June 2010

  • News

    The Defense Of “Too Hot For Citi” Chick We’ll Never Get To Hear

    As previously mentioned, Debrahlee “I want to be tits on a stick” Lorenzana has fired her original attorney, Jack Tuckner on the “too hot for Citi” case. This may have been a mistake. As you know, one of the complaints made by Lorenzana is that her bosses told her she needed to wear dumpier clothes […]

    / Jun 16, 2010 at 12:28 PM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 06.16.10

    Blankfein: Clients Back Goldman (WSJ) Blankfein assured the firm’s retired partners at a meeting Tuesday that clients are standing behind the company, adding that the two month’s since the Securities and Exchange Commission accused Goldman of fraud have been “very difficult.” About 110 retired Goldman partners attended the meeting, which began at 5 p.m. and […]

    / Jun 16, 2010 at 9:15 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 06.15.10

    $$$ UBS May Escape ‘Game of Chicken’ as Lawmakers Vote on Treaty [Bloomberg] $$$ Bank of America Merrill Lynch has ordered its traders not to enter into oil trades with BP that extend beyond June 2011 [Reuters] $$$ Study of Dominant-Looking Men Yields Surprising Result [LS] $$$ Have the banks already won the debate over […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 6:08 PM
  • News

    (UPDATE) RBC Capital Markets Comments Taken Out Of Context Regarding President Obama

    Update: We’ve spoken with several other conference participants who tell us the slide wasn’t meant to demonstrate how RBC sees President Obama but rather reflect sellers‘ current thoughts on the fear of the White House raising long term capital gains taxes. RBC said in a statement: “This [slide] is not representative of RBC’s viewpoint. We […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 6:00 PM
  • News

    Just Putting It Out There: Charlie Gasparino And Snooki Will Cross Paths This Summer

    Yesterday, the Post had an item about Snooki and Gregg Valentino, a man with 28-inch biceps and author of the book Death, Drugs and Muscle, becoming fast friends. What the story failed to note was two very important facts: 1) Valentino is said to getting his own reality show this summer and 2) he is […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 4:38 PM
  • News

    Jerome Kerviel Invented A Friend Named Matt, Built A Vivid Character Sketch Of The Guy

    I knew there was a reason I loved Jerome Kerviel and today that reason became crystal clear. As previously mentioned, the former SocGen trader admitted faking a buncha trades during his time with the firm. Now, there’s this:

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 3:39 PM
  • News

    SEC Embarks On “Not As Dumb As We Look” Campaign

    The SEC has taken a lotta flack over the last year or so. Given. The report that a good number of officials spend hundreds of hours looking at tranny porn during business hours was embarrassing but it was really just noise. The bigger criticism to be (justifiably) made is that the Commission as a whole […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 2:56 PM
  • News

    Ron Paul: Get Off Obama’s Ass On BP

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 2:30 PM
  • News

    Citi Takes The Gloves Off On Debrahlee Lorenzana Case

    Since the Debrahlee “Too Hot For Citi” Lorenzana story has come out– which has included soft-core porn spreads, morning show appearances, and allegations that DL was canned because her presence distracted her male colleagues, who supposedly couldn’t work in her presence because their “penises were standing up”– Citi has had to keep its thoughts on […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 1:06 PM
  • News

    Gig Of A Lifetime, Yours For The Taking

    Job Type: Full Time Years of Experience: 2-5 Years Degree Required: Bachelors Industry: Finance & Investment Job Function: Investment Banking & Advisory Job Description Description: Meredith Whitney Advisory Group LLC (MWAG) seeks an experienced Executive Assistant, who will report directly to the Chief Executive Officer. The Executive Assistant is able to handle a wide array […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 11:52 AM
  • News

    Larry Kudlow Caught In The Middle Of Awkward Game Of Mammary Musical Chairs

    As you may or may not have heard, Melissa Francis is due back on The Call this coming Monday, following a short maternity leave. Apparently this has the potential to create a somewhat awkward situation off set, as Amanda Drury has been filling in for Francis since the beginning of May, and the viewers likey. […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 11:17 AM
  • News

    Spotted: Ruth Madoff Getting Out Of Town…Forever?

    “5:30 this morning, saw Ruthie checking in at the Continental Elite Access (First Class) counter at Newark. Where is she going with all those bags??? Is she allowed to fly first class still??”

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 9:50 AM
  • Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 06.15.10

    One Crowd Is Still Loyal To Goldman Sachs (NYT) Despite all the bad headlines — the accusations of fraud, the talk of a big settlement, the risk, however remote, of criminal charges — there’s an inconvenient truth that’s been largely ignored: Most of Goldman’s big customers are not bolting. “We trust them,” Jeffrey R. Immelt, […]

    / Jun 15, 2010 at 9:10 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 06.14.10

    $$$ Dealing With A Toxic Resume [Fins] $$$ Summer Bummer For Wall Street [Crain’s] $$$ Treasury Dept Undermining Key Derivatives Reform [HP] $$$ CAA Negotiating $200M Investment From KKR: Partners Want To Cash Out Of Agency [DH] $$$ Fortress President Mike Novogratz Talks Shop [Opalesque]

