Does It Surprise Anyone To Hear Guy Claiming To Have Banged LeBron James’ Mom Without A Condom Is A Former Lawyer For The SEC?


The people who work at the SEC are awesome. Given. The greatest minds on Wall Street, you’d be hard-press to find a group of more impressive individuals. Their accomplishments are far too many to mention but to name just a few: Guinness Book of World Records holder for most attempts to log on to during the course of the business day, missed astounding number of scams even when they were literally all up in their grills over and over and over again, and so on and so forth. And while they’re used to the kicking of ass and the taking of names (just par for their course) and the unending accolades, it’s still gotta be a pretty proud day when when of their own is publicly recognized like this:

The lawsuit is explosive — in it, 55-year-old Leicester Bryce Stovell claims he met Gloria in a D.C. area bar in 1984 … and had unprotected sex with her on the night they met. He later found out she was 15-years-old at the time … he was 29. But the man making the claim isn’t some schmuck — dude is a Princeton graduate … who earned a law degree from the University of Chicago … and then became a Senior Legal Advisor for the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

In his suit, Stovell claims he has a very clear recollection of the night he had “consensual sexual relations” with Gloria — in fact, he even remembers apologizing for his sub-par performance…Leicester — a self-proclaimed high school star athlete — says he remembers telling Gloria, “Well, if he’s mine, make sure he plays basketball.” He claims that was the last time he saw Gloria for more than 20 years.

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50 Responses to “Does It Surprise Anyone To Hear Guy Claiming To Have Banged LeBron James’ Mom Without A Condom Is A Former Lawyer For The SEC?”

  1. Anal_yst says:

    Knocking up a girl half your age – when you’re 29 – is the new killing it?

  2. Anonymous says:

    @1, Always has been. Bess, was the “par for their course” line a play on the “apologizing for his sub-par performance” line?

  3. There's always a critic says:

    okay … wow … that’s a wrap.

  4. Anonymous says:

    The joke potential for this thread is enormous.

  5. Fag H8tR says:

    Is there a statute of limitations on statutory rape in whatever placed the black man raped the black female?

    Additionally, what a black!

  6. Anal_yst. says:

    Standing on a bar room floor naked, before spitting Myoplex in a man’s face and punching him in the mouth repeatedly is the new “killing it.”

  7. Anonymous says:

    “I shall name him LeBron, after the Chrysler automobile he was conceived in,” proclaimed Gloria.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I remember a similar event long ago and I told her, “Well if he’s mine, have Yoda teach him to use “the Force”.

    ~D. Vader
    85 Broad Street
    New York, NY

  9. Anonymous says:

    @5 No the DoJ just turns its head like with certain voter intimidation cases. Holder for President 2012

  10. Anal_yst says:

    @7 bringin’ it, very nice.

  11. Anonymous says:

    “I shall name him LeBrawn after the paper towel nearby…”

  12. Bike says:

    So let me guess, Leicester thinks he’s due a taste of LJ new contract?

  13. NakedShort says:

    I shall name him LeTron after the 1982 science fiction film produced by Walt Disney Pictures

  14. Anonymous says:

    Say, am I the only one on Intrade with a bet he signs with the Memphis Grizzlies?

    -G. Michaels

  15. Anonymous says:

    The SEC will have to change its name like the MMS did after its scandals:

    “Secretarial Order 3302, issued June 18, 2010 renames the Minerals Management Service to the Bureau of Ocean Energy Management, Regulation, and Enforcement (BOEMRE). The name change is effective immediately.”

  16. guest says:

    Okay, let me get this straight. Mr. Stovell is suing these people because they allegedly interfered with his attempts to prove he committed statutory rape on a 15 year old he’d just met at a bar? When he was 29? And probably already admitted to the other kind of bar?? The kind which disbars people (or declines to admit them in the first place) if it finds out about little indiscretions like this???

    Genius. Pure genius, these SEC dudes.

  17. Anonymous says:

    I shall name him LeBra after the thing that holds LeTits

  18. racist says:

    “Look at ‘im. He light skin jus like his mama. He a li’ bron boy. Ain’t dat right li’ bron boy? Mama’s li’ bron boy. Aw shoot, dat what I’m gone call ‘im. Libron.”

