Josh Brolin’s Mouth-Running Threatening To Overshadow Shia LaBeouf’s Wall Street Career

As you undoubtedly know by now, during the course of his preparation for Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps, Shia LaBeouf became a master trader. He worked with the guys at Encino Charles Schwab office, Citi and John Thomas Financial, he turned $20,000 into almost half a mill, he’s thisclose to becoming a Chartered Financial Analyst and he knows exactly what it takes to get hired at Goldman Sachs. He’s spoken of his pedigree many, many times, under the guise of promoting the movie all the while communicating to Wall Street that there’s a new Josh Birnbaum in town and so far, things have been coming together quite nicely. He has offers coming out the ass, he senses that Lloyd is just waiting for the right moment to can Viniar and offer him the gig and re: Shia LaBeouf Capital Management, all I’m going to say is that it’s been communicated from Stamford that the seed money is there for the taking. And up until this point, the plan has gone off without a hitch, because his co-star, Josh Brolin, has kept his trap shut. You see, kids, because he achieved none of the theatrical success young Shia did at an early age, brolin had to start day trading in order to pay the bills. He achieved a tiny modicum of success but nothing like LaB. Did he trade on his cell phone? No! Did he have Bloomberg on speed-dial? No! And yet this prick is now going around telling people how fucking great he is at making it rain.

Brolin sees some irony in his “Wall Street” role as a financial baron whose mantra on money is: “More.” He freed himself from having to sign on to so-so movie roles for a paycheck by investing on a smaller scale, as a day trader.

“I got very, very disciplined and very good at it, and then, right when I didn’t need the money anymore, suddenly I started making money in films,” Brolin said.

And you want to know the worst part? People are buying it! When Jim Chanos was interviewed for the New York Observer, he said: “I had a very interesting dinner with Josh Brolin, who is a very interested in investing, and we had a very good conversation about different long and short ideas, and he’s someone who definitely knows how to manage his own money. We had a very sophisticated and relatively high-level discussion about Wall Street, which was a pleasant surprise.”

Fucking charlatan this guy Brolin is! What the in name of Ping Jiang’s favorite whiteboard marker does Josh Brolin know about trading, ‘Beouf would like to know? Compared to SLCM’s future founder, he don’t know shit, and with three months left to promote this movie in which someone is going to try and steal some thunder, this little problem is gonna get dealt with, tonight.

(hidden for your protection)
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74 Responses to “Josh Brolin’s Mouth-Running Threatening To Overshadow Shia LaBeouf’s Wall Street Career”

  1. guest says:

    Brolin I could see serving shrimp puffs & other Hors d’œuvre, you know? because he has that.

  2. Gundlach says:


    Go into the corner near my nightstand. You’ll see two drawers. Pull the bottom drawer out, move the exhausted lotto tickets aside, knock three times against that bible, and you’ll see a smaller chest expand. You’ll notice 2 buttplugs, a string of beads, 5 horseshoes, a bag of gummy bears, 6 paper clips, and 3 dildos. Grab the larger black dildo of the 3. This weighs approximately 6 pounds, and is used primarily in my studio dungeon. Not only is this concealable, but also a mighty force when beating someone across the face, arms, and legs at a rapid speed. The latex is special, in that it absorbs any and all fluids which may arise under all circumstances. This will allow little evidence to be left upon your exit. As always, wear the scream mask to avoid detection. Let him know you mean business.

    Best regards and godspeed,


  3. Anonymous says:

    Way to go assbleed brolin

  4. Anonymous says:

    “I honestly think it was luck.” Brolin said. Sounds like a lot of the commenters here…

  5. guest says:

    SLB vs JB @ Minetta Tavern around 8pm?

  6. Anonymous says:

    @4 what the hell are you talking about? back to yahoo! for you.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Josh Brolin is one of the great ones.
    – Jim Cramer

  8. Anonymous says:

    1 = gary busey

  9. He’s gotta be smoking something. Or is that just the smell of the leather jacket he’s sporting?

  10. Anonymous says:

    Josh Brolin? More like Slosh Cajolin’.

  11. Anonymous says:

    is that shia’s little brother on the back of the motorcycle?

  12. CoveredLong says:

    Why do they call them daytraders, it’s not like they’re trading Mondays for Fridays (who would even consider such a trade, right)?

    -Mathematician who works for the financial products division of a large american insurance company.

  13. Anonymous says:

    I liked @2

    good work

  14. Anonymous says:

    @11 no, it’s a Catholic priest.

  15. Canadian Banker says:

    @11, agreed. Oliver’s gonna have to take a mulligan on female casting in this movie. Apparently nobody told her it’s the MEN in finance who are supposed to have combovers.

  16. guest says:

    “When Jim Chanos was interviewed for the New York Observer,”
    she said.
    If you got it, flaunt it.

  17. Anonymous says:

    I’d rather have Javier Bardem manage my money.

  18. Guest says:

    “He achieved none of the theatrical success young Shia did at an early age”

    Maybe not box office success, but The Goonies is an artistic masterpiece.

  19. Registered Rep says:

    Wow, reading this story about these guys reminds me that actors are the greatest and smartest people on the fuckin planet. Josh must subscribe to dykstras monthly newsletter.

  20. Anonymous says:

    high-level discussion about Wall Street

  21. Canadian Banker says:

    I hear they had to repeatedly re-do the motorcycle scenes because the vibrations gave Cary Mulligan an erection which was making Shia burst out in high-pitched giggles.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Did he say High Discussions?
    -J. Cayne

  23. Anonymous says:

    I’d rather have Sarah Bernett manage my money.

  24. Shia Labeouf needs to merge with Josh Brolin in order for Labeouf Capital Advisors to survive.

  25. BlackMamba says:

    He’s got just as good of a shot making money then any of you fags

  26. Anonymous says:

    Shia LaBeouf, CFA

  27. Anonymous says:

    then what

  28. Guest says:

    Seriously — NO ONE questioned the decision to use that ridiculously large helmet (presumably from that alien in the Flintstones) during the shooting of this laughable film?

  29. Anon says:

    @18, I can’t BELIEVE I forgot Brolin was in that movie. Genius. +1

  30. Lloyd's Shiny Pate says:

    My theory that WS2 required an emo/soft boy protagonist confirmed by that picture. The motor scooter with Bjork on the back along with SLB’s mug is practically redundant on the matter.

  31. Anonymous says:

    @16: nice catch. Love the subtle plug Bess. Will the assmorons who run this site let you just plug your Observer interviews or other pieces please so we know when they’re out?

  32. guest says:

    @31 bess has linked to her stuff a few times, there doesn’t seem to be a rule in place, maybe she just not a self-promoting douche. also, the NYO comes out on wednesdays. so wednesdays are when her observer pieces are out.

  33. Anonymous says:

    CANNES LOVED IT! what do you guys know.

  34. emory stud says:

    dudes a fag, jacuzzis dudes all the time

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