FYI, someone is not happy with how you’re running this joint, Mr. Grübel!
55K for top bucket 1st years and 70 for 2nd. Massive disappointment as that means pay was flat YoY. It also blows that the first banks to give numbers are shitty ones that are low-balling. Now even if MS/GS/JPM were planning on paying out better, they have no incentive. PLEASE post something so that a dialogue on this outrage can begin. Really want to hear others’ reactions.
first year top bucket was over 55
Those are top bucket #s? Wow. Hey, it occurs to me that UBS might just suck.
Actually, getting 55k in 2009 and then 70k in 2010 is not flat, you angsty existential prick.
Raymond James is the new GS.
wah! i’m overpaid analyst and am complaining about my bonus. call the wahmbulance
HughBeeEsss Suggs
#3 – personal payout may not be flat, but if the above is to be believed, buckets aka pay in general, did remain falt and that is NOT cool. so stfu.
what’s the spread over RBS?
UBS sucks
how about they pay everyone in swiss govt issued bailout buckets and we call it even
Spread. I love that word.
you didn’t transfer from UCLA to Stanford to be treated like that?
some second year analysts got paid as low as $20k. UBS sucks.
yea, posting on dealbreaker and causing a discussion is really going to change the minds of other banks. great thinking
complaing about 55K for a first year? Wow you made a years salary for some people in one check…it hasn’t exactly been a stellar year for UBS…consider yourself lucky.
That’s hardly enough to cover my nipple reduction surgery.
Bonuses paid in Swiss Francs….
Let’s talk about a real Swiss bank, like CS…
This kid is the true embodiment of everything UBS stands for.
@19 knows what’s up.
Yup, they Suck.
Are those numbers tax free?
ITT: UBS Bankers whining about sucking.
At UBS you pay bonus to bank!
In Soviet Russia, UBS pay you in borscht!
UBS Telecom banking group executive directors got 75K in ’09. Which is fair considering they’ve never done a deal.
…mass exodus shall continue
If you are unhappy with ur banker bonus why dont u quit, have a normal job that allows u to have a life and not have to work till 6AM every day to make little money on a per hour basis.
wow – you guys got screwed. My bonus never goes down, and why should it? Damn deadbeats didnt pay their mortgage, I’m above being penalized – right?
Pigfuckers
Credit Suisse is the new killing it.
In Soviet Russia they pay you in buckets.
BARBARIC!
I heard from multiple sources that UBS bonuses were as follows:
Top Tier 1st Year = $65K
Top Tier 2nd year = $75K
@23 please keep up the good work
Mitch & Murray pay good money
1st yr analyst making photocopies and giving handjobs 65k and complaining in this environment? This guy couldn’t merge 2 lemonade stands and he think he deserves more $$?
What do you think 1st year risk analysts will make?
@36 – Nice!
“couldn’t merge 2 lemonade stands”
ha, just what I needed on a Friday – thank you
in soviet russia 1st year analyst make risk
@33 I heard this as well. The original poster must’ve just thought he was top tier when really he’s just a second bucket kind of guy. Granted, though, that a very small percentage of UBS gets top tier bonuses, median is probably more like $45 / $50…
@35 mitch & murray is the new killing it
so confirmed? 65k top 1st year? any other bank numbers out and confirmed?
@41 way to kick a man when he’s down.
@43 – confirmed. can you rest easy now that I anonymously confirmed bonus numbers for you?
@36 – best comment ever.
UBS Telecom banking (go unicef!) is what happens when a business is run by a couple Indians, a muslim, and an african guy.
What a bunch of entitled pieces of $hit. What the F did any of these toolbags do in their 1st (or even 2nd) years to deserve 55k? They’d be better off with a donut…that way, some would learn the value of work.
@36, actually I attempted to advise my 4 year old nephew in his recent attempt to launch an LBO of a lemonade stand he ran with several of his friends. Unfortunately the management group was not totally objective in describing the business and accordingly my valuation of what was claimed to be “the bestest lemonade in the whole wide universe” proved to be deeply flawed.
-MD UBS Lemonade Stand Division
You know who needs a bigger bonus? Mulally.
I heard Houlihan Lokey paid their top tier 85k, sucks to be in buldge brackets…
@49 Weak.
Leave #36 be. It was perfect.
