Point number one, as a message to future employers considering requesting that Debs bring her hotness level down to the level of the rest of the office, she’d like to get it out there: “I’m not going to go eat and gain 50 or 100 pounds because my job wants me to be the same size as everyone else.” And point number two, from Lorenzana’s lawyer Jack Tuckner, (the guy who argued yesterday that asking his client not to be so hot because it was a distraction from work “is like saying, ‘we can’t think anymore ’cause our penises are standing up’,” and who was also the one who came up with the idea to have her pose in a bunch of outfits and positions, such as the one at left, to prove there was nothing inappropriate about her sartorial picks) is simply this:

“Debrahlee Lorenzana would be very attractive in a burka,” said her lawyer Jack Tuckner, of Tuckner Sipser Weinstock & Sipser.

So…anyway. Shall we play a rousing game of Tomorrow’s Statement From Jack Tuckner Today? I’ll start: “Debrahlee could wearing a used Hefty bag and I would still want to be on her.” Now you go.

Update Citi has a new statement out: “Ms. Lorenzana has chosen to make numerous unfounded accusations and inaccurate statements against Citibank and several of our employees. While we will not discuss the details of her case, we can say that her termination was solely performance-based and not at all related to her appearance or attire. We are confident that when all of the facts and documentation are presented, the claim will be dismissed.”

66 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (66)

  1. Posted by Al Gore | June 3, 2010 at 1:57 PM

    She’s the reason I dropped Tipper like the NYT did Kouwe

  2. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    Nice tags.

  3. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    You know, though, I think she would be attractive in a burka. Maybe more attractive.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:06 PM


    How man times do I have to tell you: You can wear skirts and g-strings but NEVER at the same time. Now hold my tripod.

    David Minkin

  5. Posted by Smell the Leather. Smell It! | June 3, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    That leather attache case never gets old. Shine on you crazy diamond.

  6. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 2:15 PM

    “I would let Debrahlee wear the scream mask.”

  7. Posted by NakedShort | June 3, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    Am I the only guy who thinks these Mom Skirts are a turn off?

    -guy who also hated/hates capri pants

  8. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:19 PM

    “Debraleh may be much more attractive than your average Puerto Rican Citi employee, but she’s pink on the inside just like the other girls and did not deserve to be disrespected.”

    -Jack Tuckner, 6/4/2010

  9. Posted by Smell the Leather. Smell It! | June 3, 2010 at 2:21 PM

    NS – I’ve never seen you so wrong…

    The conservative, yet subtle sexuality leaking from the bottom of that skirt is unbelievably hot. The mom skirt accents the stems.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:22 PM

    “You know you’d eat her faster than a piece of boarding house pie no matter what she’s wearing.”

  11. Posted by Anal_yst | June 3, 2010 at 2:30 PM

    Uh, walked into a C branch the other day and wanted to vomit/gouge my eyes out with a rusty grapefruit spoon. Perhaps C should get their asses in gear and implement a free gym membership program like some other firms have (*with the caveat that employees have to go at least 3x/week)

  12. Posted by Ping Jiang | June 3, 2010 at 2:31 PM

    Debrahlee could have a vaj and I’d still hit that. With the lights on. And the ceiling-fan on medium. While watching Saw IV. And playing the clarinet while smoking cigarettes.

  13. Posted by 住客 | June 3, 2010 at 2:35 PM

    不错 标签

  14. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:38 PM

    DB is under attack from the Chinese

  15. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:41 PM

    Interesting that her Facebook page is still wide open, and she also posted the “Too Hot To Be A Banker” article on her wall. Next stop, reality show.

  16. Posted by PermaGuest | June 3, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    “playing the clarinet while smoking cigarettes.”

  17. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    Much different in Cap mrkts at C. Every “woman” looks like her face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with an ax.

  18. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 2:45 PM

    “Word. Well, looky here, maybe if she get up off that crack rock, Debrahlee can come and be Pepper Jack Tuckner’s best ho.”

  19. Posted by Pandito's Way | June 3, 2010 at 2:51 PM

    “Every “woman” looks like her face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with an ax.”

    Hahah! Brutal.

  20. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:52 PM

    @17, stay classy. Ha

    Debrahlee is so attractive I’d want to bite her back and sodomize her. – Marv Albert

  21. Posted by Vikles | June 3, 2010 at 2:57 PM

    I can think just fine with my penis standing up.

    – Vikles

  22. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 2:58 PM

    @15 – agreed. This is definitely a publicity stunt, and it’s working.

  23. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 3:02 PM

    Did anyone hear her speak on TV this morning? If so, you totally understand why she was let go.

  24. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    “Debrahlee got offers of employment from Dubloon and Guerrero Wealth–she didn’t even need to work at Citi, she was working there out of the goodness of her heart, and this is how they treat her.”

    If this skank put her effort into something legitimate, rather than into this PR stunt, she might actually make something of herself.

  25. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    Somaya Reece … Debrahlee Lorenzana
    Will Ferrell … Jack Tuckner
    Deep Roy … Vikram Pandit

    Written and Directed by Tom Six

  26. Posted by PermaGuest | June 3, 2010 at 3:04 PM

    How long before it comes out that she was getting banged by the branch manager or something and the whole “inefficiency/too hot” thing was the whitewash they thought up?

  27. Posted by Jack Tuckner, Esq | June 3, 2010 at 3:05 PM

    “Debrahlee Lorenzana is so attractive that she inspired me to finally fire my crusty old secretary and hire some young T&A. Best decision I ever made.”

