[Warren Buffett and Bill Gates at the Hollywood Diner in Omaha, picking up the check and "dessert."]
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- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
“I’m gonna call you Melinda.”
I seem to have left my toilet paper roll at home, it has all my small bills on it…do you take Goldman Sachs Shares?
Bill, how do you feel about sloppy seconds?
Warren: Hey Bill, how does a 12.6% tip sound?
Bill: Good, if you want to leave her $1.273333333
Here’s your dollar, William. Didn’t think you’d get Carla waiting tables.
Tip? Here’s a tip- look me in the eye when I speak.
I am surprised Obama did not shake these two capitalists down for $20 bil for Gulf clean up costs
Hey Toots, are you familiar with the wobbly – H ??
waitress: what do you mean by “the lifestyle”?
Waitress: That’ll be $2.63 million, please.
Clean up my meatshake, bitch.
can you change a BRK.A babycakes
“I have to thell you Billy that this dive you picked for lunch has more bugs than that piece of shit Windows Vista. I’m going down the road to the Shoney’s. Next time – DON’T WASTE MY MOTHERFUCKIN TIME.”
I’m not tipping for tapwater
13 = WIN
NEEEEEERRRRRDDDDSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
–Ogre
They charged me 50 cents for my coffee refill. Do you remember what the menu said? I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be a quarter.
Bill: “Warren, I told you, just tell her that Seabass over there is going to cover it…”
Loser checks the winner’s prostate with a Blizzard spoon.
When was Kouwe’s name removed from the editorial staff?
What criteria do they use to determine who gets what side of the Eiffel Tower? Net worth? Charitable contributions?
We’re driving cross-country to Lollapalooza in Chicago. Want to join us?
Can you put this on separate tabs?
18 FTW.
Who’s the dime piece waitress?
@4 = Clear winner
WB: This is depressing. Want to go get sweaty in the bathroom?
Gates: You know it.
the Waitress: No! No one’s getting sweaty in my bathroom! Just get out of here!
WB: Alright fine! We’ll go get sweaty in the Wendy’s bathroom.
the Waitress: Great, go have sex at Wendy’s! Wonderful! just get out of here!
Warren takes cherries everywhere–diners, airplanes, under the table during the annual meeting… Man can’t keep it in his pants.
@18 –
I thought I had it until you had to go an do that. WIN.
- 13
O.K., how about me AND the old man for 100 bucks?
Warren, will you sign my anal bead tail?
@27 – please never write anything ever again
Is it me or does it look like Gates is putting this on a credit card? Waitress is handing him a pen…
Hey Buff, make it rain on this ho.
Bill: Maybe you didn’t hear him May’m. He’s asking how much for your soul plus the blueberry pie.
Hey Red see that cherry stem? I can tie it in a knot with my tounge in less than 30 seconds. Your skittle is next sweetie.
I’ll give you $175… no $185 to suck my friends dick…
That’s right. I was the fake Ebay bidder. Because there was a bug in my program, I’m out $2.63mm. I was only trying to spoof the Chinese.
“there is nothing wrong with not being orange”
@32 I didn’t write that.
-27
“Why do I always have to leave the tip for this cheap nerd!”
don’t just look at it. eat it.
“We are both rich because we received excellent advice from Jefferies”
- Jefferies Analyst
that’s nice, you look like a helen.
“We’re two wild and craaaazy guys…”
Thanks Dad… Lunch was great. As you know, 2009 was a bad year for my portfolio so I promise I will get the check next time.
Dear DB community,
I regret to tell you that my contributions and funny bits are not able to be posted to this site due to , “you are posting comments too quickly, slow down”.
I have lost repeated comments, which would have made this site funnier, resulted in corrections to Kouwe’s work so that we are all not misinformed, and to praise Bess :).
While I intend to read this site I will not be wasting my time posting my witty comments if they are just going into the e-trash in the end.
“Bill, I got this. Just printed these up on the copier today. The Goldman guys showed me how.”
In their heads,
Bill: “What is the book value of this dish?”
Warren: “Let me see whether I have enough money to buy you out?”
Waitress: “Gentlemen, if both of you are finished, how about giving your places to others?”
