[The Oracle Of O and Mr. President talk shop at the White House this afternoon.]
Comments (165)
Leave a comment
You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.
- Use the Bloomberg command
NH BLG_DEALBREAKER <GO>
to access Dealbreaker
email: tips@dealbreaker.com
text: (646) 820-4847
call: (212) 334-1871
all tips are anonymous
Yes, that’s exactly what Erin did.
that’s 11 zeroes Barry – Dreams of my Father Royalties aint gonna get you that
Ebony and Ivory, live together in perfect harmony….
Luke, I am your father. You know it to be true.
Not bad… Now change the font to Comic Sans and put “overhaul” and “fellatio” in quotes.
And that is how you need to angle the stripper pole to properly get a VJ
WB: Uh, yes, I’d like the filet mignon, rare, and a side of creamed spinach. And please hurry it along, I am meeting with the President shortly.
BO: I am the President.
WB: (guffaws throatily) Good one! Wit will take you far, boy!
look at Sarah Palin’s new jugs!!
@7 ‘Boy’ is a white racist word.
examine your motives
Barry, I don’t want to seem too critical, but there seem to be some major gaps in your resume prior to you becoming the…um…President.
This is where the Germans are holding my octopus…
Caption should read:
[The Oracle Of O and Prez O talk shop at the House of O this afternoon.]
Sorry to bother you on the crapper, but pay attention– this is important.
“And that’s how you do the old ‘hole in the manilla folder’ trick.”
“This is the list of all the members of our Secret Socialist Club.”
“By the way, that’s a nice watch, Barry. I didn’t know they made bands that small. But I’d try a smaller shirt size, maybe something in a 12 1/2 inch neck size.”
Er, um, well, see…it was a flaw in the drafting of the legislation…regardless, I don’t need to fake my death like Steinbrenner because I’ve sheltered my entire estate…call Bill, he’ll explain.
If you cannot beat them – join them. With dems numbers in the toilet and everyone to the right of Clinton screaming anti-business the president has finally decided to seek opinion of someone who actually knows how the economy works – wow, I am so NOT impressed by this typical political bs before November.
See, if you take the liabilities (things you owe) and subtract them from your assets (things you own), then you get “shareholders equity”
“Give me that page back, Barry. You can’t have it. It’s mine.”
Dealer is North. You are vulnerable. East-West have a 9 card fit in a minor. North-South have an 8 card fit in hearts, but the contract makes on a progressive squeeze.
Bill played this hand for us the other day and ended up down two. If you can make it, I’ll make you my new partner.
@18 GTFO. This is a fucking caption competition.
I’m going to talk to you like a child. Nod if you’re with me. I’m saying that you’re talking to people who seem crazy, and either I’m a tremendous relief to you, or this is a really elaborate joke on me, but I’m thinking you’re smart enough to get this joke, at this point, 18 months into your presidency when you’ve started talking to car people, that you’ve gone crazy. Nod.
Warren, can you move those paper thingies so the “checking out of the packages” can be mutual?
You will get this column in guaranteed speaking fees if you call the FCIC off Gen Re and this column if you include a grandfather clause in the Volcker Rule.
@13 That was funny
This look good to you, my lucky stock-picking m*****?
“Mr. President, you are really fucking this whole thing up.”
@18 you suck at captioning photos.
WB (using papers to cover up his open fly): “That sore there, on the tip, that’s from Maria. The pustule down near the base is courtesy of of Erin. And the wart on the left testicle is from Ruth Madoff.”
I before e, except after c
[insert Duke/Valentine exchange here]
“You see this Barry, this is the kind of nonsense I am talking about. I will explain it again, businesses create jobs, people then earn money to pay taxes from their income. Expanding public entitlements is not a jobs programs”, said Mr. Buffet
“Now this number (*points to the page) represents the amount of money I stand to lose if you don’t include the derivatives provision that Ben Nelson and I were merely mentioning the other day. Why yes, that’s very perceptive of you. It IS larger than the state budgets of all the midwestern states, combined.”
