If you said Washington you’re not wrong but that’s not the answer we were looking for. Yes, James is incredibly frustrated with the people in DC. Previously he’s tried to hold his tongue but no longer. He’s openly expressed concern about the various reform proposals and he recently told the President that the “administration’s anti-bank rhetoric ‘isn’t helpful,’ because it demoralizes businesses and employees.” But Washington, eh, whatever. It’s a source of annoyance but it’s not the thing that gets Jamie’s blood really boiling. Same goes for Syracuse University. He’s pissed at them, but they’re low on the list of things that make him go ape shit. What chaps James Dimon’s hide no other is when his name appears alongside certain people with whom he has essentially nothing in common.

According to people who know him, he bristles when lawmakers lump J.P. Morgan with the likes of banks that have stumbled. And he hates being compared with Goldman Chairman and CEO Lloyd Blankfein.

Off the top of his head, JD can think of maybe a million reasons why his name has no place alongside LB. Does Lloyd have a beautiful head of thick hair? Does Lloyd meet the height requirement for any of the rides out on Coney Island? Has Lloyd ever had a warrant out for his arrest? DOES LLOYD HAVE HIS OWN UMBRELLA CARRIER? I mean really. They both have blue eyes. Fine. Can Lloyd‘s see through your soul? No! I could go and will: who can take a cash bonus without worrying what people will “think”? Who could clown-face the president and have him go “We’re still cool, right?”? Who can strum “Comfortably Numb”? Who can do all those things and who can’t?? These two are nothing alike. One more person comes forward to claim otherwise and someone is just gonna snap.

Comments (29)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    I’m sure a lot of people what a piece of JD’s goat

  2. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 11:02 AM

    I would hate being compared to a bald guy that looks like a human missile, too.

    -a guy with a nice head of hair

  3. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 11:04 AM

    1: want*

  4. Posted by OptionTrader | April 7, 2010 at 11:09 AM

    There is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that Paul’s apartment overlooks the park… and is obviously more expensive than mine.

  5. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    You know what really grinds my gears, gold plated instead of solid gold scrots.

    -Stankbrine

  6. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 11:27 AM

    JD wishes people compared him to LB.

    -lucas vp

  7. Posted by Awesome | April 7, 2010 at 11:44 AM

    Jamie Dimon would be nothing if Sandy didn’t take him under his wing and butt f*ck him.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 11:46 AM

    7 = judy weill

  9. Posted by Shut Up | April 7, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    Someone please forward a mass memo to everyone south of 59th street; specifically, “NO MORE AMERICAN PSYCHO QUOTES!!! STOP THE LAMENESS.”

  10. Posted by Zachery Kouwe | April 7, 2010 at 12:19 PM

    Someone please forward a mass memo to everyone south of 59th street; specifically, “NO MORE AMERICAN PSYCHO QUOTES!!! STOP THE LAMENESS.”

    - Zach Kouwe

  11. Posted by LB | April 7, 2010 at 12:25 PM

    can’t ride the rides at coney island? fuck you. i’m over 5 feet.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 12:33 PM

    I’m from the Salt City. There would be no Dinosaur Barbeque if there wasn’t The ‘Cuse. Mr. Dimon should take heed.

  13. Posted by Leigh Alexander | April 7, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    Mr. Dimon,

    Syracuse gave the world Zima. What have you offered it?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zima

  14. Posted by Bess Levin | April 7, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    @12 he’s not mad at the city that gave birth to Dinosaur Barbeque, he’s pissed at the University.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 12:46 PM

    @9 – I would, but I have to return some videotapes

  16. Posted by John Holmes | April 7, 2010 at 1:01 PM

    Bess, I love you. Please come back. You were great. I didn’t think I’d ever say that to anybody. Please come back.

  17. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 1:07 PM

    @16 huh?

  18. Posted by John Holmes | April 7, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    @17 -”huh?” back to you. I love Bess. Why are you so slow – do you work for GE?

  19. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 2:16 PM

    @19 I’m just wondering where you think she went?

  20. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    BL: When you walk into a Dairy Queen [a subsidiary of Buffett’s Berkshire Hathaway], are you treated like royalty?
    BQ: [laughs] No, nobody knows who I am. I have to pay for my Misty Floats just like everyone else.

    BL: You don’t have a nickname like Maria Bartiromo (“The Money Honey”) or Erin Burnett (“The Street Sweetie”). That could be yours—Dairy Queen. What do you think? I can make it happen.
    BQ: That makes me think of a cow! Come up with another one!

    BL: Blizzard Babe. An homage to the Oreo Blizzard.

    http://www.observer.com/2010/wall-street/dairy-queen-cnbc

  21. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 2:25 PM

    Are you suggesting Dimon and Blankfein make a movie together in which they’re twins?

  22. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 3:37 PM

    What really pisses JD off is the fact that LB can’t see to it to spring for at least a half soles job on the old dawgs he calls shoes. A shine wouldn’t hurt either. Not that I noticed.

  23. Posted by Jamie D | April 7, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    You can’t compare me to LB…I am prettier than this man!

  24. Posted by lloyd b | April 7, 2010 at 8:48 PM

    gotta admit jamie is a handsome man. i would like to see him naked. is it wrong

  25. Posted by Anonymous | April 7, 2010 at 9:33 PM

    Jamie Dimon’s suit is tailored just so. Lloyd’s is baggy, saggy, off the racky. Must’ve been buy 1 get 2 free at Jos.

  26. Posted by Anonymous | April 8, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    JAMIE, SLEEP WITH ME.

    - brunette futures trader

  27. Posted by Anonymous | April 8, 2010 at 4:21 PM

    Jesus jamie looks sexy. LB looks like his butler or something

  28. Posted by Sony Alpha A200 Review | November 27, 2011 at 3:19 PM

    This surely makes great sense to me…

  29. Posted by Туризм | November 27, 2011 at 9:25 PM

    This could be your greatest blog post on the web!

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