Let me ask you people something. If you were going to protest UBS, how might you do it? Stand outside the building chanting “UBS sucks”? Rent a helicopter and dump millions of 10-4′s on the roof? Smear a bunch of melted Toblerone bars on your shoes and track that shit through the lobby? Sure, if you were an unimaginative fuck, I guess you’d probably go with any one of those. Not Bauer Klemenz Marti. This UBS client wanted to think bigger. And weirder. More outside the box. He wanted people to say “This guy is fit for a straight jacket, we better listen to him.” Which is why after several months of threats and promises to do something about the unsatisfactory way in which he felt his money was being managed, he finally did it. This morning, he tied his pet bull to one of the bank’s branches in Grenchen and stayed there until 5:00PM. To send a message. Continue reading »
Archive for June 2010
Was that wrong? Should he not have done that?
Under questioning by Judge Dominique Pauthe, Kerviel said he began making larger bets in 2005 and started falsifying transactions indicating he had covered his bets. Kerviel said he continued to exceed the 125 million-euro trading limit set for the Delta One trading desk where he worked in the years after 2005. “Seventy percent of the time, limits were exceeded,” Kerviel said when a prosecutor said he was the only one who exceeded limits. He said that the controls on his computer were “deactivated,” allowing him to fake transactions. The head of his trading desk knew as early as April 2007 that Kerviel was making fictitious transactions, Kerviel said.
NEW YORK – The FBI says it’s raided a Manhattan boiler room brokerage with links to the mob.
Agents arrested several people Wednesday at an office building on West 36th Street. The FBI said one of the suspects was a member of the Bonanno organized crime family.
Authorities said the illicit brokerage was artificially inflating the value of a stock in a company with misleading sales pitches.
The suspects were expected to appear in court later Wednesday.
FBI Raids Boiler Room Brokerage [FoxNY]
FBI Raids ‘Boiler Room’ Stock Promotion Operation [Bloomberg]
A none too pleased junior rainmaker writes: Continue reading »
Update 12:49 pm: The Aussies have filed suit against Goldman seeking $56 million in losses and $1 billion in punitive damages.
The Crisis commission is up their ass, the SEC’s civil suit is lingering and the pundits won’t let up.
Now, Goldman Sachs may have to deal with another lawsuit from a bunch of blokes at an Australian hedge fund. Goldman has been tussling behind the scenes with lawyers from the firm, called the Basis Yield Alpha Fund, over a $100 million slice of the Goldman-sponsored Timberwolf CDO that the Aussies bought right before the shit hit the fan. Continue reading »

According to Pershing Square Q1 letter, released last night. For those of you keeping up at home, this is remarkable progress. Most investors had serious money riding on this coming out circa September 1. Unfortunately, this meant the missive was a tad light on the jokes and filled with a little less of the emotion we’ve come to expect of William’s all-nighters but the heart is still there. One Love (/stock). Continue reading »
Debrahlee “Too Hot For Citi” Lorenzana Explains Why She Wanted To Be “Tits On A Stick”
By Bess Levin
In this clip of her aforementioned knockers surgery (found by Guest!), she says she pumped them up to meet “a professional, well-educated man.” Ya hear that Vikram? This was for you.
Cohen Expands SAC Trading Team as Hedge Funds Groom Successors (Bloomberg)
Adding the four senior traders will allow him to focus on fewer investments, mentor employees on portfolios and manage risk, according to an April 28 letter sent to investors. “I have always felt that one of the keys to the firm’s success over the years has been our ability and willingness to change the organization,” Cohen, who turns 54 on June 11, said in the letter. The traders selected by Cohen each has responsibility for an industry — energy, technology, media and health care — and for discussing investments with the rest of the firm’s managers and analysts, according to the letter. The sector heads, whom the letter didn’t name, will also continue to run their own portfolios.
