Archive for May 2010

  • 18 May 2010 at 6:02 PM

Write-Offs: 05.18.10

By Bess Levin

$$$ Aussie Fund Director’s Goldman Claims Get Traction [Reuters]

$$$ The irony is that going by the votes, Dimon appears less popular than Lloyd Blankfein, the man who infamously said his firm does “God’s work.” Only 19% of Goldman Sachs (GS) investors, after all, backed a proposal earlier this month that would have split the chairman and CEO jobs there. [Fortune]

$$$ Geithner Will Seek `Level Playing Field‘ for U.S. Companies in China Visit [Bloomberg]

$$$ FYI, the west village is crawling with hookers. [NYM]

  • 18 May 2010 at 5:20 PM

Germans Ban on Naked Short-Selling Just Fueling More Fear

By Zachery Kouwe

Germany said “auf Wiedersehen” to naked short selling, but it appears the ban is doing nothing but raising fears that Europe is in the midst of a financial crisis of its own. Traders are already clamoring to close out open positions, but who knows if the ban will really prevent a financial calamity. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 4:40 PM

Gird Your Loins, Jim Chanos

By Bess Levin

This Memorial Day in Bridgehampton, Kynikos founder Jim Chanos will be honored for his contributions to Miracle House, a charity “a charity that helps caregivers and patients who come to New York in search of medical treatment.” This is lovely and Jim is very generous. That’s not what we’re here to talk about. What we’re here to talk about is the host, LuAnn de Lesseps. The artist formerly known as “The Countess” is a cast member of the New York edition of Real Housewives. Except that LuAnn is no housewife, having divorced her husband, THE COUNT (pictured at left with his former lady), last year. (I’m not proud that I watch this show but I’m not embarrassed either.) LuAnn started off this season on the prowl and now she is getting desperate. Last week she went on a date with a guy named Courte who has who has highlights. She’s also looking for a place to bunk in NYC, having lost the UES townhouse in the settlement and being relegated to the Hamptons home. And, and I feel terrible for judging a reality show housewife by her cover, but I’m thinking she might be looking to land a rich guy. Finally, and most importantly, she’s trying to get her music career off the ground. Jim, we’re warning you because we care. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 3:23 PM

Morgan Stanley’s Gorman: What Investigation?

By Zachery Kouwe

James Gorman, aka “Jimmy G,” is sick and tired of all these reporters suggesting his firm is under some kind of investigation by the Feds. Just because Goldman has been charged by the SEC, doesn’t mean Morgan Stanley, which lost a lot more money than GS during the crisis, also bet against its own shitty CDO deals. All the noise surely points to a conspiracy of short-sellers. And he knows who you are and he will hunt you down. Quick, back to watching Miss USA pole dancing before he catches you.

Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 2:01 PM

Confidential To Random Macquarie Employee: Miranda Kerr’s Still Thinking About You!

By Bess Levin

Back in February, Macquarie employee David Kiely got in a little trubs with his employer for looking at some topless shots of Miranda Kerr on his computer. It should’ve been no big deal but unfortunately his floor was being filmed on live TV at the time and as the Aussies couldn’t be perceived as condoning that sort of thing, they put him on a time-out. He was ultimately allowed to keep his job but probably won’t be promoted any time soon and now has to live with a 9-5 sans nudes, as his computer was most likely equipped with the child-lock. Sans tits to look at over the course of the day (the secret to many a financial services hack’s success), David is probably going through a bit of an existential funk. Well take heart, buddy boy! We have some news sure to brighten your afternoon right up and perhaps offer some JO&C material for later tonight.

“It was a huge deal,” Kerr told GQ recently over tea in New York City. “I wasn’t offended. I just felt sorry for the poor guy.” Posing near naked for a living can give you a certain perspective on such things. Kerr considers the scandalized Aussie banker with whom she’ll be forever intertwined. “I wonder if he’ll get into trouble if we send him this cover,” she asks. “We should send him a signed cover! He can read the magazine at home instead of at work on the Internet.” A brilliant idea.

You hear that, guy?! MIRANDA HASN’T FORGOTTEN YOU. In fact, SHE TALKS ABOUT YOU. TO PEOPLE. And speaking of brilliant ideas, try this one on for size. All this guy had to do to get Miranda Kerr to think about him, talk about him, feel bad for him in such a way that she might even feel like she owes the guy something was to get caught looking at pics of her on his computer. Since I am always working for you, all I’m going to say is there are shots of MK from the June issue after the jump. Do what you want with them. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 1:05 PM

Small Hedge Funds Pained By New Regulations

By Zachery Kouwe

Hedge funds have bounced back in a big way from the financial calamity of 2008, but that hasn’t stopped regulators, especially in Europe, from trying to hit the industry with a bevy of new rules. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 1:00 PM

Area Bank Employees To Strengthen Morale One Piece Of Deep Fried Chicken At A Time

By Bess Levin

The very first time we wrote about a Food Eating Challenge (FEC), it was a a postmortem congratulations to a man named Oyster Boy. He’d consumed 244 oysters in 1 hour at Ulysses and he’d thrown the gauntlet down for one of you to pick up, vis-a-vis goring yourself for sport. We continued to chronicle them for reasons that don’t take Wall Street’s greatest minds to figure out: they’re fun and if they’re not mentioned on this here site well, it’s like they never happened. We are also big believers in positive reinforcement, and on the rare occasions in which you people actually succeed at completing the task at hand, we like to give you props (alternatively, we believe in the value of telling you that you suck and sicken us when you fail, because we care). Mostly, though it’s because they’re just fun. It’s fun to watch you gorge yourself for sport, and it’s fun for your colleagues to offer obnoxious running commentary throughout the event, especially that one guy (you know who you are, and let me just say, you get it). The challenges are not typically used to pull financial services employees out of their existential funks but that doesn’t mean they can’t be. This week, one bank looks to the FEC. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 12:16 PM

Musings On An ABACUS

By Dealbreaker

The following post is by Dealbreaker reader and commenter Infinite Guest.

