Lisa And Phil Falcone’s Ungrateful Neighbors Can Only Think Of One Nice Thing To Say About The Couple

Imagine if this outfit had been put together while under the influence.

As you may have been aware, Phil Falcone and his wife Lisa bought the Bob Guccione manse in 2008 and are currently in the process of some major renovations. Such changes, which are costing the Harbinger founder around $10 million (on top of the $49 million he paid for the place originally) will bring joy not just to the couple and their twin daughters (who will have their own floor in the East 67th Street townhouse). And yet, rather than think about the fact that the Falcones will probably quite generously invite the neighbs over for a dip in their new 34-foot-long indoor swimming pool (the old one had to be replaced, on account of the whores), rather than step back, pause and thank whoever was responsible for insisting Lisa have a bar installed in one of her walk-in closets, which will undoubtedly kick the Mrs’s sartorial choices up Long Island Iced Tea notch*, all these people can do is bitch.

A woman who lives next door and works from home said the construction noise is so deafening she takes her computer and phone and retreats into her bathroom. “It’s impeding my productivity, my sanity and my livelihood,” she said.

Oh, oh but wait! McTypes-on-the-Toilet does have one nice thing to say.

The woman said she’s seen the Falcones’ pig [who plays the piano] and wishes its owners were as unobtrusive.

“The pig’s a great neighbor,” she said.

*She seems like a LICT gal.

(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

90 Responses to “Lisa And Phil Falcone’s Ungrateful Neighbors Can Only Think Of One Nice Thing To Say About The Couple”

  1. guest says:

    She’s a giver. She gives so much.

  2. ih8edjfkjr says:

    Are you implying that there will no whoring in the new pool? Because that just seems unlikely.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Bet the pool cleaners wore hazmat suits when Guccione owned the place.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Lights on, but slightly dimmed.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Whhoooooeeee Doggies! I thought me and Granny had it made with a cement pond and the felt covered dining table but a piano playin’ pig and a closet bar with likker is really first class!

    ~Jed Clampett

  6. Anonymous says:

    Lisa should be on the Real Housewives of Hedge Funds….

  7. the_jackal says:

    this lady brings a smile to my face every time.

  8. Anonymous says:

    She’s a witch!
    Use her to plug the hole in the Gulf!

  9. Guest of the Pig says:

    Did she win a Grammy? What is in her hand?

  10. guest says:

    @9 it’s a bong.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I bet she takes huge dumps.


  12. Anonymous says:

    Why the fuck does she have a spokesman?

  13. Anonymous says:

    what no ice skating rink and zamboni? LMF is no Alex Garcia Cohen.

  14. Anonymous says:

    I love this broad.
    Jimmy Cayne

  15. Anal_yst says:

    Are you implying there’s anything wrong with taking your laptop with you into the bathroom, or installing a bar in a closet?

  16. Anonymous says:

    The Dow is down. Anal_yst, thoughts?

  17. “Imagine if this outfit had been put together while under the influence.”

    BL: Don’t let you green-eyed monser loose just because you can’t pull of that look.

  18. Anonymous says:

    She looks like a ninja turtle

  19. Anonymous says:

    Lisa Marie and Diane Passage gonna’ team up for some Halloweenies.

  20. Anonymous says:

    I’m in love with a stripper….

  21. JerseyShorePatrol says:

    Did she team up with my girl Snooki?

  22. Bess Levin says:

    @AB um, what are you talking about? my statement implied imagine how much *even* hotter this would be if she’d done it drunk. Though you got this stuff.

  23. Anonymous says:

    so the pig has better manners than the queen bee and philly boy

  24. Anonymous says:

    @9 its either a holy hand grenade, or her lucky Fabergé egg

  25. Anonymous says:

    @22, hi Bess

  26. Anonymous says:

    @9 that’s just some leftover WhiteCastle wrapped up

  27. Anonymous says:

    Marry me Bess =)

  28. NakedShort says:

    I hear shin guards and chiffon are all the rage this summer.

  29. Anonymous says:

    nice fembot

  30. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    “Speaking before one group of ladies one day at a charity luncheon – ladies who were (typically) not paying attention and gabbing among themselves – she was reported to have told the audience that if they didn’t shuttup she was ‘gonna go Puerto Rican’ on them and sear their ‘*****’ or something along those lines. That got their attention.”

    @6 Agreed. Class. Class up the ass.

  31. Anonymous says:


  32. Anonymous says:

    Gotta love the garbage look. The shoes are just as atrocious as the dress. Wouldn’t want to be seen with her.

  33. Anonymous says:



  34. Anonymous says:

    @20, Bess is probably waiting for a slower day for a Diane Passage pic. The NY Post had their rite of Passage on Saturday; based on the photos, those are definitely Dealbreaker-size hooters.

  35. guest says:

    Okay Bess. It is nearly 1:30 and we get two lousy Posts??? Two??? A comatose stripper could be more productive. Get on the stick before the owners hire the mop in the corner to replace you.