This Main Street thing is awesome! I can take out all these $20 bills and only use one of them at a time!
“Bill here is the plan. I am going to pretend to pay with cash. When she goes back to the kitchen we make a run for it.”
Two rich old Jews haggle over check.
-Guy who knows neither one is Jewish, but wishes they were.
WB: Bill, I hope you have some cash, cuz if I pick up this whole tab, Im not gunna have enough for the donkey show we’re already late for.
Bill: You punch Flo, We’ll break for the door.
Hey Tootsie, How’d you like to make $10,000 the easy way????
William Gates: “@27, @40, @47 STFU! ALL OF YOU, JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
Warren Buffett: “I’d rather have to sit through another Senate hearing than reread @27, @40, @47.”
William Gates: “HAHA! You said it Warren. I’d rather shove one of your BNSF trains right up my ass!”
Warren Buffett: “Reading @27, @40, @47 was…err I mean would be, way more painful than that!”
All I’m asking for is a reach….
do you take zillion dollar bills?
BG: “So, my security team tells me that you have been pre-cleared. Wanna check out my Escalade, now? After we’re done, you can keep it.”
{thinking: Tiger ain’t got nothing on me!}
WB: “Bill, just fuckin’ chill, man. We’re in Omaha. A $20 upfront and another $20 for a job well done should be more than enough.”
{thinking: stick to software, you have no game}
Can we get two waters and a bottle of ketchup, please?
@ all caps @55 show yourself out.
TIA,
-27/40
Here is what I’ll give you if you tie that cherry stem in a knot with no hands.
OH I get it, it’s funny because their net worth is in the billions and they are eating at a peasant-class diner.
I have a $3000 dollar suit..COME ON. Like the guy wearing the 3000 dollar suit is going to hold the elevator for a guy who doesn’t make that in a month…COME ON.
Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke.
@62 – your insecurities will haunt you till the end. you know you are where you are based on nothing but luck, and, with folks like that, at some point, luck runs out. Enjoy while it lasts.
PS – $3,000 does not get you a nice off the rack, let alone bespoke.
PSPS – it is a miracle WB is alive, given the all-american junk food diet he’s on. must be burning these calories somehow. oh, snap!
@64/VS wow.
Nice Guy Warren: C’mon, throw in a buck!
Mr. Gates: Uh-uh, I don’t tip.
Nice Guy Warren: You don’t tip?
Mr. Gates: Nah, I don’t believe in it.
Nice Guy Warren: You don’t believe in tipping?
Mr. Ballmer: You know what these chicks make? They make shit.
Mr. Gates: Don’t give me that. She don’t make enough money that she can quit.
Nice Guy Warren: I don’t even know a fucking Jew who’d have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight: you don’t ever tip?
Mr. Gates: I don’t tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I’ll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it’s for the birds. As far as I’m concerned, they’re just doing their job.
Mr. Ballmer: Hey, our girl was nice.
Mr. Gates: She was okay. She wasn’t anything special.
Mr. Ballmer: What’s special? Take you in the back and suck your dick?
Nice Guy Warren: I’d go over twelve percent for that.
@ volatilitysmile – 62 is referencing arrested development…a show you might want to check out…
“50 bucks, grandpa. For 75, the wife can watch.”
“Has anyone seen my pants?”
“My balls, let me show them to you!”
Gates: I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!
Buffett: No! I drink YOUR milkshake! I drink it up!
Gates: No!! I drink yoooour milkshake! I drink it up!
Buffett: NO NO NO! I DRINK YOOOOOUR MILKSHAKE! I DRINK IT ALL UP!
Gates & Buffett, together: HAHAHAHAHAHAAH we own *high fives*
Buffett: “Hey Gates, check this out. My friend Pac-man showed me this trick”
Gates: “No no no, Warren. Put those $100s away – you don’t make it rain on diner waitresses.”
@66 wins hands down. Perfect. Finish with “Billy, you keep talking like a bitch, I’m gonna slap you like a bitch”
You should see what they charge after 5pm.
@18 >>>> @66. FTW was established a long time ago.
