Early last week, we were alerted to a message board containing a comment by a woman who accosted Bill Ackman at a recent General Growth Properties hearing. In it, she recounted their meeting and although perhaps mentally unstable, had a genius idea on her hands. Here is the relevant text:
“I waited Till Mr. Ackman was not talking to anyone, and shook his hand and told him he was one of my heros. He asked me who I was and I said I was a proud tenant and Artist at the South Street Seaport, and prould shareholder. He said I looked like a Artist, I told him thats what people said last time I was in GGP’s hearing. I told him the next German Shepard dog I get I will name him Bill Ackman, and the last German Shepard I had was named Warren Buffet [ all true ] I told him that I used to get cards from my Vet that said Warren Buffett needed his rabies and distemper shots.I told him I would send him the cards about Bill Ackman dog for his shots. He laughed and I feel I amused him, slightly charmed him and was slightly foolish. LOL!!!
Obviously, we were inspired and immediately dispatched someone to purchase a fluffy white cat for the Dealbreaker office. We named it after our favorite hedge fund manager and moving forward, will be providing you with daily updates of our time together. Here’s how life with Stevie has been going so far.
Day 1: Came into the office today and was dismayed to see that our fur baby had mistaken my keyboard for his litter box. Bad Stevie.
Day 3: I’ve always said I wasn’t going to be one of those owners who dressed up her pet. Nevertheless, despite having a thick coat, Stevie looked a little chilly today (we keep the temperature at 69 degrees Fahrenheit to make sure no one dozes off) so I put him in a fleece jacket made specially for cats. He has never looked happier.
Day 7: I’m becoming one of those owners who sends people pictures of their cats, as though anyone cares. Unfortunately, Stevie seems to hate having his picture taken and I was only able to get two this morning before he hissed at me and ran away. Later, he stole my keys and wouldn’t give them back until I showed him that I’d deleted photos.
Day 10: Knowing that I can’t be the only one who finds Stevie devastatingly handsome, I entered him in to the Cat Fanciers’ Association (CFA) annual cat show. I just know we’re gonna win big.
Day 14: This afternoon I put Stevie in his carrier and brought him with me to a meeting at a hedge fund called Ping Capital. The founder asked if he could hold him and said that having his own pussy, he had some cat clothes laying around and would we like this dress for Stevie? I told him I think it’s abusive and cruel to dress up animals and besides, Stevie is a boy cat (maybe he thought we’d named it after S. Nicks?) but he claimed that didn’t matter. “He’ll look great in it,” Ping said, licking his lips. He was also very interested to hear if we’d be having Stevie neutered. He kept insisting we had to do it, saying Stevie would be a better behaved cat for it. Maybe I’m being paranoid but the way he kept pressing the issue made me extremely uncomfortable. We’re never going back there.
Stay tuned.
classic BL. awesome.
CFA (Cat Fanciers’ Association) > CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst)
Day 15: Stevie’s gained some weight so we switch to the diet cat food. He doesn’t seem to like it.
BL FTW
@3 mean but good.
Bess,
Is your cat constantly stomping around, driving you crAAzy?! Is your cat constantly clawing at your furnitures?
- Charlie Kelly, local business owner and cat enthusiast.
@Bess, can we get a CFA vs. MBA tag on this bad mother’?
I guess this confirms the rumor, then.
@6 horribly unfunny. never comment again, especially not on a post of this magnitude.
@8 what rumor?
I always suspected that the CFA was for pussies
Epic post. I know someone who named their dog after their office building on Madison Ave, but this takes the cake.
@12 “I know someone who named their dog after their office building on Madison Ave”
wait, serious question, why would that be a funny thing to do?
waiting for the ping jiang-related entry
@12 Which building? 383?
exciting! can’t wait to see your ‘furry pussy’ pics.
pics or it didn’t happen
@9 You missed the joke. Try and keep up
-Not 6
@anal_yst- hello, the photo in this post is Zach and Stevie.
@10, the rumor that Stevie Cohen is a real pussy, of course.
-8
BL FTWFTWFTW
@6 Great place to bring in the Wildcard. @9 wouldn’t know good TV if it showed up at his front door trying to sell him barrels of gas.
Day 6978: In her never-ending quest for insanity, Steve’s ex-catwife claims that she deserves half of the SAC Catfood empire. Downtrodden and visibly upset, Steve returns home to his cat-mansion and bangs his “upgrade” catwife and waits for the whole thing to blow over.
@22 awesome
@3 I hope this is a reference to what I think it is, as someone who was around when SAC stocked the pantry with all healthy snacks and nearly vomited trying the soy chips. Never forget.
@19
Fail.
@22 ftw (and BL FTMW)
This is why I love Bess (this, and her ass).
When you put his pictures on a deck of cards, I’ll know it’s for real.
@29 surely that’s coming.
how does little stevie feel about whiteboard markers?
@30 long markers, short panties. this is how we roll.
thnx,
SC
BTW, BL 4 The Mother of All Mother-F*ing Win!
epic post.
Yes Ping needs to develop more….BL?
Male cats are known to spray to claim territory, has Stevie pissed on your face yet Bl?
I thought Dealbreaker already had a pet who shits and pisses everywhere – hint: his name starts with ‘Kou’ and ends in ‘we’
http://www.amazon.com/Heritage-Playing-Card-Cats-Cards/dp/B000JWKTJ6
time to cut his balls off.
ping doesnt eat cats with “balls”
@38 – does he enjoy p***y galore? please illuminate us with your intellect and insider knowledge (or with the lack thereof).
Does Bess always wear business suits to work? No wonder the boss minds her humming.
@40 painfully unfunny. never comment again.
@41 – great anonymous post Bess, I love you!
@35 FTW
@6 I’m experiencing horrible pain. You gave the giggles.
@42 41 was me. your sense of “humor” sucks and is an insult to this post.
-not bess
Wow, it’s really funny that you mention this, Bess. I don’t really follow hedge funds (worked in IB) and I don’t like cats, but I recently got a bird! Named it Lloyd. And damn it, this is the most difficult freakin’ pet you’ve ever seen! Day I brought it home it lost all its hair, and won’t crap in the cage unless the bottom is lined with $100s. WTF?! No matter what I try to teach it to say, it just cackles this endless stream of shit about “God’s work” and “liquidity” and “market” and shit. I don’t understand. And worst of all, any time I invite someone over, Lloyd flies over and lands on their shoulder – like he’s going to make all nice. Bam! Next thing you know he’s all over their face, biting them on the neck – really after blood! What do you think, should I just get rid of it?
@13 Not funny, just fact. That’s true dedication.
@15 Nope.
First Lloyd, then Stevie, and once you’ve dispensed with Blofeld you can rule the world.
@45 Get a small bird name him Fab and you will notice big smirking Lloyed shitting back home in fear watching over FabFab.
does rose garcia tend to little stevie, the feline.
aJ8UfJ I really liked your post.Much thanks again.