Imagine if this outfit had been put together while under the influence.

As you may have been aware, Phil Falcone and his wife Lisa bought the Bob Guccione manse in 2008 and are currently in the process of some major renovations. Such changes, which are costing the Harbinger founder around $10 million (on top of the $49 million he paid for the place originally) will bring joy not just to the couple and their twin daughters (who will have their own floor in the East 67th Street townhouse). And yet, rather than think about the fact that the Falcones will probably quite generously invite the neighbs over for a dip in their new 34-foot-long indoor swimming pool (the old one had to be replaced, on account of the whores), rather than step back, pause and thank whoever was responsible for insisting Lisa have a bar installed in one of her walk-in closets, which will undoubtedly kick the Mrs’s sartorial choices up Long Island Iced Tea notch*, all these people can do is bitch.

A woman who lives next door and works from home said the construction noise is so deafening she takes her computer and phone and retreats into her bathroom. “It’s impeding my productivity, my sanity and my livelihood,” she said.

Oh, oh but wait! McTypes-on-the-Toilet does have one nice thing to say.

The woman said she’s seen the Falcones’ pig [who plays the piano] and wishes its owners were as unobtrusive.

“The pig’s a great neighbor,” she said.

*She seems like a LICT gal.

90 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (90)

  1. Posted by guest | June 1, 2010 at 10:08 AM

    She’s a giver. She gives so much.

  2. Posted by ih8edjfkjr | June 1, 2010 at 10:10 AM

    Are you implying that there will no whoring in the new pool? Because that just seems unlikely.

  3. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:17 AM

    Bet the pool cleaners wore hazmat suits when Guccione owned the place.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:20 AM

    Lights on, but slightly dimmed.

  5. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:26 AM

    Whhoooooeeee Doggies! I thought me and Granny had it made with a cement pond and the felt covered dining table but a piano playin’ pig and a closet bar with likker is really first class!

    ~Jed Clampett

  6. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:29 AM

    Lisa should be on the Real Housewives of Hedge Funds….

  7. Posted by the_jackal | June 1, 2010 at 10:35 AM

    this lady brings a smile to my face every time.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:42 AM

    She’s a witch!
    Use her to plug the hole in the Gulf!

  9. Posted by Guest of the Pig | June 1, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    Did she win a Grammy? What is in her hand?

  10. Posted by guest | June 1, 2010 at 10:48 AM

    @9 it’s a bong.

  11. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    I bet she takes huge dumps.


  12. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:53 AM

    Why the fuck does she have a spokesman?

  13. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    what no ice skating rink and zamboni? LMF is no Alex Garcia Cohen.

  14. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    I love this broad.
    Jimmy Cayne

  15. Posted by Anal_yst | June 1, 2010 at 11:01 AM

    Are you implying there’s anything wrong with taking your laptop with you into the bathroom, or installing a bar in a closet?

  16. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    The Dow is down. Anal_yst, thoughts?

  17. Posted by american bandersnatch | June 1, 2010 at 11:15 AM

    “Imagine if this outfit had been put together while under the influence.”

    BL: Don’t let you green-eyed monser loose just because you can’t pull of that look.

  18. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    She looks like a ninja turtle

  19. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 11:19 AM

    Lisa Marie and Diane Passage gonna’ team up for some Halloweenies.

  20. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 11:21 AM

    I’m in love with a stripper….

  21. Posted by JerseyShorePatrol | June 1, 2010 at 11:30 AM

    Did she team up with my girl Snooki?

  22. Posted by Bess Levin | June 1, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    @AB um, what are you talking about? my statement implied imagine how much *even* hotter this would be if she’d done it drunk. Though you got this stuff.

  23. Posted by american bandersnatch | June 1, 2010 at 11:37 AM

    Sorry, my mistake.

  24. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    so the pig has better manners than the queen bee and philly boy

  25. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    @9 its either a holy hand grenade, or her lucky Fabergé egg

  26. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    @22, hi Bess

  27. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    @9 that’s just some leftover WhiteCastle wrapped up

  28. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:14 PM

    Marry me Bess =)

  29. Posted by NakedShort | June 1, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    I hear shin guards and chiffon are all the rage this summer.

  30. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:29 PM

    nice fembot

  31. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | June 1, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    “Speaking before one group of ladies one day at a charity luncheon – ladies who were (typically) not paying attention and gabbing among themselves – she was reported to have told the audience that if they didn’t shuttup she was ‘gonna go Puerto Rican’ on them and sear their ‘*****’ or something along those lines. That got their attention.”

    @6 Agreed. Class. Class up the ass.

  32. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:34 PM


  33. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    Gotta love the garbage look. The shoes are just as atrocious as the dress. Wouldn’t want to be seen with her.

  34. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 12:45 PM



  35. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 1:04 PM

    @20, Bess is probably waiting for a slower day for a Diane Passage pic. The NY Post had their rite of Passage on Saturday; based on the photos, those are definitely Dealbreaker-size hooters.

  36. Posted by guest | June 1, 2010 at 1:24 PM

    Okay Bess. It is nearly 1:30 and we get two lousy Posts??? Two??? A comatose stripper could be more productive. Get on the stick before the owners hire the mop in the corner to replace you.

  37. Posted by Bess Levin | June 1, 2010 at 1:32 PM

    @36 eat a dick kemo sabe, I had to go to leave the office to interview someone earlier (and if you hadn’t noticed, it’s been just me running the show today/Friday/for the last 18 months). Sometimes I can’t focus all my attention on you.