The trickle-down economy in effect. Can’t you feel the waitress getting wealthier as we speak?
I’m a PC and he’s rich daddy mac, mehnnn
You want a toe? Hell I’ll get you a toe. I’ll get you a toe by this afternoon…with nailpolish!
Here’s a $20, why don’t you around to the alley and pay a rat to gnaw that thing off your face
Here’s a $20, why don’t you go around to the alley and pay a rat to gnaw that thing off your face
#4, clearly
ppiocendvevfibudvdv
Tanqueray and Tab and keep ‘em comin’. We gotta long drive ahead of us. Do me a favor, will you? Would you mind washing off that perfume before you come back to our table?
If I get stiff while we’re doing it are you going to stay the full hour?
100,000,000,000 Dollar Table
src: http://www.forbes.com/lists/2010/10/billionaires-2010_The-Worlds-Billionaires_Rank.html
So toots, let’s conclude the math lesson for today:
Including you, the mean net worth at this table is $30 billion and the median is $47 billion. But what I have in my hands, is the bottom range.
Bill: so, ruffies heh?
Warren: yep
Bill: and she has never noticed?
Warren: not a clue
Bill: and Beckie has been to your place how many times?
If my friend give you 500 euros, will you then go under booth like your friend?
No sweetie, you got it backwards. Collar tucked IN means hetero!
there go the GDPs of bulgaria and luxembourg
Now Dear, I’m going to make sure you report this tip as income just so you don’t try to get away with paying less tax than me.
@47 I guess your also at UBS. I get that on occassion, its not the site. It’s the shitty Windows 98 they’re running here!
Waitress: (to warren) “I’ll suck your c0ck for a thousand dollars. Gates can’t watch though, unless he pays $100.”
“Bill, it takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it.”
@82 > nice.
@88 LOLOLOLOLOL!!!
“I don’t care what you run. If all you’re gonna order is waters then get the hell out!”
Warren, lets pay in cdo’s to get them off my balance sheet and then buy the Hollywood Diner franchise when they go BK, take out debt based on the value of all of their hard assets and whatever pinner club sandwich IP rights they own, securitize that debt and then tip the waitress with the D-traunch debt saving the good A-traunch stuff for you to short later, then you can use the gains to buy up MSFT shares thereby driving the price up enough to where we can dump all of our holdings on that fat bald fuck Balmer and use the proceeds to buy as many shares of Google as possible because god knows Windows 2011 is going to blow harder than a tranny hooker at a bisexual cocktail party in SoHo.
i wonder if this would be enough to get Claman naked.
Hey Bill can you break $100 billion dollar bill
97 & 99 = FAIL
Top and bottom out on the town without beards.
2 guys 1 cup
Waitress: “I cannot believe you guys are splitting the check. I thought one of you could afford to pick up the check by yourself.”
@67 – watch a TV show? why? so. many. lovers. not. enough. time.
Bill: Warren, guess what. I unscrewed the salt shaker!
WB: Nice move. I stole a fork.
@103 –
Never post again
they seem a little too close sometimes
“no, no. let me pay.”
Gates Dogg: “Baby, can i have your keys i hate to pick your lock,
Snappin like a gator never waitin like a waiter,
Cherry is my flavor, when it comes to now and laters …”
Waitress: “The lucky motivater when it comes to makin paper
Man you can keep your money, but i really need a fader”
Warren B: “Tiga i feel that, waitin is a crime,
Arrest me, cuff me, bail me,
Rap is money baby, it never failed me,
Im like an antique that zips through the streets”
“Hey B, I’m a little short, would you mind spotting me a few bucks?”
Really ? Can you really tell my tan is fake?
What gave me away?
Bill: Haha all the hoes in nebraska are busted!!!!
Warren: Mmmhmmm tell me about it.
Bill: Warren look at those saggy ass tits!!
Warren: I know, here bitch go get those fixed.
Warren: That waiter looked a bit down on his luck
Bill: Everything he said, I think I have heard before from someone else
Warren: What was his name again – I remember it sounded a bit strange.
Bill: Kouwe something or other
Warren: Yes that was it – hopefully this five-spot gets his life back on track