The Challenge: 7 KFC Double Down sandwiches in 30 minutes.

“This is a face-off between two men. Winner will be the first man to finish or whoever eats the most within the time constraints without a reversal. There is an open offer on the table to all comers with 2 to 1 odds that neither will be able to finish within the 30 minute window. The event is happening tomorrow from 12:30 – 1:00 PM.”

Some info on the participants, according to their colleagues:

Participant One:

*26 Years Old

* Heavy Weight – shaped like Wario without the mustache, 235 lbs, 5’8″

* He is a data freak and has been monitoring his weight daily for the past 7 years. He is currently at an all time high. He gave a presentation at a group meeting which presented regression results that explained the relationship between his seamless web ordering habits and his weight gain.

* Leaving the firm in June for MBA program that shall remain nameless.

Participant Two:

* 27 Years Old

* Middle Weight, approximately 5’11”

* Lives in New Jersey with his wife (almost everyone else in the office is unmarried and lives in Manhattan) and has a love of ultimate fighting.

Earlier: Have We Identified The Next Food Eating Challenge?

137 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (137)

  1. Posted by Moffat Top | April 13, 2010 at 2:27 PM

    7 in 30 minutes? Really? That’s not difficult, I’m sorry. The challenge should be that you have to eat 7 sandwiches in 30 minutes and the first to have explosive diarrhea loses. Eating the sandwiches isn’t the challenge; the challenge is either surviving eating them or keeping your pants clean.

  2. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    Will Obama be throwing out the first pitch?

  3. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    7? After just 2 of those I would have to take an explosive Kouwe.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:38 PM

    the first kfc double down event of the season for the anal league is taking place at SAC tomorrow. a face-off between two men, whoever can withstand the most amount of sandwiches shoved up his ass the longest wins.

  5. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:42 PM

    I had one of those for dinner last night, sadly everything the NYT article mentioned was true – never again.

  6. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    @2: I think he already did. Michelle apparently fled to Haiti.

    Oh, “pitch”, nevermind….

  7. Posted by 2StopShop | April 13, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    @4 – thank you for rehashing and butchering what was a somewhat funny comment from yesterday. Very Kouwesque of you.
    Maybe you should take a break and try again later.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:45 PM

    Ugh…just looking at it makes me sick. Good luck, troopers.

  9. Posted by Tax Chick | April 13, 2010 at 2:45 PM

    I predict fail on reaching 7. We’re talking about nearly 4,000 calories, over 200 grams of fat, and nearly 10,000 mgs of sodium in 30 minutes. Someone is choking or croaking.

  10. Posted by Anal_yst | April 13, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    27 and married? Poor schmuck, but I’m not sure the competition is much better. Any way to short both?

  11. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:47 PM

    that’s no challenge, that’s a snack.


  12. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:48 PM

    Ping Jiang shoved one up my ass to prove I could still get an erection

    He was right

  13. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    @12 I used that joke yesterday

    -The guy that made the ping jiang stuffing a double down up my ass joke yesterday

  14. Posted by guest | April 13, 2010 at 2:53 PM

    @13 you made me laugh yesterday. thank you.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 2:55 PM

    @14 :)

  16. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 2:55 PM


    Only if we are talking about the Original Recipe ® Double Down. The Grilled Double Down has less fat and calories, but more sodium for some reason.

    Whoever judges the contest MUST make sure that the contestants are consuming the same type of Double Down sandwich. I happen to know that sometimes cheating (!) occurs on Wall Street.

  17. Posted by Tax Chick | April 13, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    @Pfluger – I considered both briefly, but then figured these guys wouldn’t pussy out on the contest by going with the grilled version.

  18. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    @TC: I figured you had done your research.

    Call me suspicious, but I just don’t trust some of these characters not to cheat.

    You gotta be specific, or these Wall Street villains will exploit any ambiguities in the rules to their greedy advantage.

    Just as they forced poor unsuspecting homeowners to sign papers for exotic mortgages, so too will they cheat in this endeavor. Its in their blood (except for Goldmanites, obviously).

  19. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 3:04 PM


    “There is an open offer on the table to all comers with 2 to 1 odds that neither will be able to finish within the 30 minute window.”

    Put up or shut up

  20. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 3:06 PM

    both will fail after 4

  21. Posted by PermaGuest | April 13, 2010 at 3:08 PM

    Side bet: Jersey Transit sees massive delays in tomorrow’s p.m. rush b/c of a “sick passenger” at Seacaucus Jct.

  22. Posted by Tax Chick | April 13, 2010 at 3:08 PM

    @Pfluger – You are correct in their tendencies to exploit ambiguities, but you must also take into account their enormous egos… why else would they be so self righteous about their just compensation. Evilness seeping out of every pore.