@48 well said
@36 – I think the cash flows from this lemonade stand are quite strong. Do you think you can get that analyst to find another stand for them to merge with?
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=5385493
#52 Agreed, just trying to occupy myself during an extremely slow few hours.
-49
ITT: Semi-employed web-crawlers and IB rejects have no idea what they’re talking about
Thanks to the few who actually contributed…
@48. Pull 120 hour weeks for three weeks straight and then say that you don’t deserve a bonus.
Actually, the MDs took a haircut last year to juice up the analysts bonus pool across the firm. MD has the discretion to take another haircut this year and add to the Top Tier Pool in his group if there are people he really cares about and some of them are doing it.
This self entitled D-bag needs to shut up and stop whinning. I hope for his sake that he doesn’t do this around his friends or in public.
65k in Stamford goes a long way. Much further than for those analysts living in poverty in NYC. This error in creating a comp set makes me worried for UBS pitch books…
Good comp for a utility
@57 120 hour weeks?? Riight, even if true I guarantee 30-40 of those hours are spent mindlessly staring into space, twirling a pencil around, and bobbing ones head back and forth to stay awake. Morons on Wall Street seem to equate a long day with large pay. If I can do something in half the time do I deserve half the pay?
@49 – try harder
@62 – thanks for confirming that you’ve never been there. Speak not of what you do not understand.
@62 – re-read the tortoise and the hare. Things must not be rushed. Nor started before 6pm.
@62, I seriously doubt you could do anything substantial in any amount of time so it really is a moot point.
Hah coming from those posting on Dealbreaker on a Friday afternoon…this must be included in that highly efficient 120 hours right? Thanks for proving my point.
(shaking head) people like this “top-bucket” analyst are what the sub-prime is in trouble.
@24, 36, 40 just stop.
@66 dont you mean its a “moo” point?
@57 Plenty of people pull those kind of hours and don’t get those kind of paycheck…you think you have it bad? Ask 1st year lawyer right out of law school how much he makes, how many hours he works, and how much of his paychecks go directly to his law school loans…if you’re bitching about 3 hard weeks of work in a year go find a preschool and teach kids, you’ll get your summers free and hey free snacks.
@Bess I am not posting too quickly damnit
@70/NS, Don’t think so, am I missing something here? @71, you wouldn’t happen to be a 1st year lawyer would you?
@72 Yeah, it’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.
NakedShort – I think you could milk this for more. These near 100% salary bonuses are an udder travesty.
No shit UBS shows these guys some cheddar
@7 I know what “YoY” means, dumbass. I think you missed the point.
@73/NS – That is the most udderly ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard – it sounds like something Dick Bove would say, what a Bove-ine comment.
@57 Sad to say, but the hours and work load are kinda what you signed up for, or didn’t Mommy read the fine print for you.
Comments along the lines of 71s are getting so predictable you’d almost say they were homogenized. Makes my blood curdle, churns my stomach into knots, and wheys heavily on the overall thread humor. I’ll steak for the record that I wish 71 and his (m)ilk would vamoooose.
78 – douchebag, that’s right. And the reward for that is the bonus. You sign up for them both at the same time. That’s the whole point you’re missing.
@80 next you will come up with some tripe about UBS investors getting paid for their investment in dividends for your work.
@80. Sorry, but failing for 120 hours a week instead of just 40 doesn’t qualify you for a bonus.
@79 WOW just WOW
These UBS JR rainmakers think they are such cowboys. Herd mentality I guess. Thinking their work gives them a right to a greater skim of the bonus pool. Pretty cheesy.
even so, UBS > C by a nose……………
3pm? I think it’s time I start hitting the bottle.
Limit 2 puns per comment. Moooore is not necessarily butter.
reading the righteous indignation from these analysts, sometimes you can’t believe the words that pasteurize.
80- I totally get it. A bonus is over and above your normal pay based on some sort of group preformance marker. If your preformance sucks, then so does your bonus. Just man up and produce some revenue instead of adding to overhead. 78
@Naked: are you saying you’ll still rate a bond if it was structured by cows?
I’m a full on rapist.
-Charlie
Great now I am hungry for Rocky Mountain Oysters.
@89 – Moo-nicipal bonds have been around for years.
Guys, stfu with the cow references.
@86 – Sounds like this should prod the jr. rainmakers to trade Brooks Brothers for some Dung-arees.