  36. Bess Levin says:

    @36 eat a dick kemo sabe, I had to go to leave the office to interview someone earlier (and if you hadn’t noticed, it’s been just me running the show today/Friday/for the last 18 months). Sometimes I can’t focus all my attention on you.

  37. WTF? says:

    Guest @36, let me be among the first to suggest you intercourse yourself.

  38. WTF? says:

    …or, eat a dick. Whatever. (that’s our gal!)

  39. Anonymous says:

    Mr. Gamble also claimed that when they were in St. Barth’s on holiday, Mrs. Falcone once put her hand in his pants. Or rather grabbed him. There. When he balked she allegedly slugged him.

    “She touched me,” Gamble was quoted as saying, “and I drew back and away from her,” adding that she then said he needed a “good f***” to turn him straight.”

    …The lawsuit came the week before the notices went out from the private schools as to who was “in” and who was not. There was much speculation about the destination of Mrs. Falcone’s daughters. There were the stories about the birthday party she had for them creating an Oz like setting with little people and pink hay. Or how she Fed-Ex’d her cats to St. Barth’s to be close to her (and presumably at the time, Mr. Gamble).

  40. Anonymous says:

    @36, I agree with @37; stick a dildo up where the sun don’t shine, j/o, and leave Bess alone.

  41. PermaGuest says:

    @31 c’mon that’s hysterical– tell me you’ve never wished someone would do something like that… and besides, methinks its a decent bet that better than 50% of the people at said luncheon aren’t exactly born to the purple themselves (seems like anyone with real *class* wouldn’t be blabbing away whilst someone else was speaking)

    -a WASP

  42. Anonymous says:

    once in the 80’s, lisa maria and alexandra garcia cohen had a reggaeton dance-off. even tho garcia-cohen was pregnant with no baby daddy in sight, she won. plaintains and cervezas for all.

  43. Yo Me says:

    @ Bess, you had a nooner today also?
    interview my ass

  44. Bess Levin says:

    @45 yes, I mentioned it in the Ace thread.

  45. Sledgefund says:

    This gal is makin’ me hongray.

  46. Anonymous says:

    in reality the changes are costing more like $25M–about $1000.00 per square foot and they will have 25,000sq.ft.

  47. @ permaguest +1 for born to the purple.

  48. Yo Me says:

    @Bess, so you had a nooner with Ace?

  49. Anonymous says:

    daaaaaaamn, I would shag that rotten…oh wait, too late

  50. guest says:

    Okay Clowns. You want to champion Mediocrity….go right ahead! You want to defend Bess because she’s hot? Go right ahead! But don’t say I didn’t warn you……we let her slack off like this and the site will be dead by end of the Summer. She’s lost her hunger and lost her edge and each and every one of you know that if she were a 250 pound fuppy, you’d all be complaining. Let the big head do the thinking for you. And yes, Bess, it really needs to be all about me/us/the client or you can write off the site. Just saying…..

    — 36

  51. Anonymous says:

    “She’s lost her hunger and lost her edge and each”

    yeah, no. but thanks for playing.

  52. Anonymous says:

    @52 seconded. did you see the 8,000 word take down of RBS last week (or…any of bess’s other posts, day in and out)? no? then fuck off.

  53. Anonymous says:

    She looks like a cunt.

    Speaking of cunts, Carney is on cnbc. Someone tell him it is ok to blink.

  54. PermaGuest says:

    @52/53 something familiar about 51’s odd capitalization and use of ellipses, no?

  55. Anonymous says:

    @55 yes, reminiscent of TGFD (who also loved to use the dated term ‘clown’)…or just a mental patient in general.

  56. @51 – stfu. Examine your motifs. And wipe that vybraphone clean after you are done.

  57. guest says:

    Has any “designer” ever actually confessed responsibility for that bizarre outfit?

  58. Anonymous says:

    she claims that few people are as creative as she is. it’s so hard for her to be understood.
    and yes she really is a dumb bitch.
    wonder what that says about him???!!

  59. JudgeSmales says:

    Build a pool in your house and you get what you get.

    And that’s when the whores come in. Men layin’ their trick money down. $20 to pay the rent? Maybe instead I’ll spend it on the whore. … Whores, runnin’ around doing their little be-hind shake for the menfolk.

  60. Anonymous says:

    did anyone catch serpent face spitzer on the dylan ratigan show. he leaves his black socks on during sexay times.

  61. jj says:

    The pig manages the international value portfolio

  62. Anonymous says:

    Given her awful face, she must be able to blow harder than the oil gusher in the Gulf of Mexico.

    I would be willing to test that theory.

  63. Tom Mulroy says:

    I worked there last year, when the structural steel was being set, and found Mr. Falcone to be quiet and polite. (Maybe because I'm old enough to retire last July). Of course the Ironworkers never had any contact with the couple, but we did cross paths several times during the job.
    As for the people complaining about noise, perhaps they should share the super-quiet procedures that were used in the construction of their residences, problem solved.
    I will say that I saw a young family moving into the neighborhood, the Falcones, and their various projects on the street livened the area up.

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