  23. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    @TC: Yeah, evilness….. Its why there are Czars everywhere now. The Czars will enforce fair play.

    None of this would’ve been necessary if they’d all be more like LB.

    Whenever I face a moral dilemma, I always ask myself the simple question, “What would Lloyd do?”

  24. Posted by Oprah | April 13, 2010 at 3:15 PM

    “Lay off me, I’m starving”


  25. Posted by The Kernel | April 13, 2010 at 3:29 PM

    Are any of these guys black? I am sorry but, we need to know, that is a major factor in who wins. Just like it was in the presidential election.

  26. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 3:32 PM

    Anal_yst, thoughts?

  27. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 3:36 PM


    Are you insinuating that blacks have an advantage in a chicken sandwich eating contest!???

    There is no place for impure thoughts here. Colonel Sanders designed his chicken sandwiches to appeal equally to all Americans, regardless of race, color, or creed.

  28. Posted by We beat you to the punch line | April 13, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    This is BS we had the first Double Down Challenge Today!. One of my colleagues claimed to be able to eat 5 double downs in 30 minutes. He could not eat all 5 of them but we was able to manage 4. I will be very surprised if either of these men can eat more than 4 in 30 minutes. The link attached will show you some pictures and details. We will have videos uploaded soon enough.

  29. Posted by The Kernel | April 13, 2010 at 3:43 PM

    @27 yes I am inferring if not actually saying that, based on empirical data.

    How many times shave you eaten at KFC? i think prior experience with KFC is going to play a major role in who wins this competition.

  30. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 3:47 PM

    What if one is Black Irish?

  31. Posted by the Kernel | April 13, 2010 at 3:56 PM

    @29 that is a double advantage…Irish = drunk and when you are drunk you will do anything. Being black it means he has been eating KFC for his entire life. My money is on him.

  32. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 4:08 PM

    @13’s signature is funnier than @12’s post

    – Guy who laughed at the 13’s joke yesterday and today

  33. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 4:32 PM

    @28 Green shirt and a black tie? Do you work in retail banking?

  34. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    @28. The pot looks a bit thin, I think we’re talking $20 on that table. Back office all the way!

  35. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 4:36 PM

    @29: I never counted, but very, very infrequently. Probably just two or three times.

    I generally avoid places that serve food from buckets, and that are now substituting large slabs of processed chicken for bread. It seems unnatural to me.

  36. Posted by Pfluger the Viking | April 13, 2010 at 4:47 PM

    “I generally avoid places that serve food from buckets, and that are now substituting large slabs of processed chicken for bread. It seems unnatural to me.”

    So much for being a barbarian…

  37. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 4:53 PM


  38. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 4:57 PM


  39. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 4:58 PM


    Da fuck??! I eat whole fucking chickens. And raw meat. I like steak tartare…

    I like to climb into trees and blast deer early in the day, then field dress them by gutting them and burying the entrails in the woods. I then place this screw-in carrier device into their anal cavity in order to facilitate dragging the carcass to my truck, to be bagged and tagged by the Fish and Game Department.

    Barbarians do NOT eat at KFC, for christ’s sakes.

  40. Posted by Tax Chick | April 13, 2010 at 4:59 PM

    Why the f* is a customer retention manager from a boating goods store on this site?!

  41. Posted by Tax Chick | April 13, 2010 at 5:02 PM

    @pfluger – you had me at steak tartare, I even held in there through the tree stand shooting at Bambi, but you lost me with the anal dragging device. Yuck!

  42. Posted by Motive Examiner | April 13, 2010 at 5:02 PM


    — black guy, cs photo

  43. Posted by the Kernel | April 13, 2010 at 5:04 PM

    and as i originally said….

    the data suggests

    barbarian= white guy.

  44. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    @40, aren’t a lot of you greedy bankers into watersports?

  45. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 5:10 PM


    Sorry to be graphic, but those deer carcuses are damned heavy sometimes. Have you ever tried to drag one for a mile through the woods?

    The carrier (I’ll try to find a link, I don’t know what the stupid thing is called) helps quite a bit.

    Can any other hunters help me out here? You Goldman guys all carry guns and stuff, so one of you probably knows what the device is called.

  46. Posted by volatilitysmile | April 13, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    @39 – indeed, KFC has more chemicals than the Hudson nowadays. Barbarians detest chemicals.

  47. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | April 13, 2010 at 5:23 PM


    Exactly. The sodium alone in one of those DD “sandwiches” could melt all the ice in the winter on a standard sized driveway.

    Those things are Death Sandwiches.

  48. Posted by Anonymous | April 13, 2010 at 9:46 PM

    Barbarians eat chemicals for breakfast you posing hipster.

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