When Vikram Pandit first joined Citi, he was a happy, smiley Uncle Vik. And why shouldn’t he have been? The bank had just laid out hundreds of millions of dollars to land him and he was thisclose to buying Tony Randall’s apartment. Plus, he’s just always had a sunny disposition.

Despite the fact that that his hedge fund was eventually put out to pasture after its all-too-short two years of (mis)managing money, and a precipitously falling stock price, nothing could get him down. As time went on though, they started to break him. A certain analyst made a habit of hiding in his closet, waiting ’til he fell asleep and then popping out, tying him up and shoving a sock in his mouth. Jamie Dimon called him a “jerk” on a conference call. The government outfitted him with an ankle monitoring bracelet and a boot up the ass. Citi was removed from the Dow. He made a promise not to take more than a $1 salary per year and who knew when the Christ that was going to happen. He was told he couldn’t have a Zen Garden. It was all too much to bear and Vickles had a major case of the sads. He lost weight. And because he lost weight he was forced to close his Tickle a Vickle booth in the office on Park (people don’t wait in line for hours to Tickle an anorexic Vickle). The whole thing was depressing to watch, let alone experience personally and we spent a good deal of time wondering if we’d ever have the old Vik back. It seemed unlikely. Today though? JOYOUS NEWS TO THE CONTRARY.

Some of Mr. Pandit’s most trusted advisers notice a new bounce in his step and say he is more energetic at meetings.

He’s back baby! First comes the bounce in the step, then comes the bounce in the belly, and I for one could not be more elated. Ours is not to question why but since we’re here and all, what the heck. Why is Vikram happy again?

* Odd Couple reunion tour

* He’s been getting laid

* Because of the whole government removing its foot from his ass situation

* Because “he sees the day when he is going to earn more than a $1 a year,” according to a top lieutenant (who also VP “has a smile on his face” and “is looking and sounding a lot more confident and secure”

* Pony rides with the Prince

* It was hinted there could be a garden of zen in the works

* Wildcard

Comments (12)

  1. Posted by american bandersnatch | April 6, 2010 at 12:01 PM

    Was finally allowed to sleep (I know it’s against company policy)

  2. Posted by Tax Chick | April 6, 2010 at 12:04 PM

    Meredith Whitney let him wear the strap-on for a change.

  3. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    @2
    I can totally get behind some strap-on action from Meredith!

  4. Posted by b2b MD | April 6, 2010 at 12:28 PM

    I think Bess is correct…its the new Citi Wild Card. Triple points for camel rides in the Saudi desert, floats down the Ganges River, and Strap On sessions with Meredith (props to Tax Chick)

  5. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    so happy for the little guy

  6. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    all of the above

  7. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 1:27 PM

    Tax Chick got it.

    -dollar dom

  8. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    @2 WRONG. I ALWAYS WEAR THE STRAP ON.

    -big momma

  9. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    prozac

  10. Posted by Anonymous | April 6, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    zen garden, defo

  11. Posted by ali | April 7, 2010 at 11:37 PM

    He figured out that NO ONE ELSE IS STUPID ENOUGH TO WANT THE JOB.
    Vic can continue to sell off all of the good components of C, continue to lose money for the next few quarters, continue to make terrible srtategic decisions, AND IT’S ALL OK !!!!

    Now he can play strap on with whomever he desires !!!

  12. Posted by jimadj | April 16, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    So what, the bhangi can’t afford to brush his teeth?

Leave a comment

You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.