“Look, son, I’ve tried to explain it to you…. Hey, what’s that moving in your pocket?”
clearly not listening
First you add up all your revenue, then subtract your direct costs, that give you operating income. Now subtract your overhead …. oh, forget it. See these parentheses here? That’s bad. Make those go away and you will be re-elected.
So thats the family tree and how we are related…and Bill is a cousin too! Not bad for a bunch of black guys, huh…
This is bacon…like you might find in a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich
“Mr. President, do you know this Becky Quick?” “She have a lazy eye?”
“Nevermind, the lazy eye, she can suck a golf ball through a hose!”
“This is all you have to show for your first year in office, someone get me the TPS Report”
“See. Says right here that you have to pay on time every month or they will come and take your shit. Did you read any of this before signing the rental agreement?”
Obama.. don’t peep in to my papers.. get your own ideas.
“I’ll give you 20 Class A Shares for half an hour with Michelle”
I came in for my 23rd round interview. He sat down and hastily grabbed some papers, with random equations and images, like an IQ test. We made eye contact for 13 uninterrupted minutes, and after stealing a glance of the images on the papers, I knew I had only 30 seconds to respond. I said, that one. The naked woman holding a seven iron and a raw steak. He glanced at his papers, a smile creeping upon his face. “Interesting” he replied. Can you come in tomorrow for another interview?
Mr. President, I don’t know what they taught you in Kenya, but it doesn’t add up.
and after I raped it I left the corpse here…
“I told you a long time ago, you fucking little monkey, not to FUCK ME!”
BBQ sauce is tough to get out–SEE
Now say it with me “a negative times a negative is a positive”
Check out this picture, your the spittin image of Charlie’s lawn jockey.
weak down the line. dont quit your day jobs
So are you in? Hef said since you’re from Chicago he’s holding a slot for you on the handbridge loan to take the bunnies private. And each syndicate member gets free use of the mansion and a photo op with the Hollywood sign!
See that number??? That’s what i made on Goldman Sachs !
“Mr President, under your policies even Johnny with a lemonade stand down the street could not avoid your horrible regulations, Warren said.
He would be required to give the lemonade away as a redistribution to those who do not have lemonade
You are taxing the Johnny for having the lemonade in the first place
You blame Johnny for the ills of the non-lemonade holders
You make Johnny’s lemonade stand provide free lemonade to the kids in his neighborhood
You threaten to shut down Johnny’s suppliers for allowing a few lemons to fall off of the tree
You shakedown Johnny’s suppliers for a fund to provide relief to lemon pickers
Son, where did you get this from, a Karl Marx book?
WB: These leads are weak.
BO: “The leads are weak.” The fucking leads are weak? You’re weak. I’ve been in this business 1.5 years…
WB: What’s your name?
BO: Fuck you. That’s my name.
WB: [laughs, looks at papers]
BO: You know why, mister? ‘Cause you flew a Net Jet to get here tonight; I flew in my $600MM Air Force 1. That’s my name.
I’m only going to explain this one more time, If you had 2 oranges and I gave you 2 more oranges, you would have 4 oranges in all, understand ?
How was I supposed to know that she was a Russian Spy?
And this is where the national debt will reach a point of no return…
Let me explain this one more time. This is the org chart. Here’s me at the top and here’s you way down here.
here are the blue prints for the real girl 3000. you in?
If you don’t eliminate the estate tax after this year, I’m going to lose a lot of money, and I’m not going to fake my death either, capiche?
This is the tax haven island in the Carribean Berkshire will relocate to if you don’t call off the dogs.
“You read the part of Shia.”
Look just do what I tell you or you are going to find yourself back in the ghetto handing out leaflets where I found you
my contract with the devil appears to be thicker than yours
“now thats just stupid barry!”
“…..and that’s when your popularity fell off a cliff”
In Soviet Russia…wait…it’s the exact fucking same.
See this? Its not so hard. All I want is this blue wheelbarrow filled with vaseline.
