Hedge Fund Investor Relations Girl Loses Suit Against Boss For Dumb Blonde Jokes, Lap Dances, Alleged Murder Attempts

Remember Jordan Wimmer and her boss Mark Lowe, manager of UK-based Nomos Capital? For those of you who (shamefully) need a recap, last fall Wimmer, a former investor relations girl who made £577,000 a year, sued Lowe for £4million, making a host of claims that included Lowe:

* Making jokes about the intelligence of blondes:

She said that Mr Lowe made derogatory ‘dumb blonde’ comments and would email ‘a series of offensive jokes’ to the whole team at Nomos. ‘They portrayed women, particularly blonde women, as objects and having no intelligence.’

* Employing unorthodox pick-up lines:

She claimed Mr Lowe…told her he did not find her attractive. However, she said he would still ‘invade her space’ and tried to kiss her at a hotel in Milan.

* Hiring prostitutes:

Miss Wimmer said her boss used the services of ‘high class prostitutes’ who he brought to business meetings. Describing one meeting in Hong Kong, she said: ‘Ling wore hot-pants that barely covered her buttocks, stilettos and no stockings.’

* And implying that the job of hooker and IR gal are basically interchangeable:

Miss Wimmer said she felt demeaned by Mr Lowe creating the impression that Ling ‘was part of the Nomos outfit’ and did the same job as her.

* The matter of having to be present while Lowe (the specimenat left) got a lap dance:

Miss Wimmer claimed that in 2005 she was made to watch Mr Lowe have a lap dance in a Paris burlesque club with ‘Charity Wanju’, an Oriental prostitute. They went to the Crazy Horse Cabaret which was ‘full of suited men’ and ‘women in nothing but G-strings’, Miss Wimmer said. She added: ‘To say that [colleague] Carol Teng and I looked out of place would be an understatement. ‘Ms Wanju engaged Mark in a private lap dance. This involved straddling Mark facing towards me and Carol. She began thrusting her hips in a fast motion.’ Mr Lowe then went on to have another lap dance with a waitress who rubbed her breasts in his face it was claimed. ‘It was wrong on so many levels that I cannot even begin to articulate it. Mark knew Carol and I would hate it and that we were not in a position to say anything for fear of losing our jobs,’ Miss Wimmer said. ‘We felt completely soiled.’

Trying to have her killed:

Wimmer said she believed her boss Mark Lowe 59, the firm’s founder, had hired a Russian hit man or enlisted a family member to attempt to murder her. Miss Wimmer told how she was left fearing for her life after an incident in which a car tried to run her over six times near the King’s Road in Chelsea.

Central London Employment Tribunal heard how Miss Wimmer, who is claiming sexual discrimination and constructive dismissal, told a psychiatrist “they” were trying to “hurt her” after she quit her job. The medical notes read at the tribunal told how Miss Wimmer ran into a restaurant and asked them to call 999 because a man who looked like her boss was trying to run her over after she left a gym in Chelsea in May this year.

* Making jokes about putting your lady-friend in trunk of a car:

A selection of the emails Mr Lowe sent to Miss Wimmer and other women staff were read to Central London Employment Tribunal. One email from May 7, 2008, titled ‘Who is your real friend?’ read: ‘Put your dog and your girlfriend in the boot of your car for an hour and then see who is happy to see you.’ When asked by Alisdair Simpson, for Miss Wimmer, if he thought the joke was demeaning to women, Mr Lowe disagreed and said he thought it was ‘funny, but not especially’. Mr Simpson replied: ‘You don’t think putting your girlfriend in the boot of your car is demeaning?’ Mr Lowe said he had never put a girlfriend in the boot of a car, adding the joke was ‘not especially demeaning’. Lowe [also] said: ‘I thought they were funny. They weren’t brilliantly funny, but they amused me.’

* Offering career advice that involve “face-fucking” people:

Lowe admitted that the phrase was “not very polite” but denied that it was “highly inappropriate” and “sexually explicit material”. He used the words in response to an email from Ariane Gordji, who was doing work experience at his firm Nomos Capital, in which she included a Latin passage from St Paul which talks about “love your enemies”.

