the Kernel says:

    @29 that is a double advantage…Irish = drunk and when you are drunk you will do anything. Being black it means he has been eating KFC for his entire life. My money is on him.

  32. Anonymous says:

    @13’s signature is funnier than @12’s post

    – Guy who laughed at the 13’s joke yesterday and today

  33. Anonymous says:

    @28 Green shirt and a black tie? Do you work in retail banking?

  34. Anonymous says:

    @28. The pot looks a bit thin, I think we’re talking $20 on that table. Back office all the way!

  35. @29: I never counted, but very, very infrequently. Probably just two or three times.

    I generally avoid places that serve food from buckets, and that are now substituting large slabs of processed chicken for bread. It seems unnatural to me.

  36. Pfluger the Viking says:

    “I generally avoid places that serve food from buckets, and that are now substituting large slabs of processed chicken for bread. It seems unnatural to me.”

    So much for being a barbarian…

  37. Anonymous says:


  38. Anonymous says:


  39. @36:

    Da fuck??! I eat whole fucking chickens. And raw meat. I like steak tartare…

    I like to climb into trees and blast deer early in the day, then field dress them by gutting them and burying the entrails in the woods. I then place this screw-in carrier device into their anal cavity in order to facilitate dragging the carcass to my truck, to be bagged and tagged by the Fish and Game Department.

    Barbarians do NOT eat at KFC, for christ’s sakes.

  40. Tax Chick says:

    Why the f* is a customer retention manager from a boating goods store on this site?!

  41. Tax Chick says:

    @pfluger – you had me at steak tartare, I even held in there through the tree stand shooting at Bambi, but you lost me with the anal dragging device. Yuck!

  42. Motive Examiner says:


    — black guy, cs photo

  43. the Kernel says:

    and as i originally said….

    the data suggests

    barbarian= white guy.

  44. Anonymous says:

    @40, aren’t a lot of you greedy bankers into watersports?

  45. @41/TC:

    Sorry to be graphic, but those deer carcuses are damned heavy sometimes. Have you ever tried to drag one for a mile through the woods?

    The carrier (I’ll try to find a link, I don’t know what the stupid thing is called) helps quite a bit.

    Can any other hunters help me out here? You Goldman guys all carry guns and stuff, so one of you probably knows what the device is called.

  46. @39 – indeed, KFC has more chemicals than the Hudson nowadays. Barbarians detest chemicals.

  47. @46/VS:

    Exactly. The sodium alone in one of those DD “sandwiches” could melt all the ice in the winter on a standard sized driveway.

    Those things are Death Sandwiches.

  48. Anonymous says:

    Barbarians eat chemicals for breakfast you posing hipster.

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