When I think of JPMorgan CEO James Dimon, a few things come to mind. His (devastatingly good) looks. His charm. His jokes. His (alleged) illegal tire dumping. I also think of a guy who takes pride in his roots, which the Dimon family can trace back to a little European country going through a rough patch at the moment. And so I must ask–where the hell is the love? I’m not the only one wondering these things. I was out with some people who are paid to think about such matters last night and they were aghast at the notion hat JD has yet to use JPMorgan to bless Greece with his Croesus touch. People sincerely want to know why he hasn’t offered to buy the place for 1/100th of what it’s worth. For the love of Jimmy Cayne’s roach clip, he did it for Bear’s trailer park of hemp and now, when it’s about family, JD is nowhere to be found? He needs to do something, show some freaking support for C’s sake, and if it’s not the suggestion I just made (which is should be), these are the options he must choose from:
a) Buy the Acropolis, get the original cast of Rent to perform on the steps (with Charlie Gasparino playing Angel), auction off the tickets
b) appear in a series of 30-second commercials defending Greece’s fiscal ‘strategy’ that conclude “Just like in life, all of Greece’s successes depend on me. I’m the man who has the brass balls, I’m the man who can push Lehman into bankruptcy with a collateral call faster than fuck. So that is why I am better than everyone in the world, and you should listen to every damn word I have to say. Kiss my ass and suck my dick. Everyone.”
c) Break out your tear gas masks- it’s time for another protest
d) Wildcard- you tell us
B
“I was out with some people who are paid to think about such matters last night”
who is he? I’ll kill him.
“Bear’s trailer park of hemp ”
why I love Bess.
Someone say brass balls? This fuckin’ guy? Baby girl, please. Whose $20 do you really think is in his hand right now?
why is hes still going to syracuse? NYU get’s alec baldwin and we will actualyl work for jamie, syracuse gets him and they get rejected for chase checking accounts
d) In true Ed Whitaker/Government Motor’s style, pay for a TV ad where the Greek Prime minister can introduce himself and his POS country to our country’s illiterates, thank the idiot US taxpayer for their 50+B bailout (via the IMF) of the Eurozone, and then promise to pay it all back. Remember to complete with a big smile and a wink!
That reminds me, when is the new season of Eastbound and Down coming out?
@7 I don’t know, they’ve been jerking us around for months now.
awesome post BL
God I love this post, esp the last tag. Won’t someone please call JD’s office to see if JPM has any comment on why it’s not doing its part to help out the birthplace of civilization in its hour of need?
We take pride in our roots, too.
~The Village People
d) JD will partner up with fellow Greek, Pete Peterson, and will open a string of nightclubs on Mykonos that cater to female financial bloggers like BL and JPress. Pete will run the financial operations and JD will man the DJ booth. He’ll pack the place by making the ladies think that he is playin certain songs “just for them”. Obviously, Fuld will run the security detail (thug), Cayne will supply the blow, and ARS and Gasparino won’t be able to make it past the velvet ropes (Drury will, though, natch).
B， 麻油屄
“Bear’s trailer park of hemp”?
I kind of resent that.
-JC