Such as, how do you pronounce his last name? You might’ve assumed it was “Gund-lack” but it’s actually “Goond-lack.” Trying using it in a sentence. (If you want, take this one: “Good-lack, it’s really uncool that you haven’t returned my copy of Ass Traffic, Volume 9. Oh, what, now that you’ve got your own firm you don’t have to play by the rules?”) As for the other issues, Goond-lack completely avoids the question, which, if you want to talk about uncool, really tops. You’d think someone who previously claimed to in no way be ashamed but instead proud– as he well should be– of the library of porn in his office and the finest collection of dildos in the world wouldn’t have a problem talking Dr. Fellatio but apparently you’d think wrong.
Archive for June 2010
Wachovia VP Had Good Reason To Steal Money From Bank That You’ll Probably Never Understand
By Bess Levin
Scott Welch's Den of Iniquity
With the money he embezzled from Wachovia ($11.2 million give or take a few clams), Scott Welch bought himself many a sports car. This was a plan, to throw people off the trail. He didn’t buy a new set of wheels “constantly,” as neighbors recall, in an attempt to hide the fact that he was stealing money from the bank, but to distract from what he was really putting the funds toward. A love that dare not speak its name. A love of plants, and impeccably maintained yards. Continue reading »
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Posted in:
Communiqués
Third Point Dumped Citi And Bank Of America After Seeing Obama’s Schedule
By Bess LevinWayyy too many pit-stops for snacks, which only the shrewdest of investors like Daniel Loeb would know spell trouble.
Continue reading »
Budding White Collar Criminals: Unless You Want To Have Your Ass Thrown In Solitary Confinement, You Will Listen To Every Damn Word Jeff Skilling Has To Say
By Bess Levin
Jeff Skilling was once president of a company that (claimed to) rake in over $100 billion annually. Now he’s had to kiss carbs good-bye (“You don’t want to get sick in here,” he said, as he talked about practicing yoga, walking four miles a day, and avoiding carbohydrate-heavy meals to stay fit) and beg reporters visiting him in the joint to buy him a cup of coffee.
Ninety minutes into our meeting, Skilling lowered his eyes to the floor. “I apologize for asking,” he said, embarrassment in his voice. “Could you buy me a cup of coffee? Inmates aren’t allowed to touch money or approach the machines. They could put me in solitary for a week.”
As I got his French-vanilla latte and recovered from astonishment that a man who had led a $110 billion company was not allowed to handle two quarters, I took the opportunity to get more personal, asking, “What is life like in jail? What is the scariest part of being here?”
You wanna avoid this fate, which likely also includes asking Bubba’s permission to have the night off? Skillings got some tips for avoiding unsolicited tips on the inside. Continue reading »
US To Demand BP Rescue Fund (WSJ)
White House officials on Sunday said they wanted BP to put “substantial” funds into an escrow account to cover claims by Gulf Coast businesses and residents affected by the spill.
US banks set to lose swaps desks (FT)
Banks are likely to lose a key lobbying battle in the US over whether they will be forced to spin off their lucrative swaps desks, according to people familiar with financial reform negotiations in Congress. Blanche Lincoln, the Senate agriculture chairman, is the lead proponent of the plan, which would force banks to create a separately capitalised subsidiary to house the derivatives dealing operations. Although he declined to say whether he now supported it, Mr Volcker told the Financial Times that his earlier criticism was based on the belief that a stricter spin-off was in the works and it was now a “relevant question” whether damage would be done if swaps desks could be kept within a bank holding company. “I tend to think of the bank holding company as the relevant organisation,” he said. Mr Volcker added that it would be a mistake to ban banks from using swaps to hedge risk or from facilitating a customer who wants to hedge risk. “There was confusion about that – that’s the kind of thing I certainly would not do,” he said.
Wilbur Ross: Europe Troubles Are About To Start (CNBC)
“I think the political troubles in Europe are all just about to start because the governments have all pledged about budget deficits,” Ross said. “But now comes the hard part – will there be more strikes, riots, etc. So I’m not sure it will be easy over the next few weeks,” he added.
Data Show Banks’ Exposure (WSJ)
Data released Sunday by the Bank for International Settlements showed that banks based in the 16 countries that use the euro accounted for $1.58 trillion, or 62%, of all internationally active banks’ exposures to residents of Greece, Ireland, Portugal and Spain. That included $727 billion of exposure to Spain, $402 billion to Ireland, $244 billion to Portugal and $206 billion to Greece, with about half of the Greek exposure held by France. By far, France and Germany held the greatest exposure to the group, collectively carrying 61% of the total euro-area burden: $493 billion and $465 billion, respectively.
Buffett’s Lunch Auction Shows Enhanced Reputation (Bloomberg)
Bidding outpaced last year’s during the first days of the weeklong event and ended in a frenzy June 11 with 77 offers, according to EBay, with the winner shelling out $2.63 million.
Paulson Adds To SEC Officials To Firm’s Board (NYP)
In a letter to investors yesterday, Paulson announced he has added former SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt and former SEC Commissioner Roel Campos as “independent directors” to the firm’s board of directors.
Goldman Envy Drove Big Boys to Blow Up Money Grid (Bloomberg)
Allegedly: The peril wasn’t that Goldman became “a great vampire squid,” as a Rolling Stone writer so delicately phrased it. The firm actually became something much more dangerous: a seductively successful Pied Piper, luring other banks down a path that led to destruction. Its profitability was the envy of its peers, McGee writes: Trying to match Goldman’s return on equity was the only way for rivals to pacify their restive shareholders and increase their personal wealth.
The Goldman Sachs ‘Ethics Waiver’ (FN)
Goldman Sachs, which publishes an ethics code on its website that emphasises its “integrity and honesty”, adds a rider that reads: “From time to time, the firm may waive certain provisions of this Code.” Continue reading »
$$$ Remember that hedge fund manager, Guy de Chimay who I wrote about a few times back in the day because he appeared on Wall Street Warriors and said stuff like “Wall Street takes the brightest people and smashes them into the pavement on a regular basis” and “Wall Street guys have really made the Hamptons what it is“? He paid for that Hamptons house with clients’ funds, which he also put towards his divorce, which apparently you just can’t do. [Daily Intel]
$$$ SEC’s regional offices present managerial problems, become an obstacle to reform [WaPo]
$$$ Goldman’s CDO Woes Mean Dollar Signs For Laywers [Reuters]
$$$ Klarman Tops Griffin as Hedge-Fund Investors Hunt for `Margin of Safety‘ [Bloomberg]
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Posted in:
Communiqués
Scottwood Capital’s Advance Of Month End Ass-Grovelling Letter May Not Have Been Necessary
By Bess Levin
On May 28, Scottwood Capital Management sent a letter to investors to let them know that despite never in the firm’s history had they discussed results in writing during the month, “aberrational circumstances” had forced them to do so. Obviously, one thought this could safely assume they meant things were ass-bleedingly bad, particularly because there were lot references to “lessons learned” and those that received a hard copy of the note reported tears streaked down the page. So more like rectal-prolapse bad. As it turns out, it was more like just a bit of chafing. According to investors the fund ended May down -18.5 percent, leaving them at -2.1 percent for the year.
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