In this case, “practically” nothing = $3,200 but it’ll be worth it. A) You’ll get the above items, which are priceless and B) You’ll get to say you were the guy or gal who saved LD from turning tricks, which is what’s coming next if someone doesn’t take one for the team. Continue reading »
Archive for May 2010
A Phone Call From And Framed Picture Of Lenny Dykstra Can Be Yours For Practically Nothing
By Bess Levin
Jamie and The (Booty) Hunter
Last night at the Robin Hood Foundation’s annual gala, Jimmy Fallon appeared on stage wearing a cowboy hat, and in a Southern accent, sang an original song entitled “Cougar Huntin’.” Apparently it was funny and references to the group of 40+ year old women who seek out younger men to use as their sex toys then became the go-to joke for the rest of the night.
Even JPMorgan Chase & Co. Chief Executive Officer Jamie Dimon, the gala’s co-chair, went with the flow before speaking to the audience about the need to support Robin Hood. “Jimmy Fallon, I know you’re hunting for a cougar, but I’m going home with one tonight — my wife who’s out there somewhere. So good luck in your hunting,” Dimon said.
The Senate just voted 96-0 to impose a one-time audit of the Federal Reserve’s emergency actions during and after the financial crisis.
Goldman Sachs traders aren’t the only ones on Wall Street to make money on every single trading day last quarter. JPMorgan had average daily trading revenue of $118 million for the quarter and never ended a day with a net loss, according to a filing on Monday. Continue reading »
[Charlie Gasparino and some lady friends, at a book party for Nouriel Roubini, hosted by Ken Griffin and Maria Bartiromo.]
Bonus round: Continue reading »
Senators Seek Proprietary Trading Ban for Big Banks (WSJ)
“Taxpayers ended up holding the bag when those bets didn’t pay off,” Mr. Levin said, referring to the role of banks’ proprietary trading in the recent financial crisis. The amendment has the backing of the Treasury Department and Senate Banking Committee Chairman Christopher Dodd (D., Conn.), which could make it more difficult for the banks to defeat.
Roubini: European Rescue Could Work (CNBC)
“Assuming hypothetically that the total financing needs for Portugal, Ireland and Spain were to be covered until 2012, the size of the package would need to be about 600 billion euros,” Roubini, together with a team of economists, wrote on his web site RGE Monitor.
Did Big Bet Trigger Stock Swoon (WSJ)
Was Mr. Black Swan responsible for Thursday?
Jack Reed Wants Hedge Funds To Register (Politico)
“Hedge funds, private equity and venture capital funds have played an important role in providing liquidity to our financial system and improving the efficiency of capital markets. But as their role has grown so have the risks they pose. This amendment will shut down loopholes and provide the SEC with long-overdue authority to examine and collect data from this key industry,” Reed said in a statement.
Women, Power and the Challenge of the Financial Crisis (IHT)
Christine Lagarde: “It takes a great deal of willpower to direct the French economy, and, through my actions, to try to influence the decisions made by political authorities at the national and international level. I am not doing this for women, but as a woman I am, perhaps, more keenly aware of the damage that the crisis has done through greed, pride and a lack of transparency.”
A Tale Of Adultery And Green Tractors (Reuters)
She said there’s some tractor story she hasn’t told me about: “Never try to sell a Chinese farmer a green tractor or roll out a flashy new design with a rounded hood in India. These are just some of the lessons that Agco Corp Chief Executive Martin Richenhagen has picked up in his 15 years selling farm equipment around the world.”
Stewart: The Economy Got Fat-Fingered Shocker– 2 In The Dow And 1 In The Nasdaq (CC)
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| A Nightmare on Wall Street | ||||
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Fannie Mae is asking for another $8.4 billion from the government to cover losses on bad mortgages after reporting a dismal first-quarter loss of $13 billion.