Germany, France Urge EU to Eye Short Selling Ban (Reuters)
In a joint letter published by Berlin on Wednesday, Chancellor Angela Merkel and French President Nicolas Sarkozy told European Commission President Jose Manuel Barroso the EU executive needed to accelerate the pace of financial reform. “In particular we think it’s imperative to improve the transparency of short-selling positions on shares and bonds, particularly sovereign bonds,” the letter said. The Commission should also look at the possibility of an EU-wide ban as introduced in Germany, it added.
Fed’s Finding Status Quo In Bank Pay (NYT)
Officials have found, for example, that risk managers at several of the biggest banks still report to executives who have influence over their year-end bonuses and whose own pay might be constricted by curbing risk. In many cases, risk managers do not have full access to the compensation committee of the banks’ boards. The review also revealed that banks tend to set similar bonus formulas for broad sets of employees and often do not adjust payouts to account for risks taken by traders or mortgage lending officers. Bank executives and directors, meanwhile, are often in the dark on the pay arrangements of employees whose bets could have a potentially devastating impact on the company.
SAC Capital Hires Anil Stevens to Run Unit Trading Financials (BW)
Stevens, who worked at SAC until 2003, returned last month and will run the division together with Glenn Shapiro, 36, another SAC alumnus who rejoined last month after a stint at Balyasny, said the people, who asked not to be identified because the information is private. The new unit, Parameter Capital Management LLC, is based in New York and has 12 employees.
Moore’s Bacon Feels Market’s Wrath (WSJ)
Bacon, who has scored annual gains of about 20% on average over the past two decades, shouldered losses of 9.2% in May in his biggest hedge fund, according to investors. That’s the fund’s weakest one-month performance in its history; it makes him one of the higher-profile investors recently snared in the European debt crisis.
“Volcker rule” at issue as reform bill nears finale (Reuters)
And someone is none too pleased about that: “I absolutely oppose any such modification” of the Senate bill, Volcker said in his May 17 letter sent to Senator Dodd. “Allowing a bank to invest in a speculative fund goes against the very intent of the (Senate) bill as we seek to define those activities that are worthy of government protection,” he said in the letter.
Debrahlee Lorenzana had two boob jobs, wanted to be stacked like Playboy Playmate (NYDN)
Debrahlee Lorenzana, the bombshell banker who says Citigroup canned her because men couldn’t stop gawking, repeatedly went under the knife to get her brick-house build. A Discovery Health Channel series chronicled Lorenzana’s pursuit of plastic surgery perfection, in which she described her desire to be stacked like a Playboy Playmate. “That’s what I want to be: t— on a stick,” she titters in “Plastic Surgery New York Style.” Her ultimate goal, she says, is to be a cross between Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra. Continue reading »
$$$ Paul Krugman’s Cameo In Get Him To The Greek. [Daily Intel]
$$$ Wasn’t Commercial Real Estate Supposed To Crash? [Fortune]
$$$ Goldman Sachs Revives Its Old Tactic: Keeping Quiet [CNBC]
$$$ FYI: Animals Are Obsessed With Obsession For Men [WSJ] Continue reading »
I don’t want anyone to get too upset but yes, Dennis Kneale is off of Power Lunch. And while he’ll remain employed by the network, as a reporter covering media and tech, and seems to be in okay spirits (Kneale told us, “I had a ball co-anchoring Power Lunch, and I’m excited about my new gig. I’ve followed tech and media for many years. They may be the only two industries we have left that still dominate the world.”) he will have a little extra free time to devote to other pursuits. Having no idea what his hobbies are but maybe, I don’t know, having felt like you got to know him these last few years, anyone want to throw some suggestions out there?
Turns out mortgages weren’t the only toxic assets Wall Street decided to package into CDOs. Small community banks issued billions of dollars in trust preferred securities before the credit crunch as a way to prop up their capital cushions. Problem was, the only way they could sell the so-called TruPS to investors was to combine them with other trust-preferreds in CDOs. Continue reading »