Mr Lowe, 59, who lives in Switzerland and has a reported wealth of 100million pounds, replied with the phrase “irrumabo vos et pedicabo vos” from the poet Catullus. He disputes the translation offered to the tribunal sourced from Wikipedia of “I will face-f*** you and b***** you”.

He claims instead that it meant that he would “screw and b*****” those who criticised him. He said: “It is burlesque, it was always light-hearted in the first century and it still is now. It’s a more robust and more pagan response to love your enemies which is what St Paul says but I say screw and b***** you.”

Anyway! A court has ruled against JDubs, with employment judge Sara Woffenden saying: “We did not find the claimant a persuasive witness.” While the panel “admitted the jokes were in poor taste…with some being sexually explicit, sexist or offensive about Muslims, the Welsh and transsexuals,” Wimmer apparently should’ve complained if she really didn’t like them. The judge also added that Wimmer never said anything about not wanting to go to the strip club in Paris and that she could have left.

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46 Responses to “Hedge Fund Investor Relations Girl Loses Suit Against Boss For Dumb Blonde Jokes, Lap Dances, Alleged Murder Attempts”

  1. PermaGuest says:

    Welsh jokes? Who knew…


  2. Anal_yst says:

    About damn time one of these harassment cases delves into some common sense

  3. She dailed 999 rather than 911? She is a dumb blonde.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Time for some runner-up sex.

  5. Anonymous says:

    I have to agree with the court that putting the Welsh in with Muslims and transsexuals was appropriate.

    ~Guy Who Used to Work with a Welsh Oil Trader Whose Personalized Texas License Plate read: “CYMRU”.

  6. Anonymous says:

    She’s Canadian, what do you expect?

    – Canadian who hates himself.

  7. Anonymous says:

    @3- AIG quant?

  8. Anonymous says:

    IR gals aren’t prostitutes, they’re madams.

  9. Anonymous says:

    @ 3- So you’ve never dialed the wrong number. It does happen you know.

  10. Anonymous says:

    A sad day for hedge funds everywhere.

  11. Anon says:

    999 is the emergency code in the UK you fucking morons.

  12. “b***** you”
    What is this?

  13. Taco says:

    that bath robe never gets old

  14. Sam says:

    @12 bitchslap/buttf*ck?

  15. And can we get the joke briefer for 7 & 11?

  16. Anon says:

    Film often cited for inspiration on WS: Wall Street
    Film often cited for inspiration in UK: Caligula

  17. Anonymous says:

    I would let her pound me in the ass with the lights on.

    -Canadian who likes to be pounded in the ass with the lights on

  18. Anonymous says:

    how many MM would one have to invest to bed a girl like that?

  19. LEH Quant says:


    I don’t know, but a good majority would have to be green.

    -LEH Quant

  20. @17 – Please try to keep the theme of the thread consistent by using the phrase “bugger me” rather than “pound me in the ass” and “buggered” rather than “pounded in the ass”. Thanks in advance.


  21. ChaPlease says:

    @ 18, 2MM and a bottle of the finest that Wild Turkey has to offer. American Spirit 100 proof

  22. Anonymous says:

    Allow me to step in briefly and sort out the humorous debris surrounding the inside, “running joke continuum” that appeared and was questioned in the comments above.

    The delightful Ms. Levin opened the field for play with the story of the allegedly abused Ms. Wimmer and her alleged abuser, Mr. Lowe (no pun intended). A reference was made to a call for help using the abreviated number for emergencies in the UK, “999”. Here in the US, we use a similar system refered to as “911”.

    American bandersnatch, a commentator in good standing, started the humorous volleys to come by suggesting, “She dailed 999 rather than 911? She is a dumb blonde.” AB was making a self deprecating, humorous remark about himself and his knowledge of emergency, 3-number systems which he was sure would “draw fire”. (On a critical note, AB should have signed off as a Lehman quant or AIG quant to have sealed his humorous reference for those in the know, but I digress..) The dumb blonde reference worked a “Daingerfield Loop” wherein the jokester’s target intentionally misses the obvious target only to boomerang back to one’s own position.