If fulfilled, the new request will bring Fannie’s total bailout package to $83.6 billion, nearly double the size of what the Treasury injected into Citigroup and Bank of America from the TARP program in Sept. 2008. Continue reading »
So, you’re going to work for Bridgewater, are you? Contrary to what various know-nothings will tell you, our nation’s greatest hedge funds are not soulless, interchangeable institutions that you can just bounce through like a bunch of cheap whores. They are delicate flowers that need to be finessed if you wanna make it past day one. If you’re not familiar with what makes Hedge Fund A (where crotchless panties and a mastery of BJ skills are required) different and unique from Hedge Fund B (where failure to really get in touch with your feelings re: 1-stock funds is seriously frowned upon) and Hedge Fund C (where it’s ALL ABOUT THE CHICKEN), the various company policies can come as a shock. For instance, if you didn’t know anything about the Bridgewater’s Tao of Dalio, which requires all employees to “probe” their colleagues (boss’s included), you might find yourself asking “WTF is this shit?” What this shit– the Culture of the Probe– is, is the secret to B-water’s success, the tenets of which comprise “Principles,” the hedge fund’s unofficial handbook, written by founder Ray Dalio. Some people, who were not familiar with the “Principles” prior to joining team BW, would not count themselves as fans of the Tao of Dal.
Ray encourages employees to live by the “Principles” and everyone is encouraged to quote them and use them in the day to day goings on of the company. “Culture carriers,” as he likes to call them, are those that commit the 200+ principles to heart and quote them in meetings and emails. The principles are pretty cult-ish, as is the culture of the whole company. At one of our town halls he handed out personally signed copies of them to everyone. The firm castigates anyone who doesn’t worship Dalio.
Most management meetings and department meetings are recorded, both the business and tech side, as are individual quarterly reviews or any meeting at managements discretion. Often if a manager or Ray thinks something is worth educational value they will email out a meeting recording company wide, these usually involve the individual getting shredded publicly for the greater good of the company. An example would be like when former COO Hope Woodhouse was shredded in front of the management committee and the sessions were sent out to the company to learn from (she was brought to the point of crying in the recording). Everyone is encouraged to given open and honest feedback so meetings often resort to public shaming and the demolition of people. 360s end up being everyone’s chance to totally dig on and destroy other individuals and say whatever things all year you’ve hated about people, 90% of feedback received in 360s is negative.
From the outside people think it’s a nice wholesome principled place that wants to cut through the corporate BS but it’s anything but. Ray’s hyper realism (in “Principles”) is insane. Once you read it you’ll get the idea– it’s all about adherence and indoctrination.
But that’s just, like, his/her opinion. Some of my best friends love the Principles! Regardless, that’s not the point. The point is that because there will apparently will be a quiz on these bad boys, we should probably take a look see. Continue reading »
Executives from the nation’s various trading venues convened are holding meetings in Washington today to devise new rules that aim to prevent the dramatic 1,000-point drop in the Dow that shocked the markets last week.
Early reports from the meeting indicate that exchanges, including NYSE Euronext and Nasdaq, are planning to institute uniform circuit breaker rules that slow trading during volatile market swings. The rules are meant to apply across most major trading systems, but it’s unclear how regulators can impose the rules on banks’ internal order flow. Continue reading »
Being in the business of “facilitating clients,” as Gary Cohn likes to put it, seems like the most profitable game in town these days.
Goldman Sachs just revealed in an SEC filing that its traders made money on every single trading day last quarter, a record for the firm. Net revenue for trading was $25 million or higher in all of the first quarter’s 63 trading days with 35 of those days bringing in more $100 million, according to the filing. Continue reading »
Banks Advising Employees To Avoid Flashy Hamptons Homes This Year, Vague About Whether Or Not Pulling A Kimball Is Okay
By Bess Levin
The Kimballer
So! A bunch of unnamed banks are supposedly telling their employees to ixnay on the assivemay amptonshay entalsray this summer. Let’s just say it’s Goldman Sachs that is doing the telling because a) they’ve been known to tell their people not go out during the day for fear of attracting scrutiny for existing and b) if The People are going to get their knickers in a twist over anyone’s big ass vacation houses it’s going to be those of Goldman Sachs. Continue reading »
