The Kimballer

So! A bunch of unnamed banks are supposedly telling their employees to ixnay on the assivemay amptonshay entalsray this summer. Let’s just say it’s Goldman Sachs that is doing the telling because a) they’ve been known to tell their people not go out during the day for fear of attracting scrutiny for existing and b) if The People are going to get their knickers in a twist over anyone’s big ass vacation houses it’s going to be those of Goldman Sachs.

Instead of said big ass vacation houses, those looking for places to get away for the weekend should instead consider shacks or outhouses less likely to provoke any ire. “That’s the message that’s being conveyed,” a human resources staffer at a Wall Street investment bank told the Post. “We have enough eyeballs on us already, [so] don’t do anything really extravagant right now that will attract any more.” Sort of bull shit that they should get to tell you what’s what but I think it’s going to be okay here! The bright side is that no one said anything about it not being okay to take a page from Goldman Sachs MD Richard Kimball’s playabook. For those that need a refresher for what that would entail, the read between the lines message is that you should feel free, nay encouraged to throw “topless pool parties” with a high ratio of girls to guys likely to enrage the neighbors. The password is “it’s a very small neighborhood.” You heard it here first.

Comments (26)

  1. Posted by Cathy Fuld | May 10, 2010 at 1:10 PM

    I know Shabby Chic. Give me a call.

  2. Posted by Mr. Awesome | May 10, 2010 at 1:13 PM

    Good thinking guys. It is certainly better to get all that money and keep it in a bank account. Absolutely under no circumstances should wealthy bankers spend their windfall in the economy.

    That would send the way wrong message.

    - The guy who uses sarcasm to prove a point

  3. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 1:16 PM

    The one armed bandit did it….

  4. Posted by american bandersnatch | May 10, 2010 at 1:20 PM

    Alright, listen up, people. Our banker has been out of the office for 4 hours. Average traffic speed in Long Island in the summer is 20 miles-per-hour. That gives us a radius of 80 miles. What I want from each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every beach house, cottage, pied-a-terre, retreat, bungalow and mansion in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your banker’s name is Richard Kimble, MBA. Go get him.

  5. Posted by guest | May 10, 2010 at 1:26 PM

    Cathy Fuld when the hell are you going to learn to stick to the subject at hand?

  6. Posted by NakedShort | May 10, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    What is real bonus? How do you define a real bonus? If you’re talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain.

  7. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 1:51 PM

    locals are a buncha ingrates anyway

  8. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 2:03 PM

    So hiring the cast of Glee to stage a reenactment of the Aristocrats is out this summer?

  9. Posted by Bess Levin | May 10, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    @8 did they explicitly say so? that’s what I thought.

  10. Posted by american bandersnatch | May 10, 2010 at 2:09 PM

    @8 – It’s OK if it’s done tastefully.

  11. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 2:14 PM

    Bess, are you talking to yourself again??

  12. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 2:18 PM

    i thought richard kimball was that guy from the fugitive???

  13. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | May 10, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    As long as the bankers avoid “small neighborhoods” when they hold their weekend bacchanalia, there should be no problem with nosy neighbors who squeal to Page Six.

  14. Posted by JonIndia™ | May 10, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    topless pool parties are sooo cool.

  15. Posted by swingbasis | May 10, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    But forget the movie stars and their Hampton hide-a-ways. We don’t want main stream America to find out our beloved Hollywood actors paychecks are cut from the books of TARP funded companies. Pretty easy for a movie studio to pay a celebrity $10 million a picture if the studio is funded by a company that just took $80 billion of tax payer funds!!

  16. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    These NYSE floor guys Costa Dolan Meyers et. al. have to be the dumbest motherfuckers on the planet. Who would ever give them an order?

  17. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 3:12 PM

    the hr twat is pissed she isnt getting invited anywhere this year

  18. Posted by volatilitysmile | May 10, 2010 at 4:49 PM

    that’s why we have countries in Europe only us rich people know about. A rarity in my circle to vacay @ Hamptons (we do 2 long weekend bashes max but that’s about it).

  19. Posted by Guest | May 10, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    What is this “Hamptons” you speak of?

    - Guy who is never invited anywhere

  20. Posted by Hatade | May 10, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    I used to work for Kimball. We actually did call him Dr. Richard Kimball, nothing new to him (especially since he’s a Healthcare guy so the doctor moniker works well). He’s actually a legit stud.

  21. Posted by guest | May 10, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    it’s ok to vacay at hamptons, but only if you drive there while carpooling. single-driver bentleys and any two-seater cars, as well as helicopter rides are strictly no-no.

  22. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 7:47 PM

    See you at Neptunes.

  23. Posted by Anonymous | May 10, 2010 at 7:59 PM

    I didn’t kill my wife!!!

  24. Posted by Anonymous | May 11, 2010 at 10:00 AM

    I don’t care.

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