Help Us Convince Goldman’s Media Team Lloyd Blankfein Should Go On Oprah

First off, this is not some absurd idea we came up with on our own. At an event in London this afternoon, Fiona Laffan, Goldman Sach’s head of media relations in Europe said that the bank is tossing around the idea of 1) advertising on TV and 2) Blankfein appearing on Oprah’s couch.
“There are people [in the bank] who think we should go on ‘Oprah’,” Laffan said. Unfortunately, the genius plan is facing some resistance from both Fiona and her counterpart in the states. “I’m not one of them,” Fiona added, and when we called Lucas van Praag to get his take, were told, “We have huge respect for Oprah’s program but at this time no plans to participate.” WE DO NOT ACCEPT THIS. It’s natural for press people to be nervous about how their organizations are going to be perceived and want to pump the brakes on something that could go incredibly wrong, but, with all due respect, in this case, LvP does not know what’s up. We need Lloyd jumping in a couch. We need him passing out the ridiculous gifts audience members receive. And we’ll do whatever it takes to make this happen. And I do mean anything.

Update: Anonymous had a brilliant idea (which I then built on): In addition to Oprah, LB should appear on a different talk/reality show each week. Chelsea Lately, Wife Swap, Kate + 8, Cheaters, Dancing With the Stars, HOARDERS.

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38 Responses to “Help Us Convince Goldman’s Media Team Lloyd Blankfein Should Go On Oprah”

  1. Anonymous says:

    It worked for Tom Cruise, why wouldn’t it work for Lloyd?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Will Oprah make him cry tears of joy?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Definitely a second rate idea. He should go on “Wife Swap” and swap with a born-again family of 8 living in a trailer park.

  4. Bess Levin says:

    @3 I LIKE IT. But I don’t think we should limit him to “Wife Swap.” He should appear on a different talk/reality show every week. Kate + 8, Wife Swap, HOARDERS.

  5. Anonymous says:

    What is TV coming to? A jew and a black sitting on a natty couch talking about their favorite books? No thank you siree!

    -Racist old trader

  6. Anonymous says:

    Bess pretty please tell us what you think he hoards?

  7. Everyone knows Lloyd became a devout Maury fan after LVP sent him the chicken tetrazzini youtube video.

  8. Bess Levin says:

    Also, it’s days like this I wish the Cristina Show were still around, if you’re picking up what I’m throwing down.

  9. Anonymous says:

    @4, or my personal favorite “Cheaters”

  10. Anonymous says:

    I have a really tough time deleting my dvr’ed episodes of hoarders

  11. Anonymous says:

    Ricky Lake. Nuff said.

  12. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    Bess @8- I’m buying what you’re selling. I wouldn’t mind watching Lloyd and some T’s on an S get after it in the same episode.

    However I think there’s enough Crazy on Tyra and/or Wendy Williams to keep Lloyd (and DL? Please?) occupado.

  13. NakedShort says:

    Maybe we could have an “Intervention” like set up.

    LB walks in the room and we see Jeff VanVonderen and the rest of the GS shareholders.

    “Listen Lloyd we just have a bunch of people in this room that love the heck outta ya, and were scared about all the leverage, and front running clients you’ve been doing and we have some people that would like to talk to you.”

    NakedShort would like to read you a letter

    Dear GoldenBalls,

    We don’t talk about it ever, but I love you very much. I know you love me very much, and you are very proud of your profits. I wouldn’t be where I am, or have what I have, if it weren’t for you. You taught me that I need to learn how to take care of myself before I rely on anyone else to do it for me. You encouraged me and supported me in my financial aspirations. This gave me the confidence I needed to accept take risk in my personal life.

    When I went through my major heartbreak during the Global Financial Crisis, you were the one whose shoulder I cried on. You were the one I trusted. You helped me get through it.

    Lloyd, your front running and leverage has been a part of our lives for a very long time. We didn’t get here overnight. It is running your life. When I call home to check in, if it is too late in the evening, you’re squeezing another ounce of leverage out of the balance sheet via repos. You get on the phone and your speech is slurred. When we talk later in the week you don’t even remember our conversations. Sometimes you’re passed out, and we don’t get to talk at all.

    When I come to visit you, and I’m on my way out to walk the dog, if you’re in the garage I’ll try to wait a little while because I don’t want to catch you secretly peeking at your Excel Spreadsheet. I do this to save you embarrassment. Or else I try to make a lot of noise in the laundry room so you know I’m coming, and you can hide your proprietary trading model.

    If I show up at your house late in the evening, you’re leveraging the balance sheet. I see it in your eyes, hear it in your speech and watch you move back and forth from the boardroom to your office, with an occasional trip to the garage to tweak your trading model.

    I love you, and I don’t like seeing leverage sucking the life out of you. We’re all here together because we want you to accept help. We’re here to help. Will you accept our help today?


  14. Anonymous says:

    They should just go on one of those crazy Japanese game shows where they shock your nipples and shove markers up your butt.

  15. Jealous says:

    Jesus- you people have gone too long w/out real jobs

  16. Bess Levin says:

    @15 says the guy who’s left 3 comments today alone so far.

  17. Anonymous says:

    to catch a predator?

  18. Anonymous says:

    Lloyd should go on HorseApples… That show’s hilarious. Texas!

  19. Anonymous says:

    inside the actor’s studio?

  20. Anonymous says:

    Night Calls

  21. guest says:

    Bess (@16) – are you keeping track of commenters by IP address?

  22. Anonymous says:

    I would like to see an episode of “Billy the Exterminator” where Billy comes to GS office buildings and rids them of bedbugs.

  23. Bess Levin says:

    @21 nope. But I appreciate the Kouwe humor.

  24. Anonymous says:

    @17. “Why dont you have a seat right over there.”

  25. b2b MD says:

    He should co-host a special America’s Most Wanted…

  26. Anonymous says:

    Believe @15 is referencing a passage from the Bible

  27. Anonymous says:


    You’ve been married only 3 months, and yet your here

  28. Debrahlee Lorenzana's Burka says:

    I hear it will be a Priest, a Rabbi, a bartender and Blankfein … Oprah is going to settle the age old debate of who is actually doing God’s work!

  29. Anonymous says:

    Jerry Springer….Let Bllloyd and Van Praag attack Chazzy Gas when he is brought out as a special guest.

  30. Anonymous says:

    How ’bout Undercover Boss? Lloyd could wear a hairnet and make sandwiches in the GS cafeteria. $500 bucks says nobody there would know.

  31. Anonymous says:

    @13 genius

  32. Anonymous says:

    I think a few more plain, old fashioned congressional hearings will do the trick quite nicely. Make sure Maxine Waters is on every one of the panels too.

    H£ll, I even have a topic for the first one– Goldman’s dealings with ICP Asset Management.

  33. Anonymous says:

    Guest star on Dog the Bounty Hunter special NY edition.

  34. Anonymous says:

    @23 is the best thing ever.

  35. FinkNottle says:

    Llyod walks onto Oprah’s couch. Post menopausal women in the front row seats suddenly experience hot flashes.

    Oprah: Lloyd, what do you think of Maxine Waters.
    Lloyd: Have you seen the hawk-sex interview on YouTube?

    Cut to video.

    Camera returns to a visibly moved Oprah. Tears glistening in her eyes.
    Oprah: it’s remarkable. I get it, you want to do that to Mad Max
    Lloyd: Thank you, can you come in for another interview at 9:30 tomorrow?

  36. Anonymous says:

    I must say, the tags have been awesome.

  37. oYHkg4 Muchos Gracias for your post.