Liz Claman is HOT
“Say, Barry – have you seen your approval ratings lately?”
…and this is the biggest, veinest, with good form, I have ever drew. Then I was banned from eating any penis shaped foods.
44 FTW, nice
Okay, so look here. I drew it out for you to help illustrate. When you promised the American people more ‘jobs, what they heard was “jobs.” There. The one without the apostrophe. I mean, yeah sure, who doesn’t want more ‘jobs? And yes, because your sex appeal made women on 7 continents want to S more D, you were able to deliver. (High Five!) But “jobs,” these ones right here, we’ve really got to work on those.
72 = win
“The US needs to merge with Berkshire in order for the world to survive.”
When you combine ignorance and leverage, you get some pretty interesting results.
One word: Oreo. Talked to the Amazon wife of yours. Let’s do this right.
WB -”Don’t fuckin’ mention that I bailed out GS again, alright?”
BO “I’m not.”
WB “You wanna hug it out?”
BO “Not really.”
WB “Let’s hug it out bitch.”
Buffett: Oops, I just pooped a little.
Barry: Ohhh man! Let me get some of it, I love throwing that stuff!
I told you Barry, T’s on an S!
or
Barry: Those t*ts never get old
WB: No siree they do not!
And that is how I saved a bundle with GEICO. Now, why am I here again?
And that is how I saved a bundle by switching to GEICO. Now, why am I here again?
@47 ftw
WB: “I know, I can’t believe they didn’t tell her, either. I read on Gawker that they’re trying to get a reality show. That’s a big surprise for a mom…speaking of which, let’s talk about a stimulus you should get behind…”
BO: “Aw, Warren. Come on. Focus, here. Aw.”
WB “What? Don’t look at me like that. Have you SEEN Nailin’ Palin?!”
WB: “I know, I can’t believe they didn’t tell her, either. I read on Gawker that they’re trying to get a reality show. That’s a big surprise for a mom…speaking of which, let’s talk about a stimulus you should get behind…”
BO: “Aw, Warren. Come on. Focus, here. Aw.”
WB “What? Don’t look at me like that. Have you SEEN Nailin’ Palin?!”
Barry: whad you just call me
WB: uhh…sparkling wiggles?
WB: Pardon me for saying this, Mr. President, but I’ve never seen wrists so dainty.
BHO: (Looking downward) Yeah, I know. I couldn’t even make the JV baseball team. No one would pick me.
You hand me these papers as if they mean something.
Where’s Star? I want fucking Star!!
Will I take you to the topless shoeshine? Lets put it this way, if this was your Report Card you would be going to bed without dinner.
The NAACP finally say what no one else will, and that is shout out the Tea party racism.
Listen up Barry I have this friend in Malibu,he’s having some domestic strife and is ready to make a deal on his beach house, he said he’d throw in the 25 foot crucifix and German Cross as part of the deal.
“No, imaginary numbers are only used in geometry you can NOT use them in the budget”
The Oracle Of O and Mr. President go over their respective resumes at the White House this afternoon.
In response to the recent heat wave in the northeast, we are revising our Dairy Queen menu to include more “cool off” items. This is evidence that Berkshire Hathaway is doing it’s part for the environment.
Ima RICH biotch
@92 focus or kill yourself, fucking pussy
@98 you just afraid of the reality
thaaats the clitorus
“So normally, I order something from over here, like the Patty Melt or the Denver Omelette, and then I like to finish it off with something from the dessert menu over here, like the Hot Fudge Sundae or the Banana Sp – wait a minute, you werent talking about ordering dinner when you asked me what you should do, were you?”
you know Mr. President… Geico can save you 15% or more on car insurance…
@92 – please come back when you pass 4th grade English.
Repeat after me ….
“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe”
.
That’s right, Barack, it says right here on the CBS poll that 13% of us say your policies have helped them personally– thanks again– 23% say the policies hurt them and 63% say your policies had no effect for them whatsoever.
