Sinner
As is I’m sure the case for many of you fine people, on a daily basis, a whole lot of garbage ends up in my inbox, most of it unsolicited. Sometimes though, on rare occasions, there is the potential for universe-altering gold. Such as the following:
Hi Bess–
I’d love to send you an advanced copy of Lee Vance’s new thriller THE GARDEN OF BETRAYAL. Lee was a general partner at Goldman Sachs for twenty years so when he writes in his new book about the high powered world of hedge fund managers and in the know financial consults, he does so with authority.
Having zero idea what this book is about can I just express to you people how can’t-catch-my-breath excited I am for this just based on the title? I mean…let’s just take a moment to fantasize:
Scenario 1: The Garden of Betrayal: A re-telling of the story of Adam and Eve with LB playing the snake (YOU’D LIKE THAT, WOULDN’T YOU TATT MAIBBI?)
Scenario 2: The Garden of Betrayal: Hank Paulson and His Birds: The story of a love that dare not speak its name, illegal in 48 states and heretofore only thought to be observed by a group of garden gnomes who swore to take it to the grave. (Film rights already optioned, sneak peek available here).
Scenario 3: Three words: Marc Spilker Comeuppance.
Scenario 4: The Garden of Betrayal: A how-to guide narrated by Lucas van Praag re: manscaping. Chapter 1: How To Think About Tackling A Beast Like Lloyd Blankfein’s notoriously overgrown cock-bush.
The possibilities are endless. Dare to dream with me.
notoriously overgrown cock-bush FTW
naughty hawk !
I can’t wait to hear the one about Lloyd crying in the mens room after Corzine told him to get a set
Should this make it to film, Dick Bove would make a wonderful garden gnome.
ror
is Paulson petting the cock or the hen?
Shot rights to the sequal:
The Garden of Crap Pools and Shitty Deals
Whats a cockbush?
1968? What is that? Entry level Gap 1969 clothing? Bah-zing!
@8 http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cock-bush
@10 Bess, I like when you hang with the peeps….
Re: The Garden of Betrayal, a reading from the book of Abacus:
God blows life into the nostrils of a near-dead merger arbitrage trader, and creates a desk dedicated strictly to merger arbitrage, and tells the man that he can partake in merger arbitrage, and also other strategies, such as the buying – and even shorting – of the stocks and bonds of public companies. He can trade in all the strategies except for the ‘Strategy of Subprime Good and Evil,’ for on the day you trade on it you shall surely die.”
Paulson wants help from someone, but none of the animals in the hedge fund garden are good enough. So God lets Johnny P overdose on some opium, and when Paulson falls asleep, God creates a woman from Johnny P’s rib. A flamboyant woman who he dresses like a man, dances around like Freddie Mercury before the HIV, and calls himself the flamboyantly fabulous Fab. “This one was taken from an arb,” God says. At the end of Abacus 2, Paulson and Fab are exposed to all kinds of markets. But they’re not ashamed.
In Abacus 3, a Serpent emerges, the sliest beast of the field, called St. Lloydifer.. He tempts Fab to trade in the “Strategy of Subprime Good and Evil,” saying it will make him more like God and that it won’t cause death. Fab trades in the strategy, and convinces Paulson to take the other side of the trade. They’re now aware that they’re naked in shorting subprime. They cover their privates with synthetic CDO transaction slips, and hide from God. God asks them what they’ve done, and Paulson blames Fab. Fab blames Lloydifer.
God makes his assistant, the virgin Mary Schapiro, file fraud charges against St. Lloydifer. He punishes Fab and Paulson with painful investor conference calls and recanting of embarrassing of e-mails, and banishes them from dealing with each other.
@12, nicely done
I think it’s about chopping down neighbors’ hedges in the South Fork. Don’t be fooled by it.
@14 oh, I hate myself for not thinking of that. will need to do an update.
The Garden of Betrayal is about one person’s experience with towel clad Chazzy Gasparino in the Equinox steam room.
the garden of Eden is what you have when you don’t ‘scape your neuper
The Garden of Betrayal: How Andrew Ross Sorkin Stole Charlie Gasparino’s Authorial Thunder and Which of His Fingers Was Broken as a Result
Bess, it really makes me angry to think that your inbox is constantly filled with things unsolicited. Your inbox is a national treasure.
In Soviet Russia, garden betray….no, see it just doesn’t work here.
-Not Anal_yst, but a fan of his work
@19, I laughed
The Garden of Betranal_yst; A Compendium of Thoughts
In Soviet Russia face sucks vampire squid! @20 I’ll admit that’s a stretch at best.
I’m looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro.
@24 LvP
@23 Devil squid kicks both their asses
@12 Kudos.
@12 really bringing his (her?) A-game today, very impressive.
In Soviet Russia chimera produce febrile minds.
@12 – Truly outstanding
@12 – well played, hat tip to you.
Leave my egret alone you bald fool!
@12 Chapeau