  38. Posted by WTF? | June 1, 2010 at 1:33 PM

    Guest @36, let me be among the first to suggest you intercourse yourself.

  39. Posted by WTF? | June 1, 2010 at 1:34 PM

    …or, eat a dick. Whatever. (that’s our gal!)

  40. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 1:36 PM

    Mr. Gamble also claimed that when they were in St. Barth’s on holiday, Mrs. Falcone once put her hand in his pants. Or rather grabbed him. There. When he balked she allegedly slugged him.

    “She touched me,” Gamble was quoted as saying, “and I drew back and away from her,” adding that she then said he needed a “good f***” to turn him straight.”

    …The lawsuit came the week before the notices went out from the private schools as to who was “in” and who was not. There was much speculation about the destination of Mrs. Falcone’s daughters. There were the stories about the birthday party she had for them creating an Oz like setting with little people and pink hay. Or how she Fed-Ex’d her cats to St. Barth’s to be close to her (and presumably at the time, Mr. Gamble).

  41. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    @36, I agree with @37; stick a dildo up where the sun don’t shine, j/o, and leave Bess alone.

  42. Posted by PermaGuest | June 1, 2010 at 1:41 PM

    @31 c’mon that’s hysterical– tell me you’ve never wished someone would do something like that… and besides, methinks its a decent bet that better than 50% of the people at said luncheon aren’t exactly born to the purple themselves (seems like anyone with real *class* wouldn’t be blabbing away whilst someone else was speaking)

    -a WASP

  43. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    once in the 80’s, lisa maria and alexandra garcia cohen had a reggaeton dance-off. even tho garcia-cohen was pregnant with no baby daddy in sight, she won. plaintains and cervezas for all.

  44. Posted by Yo Me | June 1, 2010 at 2:26 PM

    @ Bess, you had a nooner today also?
    interview my ass

  45. Posted by Bess Levin | June 1, 2010 at 2:29 PM

    @45 yes, I mentioned it in the Ace thread.

  46. Posted by Sledgefund | June 1, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    This gal is makin’ me hongray.

  47. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 2:42 PM

    in reality the changes are costing more like $25M–about $1000.00 per square foot and they will have 25,000sq.ft.

  48. Posted by american bandersnatch | June 1, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    @ permaguest +1 for born to the purple.

  49. Posted by Yo Me | June 1, 2010 at 2:52 PM

    @Bess, so you had a nooner with Ace?

  50. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    daaaaaaamn, I would shag that rotten…oh wait, too late

  51. Posted by guest | June 1, 2010 at 3:43 PM

    Okay Clowns. You want to champion Mediocrity….go right ahead! You want to defend Bess because she’s hot? Go right ahead! But don’t say I didn’t warn you……we let her slack off like this and the site will be dead by end of the Summer. She’s lost her hunger and lost her edge and each and every one of you know that if she were a 250 pound fuppy, you’d all be complaining. Let the big head do the thinking for you. And yes, Bess, it really needs to be all about me/us/the client or you can write off the site. Just saying…..

    — 36

  52. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    “She’s lost her hunger and lost her edge and each”

    yeah, no. but thanks for playing.

  53. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    @52 seconded. did you see the 8,000 word take down of RBS last week (or…any of bess’s other posts, day in and out)? no? then fuck off.

  54. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 4:14 PM

    She looks like a cunt.

    Speaking of cunts, Carney is on cnbc. Someone tell him it is ok to blink.

  55. Posted by PermaGuest | June 1, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    @52/53 something familiar about 51’s odd capitalization and use of ellipses, no?

  56. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 4:20 PM

    @55 yes, reminiscent of TGFD (who also loved to use the dated term ‘clown’)…or just a mental patient in general.

  57. Posted by volatilitysmile | June 1, 2010 at 4:29 PM

    @51 – stfu. Examine your motifs. And wipe that vybraphone clean after you are done.

  58. Posted by guest | June 1, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    Has any “designer” ever actually confessed responsibility for that bizarre outfit?

  59. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    she claims that few people are as creative as she is. it’s so hard for her to be understood.
    and yes she really is a dumb bitch.
    wonder what that says about him???!!

  60. Posted by JudgeSmales | June 1, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    Build a pool in your house and you get what you get.

    And that’s when the whores come in. Men layin’ their trick money down. $20 to pay the rent? Maybe instead I’ll spend it on the whore. … Whores, runnin’ around doing their little be-hind shake for the menfolk.

  61. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 6:05 PM

    did anyone catch serpent face spitzer on the dylan ratigan show. he leaves his black socks on during sexay times.

  62. Posted by jj | June 1, 2010 at 6:44 PM

    The pig manages the international value portfolio

  63. Posted by Anonymous | June 1, 2010 at 10:02 PM

    Given her awful face, she must be able to blow harder than the oil gusher in the Gulf of Mexico.

    I would be willing to test that theory.

  64. Posted by Tom Mulroy | October 16, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    I worked there last year, when the structural steel was being set, and found Mr. Falcone to be quiet and polite. (Maybe because I'm old enough to retire last July). Of course the Ironworkers never had any contact with the couple, but we did cross paths several times during the job.
    As for the people complaining about noise, perhaps they should share the super-quiet procedures that were used in the construction of their residences, problem solved.
    I will say that I saw a young family moving into the neighborhood, the Falcones, and their various projects on the street livened the area up.

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