Whether they could have avoided it, I don’t know–today’s Securities and Exchange Commission acts like a wounded animal–the management of Goldman, Sachs & Co. made a strategic error by failing to cultivate a closer relationship with the new regime. That much is evident from the fact that the suit came as a surprise. Chairman Schapiro is quite capable of partnering with industry: Had Goldman done better, earlier, there might never have been a lawsuit. Popular wisdom says that Goldman should settle. I disagree. Although both parties understand that cooperation beats enmity, the SEC chose not to cooperate; and now, Goldman’s best strategy is to respond in kind. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 11:58 AM

Behind the Massive Conspiracy to Rig the Muni Bond Market

By Zachery Kouwe

If you thought the SEC’s charges against Goldman Sachs poured fuel on an already-raging populace fire, Wall Street’s involvement in a massive bid rigging scandal in the $2.8 trillion municipal bond market will fan the flames even more.

Earlier this month, we heard about an SEC investigation of conflicts of interest at big banks that bought credit default swaps on muni bonds they sold to state and local governments. But Bloomberg is out with a big investigative piece today about a massive bid-rigging scandal in the muni market that, if true, bilked 160 state agencies, local governments and non-profits out of hundreds of millions of dollars. Continue reading »

  • 18 May 2010 at 11:15 AM

Vikram Pandit: Rise Up

By Bess Levin

You know, just because he’s not as conventionally handsome as Jamie Dimon, or because his slated commencement address didn’t incite as much controversy, or because he didn’t change the life of one university student by whispering sweet nothings in her ear doesn’t mean that Vikram Pandit’s graduation speech at Columbia yesterday wasn’t just as noteworthy as the JPMorgan CEO’s little Syracuse chit-chat on Sunday. It’s because none of the kids he was speaking to took their clothes off during his talk that no one cares. But whatever, you know? No sweat off Uncle Vik’s sack. You snooze you lose, and miss out on the CEO of the Century’s* pearls of wisdom (the delivery of which he purposely scheduled on a random Monday to prove a point that he doesn’t open for Mr. Dimon, who spoke Sunday, and so that everyone would’ve gotten JD out of their system and could give Vickles the attention he deserved but noooooooooo). Continue reading »

Opening Bell: 05.18.10

By Dealbreaker

Goldman Sachs Seeks Bigger Share Of US Retirement Savings (Bloomberg)
The bank is promoting alternative asset funds and designing target-date funds that provide guaranteed income to grab a bigger piece of the $2.7 trillion 401(k) market, said Bill McDermott, a managing director at Goldman Sachs Asset Management and head of its defined-contribution business. “We understand risk and we understand asset allocation,” said McDermott, who joined the firm in February to strengthen its retirement-plan products and marketing. “We’re looking to leverage that for the 401(k) market.”

Steve Jobs Was Robbed (MarketWatch)
That’s gonna leave a mark: “Jobs held 15 million options at an exercise price of $9.15, which meant they started to gain value only if Apple stock exceeded that price, and 40 million options at an exercise price of $21.80. Apple at the time was little more than $7 a share. (These prices have been adjusted to reflect the subsequent stock split.) Total value: $12.8 billion. In other words, Steve Jobs missed out on $10.3 billion in extra profits.”

ShoreBank Gets Shot At Survival (WSJ)
Give it up for Lloyd: As of late Monday, people familiar with the situation said Goldman was committing to at least $20 million and as much as $25 million; Citigroup was in for $20 million; J.P. Morgan was in for at least $15 million; Bank of America had increased its commitment to $15 million from $5 million; and Morgan Stanley had increased its commitment to $10 million from $3 million to $4 million.

Mapley Urges Action Against Goldman Sachs (The Australian)
David Mapley, a former non-executive director of the local Basis Yield Alpha Fund, said the Australian Securities & Investments Commission should closely examine the role of the investment bank’s local arm, Goldman Sachs JBWere, in marketing a mortgage-related investment product that ultimately led to the fund’s demise in August 2007. “I don’t know if the regulator in Australia is looking at this trade but they certainly should,” the British-born fund manager told The Australian from his base in Switzerland yesterday.

Feds eye David Lerner for ‘excessive’ bond pricing (NYP)
Long Island brokerage firm David Lerner Associates — famous for radio ads that tell investors to “take a tip from Poppy” — has been tagged by the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, which accused the firm and its head trader, William Mason, of charging customers “excessive” markups on normally safe municipal bonds and high-grade mortgage-backed securities.

Canada To Voice International Bank Tax Opposition (AP)
Prime Minister Harper said Canadian banks were required to maintain higher capital ratios and invest more prudently because of government regulation. ”They were not able to exploit some of the opportunities that got so many of these other western banks into trouble,” Harper said. ”That’s why we think it would obviously be unfair to come in and now say Canadian banks and other banks, who weren’t part of the problem, now have to further limit their opportunities by paying tax.”

Seeking Less Scrutiny, Hedge Funds Flock To Asia (Reuters)
Pack your bags, ladies.

England To Win World Cup, Says JPM Quant Model (FT Alphaville)
“Ultimately our Model indicates Brazil as being the strongest team taking part in the tournament. However, due to the fixture schedule our Model predicts the following final outcome: 3rd: Netherlands, 2nd: Spain, World Cup Winners: England.” Continue reading »