@99 here is the reality…this is a caption contest about a picture of buffet and barry, not a pro-nwacp,liberal jo&c board
-@98
And the magic starts here…
WB: “Alright Barack, I need you to really focus in on this chapter. This chapter highlights why we fought for our independence from the King.”
BO: “Don King?”
WB: “No, the King of England.”
BO: “Is that the dude in that silly outfit selling hamburgers? Barack loves him some Whoppers.”
WB: “I know, I saw Michelle in that dress earlier, remember? Now please, focus on this part about independence and the constitution.”
BO: What do you want to do tonight, WB?
WB: What we do every night, BO… try to take over the world
WB: You see Barry, we used to have this thing called “The Gold Standard”
BO: That’s racist
P.S. Boy is only a racist word if you let it be….it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy
NAACP is much more racist than the Tea Party
108 FTW!
BO: We are just blowing through nap time, aren’t we?
94 – I think they are mostly used in Algebra/Calculus, but hey who cares right?
The Ghost of Carl Friedrich Gauss
WB: What’s this? Why don’t I own this? Why don’t I own this?
BO: That’s the Al Waheed holdings. He was the holdout, when we were doing the buying? He had hoped to speak with you… Can’t you just buyout the other investors?
WB: Can I buyout the other investors of a sh*tty bank? Don’t be thick in front of me, Barry.
BO: I can go to him again…
WB: No, I’ll go and talk to the man. I’ll talk to him, show you how it’s done.
BO: “Lets take a break. Anyway, I want you to try this Kool-Aid. Volker loves the stuff”
WB: “Nah, I’ll stick with my Cherry Cokes”
@23 strong
caption:
“Told you she was a real red head”
BO: “Where’s that section on Separation of Church and State?”
WB: “Yeah, it’s not actually in there.”
BO: “How about how everyone has the right to the US Health Care System?”
WB: “Nope.”
BO: “Holy crap we abolished liquor?”
WB: “Yeah, that was repealed later.”
BO: “What’s this Right to Bear Arms section and Free Speech crap…dang, I really need to read this thing.”
I think in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is that I do. For instance tomorrow morning I’ll get up nice and early, take a walk down over to the bank and… walk in and see and, uh… if you don’t have my money for me, I’ll… crack your fuckin’ head wide-open in front of everybody in the bank. And just about the time that I’m comin’ out of jail, hopefully, you’ll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I’ll split your fuckin’ head open again. ‘Cause I’m fuckin’ stupid. I don’t give a fuck about jail. That’s my business. That’s what I do.
The strait line before this number here is a really really really bad thing.
Now you and Michelle will be sitting here, next to Oprah, while I’ll be at Barbra Streisand’s table. The head table with Chelsea, Mark, Bill and Hillary is this one here.
WB: Barry don’t be upset that they had Carew throw out the opening pitch.
BO: Screw that you don’t know how it feels.
WB: Look you embarrassed us all last year with that limp wristed throw. Pujols is still pissed about having to save your ass.
BO: Fuck you!
WB: Calm down boy. Now look I brought a 5 point plan to help you throw like a man.
Your name is Barry, boy
WRITE TWO LETTERS
119 wins
“Right here – this is exactly what I mean. It’s disgusting. Erotic fan fiction. I don’t even know what it means – do you know what a handbridge is and why Becky needs one? You gotta get Rahm to cut it out. And don’t tell me it’s not him. The IP address is the White House and every chapter ends with my face in the nut sack of a ballerino.”
BO: What’s that?
WB: The Constitution.
BO: (giggles) You said tit.
Mr.Buffet is showing here the naked photo of Bess Levin.
Pres. Obama asked Mr. Buffet if Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac can make money from that photo to replenish the much needed cash.
Ornate White House fireplace captures attention.
Carry the “1.” See how bad that makes it? You didn’t carry the “1!”
WB: You see this picture here, what is it?
BO: Whoa. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. WOW!! WHOOOOO!!! YEAHH!! Oh my God look at that.
WB: You didn’t answer my question
BO: Oh my God, it’s full. It’s a double rainbow all the way across the sky. Oh my God.
