• 18 May 2010 at 4:40 PM

Gird Your Loins, Jim Chanos

This Memorial Day in Bridgehampton, Kynikos founder Jim Chanos will be honored for his contributions to Miracle House, a charity “a charity that helps caregivers and patients who come to New York in search of medical treatment.” This is lovely and Jim is very generous. That’s not what we’re here to talk about. What we’re here to talk about is the host, LuAnn de Lesseps. The artist formerly known as “The Countess” is a cast member of the New York edition of Real Housewives. Except that LuAnn is no housewife, having divorced her husband, THE COUNT (pictured at left with his former lady), last year. (I’m not proud that I watch this show but I’m not embarrassed either.) LuAnn started off this season on the prowl and now she is getting desperate. Last week she went on a date with a guy named Courte who has who has highlights. She’s also looking for a place to bunk in NYC, having lost the UES townhouse in the settlement and being relegated to the Hamptons home. And, and I feel terrible for judging a reality show housewife by her cover, but I’m thinking she might be looking to land a rich guy. Finally, and most importantly, she’s trying to get her music career off the ground. Jim, we’re warning you because we care.

This chick is going to be on you like white on rice. If you’re feeling yourself get weak, our advice is to play this segment over and over in your head:

38 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (38)

  1. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 4:45 PM

    I’m very discreet, but I will haunt your dreams.

  2. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    Huh. I didn’t know RuPaul had a twin.

  3. Posted by Seth Green | May 18, 2010 at 4:52 PM

    She parties at the Bro J’s in Murray Hill.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    saw her out there last year CRUSHING drinks.

    – Guy who is also not proud but not embarrassed

  5. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 4:55 PM

    @3 haha really?

  6. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 4:56 PM

    Girl I know says some of her guy friends (age = late 20s) met LuAnn at a club, brought her back to an apt, and partied with her til the morning. This was toward the end of her marriage.

  7. Posted by Seth Green | May 18, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Yeah, she was dressed as Pocahontas, hitting on some dude dressed as a cowboy. Basement near the bathrooms. Classy broad that one.

  8. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    @6 she apparently cheated on her husband a bunch with much younger guys (I think they had an open marriage though, or at least an understanding, b/c he was apparently shacking up with an ethopian princess who he left her for).

    -banker chick who is also not proud but not embarrassed

  9. Posted by Investorcluzo | May 18, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    white man’s overbite, I thought that went out with the 80’s. as for loose-ann, I’ve seen more animation from a dead fish. just sayin’…

  10. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 4:59 PM

    @seth green- so you’re admitting you yourself party at the MH Bro J’s?

  11. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    “Benefits” tag is a poetic touch.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    @10/seth green

    got em!

  13. Posted by John McCain | May 18, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    The black kimono says, “Let me flip this shrimp tail into the back of my wife’s dress,” but the glasses say, “I knew Jimmy Cayne. You, dear photographer, are no Jimmy Cayne.”

  14. Posted by Seth Green | May 18, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    On occassion. Same amount of dbags as 1 Oak but you get to leave with money left in your pocket.

  15. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 5:13 PM

    That’s no Count, that is Bennie Madoff, Bernie’s accomplice and half-wit, half brother who ended up with the keys to the lost $50B. Nice work, Bennie!

  16. Posted by OptionsTrader | May 18, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    That’s no former house-wife thats Willem Dafoe!!!!!!!! Check it, it has balls gentlemen.

    I had the privilege of attending a black-tie Haiti relief ball at with most of our NY office where I found this drag queen scampering around.

  17. Posted by Seriously | May 18, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    Thank you for your insight, OptionsTrader.

  18. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 5:28 PM

    @17 seconded. no one gives a fuck about your made up fantasy world options douche. STFU.

  19. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 5:28 PM

    The Count looks suicidal in that pic.

  20. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    Nice Toupee

  21. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 5:36 PM

    @19: I’m pretty sure its only a wax statue of The Count

  22. Posted by Investorcluzo | May 18, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    @13 – nice try but needs work. let’s stick to the topic at hand please:

    the lace gloves say:____________; but the man size jawline says:________.

  23. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 5:41 PM

    all those women are publicity seeking skanks. half of them don’t even live in Manhattan, seriously, any self respecting housewife that they are trying to portray would never be on a reality show, also aren’t like 3 of them single

  24. Posted by PermaGuest | May 18, 2010 at 5:58 PM

    Nothing wrong w MH BroJs– scenery + $2 beers

    -resident of UES west of Lexington Ave.

  25. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 6:11 PM

    If you can buy a Seersucker suit at Sears well I guess it looks like the Count has been shopping for clothes at Cox’s.

  26. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 6:27 PM

    That guy looks like Dr. No.

  27. Posted by close but no cigar | May 18, 2010 at 8:50 PM

    Jim – treat her like your stock positions

    PUMP AND DUMP!

  28. Posted by ExtraordinaryPopularDelusions | May 18, 2010 at 8:57 PM

    This is definitely a Star Trek convention.

  29. Posted by guest | May 18, 2010 at 9:08 PM

    @27 you’re an idiot.

  30. Posted by Dieter Laser | May 18, 2010 at 9:14 PM

    That guy stole my wardrobe

  31. Posted by Anonymous | May 18, 2010 at 10:21 PM

    @15. Bennie is in jail. That’s Bernie!

  32. Posted by hope you enjoyed that | May 18, 2010 at 11:33 PM

    @24 scenery = jappy girls from NJ/Long Island?

  33. Posted by birdstyle | May 18, 2010 at 11:40 PM

    Luann sucked off the sous chef from Bobby Vans last winter on the street. Not the head chef, the #2 guy. Fact.

    Money can’t buy you class!

  34. Posted by Anonymous | May 19, 2010 at 7:52 AM

    Count looks like the guy that rides the tricycle in the Saw movies

  35. Posted by Anonymous | May 19, 2010 at 8:32 AM

    @ cluzo / 9: have you looked on a dance floor lately?

  36. Posted by c'estchic | May 19, 2010 at 8:42 AM

    Real classy countess – singing the most cheezy song cuz you need the money!! Her ex is apparently broke and she is hanging on a thread

  37. Posted by guest | May 19, 2010 at 10:28 AM

    thanks for giving these cunts more press.

  38. Posted by guest | May 19, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    Why is it that these plump, sagging old skanks feel the need to parade around half naked? If they’d cover up, at least their targets could fantasize that there’s something nice underneath. And by the time the skank drags the target off to bed, he’d be too drunk to notice what’s unveiled.