Cheryl Mercuris, of the Tampa Bay Mercurises, is a recently divorced mother who you can find out in the Hamptons for the next two weeks. She’s looking for a new husband, and lest you think she’s not serious about this task, Mercuris has made a sizable investment in her future, by renting out a home in Bridgehampton for $250,000 a week. Cheryl loves the men she’s met so far (she’s been “mingling with hedge-fund managers and Wall Street lawyers”) because unlike the bums in Florida like, a certain xay usbandhay of hers, these guys are very “career-oriented.” She says she’s not on “a mission” or anything like that but in the event you’re interested, here are the relevant details:
* Mother of a 6 year-old son and a dog, the latter of which is named Louie
* The house she’s staying in comes with a two-lane bowling alley, a squash court, a spa, and a rock-climbing wall, “among other amenities.”
* A “self-made millionaire,” Cheryl is not spending her ex-husband’s money, having “made her own fortune in direct marketing”
* She’s not looking to be your “trophy bride”
* Should things get serious, Cheryl owns a home in the Time Warner Center and might make the permanent move soon
Ahhh yes, of course, Cheryl Mercuris, of the Tampa Bay Mercurises. How could I have forgotten.
-Chattsworth Ashleigh VanCampen VI, of the Gowanus VanCampens.
If only that thing to her left holding sand was a bit more kind…
Millionaire. $1 million – $250,000/wk = 4 weeks. I am going to call her bluff on this and wait till the 4 weeks are up.
–Horny IT guy making 85K/yr
nice marmot
woof
Desperation is not an attractive quality, honey.
- wall st lawyer
Not into the teeth-brighter-than-pants-holding-rats thing
I’ll pass on both accounts.
-Guy that doesn’t qualify anyway.
trophy soup chicken
I would probably just follow my usual nefarious plan to screw her in an extremely uncomfortable place, with the lights on.
Trophy chopped liver.
“She’s not looking to be your “trophy bride””
Well, at least she is relatively self-aware. It’s important to know one’s limitations.
Will somebody scratch my frou-frou?
- poodle
@12 ouch
Desperation is a stinky cologne
- Police Chief Grady
“The house she’s staying in comes with a two-lane bowling alley, a squash court, a spa, and a rock-climbing wall, “among other amenities.” ”
Are a leather bitch, her brat and her rat really considered “amenities”?
To top it all off, she’s a Florida grad.
@10, Like the back of a Volkswagen? Admittedly she does look like the type who goes for dudes who shop at fashionable male.
-Slacker von Slackowitz of the food court von Slackowitz’s
Hearing Chanos would tap it, leather or not…
@18
I thought he meant the ass… but perhaps I misunderstood his intent…
@10-
With her, any place with the lights on would qualify.
I wouldn’t hit that with a shovel.
@20 – 18 nailed it, but to your point, did I ever tell you the story about my cousin Walter?
Straight up..the only thing she has to offer is sex. And not just plain vanilla married stuff. She knows it. The men know it.
What could she possibly do that she thinks warrants such a lavish lifestyle? Threesomes? Anal? Swallows? A$$licking? Donkey punches?
@10, 20, Any interest in investing in my new fund? Our strategy is centered around having our trades decided by a gypsy fortune teller with three nipples.
Blumkins? Cleveland Steamers.. WITH the cheery on top?
@25 – Gypsy fortune teller w/3 nipples > CFA > Star meep*mer^p#
-@10
I’m perfect for this woman, I’m so career oriented I’ve sent out at least 2 resumes a day for the past 4 years and like her, I’m just waiting for the right opportunity.
Still living at home,
Scot Nicolsen
@25
A few weeks ago that strategy would have sounded crazy. But I know a guy that is killing it letting an octopus decide his trades.
-20
@27
Your first “>” should be a “=”
Bess – Rough morning on the eyeballs so far, what with Goldie and this thing. Please stop.
I think her and STAR would have a eggsllent time together, although STAR might find her personality a little bland.
When will women ever learn? Pictures of you holding a lap rat = instant boner poison.
Parvenu trash!
-Snookie
Let’s have a party at her place in FL while she’s gone. The yacht out back is sick.
I’d tap that ass
-ZK
http://www.qualityresources.com/
If a hedge fund PM marries this skank, he’ll see his assets cut in half within the year, then lose the rest when she divorces him.
“direct marketing” = door-to-door hooker?
@33 Speak for yourself.
-D. Kneale
“Sorry, I was talking to the dog…”
“Cheryl loves the men she’s met so far (she’s been ‘mingling with hedge-fund managers and Wall Street lawyers’).”
“Mingling” is what they call it in the back-back room at Beamers.