    Then…..@7, seeing the delicious “topping” –a signature– to the comment had been left off, leapt upon his keyboard and provided it in this way: “@3- AIG quant?”

    Next in the chain of comical events came @9 with his/her “@ 3- So you’ve never dialed the wrong number. It does happen you know.” Such a comment was a delight. Was it “with the joke” or was it an innocent reference to not knowing where on the globe the original story was unfolding. Will we ever know?

    Soon, @11 chimed in, saying, “999 is the emergency code in the UK you fucking morons.” and played the role of Dealbreaker’s “Moe” to the stoogery of bandersnatch @3, @7 and @9. One could almost hear face slaps and head “bonks” with such a sharp toned comment. Such mental imagery accented the thread. The use of “fucking” and “morons” in one sentence had not been seen or heard since the last time your Joke Briefer was in Tulsa and heard gasoline traders talking about the old management at SemGroup.

    Finally, @15’s plaintive call for help drew your Joke Briefer away from his study of energy markets and into this frolical fray.

    The net effect of american bandersnatch’s bon mot @3, as Kerviel and Tourre would say, was to create an avalanche of chaotic referential errors which then elicited the rolling trainwreck of commentary that gave us all a good guffaw. Well played.

    The Joke Briefer

  23. Taco says:


  24. OptionTrader says:

    @22 LOL! Joke Briefer I’m trying to get rid of 20,000 out of the money calls on Citibank, any thoughts on what European village I can sell them to?

  25. Anonymous says:

    @22 You should team up with Al Michaels. MNF (SNF I guess) would be so much better.

  26. D'Annuzio says:

    blond in the trunk or junk ?

  27. Anal_yst says:

    Amazing work, Joke Briefer

  28. Fab says:

    @22, Fab thinks that was great. Can you write a letter to my boss and one to my (ex)girlfriend?

    And, maybe update my CV?


  29. HeywoodJablome says:

    This girl went to Western, trust me she blew half the office.

  30. Bernie Ebbers says:

    I’m still in jail
    que pasa?

  31. Anon says:

    @22 FTW. Simply amazing.

  32. Anonymous says:

    @ 22- Well done! You were missed.


  33. Finnegan says:

    @22… wow. nice.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Is this guy’s face for real??

  35. Anonymous says:

    @31….the new and improved SemGroup is much better now. Their troubles a few years back were limited to some on the top floor’s low cunning. The rest of the team of worker bees were/are good people who had what I think was the misfortune of having a headless horseman for a boss.

    ~The Joke Briefer

  36. Anonymous says:

    That ad for South Carolina is awesome. I’m changing plans this summer! Jumping on the mad-flats with the kiddos; ogling the 30 something chicks in bikinis; and tents (talk about getting back to reality.)

    ~ ex-AIG CDS salesman.

  37. WindsorNot says:

    @22… simply amazing.

    Bess, et al, you can let Zachary go now. I think you’ve got his replacement.

  38. Jonah Gibson says:

    Man, I thought I had some hellish bosses, but it turns out I only had one who approached the alleged depravity of Mark Lowe. He would have surpassed except for the fact that, to my knowledge, he never paid for a prostitute or a lap dance. But then he was never as grossly unattractive as Mark Lowe either. I guess at 577K/year our Ms. Wimmer had plenty of disposable income to spend on high fashion. Too bad about the coat then. Maybe she should have engaged a personal shopper like Erin Callan at Lehman Bros.

  39. Anonymous says:

    Joke Briefer is certainly a commentariat HOFer

  40. BillyG says:

    @40 The photo was taken in London last Nov 11.

  41. Anonymous says:

    no money no honey… me suckey you looong time.

  42. Anonymous says:

    im hiring blondes….

  43. YGiQN7 Really enjoyed this post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.