• 17 May 2010 at 3:40 PM

Arki Busson Once Again Off The Market

Ladies and transvestite beauts of SAC– I have some devastating news to report. Arki Busson is back together with Uma Thurman, after having called off their engagement (and relationship) last December. I know that this is going to be a tough pill for you to swallow, but if it makes you feel any better, there’s going to be at least one person for whom the news is so much more devastating. And that guy is Andy Davidson.

Now, I am not saying Davidson, who profiled Ark over the weekend is interested in Busson romantically, though if he was, no one would blame him (nary a man, woman, or barnyard animal can resist the appeal of this Arki “fund of funds dime piece” Busson). What I am saying is that, by his own admission, Davidson was hoping that by the end of his interview, he and B would be friends. BEST FRIENDS. The type of friends who spend all their time together. Who do EVERYTHING together. Who don’t let girlfriends, wives, random pieces of tail or any of that kind of stuff get in the way of what they have. And it actually looked like that’s the direction things were going until Andy found out, right before they finished, that guess what? The bitch is back in the picture and Busson’s precious time is going to be sucked up doing things with Uma. Funny how Arki didn’t mention that until he’d already gotten Andy to fall for him, isn’t it? Oh, Andy was mad something fierce but after regaining his composure, he decided not to piss all over their time together and write a damning, slanderous profile, citing unknown sources in the hedge fund community noting that AB is “known to wear lifts,” and “4 inches, max, and I’m not talking about the extra height he gets while wearing Timberlands.” Instead Andy chose to go forward and recount what was a wonderful day together, the seeds of which will grow into a beautiful friendship, and stick another pin in the voodoo doll he’d fashioned in the likeness of “that stupid fucking whore.”

Anything else I should have asked? Arpad Busson, my new best friend, answers that one about 20 minutes later, when we’re sitting in his sumptuous, leather-lined Range Rover, stuck in London traffic. Arki — as he’s known to his friends — is lounging in the back, seatbelt off, puffing on a Marlboro Light while his French driver punches the satnav anxiously.

“You haven’t asked me properly about the markets,” he says suddenly, in his gravelly, American-inflected English.

Who cares? I tell him. We’re all bored with the tyranny of the markets. “But the markets are vital,” he says, looking surprised, then a sly smiles stretches across his vulpine features. He’s wondering if I’m joking.

[...]

This year, [Busson's annual charity benefit] it was held in the old Eurostar terminal at Waterloo, decked out with fountains and forests. The Killers played live, Queen Rania of Jordan gave the keynote speech, Steve Coogan offered light relief. Top of the list of items auctioned was a Fiat 500 decorated by Damien Hirst. Or was that by one of Damien’s assistants? “No, no, no,” says Busson with a giggle, wagging his finger. Tactile and cologned, he likes to laugh, and has huge charm — an asset that sets him apart from many hedge fund chiefs here.

[...]

Busson has, by reputation, a volatile temper as a twin for his charm, but he’s sensitive and seductive too — one of the reasons he’s renowned as the hedge fund sector’s premier salesman.

[...]

Earlier, in his office, he’d swept in half an hour late. “Sorry, sorry, I was told the wrong time.” He starts nervously, asking for quote approval of anything I run, grinning sheepishly then chatting with ease. Born in France, based in London, he oozes Gallic elan: long locks swept back, bangles on his left wrist, hairy chest bursting from crisp, open-neck shirt.

I’d go on, but this is a family publication.


Arpad Busson
[Times Online via BI]

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Comments (19)

  1. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 3:52 PM

    “Tactile and cologned, he likes to laugh, and has huge charm — an asset that sets him apart from many hedge fund chiefs here.”

    “charm”=cockney rhyming slang?

  2. Posted by PUA | May 17, 2010 at 3:57 PM

    Could he BE any more beta in that picture?

  3. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:01 PM

    @1: what does “charm” mean in cockney rhyming slang? left arm? turkey farm? car alarm?