  28. Posted by Rosie Perez | June 3, 2010 at 3:07 PM

    @23 Elaborate, pleaze

  29. Posted by Doh! | June 3, 2010 at 3:08 PM

    Wow, Marv Albert callback – Old School!
    Mom Skirts – forget that – the office look is hawt!

    And would someone explain why skirts and g-strings don’t go well together? I think it’s a Capital Idea! :)

    No question, she’s hot – but it DOES look like she’s guilty of FameHoundery…

  30. Posted by FTW, END IT HERE | June 3, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    You can’t spell “Debrahlee Lorenzana” without “A Hard Boner”

    (literally, play with the letters)

  31. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    Bess, you are too hot for Dealbreaker, I think its time for you to go.


  32. Posted by Prancer, the gay homosexual | June 3, 2010 at 3:15 PM

    “Even if Debs was my secretary getting pounded in the ass, she’d still be attractive.”

  33. Posted by Operator | June 3, 2010 at 3:17 PM


    you cannot call for the end of thread with or ‘FTW’ your own comment.

  34. Posted by Dennis Kneale | June 3, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    Debrahlee is so hot, if she invited me over for dinner I would be perfectly fine with keeping her golden retriever in its crate.

  35. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:24 PM

    I don’t know why I found @31 funny.

    @31/Zach: burn.

  36. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:25 PM


    You’re such a dog lover.

  37. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 3:27 PM

    “Debrahlee could wear a ball gag and a shit mustache under her broken, bloody nose and I would still want to tap her ass, that’s how hot she is.”
    -Jack Tuckner, 6/7/2010

  38. Posted by Banker | June 3, 2010 at 3:30 PM

    Debrahlee is a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab her to death, and then play around with her blood.

  39. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 3:31 PM

    @Bess it took me this long to get the Falcone reference.
    Damn, you’re good.

  40. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:31 PM

    SO when is Citi gonna’ can hot dudes coz’ they are “distracting” gays and gals?

  41. Posted by Canadian Banker | June 3, 2010 at 3:37 PM

    By the looks of her mom in her Facebook page it looks like she’ll inevitably end up weighing in at an extra 50-100lbs anyways.

    – Creepy guy with too much time on his hands today

  42. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    Thread went downhill after #30.

  43. Posted by Sev | June 3, 2010 at 3:45 PM

    @33: Sorry, I have to correct you. I’m FTWing my own comment right now to DL’s officewear shoot.

    @41: Due diligence is not creepy. (Geez, I’m starting to understand how the loan books went pear shaped.)


  44. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:54 PM

    I would totally eat her ass.


  45. Posted by MisterB | June 3, 2010 at 3:57 PM

    Those are definitely not real. Maybe she started slacking off at Citi when she realized she wasn’t going to meet a lamborghini driving papi to cover her in diamonds.

  46. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 3:58 PM

  47. Posted by jj | June 3, 2010 at 4:16 PM

    she’ll settle for a job as a stripper at Scores/Flash dancers

  48. Posted by Anal_yst | June 3, 2010 at 4:21 PM


    Somaya Reece, now there’s a girl who knows how to pimp herself out (and a pretty nice bod, too)

    Thanks @46

  49. Posted by txchick69 | June 3, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    Debrahlee is so hot, she sometimes needs a restraining order to prevent her from molesting herself.

  50. Posted by guest | June 3, 2010 at 4:33 PM

    @40…..Shhhhhhhh…..I totally want this job! ;-)

    — vik

  51. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 5:00 PM

    Debrahlee would be hot with a lot of fur on all fours with her tongue hanging out and her tail wagging.


  52. Posted by Just sayin' | June 3, 2010 at 5:07 PM

    The photoshoot and the comments are part of a big plan. She will be a new personality on Univision or Telemundo by the end of the summer.

  53. Posted by guestofaguest | June 3, 2010 at 5:09 PM

    It’s not genetic btw, check out her sister’s fb page (self shot and pregnant. in the shower. clothed.)

  54. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 5:37 PM

    Bess what are you wearing at work right now?

  55. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    @52 I’m going with BET. Have you not seen the size of her caboose?

    (Motives have already been examined.)

  56. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 8:02 PM

    So this afternoon I was taking my post lunch Kouwe when I had a genius idea. “Budding” essentially a chick “ices” another chick with a Budweiser, I am totally open to modifying the beverage/name, suggestions are welcome.

  57. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 9:56 PM

    drink = PBR
    name = “pap”, “pap’d”, “pap-ing”, etc

  58. Posted by Anonymous | June 3, 2010 at 10:43 PM

    Only celebrities get papped.

    ~Jon Gosselin

  59. Posted by MisterMJ | June 4, 2010 at 2:26 AM

    Eh, non-story. The above photo makes the chick seem like some kind of big-shot (nice office, credentials/frames on the wall, lugging a nice leather stroller) but I hear she was just a teller. A teller. Lame.

  60. Posted by Anonymous | June 4, 2010 at 2:49 AM

    she is quite hot -http://www.facebook.com/pages/Debrahlee-Lorenzana-Is-This-Women-Too-Hot-To-be-A-Banker/124404774261141#!/photo.php?pid=163941&id=124404774261141&fbid=124423144259304

  61. Posted by Derivative Deviant | June 4, 2010 at 3:31 AM

    @56, nice idea, but to imporove the “budding” the chicks then have to double act with the empty bottles afterwards…

    (just given myself wood)

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  66. Posted by donald saelinger | February 11, 2013 at 1:12 AM

    Every one in this world his having some strong aspect where one's efficiency could to be at peak, If she is hot and attractive then she was supposed to be placed at marketing and advertising side to attract more customers. I must say that's not the reason of her disqualification, that's her strength.