WB: What does this mean?
BO: Oh my God. Ohhhh. It’s so bright. Oh my God, it’s so bright and vivid. Ohhhhh. OHHHH. It’s so beautiful. It’s a double complete rainbow.
WB: Are you crying?? You’re not crying. Wow, you’re crying.
BO: Too much. I don’t know what it means.
WB: It’s not a rainbow, it’s the trajectory of your approval rating and consumer confidence, you idiot.
“They forgot to carry the 1. The whole financial crisis wouldn’t have happened.”
And this is how we get BP to bail US out!
these are all absolutely awful. you all suck.
#11 is the only redeemable caption.
119 is an idiot
WB: Conjugal visits? Mmmm. Not that I know of. Y’know, minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is: kick someone’s ass the first day, or become someone’s bitch. Then everything will be all right… Why do you ask, anyway?
@124 wins.
@65 gets runner up.
-Really should be examining my motives
WB: “You’re still not getting it are you? Okay, I’ll try one more time. Maybe Joe can help…bwaa ha ha, I crack me up. We’re all doomed.”
BO: (after breaking vase) That was a cheap vase, right? That was a fake, right?
WB: I believe we paid $35,000. But if I remember correctly, we valued it for the insurance company at $50,000. You see, Mortimer? [Obama] has already made us $15,000.
BO: You want me to break something else?
“Wait a minute Warren… you’re saying liabilities ain’t added to starting cash?”
WB: Big A, little A, what begins with A? Ok ok, I’ll slow down and start over from the beginning….
11 and 58 nailed it for me… fucking funny.
You forgot to state your income on this ninja loan application, Barry.
140 FTW… Trading Places references just seem so right.
@132 – That utube/fb rainbow vid is hilarious…. what a faggot.
– good shout on the quote
100 hands down
Ok, let’s go through this one more time. You walk briskly into the kitchen, proceed to the pantry…right here you will find a panel that you will push and will take you to a passageway that will lead you outside the White House gate. One you make it out, run like hell. I will hang back here with Bill Clinton and figure out a plan for the economy. When it is OK for you to come back, we will give you a signal.
@65 – That is all.
“This is a debit and this is a credit.”
No, no, you don’t understand. The Republicans knew no-one would actually read the Finance Bill so they had page 1,396 amended to bring back slavery. See – you signed right here. Now fetch me a Mint Julep, boy.
@56 — BRILLIANT GGGR integration.
“I’m sorry Mr. President, as you see here, the rules clearly state that landing on Free Parking does not mean you get all the money in the pot”
BO: So Edward is a vampire?
BO: What happens if we just add a zero to all the currency, won’t that make it worth more?
BO: What do you think people are buying?
WB: Depends!
BO: What would it depend on?
WB: No! Depends, the adult diapers.
WB: Well looking at this resume I have to agree nothing is impossible for him. But Mr. President, you are no Aleksey Vayner.
So, Mr. President,, in sum, a “stock” is a tradable instrument entitling the owner to a pro rata share of the equity of the related institution. It may or may not also entitle the holder to dividends, which are usually cash payments made by an issuer on a monthly or quarterly basis.
Nest week, we’ll be going over debt instruments, including high yield corporate bonds. There will also be punch and pie.
To use the parlance of the colored people, Mr. President, the market just isn’t “gettin’ jiggy with it” this quarter.
Obama: “So you figured out a comprehensive solution to the global finacial crisis?”
Buffet: “No, but I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching over to Geico.”
According to my double top secret investing formula, this is where you went wrong in your NCAA Men’s Basketball bracket.
Obama: But the banks are already on probation.
Warren: They are? Well, as of this moment, they’re on DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION!
(Tribute to Animal House)
“When you spend more than you take in, it’s called a deficit.”
The next item to learn now is a balance sheet.
Warren: “What’s a 5 letter word starting with O for Incompetent?”
Barack: “I think it is O-B-A-M-A”
Warren: “Thanks. That fits perfectly”