  19. Anonymous says:

    @17- nice work.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Is a side-by-side slam-dunk comparison considered compelling evidence in paternal suits?

    -guy who can hardly dunk a donut, but is still curious.

  21. Anonymous says:

    CFA > NBA

  22. CMBS 4-Life says:

    Less Stovill is the new Thomas Jefferson. Too bad they didn’t have professional bas-kit-ballz back in those days, or doo-rags/rims/grape soda.

  23. At 915 pm Art Modell will help Lebron James pack his bags live on ESPN! Tune in

  24. Anonymous says:

    Att’n DB readers: got L, e, B, r, and o. Looking for one more person to paint the n on their belly and stand with us outside MSG.

    –Z. Kouwe

  25. guest says:

    @13/NS Greatest. Film. OfAllTime


  26. Suh Mah Dih says:

    Is there an SOL on statutory rape?

  27. yb detsop says:

    Gloria’s sorta like 7-11, she may not always be open, but she’s always doing business.

  28. hoser says:

    At the risk of actually providing information, it appears that the statute of limitations in ohio is 20 years from when she turned 18.

  29. Anonymous says:

    I shall name him LeProm, after where he fell out of me

  30. Anonymous says:

    If he met her at a bar, then the bar is responsible and he’s off the hook… right? RIGHT?!

  31. Anonymous says:

    @28 Glad you knew where to look for that

  32. Texashedge says:

    @30, exactly, it also doesn’t count if she SAYS she’s 18

  33. gentleman trader says:

    ohio is likely not applicable as she was “allegedly” picked up at a d.c. area bar.

  34. Anonymous says:

    @18 FTW!

  35. Anonymous says:

    @1 Anal_lyst that’s always been killing it

  36. guest says:

    Grass on the field, amirite?
    – sick fuck

  37. guest says:

    21 = racist. examine your motives.

  38. Anonymous says:

    Who hasn’t banged LeBron’s mom?

    -DeLonte West

  39. dissident says:

    Learn to spell surprise right!

  40. Airhead says:

    In fairness to women, men are terrible gold diggers! If they can suck your bone marrow they’ll do it.

  41. Anonymous says:

    Did anyone actually read the complaint? This dude sounds like a moron. Not only does it call into question his legal skeeelz, but it demonstrates he can’t even write a coherent sentence. SEC sure is (was) getting top quality from their senior legal advisers.

  42. Anonymous says:

    You are filing lawsuits too slowly. Please speed up.

  43. Big Black Man says:

    They is suck the dick!

  44. Anonymous says:

    @27 you and your fucking rope…

  45. Anonymous says:

    I shall name him Lebouf, after the greatest actor/CFA/day trader of our time

  46. sladd says:

    Who knew the SEC was filled with oversexed workers trying to live out the fantasy everyday, internet porn apparently is not enough

  47. TraderBoy says:

    “Look at this mouth, look at these eyes look at these ears look at this hair line” “they match!” “they match the hairline the ears, the mouth, the nose,the eyes the everything.”

    “you know damn well this yo baby! you know this yo baby!” “10 month old baby, dante…you are not the father”

    Dat baby don’t look like me!

  48. EvilBuzzard says:

    The performance may have been sub-par, but apparantly something dribbled out. LaBrain fathered LeBron?

  49. Finnegan says:

    Some white people love to try to make jokes in the perceived dialect of uneducated blacks. Generally it doesn’t work. At least not up in here.

  50. Don says:

    I wouldn’t have hit on a 15 year old when I was 18. That he was a highly educated 29 year old is reprehensible. Where can you find the full story? As an attorney doesn’t he hold a higher degree of due care and responsibility to our laws and values than the general society? His license to practise law is the property of the state and not his. The state in which he is licensed should be made aware that he may violated the law, failed to report during his renewal period and subsequently admitted to the crime once the technicality of the statute of limitations wore off. Likewise, the SEC and the administration should go after him for being an absolute disgrace.