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 6:32 PM
  • News

    Eliot Spitzer’s Refusal To Play It Cool Threatening Our Must See TV

    Last month, the talk re: Eliot Spitzer making his triumphant return to the public eye seemed to pick up some serious steam. We personally declared ourselves to be fully on board. We were amped, in fact, and armed to the gills suggestions for a format. We figured it was only a matter of time, possibly […]

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 5:25 PM
  • News

    Jeffery Gundlach Addresses The Issues

    Such as, how do you pronounce his last name? You might’ve assumed it was “Gund-lack” but it’s actually “Goond-lack.” Trying using it in a sentence. (If you want, take this one: “Good-lack, it’s really uncool that you haven’t returned my copy of Ass Traffic, Volume 9. Oh, what, now that you’ve got your own firm […]

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 3:05 PM
  • News

    Wachovia VP Had Good Reason To Steal Money From Bank That You’ll Probably Never Understand

    With the money he embezzled from Wachovia ($11.2 million give or take a few clams), Scott Welch bought himself many a sports car. This was a plan, to throw people off the trail. He didn’t buy a new set of wheels “constantly,” as neighbors recall, in an attempt to hide the fact that he was […]

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 2:24 PM
  • Communiqués, News

    Third Point Dumped Citi And Bank Of America After Seeing Obama’s Schedule

    Wayyy too many pit-stops for snacks, which only the shrewdest of investors like Daniel Loeb would know spell trouble.

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 1:34 PM
  • News

    What Do You Want To Know About Trish Regan?

    I’m interviewing the CNBC anchor/Amanda Drury gal-pal next week and, like some of her former colleagues have done in the past, she’s graciously agreed to answer some of your questions. Naturally I’m sure most of you would like to know if she has any tips to offer re: being a working mom but anything else?

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 12:41 PM
  • News

    Budding White Collar Criminals: Unless You Want To Have Your Ass Thrown In Solitary Confinement, You Will Listen To Every Damn Word Jeff Skilling Has To Say

    Jeff Skilling was once president of a company that (claimed to) rake in over $100 billion annually. Now he’s had to kiss carbs good-bye (“You don’t want to get sick in here,” he said, as he talked about practicing yoga, walking four miles a day, and avoiding carbohydrate-heavy meals to stay fit) and beg reporters […]

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 12:00 PM
  • News, Opening Bell

    Opening Bell: 06.14.10

    US To Demand BP Rescue Fund (WSJ) White House officials on Sunday said they wanted BP to put “substantial” funds into an escrow account to cover claims by Gulf Coast businesses and residents affected by the spill. US banks set to lose swaps desks (FT) Banks are likely to lose a key lobbying battle in […]

    / Jun 14, 2010 at 9:15 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 06.11.10

    $$$ Remember that hedge fund manager, Guy de Chimay who I wrote about a few times back in the day because he appeared on Wall Street Warriors and said stuff like “Wall Street takes the brightest people and smashes them into the pavement on a regular basis” and “Wall Street guys have really made the […]

    / Jun 11, 2010 at 5:48 PM
  • Communiqués, News

    Scottwood Capital’s Advance Of Month End Ass-Grovelling Letter May Not Have Been Necessary

    On May 28, Scottwood Capital Management sent a letter to investors to let them know that despite never in the firm’s history had they discussed results in writing during the month, “aberrational circumstances” had forced them to do so. Obviously, one thought this could safely assume they meant things were ass-bleedingly bad, particularly because there […]

    / Jun 11, 2010 at 5:18 PM
  • News

    Simmons And Company: Buy BP And Ignore Everything Matthew Simmons Has Been Saying Recently

    From the mailbag (of unfounded rumors): “Matthew Simmons was on Bloomberg several days ago talking about nuking the BP wellhead to stop the leak, then was on the tape saying BP wouldn’t last through the summer. I’m now hearing that Simmons and Co. is putting a buy rec on BP. Also hearing also that Simmons […]

    / Jun 11, 2010 at 3:22 PM
  • News

    “Sophisticated” Investors Now Claiming They Were Ignorant (Baby) Sheep

    And don’t give them that crap about the disclosures– those things were paragraphs long! You think a sheep reading at a 3rd grade level’s gonna go through all that? When Merrill Lynch & Co. raced ahead of its rivals to become the king of collateralized-debt obligations last decade, pensions and hedge funds weren’t its only […]

    / Jun 11, 2010 at 2:18 PM
  • News

    Jeffrey Gundlach’s Milkshake, Sex And Drug Paraphernalia Bring All The Investors To The Yard

    Congratulations are in order for Jeff Gundlach and the DoubleLine Team! In addition to being ranked number one globally in asses (on tape), the new firm has gathered the most assets among 2010 fund launches. Naturally this calls for a celebration and a screening of Ass Traffic Volume 2 at the office would probably be […]

    / Jun 11, 2010 at 1:58 PM
  • News

    Does Anyone Know The Significance Of Today?

    I’m not talking about the start of the World Cup, though this is as big if not bigger. Give up? You get one free pass for your ignorance but just one. You’d better whip open your Outlook and make sure to mark this a recurring event, ’cause this time next year there will be no […]

    / Jun 11, 2010 at 12:45 PM

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