  4. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    Earlier, in his office, he’d swept in half an hour late. “Sorry, sorry, I was ironing my tubesocks.” He starts nervously, asking gently for me to pull his finger, grinning sheepishly then cutting the cheese. Born in France, based in London, he oozes Gallic elan: long locks swept back, bangles on his left wrist, hairy chest bursting from crisp, open-neck shirt. He points to a wall mounted Indian blanket recently woven from such coveted thatch of hair. Under the spreading chestnut tree like a village smithy he stands, his legs like tube-socked horses, his arms like rubber bands. He has, by reputation, a volatile temper as a twin for his charm, but he’s sensitive and seductive too — one of the reasons he’s renowned for reciting great literary works. I hope he’ll le me be the Boswell to his Johnson.

  5. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    @3 short-arm?

  6. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    Show us your Bristols apples and bears ‘a fore I have to take a Brad!

    ~Simon
    CNBC

  7. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:23 PM

    American Redneck Slang for Ms. Drury to poke fun of during lulls in financial action:
    ************

    “Jeetyet?” (Have you eaten?)

    “Essgotayamommenems” (Let’s go to your mother’s house where the rest of your your family resides.)

    “Kichinniny?” (Upon seeing a fisherman fishing, you ask “Catching any?”)

  8. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    @4: Johnson?

  9. Posted by PermaGuest | May 17, 2010 at 4:36 PM

    A hairy Frenchman, drenched in cologne, chainsmoking and giggling whilst “oozing Gallic charm.” Sounds like something from a nightmare.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:59 PM

    @8: @4 was making a bon mot referencing the subject matter of the thread and the life and times of Samuel Johnson. Samuel Johnson (18 September 1709 [O.S. 7 September] – 13 December 1784), often referred to as Dr Johnson, was an English author who made lasting contributions to English literature as a poet, essayist, moralist, literary critic, biographer, editor and lexicographer. Johnson was a devout Anglican and committed Tory, and has been described as “arguably the most distinguished man of letters in English history”.[1] He is also the subject of “the most famous single work of biographical art in the whole of literature”: James Boswell’s Life of Samuel Johnson.[2] (Hat tip to Wiki)

    “Boswell” is James Boswell, 9th Laird of Auchinleck (29 October 1740 – 19 May 1795) was a lawyer, diarist, and author born in Edinburgh, Scotland; he is best known for his biography of Samuel Johnson. His name has passed into the English language as a term (Boswell, Boswellian, Boswellism) for a constant companion and observer.

    Combining the great names of English letters with “Johnson”: the slang word for a “penis”, “prick”, “root” , “slobber bone”, “talleywhacker”, “mouth microphone” , “meat thermometer” and the more pedestrian “dick”, allows the reader, educated in the English arts like Hank Paulson, to have a brain chemical reaction causing a good giggle while in the conservative halls of erudidition, thus changing the meaning of being the “Boswell to his Johnson” and cementing the comment as joke.

    Sincerely,

    The Joke Briefer

  11. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    @ 10 so you’re saying Bosewell was a cunt?

  12. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 5:08 PM

    So much douchery, so little time….

    And WTF with the snide little “anti-flood” message when I tried to post this the first time???

  13. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 6:29 PM

    @11: his work has been commended as being strongly vaginal

  14. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 6:38 PM

    look at those cheeks!

  15. Posted by V. Agina | May 17, 2010 at 8:38 PM

    @11…no, Boswell was a koont…

  16. Posted by fatguylittlecoat | May 17, 2010 at 9:37 PM

    who is this guy? you new yorkers always fell for the short french guys…lafeyette, three musketeers, inspector clouseau, nappy bee

  17. Posted by emory stud | May 17, 2010 at 10:13 PM

    u aint jacuzzing me

  18. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 5:47 PM

    arki busson once dated alex garcia cohen

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