Does that cownt as 2 or 3?
Way to go team this thread has been egg-ceptional!
-Former LEH Quant
this is utterly ridiculous. why is everyone tweaking their posts to reference cows?
@94 – Are we counting steers or queers here?
Its too hot out for all of this cowee nonsense.
Knock knock
Who’s there?
An impatient cow.
An impat…
MOOOOO!!!!!
I’m gonna have to rustle me up somethin’ to drink before hoofin’ it home. No one’s gonna do it for me, so I guess I gotta grab the bull by the horns and git along little doggie. Let the chips fall where they may without steppin’ in ‘em, or gettin’ none on yer calves.
@96 – Don’t have a cow, man.
@96 because Bess stoped posting several hours ago and the British Open is sleep inducing
No puns involving milkshakes, consider us offended.
Signed,
D. Plainview
K. Griffin
Kelis
Cows are not a laughing matter.
-Vikram
@91 Turkey nuts are less chewy
@105. Not if you gobble them down without chewing the cud.
@103 I drank the milkshakes! I drank them up!
We’re always down to share a milkshake with friends.
-The Druries
I walked into my first interview at UBS… ah fuck I’m to checked out today to make a decent run at this but I think it has some serious potential, so anyone who hasn’t devoted the rest of their day to mass texting chicks for this weekend please go ahead and run with it.
BANKEN BANKEN BANKEN
HAHAHAHAA
@109 mass texting chicks at 4 o’clock on a Friday has always been and forever will be the new killing it.
Anyone else here horny?
-Guy milking the cow theme for all it’s worth
Lots of win here
Without the government bailout, there would be no UBS or other dipstick sucking financial whore f*&ktards, nor would you have a job.
Go home, kick back, and pop open a tallboy can of STFU!
Vinz
@114 – Don’t have a cow, man.
that’s about 49k too much, you fucking ingrates
this thread is epic. best dbreaker comments ever.
Comps and powerpoint decks are the new killing it
UBS has lost prestige, they fuckin took laterals from Stifel Nicholas. That is so embarrassing.
In soviet Russia, analyst kill MD
^ you are the man…too funny…kudos
55k for first years is with a 60k base also, not 70 like other banks. Second years base was 80k.
this thread is legendairy
Where’d everyone go? I can keep going until the cows come home
@124/NS that’s a cowlenge I may be ready to meat.
MORE COWBELL!
For deals on these numbers? Any other kid at a shit middle marketplaces care to dive in here? No way in hell HL paid 85
@127 were taking bout more important stuff here re:cows.
ubs is not even a bb, its a piece of shit firm. mm numbers are top bucket 50k. bb top buckets are all 60-80k this year.
hlhz is not that high ,they are around ubs and both firms suck huge dik
best post @120
@128
“HL” = “Holstein Lineback”
-not Dbag #127
The first and second year kids had to be completely blindsided with these numbers because up until now, UBS had been producing GS type earnings and paying GS type comp for years. No one could have seen this coming. What schools produced the idiots surprised by this?
– Fixed Income
@133 the University of Southern Cowlifornia???? Am I right?
Meant to add
-guy who likes to beat a dead cow
PIGBOMB!
from a credible source: JPM 2nd yr top $85
@135 maybe you’re thinking of Toro College.
mba or cfa?
meant to add
-guy of the same milk
@139 USDA
same bonus as 1st 2nd yr vp at bnp paribas
@137 JPM hasn’t paid yet
Give the guys from UBS a break everyone. It’s not easy hiding the assets of HNWI’s in offshore accounts to evade taxes!
Kouwe
Time to put this thread out to pasteur.
@146 That’s the best choice if its past its prime.
Oh, burger it all. This is making me mad. I’m ready to chuck this whole thread. I hoof to stop reading it now or I’ll get chippy.
@119, Stifel is the new Kobe
Sorry nakedshort – I cud not respond as I was off grazing.
I brand this thread full of win
Does anyone know the bonus number for other buckets (i.e.: 2nd, 3rd, etc) 1st years at UBS?
1 MILLION COWS
Anyone want to trade equities in Dallas?
UBS 1st years: 60-65 for top bucket, 55 mid
confirmed
Top buckets at my boutique
1st Year: 70K
2nd Year: 85K
3rd Year: 110K