DNA reads everglades swamp water.
Whirr. Beep. Boop. Fsst.
Wait now I get it, STAR is a computer that runs a hedge fund, this lady probably has a computer somewhere in that house and just assumed that all computers were hedge fund managers. Maybe she has a fax to and thought that was the lawyer?
Her skin has an orange tinge to it.
It looks like she’s been eating too many carrots.
Where in Pennsylvania does she get her hair done?
@44 obviously fake tan
- guy who knows
So you’re saying Gordon Dickson aka Pete the Pirate has a chance?
@-46
You would know. What you gay or something?
Even if it is fake it looks horrendous
@48 Hi.
- guy w/ girlfriend who wears too much fake tan, and would know.
@49 Hi.
-guy with a really hot girlfriend from summer camp but you don’t know her because she lives in another city and cant meet her because she is studying abroad in china and the small town has no internet, and would know.
@ 49 Hi
I guess you don’t mind beins seen with orange looking girlfriend.
@ 49 Hi
I guess you don’t mind beins seen with orange looking girlfriend.
-48
A picture of her mother would give us a better idea of what this mess really looks like.
Damn @37
That is one of the worst websites I’ve seen in a long ass time! How the f*ck did this twatnozzle make enough $ to have an apt @ the Time Warner center and drop $250m/week on a ridiculous mansion in the Hamptons?
anyone willing to pay 500k for 2 weeks in the over hyped Hamptons is an idiot. She is a troll
guy who lives in the over hyped Hamptons
@2: hilarious. Other comments are callow
@54 Read the comments on the NYP story, linked above. Allegedly, she is a telemarketing scammer. Maybe the reason she needs to relocate is to avoid the AG in Florida.
A better question is how did she end up in the NYP in the first place?
NO “trophy bride” is 40-something. Any slut with money can get a story in the Post.
Do you guys think she’ll take me?
-Zach
Slump Buster
Not being a trophy wife is a 9.5 on the obvious-as-shit-o-meter.
@59 Granted, but why would she want the publicity? Her whole reason to be in the Hamptons was to find a man–hasn’t she just shot herself in the foot?
Who in their right mind will share their estate with someone who is blowing $250,000 a week on a rental?
Do you think she prefers hung over looks? .. If so, I’m in? ..and if she doesn’t think size matters, she hasn’t met me yet!
I love to give cougars a good spray down. They love it too.
whats happen in this world whats wring if some one in this life looking for somethings specail that other dont she cool nothings wrong search for a good hausbend its okay no matter what people say its matter of time and life will keep going now whos care ,just go a head look what ever u like just be ur self and try to see from ionside to let this give u away to see the bright life light energy make u what ever u love to be in good passion with touchy light just be ur self and free ur soul u will get what u living for a nice man carry in his soul loving life of light
She should try People Resources like Steve Cohen.
shes my sister and if you all knew what you were talking about, it would be real nice!! Just Jealous!!!
I would just suck on her toes, keep her in the closet till it was movie night, have sex with her, then put her back in the closet till I felt the need to suck on her toes again…lol.
Her gm dates all of her reps. He’s 35 and dates 18-20 year olds. If they don’t like Jim or date him anymore he makes them feel uncomfortable. I know… I was one of them.
She also screws 1/2 America over. She owns telemarketing!! Scums. She had the last 4 of your cc and charges u w o knowing. As of aug 1st she will need to ask 4 cc numbers… Along w michael kromer :) haha.
Smile evil b****.. Quality resources… Get a call from her… Hang up.
Cheryl has $500,000 to spend on a hampton mantion yet she changes the pay structure on her reps more than she changes her panties! Wonder where she gets the money from… is it from Joe W. tax right off for hiring an autistic man??? Think about it the mans has worked for her since day 1 yet hes late everyday, one of the worst verifiers, and curses the management staff out. THINK BOUT IT… Yet her GMS work 60 hrs plus,carry her purse, and walk her to her car like her personal bitch at minimum wage and her managers gotta listen to her threaten their jobs atleast twice a wk. As bad as the economy is who wants to come to work walking on egg shells prayin shes got layed the night before and shes in a good mood??? NOT Me! I did it far too long FINALLY i left w a bang cursing that bitch out letting her no everything I thought bout her. Feel sorry for everyone that doesnt no the outside world beyond quality!!!
From behind baby, from behind!
I know this woman personally and she is one nasty, mean, evil bitch. No wonder she’s moving out of the area, nobody likes her. Good, one less nasty person to deal with here.
gG7Glh I cannot thank you enough for the blog article.Much thanks again. Great.
A round of applause for your post. Will read on…
This is a great resource. Ill visit again.