A prison pal of Bernie Madoff’s was recently interviewed re: the Ponz Master. At one point, the inmate casually mentions that Berns hid about $9 billion to three “personal friends” before he turned himself in, but the unnamed source who must be credible spends the majority of the time drilling down to what’s going on up top, in that big ole dome piece of Madoff’s. Apparently, there are some things that upset him. The fact that his sons, Andy and Mark “You’re not our real father” Madoff haven’t spoken to him in almost two years isn’t one of them. I mean, sure, he wishes they did but it doesn’t plague him. He figures they’ll get over being mad at daddy soon enough. What does upset him are two slightly more serious issues.
The first are the “revelations” made in Sheryl Weinstein’s tell-all vis-a-vis having an affair with Bernie and how his penis was “no bigger than a thimble.” Apparently when the book came out it was quite upsetting to Ruth and Berns was seriously worried he’d leave her (the inmate doesn’t get into specifics but one theory around the ranch is that it wasn’t so much that her husband had an affair but the “revelation” about the size of his dick. Remember, Bernie and Ruth started dating when she was a high school freshman. His very well could have been the only piece she ever saw, which, if we know our Berns– and I think we do!– he probably convinced her was regulation size. So that’s something he’s been working through with the prison therapist.
The other thing that’s been plaguing Madoff is that perception that he might be a puss.
“Jonathan Pollard and him watch TV together. They watch CNN,” the inmate said. “Bernie likes watching to see if there’s anything about him on it.”
But Madoff “gets upset” if he disagrees with how he is portrayed on television and was particularly disturbed by the reports that he had been assaulted, the inmate said.
I mean, honestly. For the millionth time– he was not assaulted, he got dizzy and passed out! Do you see the distinction? Fucking media.
Another heb with a needle dick- SHOCKING
(Or maybe Ruthie has only been with other hebrews and has no idea what a real man’s cock should look like. She’s probably only had little jew wang and never even seen a man sized boner.
my mom told me size doesn’t matter
@2 you forgot the ) and your common sense
Bernie’s penis can cause anal leakage, much like eating olestra covered tater chips.
Its not small, its “fun size.”
At least it isn’t egg-shaped
@ 3 Andy or Mark?
having a small penis > being Zach Kouwe
This comment has been moderated.
@4 Hit too close to home, did it?
mad-eye madoff
I think if you’re thimble-sized it’s only fair to be absolved of anything short of murder.
-guy who isn’t thimble-sized but can appreciate the ridiculousness of the whims of genetic randomness
10- True
This comment has been moderated.
P.S.
KOUWE BITCHEZ
Looks like Big I-Talian touched a nerve. Sensitive issue Bess?
When they moderate the truth tyranny reigns!
@17 go back to staten island
Bess,
There’s no need to moderate someone’s comment when you could just find out where they work and threaten them via email.
-Zachary Kouwe
to all of the ladies out there (esp our lovely Bess) – does size really matter? be honest ladies
@ 20- No.
Wrong thread, but was there ever a discussion on the topic @19? The personal email from ZK was a bit bizzaro and stalkerish.
@21 I call bullshit
@22 – No, there wasn’t. IIRC, Bess posted a commented that basically said she was told not to talk about it.
- MNIKZAIAC
@handle too long to touch/ 24 – Any intel on how many emails he sent out?
@25 From what I read, it seemed like at least 2, but only one person posted proof and Bess’ comment was a terse “this was not endorsed by DB” response that didn’t reveal anything.
What I’m wondering is what career Kouwe will pick next. Poolboy? Gigolo? Jewel thief?
-MNIKZAIAC
@MNIKAIAC – I got one of those emails. It was neither funny, nor witty and a whole lot of creepy. So we can bring the unoffical count to 3.
Poolboy? not hot enough. Gigolo? ditto. Jewel thief? not classy enough.
I’m going with either a writer for AM New York or one of those guys who hands them out at the subway.
@TC – I’m kinda hoping he’ll emigrate and start a new life as a goat herder in a small town near Belgrade.
Just out of curiousity (and if you don’t mind answering), what on earth did Zach write?
-MNIKZAIAC
It’s a wee problem, but it can grow larger…
@MNIKZAIAC – Don’t recall the specific wording. It was something along the lines of “one in the Kouwe, two in the Citi employee.”
He sent it to my personal account (which is registered with this site), not my work account (which Bess has). Needless to say, it was unnerving.
@30
That’s creepy as hell, but also really, really funny.
I love the fact that he read every abusive word we wrote, and tore his hair out as we slowly transformed his name into a profanity.
What a piece of Kouwe.
@TC. Our garrulous friend sent me an email as well. Something along the lines of “one in my mouth, two in my ass”.
EPD- I’m thinking the peanut gallery may need to start pre-screening future applicants of DB. The last two were a bit unstable (if you recall Mr. Michaels haunted the boards for a while after his demise).
and TPC and EPD lived happily ever after…..
@33. I agree, their screening process is a bit… lacking (I was never a fan of EP, either, but at least she wasn’t _completely_ unbalanced).
At this rate I’m expecting Anal_yst to be Bess’s next protege. Or possibly Any Dick.
Just a correction for you, 35 – it’s spelt “kouwanal_yst”, with a silent “kouw”.
what makes a vagina “big”?
@33 Obviously he sent me one as well. I was the one who got him fired. You are welcome.
Is 3 inches considered small ? Maybe I could arrange a meet with Chaz
Having formally canvassed the topic results as follows…if size 6 inches it matters…
Try again given symbols dropped…if less than 6in it matters, if about 6in it doesn’t matter and if larger than 6in it matters. I’m thinking it’s too big at that stage? I’m packing’ about 6 on a good day so can’t comment from experience cause I compensate with technique and skills…
@38 I genuflect to your glory, O Smiter of Kouwes.
Poor Bernie’s dick may indeed be the size of a thimble. But let’s face it he managed to fuck hundreds of people over the years! It’s enough to trigger a gag reflex.
size does not matter at all, alex garcia cohen told me so.