As you undoubtedly know by now, during the course of his preparation for Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps, Shia LaBeouf became a master trader. He worked with the guys at Encino Charles Schwab office, Citi and John Thomas Financial, he turned $20,000 into almost half a mill, he’s thisclose to becoming a Chartered Financial Analyst and he knows exactly what it takes to get hired at Goldman Sachs. He’s spoken of his pedigree many, many times, under the guise of promoting the movie all the while communicating to Wall Street that there’s a new Josh Birnbaum in town and so far, things have been coming together quite nicely. He has offers coming out the ass, he senses that Lloyd is just waiting for the right moment to can Viniar and offer him the gig and re: Shia LaBeouf Capital Management, all I’m going to say is that it’s been communicated from Stamford that the seed money is there for the taking. And up until this point, the plan has gone off without a hitch, because his co-star, Josh Brolin, has kept his trap shut. You see, kids, because he achieved none of the theatrical success young Shia did at an early age, brolin had to start day trading in order to pay the bills. He achieved a tiny modicum of success but nothing like LaB. Did he trade on his cell phone? No! Did he have Bloomberg on speed-dial? No! And yet this prick is now going around telling people how fucking great he is at making it rain.

Brolin sees some irony in his “Wall Street” role as a financial baron whose mantra on money is: “More.” He freed himself from having to sign on to so-so movie roles for a paycheck by investing on a smaller scale, as a day trader.

“I got very, very disciplined and very good at it, and then, right when I didn’t need the money anymore, suddenly I started making money in films,” Brolin said.

And you want to know the worst part? People are buying it! When Jim Chanos was interviewed for the New York Observer, he said: “I had a very interesting dinner with Josh Brolin, who is a very interested in investing, and we had a very good conversation about different long and short ideas, and he’s someone who definitely knows how to manage his own money. We had a very sophisticated and relatively high-level discussion about Wall Street, which was a pleasant surprise.”

Fucking charlatan this guy Brolin is! What the in name of Ping Jiang’s favorite whiteboard marker does Josh Brolin know about trading, ‘Beouf would like to know? Compared to SLCM’s future founder, he don’t know shit, and with three months left to promote this movie in which someone is going to try and steal some thunder, this little problem is gonna get dealt with, tonight.

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Comments (74)

  1. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 12:54 PM

    Brolin I could see serving shrimp puffs & other Hors d’œuvre, you know? because he has that.

  2. Posted by Gundlach | May 17, 2010 at 1:01 PM

    Shia,

    Go into the corner near my nightstand. You’ll see two drawers. Pull the bottom drawer out, move the exhausted lotto tickets aside, knock three times against that bible, and you’ll see a smaller chest expand. You’ll notice 2 buttplugs, a string of beads, 5 horseshoes, a bag of gummy bears, 6 paper clips, and 3 dildos. Grab the larger black dildo of the 3. This weighs approximately 6 pounds, and is used primarily in my studio dungeon. Not only is this concealable, but also a mighty force when beating someone across the face, arms, and legs at a rapid speed. The latex is special, in that it absorbs any and all fluids which may arise under all circumstances. This will allow little evidence to be left upon your exit. As always, wear the scream mask to avoid detection. Let him know you mean business.

    Best regards and godspeed,

    Jeff

  3. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    Way to go assbleed brolin

  4. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:05 PM

    “I honestly think it was luck.” Brolin said. Sounds like a lot of the commenters here…

  5. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 1:12 PM

    SLB vs JB @ Minetta Tavern around 8pm?

  6. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:14 PM

    @4 what the hell are you talking about? back to yahoo! for you.

  7. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:15 PM

    Josh Brolin is one of the great ones.
    - Jim Cramer

  8. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:15 PM

    1 = gary busey

  9. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | May 17, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    He’s gotta be smoking something. Or is that just the smell of the leather jacket he’s sporting?

  10. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:24 PM

    Josh Brolin? More like Slosh Cajolin’.

  11. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:30 PM

    is that shia’s little brother on the back of the motorcycle?

  12. Posted by CoveredLong | May 17, 2010 at 1:31 PM

    Why do they call them daytraders, it’s not like they’re trading Mondays for Fridays (who would even consider such a trade, right)?

    -Mathematician who works for the financial products division of a large american insurance company.

  13. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:35 PM

    I liked @2

    good work

  14. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:36 PM

    @11 no, it’s a Catholic priest.

  15. Posted by Canadian Banker | May 17, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    @11, agreed. Oliver’s gonna have to take a mulligan on female casting in this movie. Apparently nobody told her it’s the MEN in finance who are supposed to have combovers.

  16. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 1:50 PM

    “When Jim Chanos was interviewed for the New York Observer,”
    she said.
    If you got it, flaunt it.

  17. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 1:54 PM

    I’d rather have Javier Bardem manage my money.

  18. Posted by Guest | May 17, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    “He achieved none of the theatrical success young Shia did at an early age”

    Maybe not box office success, but The Goonies is an artistic masterpiece.

  19. Posted by Registered Rep | May 17, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    Wow, reading this story about these guys reminds me that actors are the greatest and smartest people on the fuckin planet. Josh must subscribe to dykstras monthly newsletter.

  20. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    high-level discussion about Wall Street

  21. Posted by Canadian Banker | May 17, 2010 at 2:50 PM

    I hear they had to repeatedly re-do the motorcycle scenes because the vibrations gave Cary Mulligan an erection which was making Shia burst out in high-pitched giggles.

  22. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    Did he say High Discussions?
    -J. Cayne

  23. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 3:10 PM

    I’d rather have Sarah Bernett manage my money.

  24. Posted by Grilled Hotdog with Onions & Mustard | May 17, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    Shia Labeouf needs to merge with Josh Brolin in order for Labeouf Capital Advisors to survive.

  25. Posted by BlackMamba | May 17, 2010 at 3:40 PM

    He’s got just as good of a shot making money then any of you fags

  26. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:01 PM

    Shia LaBeouf, CFA

  27. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    then what

  28. Posted by Guest | May 17, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    Seriously — NO ONE questioned the decision to use that ridiculously large helmet (presumably from that alien in the Flintstones) during the shooting of this laughable film?

  29. Posted by Anon | May 17, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    @18, I can’t BELIEVE I forgot Brolin was in that movie. Genius. +1

  30. Posted by Lloyd's Shiny Pate | May 17, 2010 at 6:37 PM

    My theory that WS2 required an emo/soft boy protagonist confirmed by that picture. The motor scooter with Bjork on the back along with SLB’s mug is practically redundant on the matter.

  31. Posted by Anonymous | May 17, 2010 at 11:45 PM

    @16: nice catch. Love the subtle plug Bess. Will the assmorons who run this site let you just plug your Observer interviews or other pieces please so we know when they’re out?

  32. Posted by guest | May 17, 2010 at 11:49 PM

    @31 bess has linked to her stuff a few times, there doesn’t seem to be a rule in place, maybe she just not a self-promoting douche. also, the NYO comes out on wednesdays. so wednesdays are when her observer pieces are out.

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