Archive for June 2010

It’s fair to say that members of the Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission are pissed as hell at what they think are efforts by Goldman Sachs to ride out their investigation. The commission’s chairman, Phil Angelides, blasted Goldman on a conference call with the media today after announcing the panel had subpoenaed Goldman, sending its shares down.

Apparently, Goldman has been responding to requests for documents by flooding the panel’s 50 staffers with millions of emails and other things, which are mostly bullshit documents that aren’t relevant to the investigation.

“We did not ask them to pull up a dump truck to our offices to dump a bunch of rubbish,” Angelides said on the call. “We’re not going to let the American people be played for chumps here. We should not be forced to play ‘Where’s Waldo’ on behalf of the America people.” Continue reading »

  • 07 Jun 2010 at 3:14 PM

Debrahlee Lorenzana Speaks

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Presented without comment. Other than Jamie Dimon’s gonna be mad. And Jack Tuckner will haunt your dreams.

Leveraged buyout and venture capital firms are steaming over a new carve-out  provision for family farms inserted at the last minute into the carried interest tax hike that passed the House at the end of last month.

The provision appears to exempt farmers who have organized their business as investment partnerships from paying ordinary income tax on the money they take from the partnership. The new bill, of course, will treat most carried interest as income for tax purposes instead of capital gains.  Private equity and VC firms say the exemption is unfair and Congress is merely cherry picking certain industries to raise taxes on. Continue reading »

“Let me give you the short business answer. I bought the house in Houston. I have multiple mortgages. Some for me, some for other people. This house was my most expensive mortgage. I decided to let that house go, because the house ended up being worth nothing when the market went down and I decided to just let it go and give it back to the bank. It wasn’t a situation where they came and took it from me. I just didn’t feel like it was a good business investment, to keep paying that much mortgage on a house that I was never at. Don’t try to take this to a point where Chamillionaire has money problems. There was no financial negligence, none of that. I’m still a Chamillionaire. When I’m a Cha-thousandaire, then you’ll have a real story. ”

Chamillionaire: I Chose To Be Foreclosed On [TMZ via Daily Intel]

As you may have noticed, one of the ways you can tell someone has made it to the upper echelons of the hedge fund elite is that they don’t have to give a fuck about their sartorial choices. Whether it’s dressing like a hobo or Friday night at Studio 54, they can do what they want. Button down shirts can be swapped out for zip up fleeces, ripped jeans that smell like wet dog replace dress pants, roller-skates take the place of loafers, out go the suits in come the full-body stockings. They wanna dress like a (lovable) schlubb or someone who could get picked up for street walking, that’s their right, ’cause they could buy your life, a billion times over. Biff Basness wants a face tattoo? Biff Basness gets himself a face tattoo, and investors aren’t going to say nothing. In fact, it’s come to be a good litmus test. You see a guy walking down Greenwich Avenue in a champion sweatsuit? Or taking lunch at the Sizzler, wearing just lobster bib and light up cock ring? You’re probably looking at a top hedge fund manager. This notion has not been lost on the Brits.

Arki Busson, multi-millionaire hedge fund manager and on-off partner of Uma Thurman, is a man who can dress how he likes for work. For the most part, this means suits and open-neck shirts – nothing too attention-seeking. At least until your eye falls to his wrist. For there, next to his watch, Busson regularly wears … beads and bangles, charms and straps. Bracelets, in other words.

According to James Massey, these wristbands are a mark of the independence afforded to the hedge funder or the entrepreneur: “The ones that own their own company don’t care about traditional dressing,” he says.

Continue reading »

A few months back Patricia Cohen, ex-wife of Steve, dropped the lawyer who initially helped her file a suit against the SAC founder, claiming he hid marital assets, had engaged in insider trading, and yada yada yada. Then in April, she filed a newer, even bolder suit. Previously, Patricia had requested around $300 million from her former husband. This time, she dreamed bigger. She wanted SAC Capital. A “substantial, if not controlling interest.” The PMs, the P&L analysts, the Silver Fox. They were all gonna be hers. And not just that, she’d take the embalmed pets too. And all the fleece jackets in the back. The vests too! Today, that dream has been stalled. Patricia’s second lawyer, Gaytri D. Kachroo, has informed a court she’s finished with this lady. We’re told GDK is saying she wasn’t paid, or paid as much as she was promised. There are also claims– by others– that Kachroo was actually fired. Whatevs! It’s all relative. Any takers for round three? Continue reading »

The Financial Crisis Inquiry Commission slapped Goldman Sachs with a subpoena for documents and emails the bank has failed to turn over “in a timely manner,” according to a press release from the Commission.

Not surprisingly, the news has hit Goldman shares, which were up at the start of the trading day. Continue reading »

We knew top-ranked UBS analyst Glenn Schorr was poking around for a new gig and today we learn he’s landed at Nomura Securities to lead their financial services coverage. Continue reading »

Last Wednesday (really, it was just last Wednesday), the world was introduced to Debrahlee Lorenzana, the woman claiming she was fired from her job as a “business banker” at Citi for being too hot. Her former employer allegedly told her to tone down said hotness by wearing clothes that didn’t highlight what her lawyer, Jack Tuckner, has probably said at some point are her “sweet tits and rockin’ ass.” Lorenzana refused, citing heritage. “Where I’m from,” she said, “women dress up—like put on makeup and do their nails—to go to the supermarket. And I’m not talking trashy, you know, like in the Heights. I was raised very Latin, you know? We’re feminine. A woman in Puerto Rico takes care of herself. The Puerto Rican women here put down our flag.” She was ultimately transferred to another branch (by her request) and soon after fired.

Whereas other attorneys and their clients might have chosen to settle this sort of thing quietly, such is not Debs and Tuckner’s style. They went with the soft-core spread in the Village Voice, which included various shots of Lorenzana around “the office” in order to demonstrate she was appropriately attired at all times. They’ve done the rounds at the Post, the Daily News and the Nightly News. They’ve also offered statements like “Debrahlee Lorenzana would be very attractive in a burka” and “I’m not going to go eat and gain 50 or 100 pounds because my job wants me to be the same size as everyone else,” in addition to rounding up a bunch of one-time customers of Debs to say stuff like, “Whew, she was a hot one” and “Yes, she ‘distracted’ me, if ya know what I mean.” It’s unclear how these exercises and testimonials might help Lorenzana actually win her case, but they have been fun! One person, however, has had enough. His name is James Dimon and like the (really hot) dad who comes into the room to put his foot down when everyone’s gotten out of control, JD has supposedly communicated to “Toots over here” that he’s had enough.

Debrahlee Lorenzana filed a lawsuit saying she was booted from her job at Citibank for being too sexy in her work clothes, and now says she faces the firing line again from her bosses at Chase for sullying the reputation of the financial industry.The Queens stunner said she was told that if she went ahead with scheduled television interviews today to talk about her suit, she’d once again be without a job.

Continue reading »

Life is prettay prettay prettay good.

All statements were communicated via his friends on the inside, for a recent New York article on how life’s been going in the big house.

1. “Fuck my victims” (Berns is of the opinion they’re a bunch of ingrates who he “…carried for twenty years, and now I’m doing 150 years.”) Continue reading »

We were down 4.23 percent net in May, but thank God for our short on the Euro. Still, it was an “anomaly” period. Also included: Dan Arbess’ presentation at the Ira Sohn investment conference. Continue reading »