Take it away, Tom Barrack:
Gang,
The last few weeks have been an incredible adventure. Thanks to you, Colony is on fire across the globe and we are conquering new frontiers and new themes on a daily basis in almost every venue in which we conduct our business. You are the A Team and I am deeply grateful and proud of what all of you have “teamed” to our reality.
I am going to share with you a personal breakthrough, which does not relate directly to our business but does reflect upon how we all look at all the “stuff” that drives us on a daily basis. Many of you will think that I have lost my mind or have finally experienced a mystical intervention of “my feminine side”. I promise you, it is neither.
I have had an agonizingly tough couple of weeks and have survived on pure adrenaline in the midst of tumult, controversy, tough negotiations with business counterparts, and a grueling travel itinerary that was challenging even for me. One of the recent meetings was in Turkey with our Mars partners. I made arrangements to have a bit of yacht time with them. When the meeting got cancelled I did the unthinkable for me, have a little down time all to myself. I boarded the gorgeous but stark Turkish Gulet right as the sun was setting. As I made my way into the main cabin I saw something so frightening it left me speechless. There, staring up at me from the ebony coffee table was a book. On the cover was a gorgeous red apple nestled between two soft and caring hands. Between the hands were written the words that strike terror in the hearts of every macho, red-blooded male…TWILIGHT. AAAARRRGGGGHHHH!! Alone, on a boat, with no wifi, no satellite, no magazines, no newspapers, just me and this book. This piece of chick lit, teeny bopper heartthrob stuff. Terror on the high seas! I wanted nothing to do with any of it. Not relevant, not interesting.
As I sat there with nothing to do the book kept taunting me. I began to think that there must be something I don’t understand. What could it be? What is it all about? Women don’t just read these books, they live them. They become each paragraph. I picked it up, but then immediately dropped it like a hot coal. What if someone saw me reading this? My macho reputation would be finished! I would be kicked out of the bench press section of the gym. My polo compadres would send me packing to the pony rides and my surfing buddies would exile me to the kiddie pool.
But it was a long night and there was absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING else to do. Long story short – not only did I read Twilight, I read the other two as well!! I was fascinated, captivated even. However, what intrigued me was not the same thing that hooked the millions of women whose lives and had been changed by this series, but something else entirely.
For you male Colonists, here is a brief synopsis. Stubborn teenage girl meets a handsome but moody vampire and against all odds they fall in love.
Here is my macho take – Stephanie Meyer is a total genius. As I flipped through the pages I was startled by the lack of detailed description of Bella and the surgical and illuminating development of Edward. As hard as I tried I could not really picture Bella, but I was grabbed by Edward’s character – gorgeous, super human, super strong, super fast and most importantly encompassing the wisdom of a 109-year-old man in the guise of a 17-year-old boy.
The description of Bella on the other hand, was not moving, or compelling. What I realized is the genius of Stephanie was that she knew that by keeping the character generic, any and every woman could climb inside and picture herself in Bella’s shoes. Thus the fascination and deep emotional reactions to what many (including myself) thought was a foolish teenage trashy novel.
I definitely got that the “anticipation” was much more romantic and sexy than the “consummation” to the woman. Slow, patient, caring, tender…. (guys have you heard those words before?) I found him incredibly appealing as he was taking care of Bella, putting her first, distancing himself from her to protect her and yet never being able to get her out of his mind. The relationship stood the test of time through many years, other men, family challenges and misconceptions of valiant and loving acts. A human relationship with a vampire is challenging on many levels, the least of which being you get older as your partner remain timeless. It was enticing, captivating, alluring…and dangerous. Through it all she believed that she could do it…. change her life… change his life…make it different…in spite of what conventional wisdom dictated.
Every woman longs for the anticipation, the romance, the journey, the taboo, the patience, and the attentiveness. Men, however, are all about the destination, the result, the speed and the outcome. The journey is merely penance to get to the destination. Which is why despite the vampires and werewolves, this book is kryptonite to most men.
In a world of technology these books are unique. There is so little imagination left in most of forms of entertainment today. See it, Google it, play it, do it…there is very little old fashioned make believe anymore. I could go on and on, but I know by now many of you are saying, “what happened to our leader?”… “Maybe Lebanese really is a sexual preference rather than a nationality”. I promise none of the above.
Here is my point. The idea of devoting half a day to reading these books was something that never, NEVER, entered my mind as something I would ever, EVER do. I hated them. I mocked them. It made no difference to me that over 20 million books were sold, movies made, and Team Edward and Team Jacob pandemonium had engulfed the world. I was simply stuck in my point of view.
Once I ventured into the books I learned something. I now understand why some women are emotionally altered from merely reading a book. I have also gained a deeper realization that understanding the circumstances and points of views of those with whom we are negotiating, working, living, loving or fighting is the key determinant factor in an enduring relationship.
In every day business, we think we know it all. We are the captains of our industry and we possess all the global knowledge. That which we don’t understand we push a button and it appears before us. We are lacking creativity…. it is hard for us to dream… harder for us to change our lives… hard to live in a situation that other people view as unconventional. And for sure, we all have no idea on how to be satisfied with the status quo.
It is time for all of us to become more creative, spend more time outside of the strict arithmetic cadence of our business, and understand foreign points of view. Most importantly we must really find the “moment”. Anticipation is everything. The process of getting to a destination is the objective and the more illumination, color, and vitality we give to the “road” the less important the final destination becomes. It will be what it will be!!!
On this 4th of July, slow down, take a breath, rediscover your imagination and create some excitement in your life. Take a few days to expand on the qualities of the character you would really like to become. Then live it, do it, become it! The better you are as an individual, the better we will be as a team.
I feel renewed and refreshed, having gotten out of my comfort zone and experiencing something so totally out of my normal realm. I don’t get it…. but I feel it. Taking the agenda-less time to absorb a point of view that I had ignored while loved ones around me relished in it, was an oasis for my soul. Having been unwilling to investigate the cause of such a startling movement until now was ignorant. Move your cheese!!!! Break through the comfort barriers, you can handle it whatever it is. The earth is turning on its axis. Planets and moons and suns are in orbit. Gravity is pulling and tugging, and molecules and quarks are warring inside of us. We need movement to live…
Do it Now!
Tom
Bella And Edward Who?? [WSJ via Heidi Moore]
tFl, dr
http://www.screenjunkies.com/movienews/twilight-guys
That was queerer than me…
–The Gay Baker
Boss,
TLDR.
-Gang
Christ on a cross, someone needs to take his ritalin.
Anybody else picking up the vibe that the whole yachting excursion was orchestrated solely for the purpose of letting Larry Light-Loafers read Twilight?
Also, is he admitting that he imagined himself as Bella?
Wait till he gets a hold of the Harry Potter collection. Psycho
The above will be the text of the 5th twilight book.
-S.M.
Gold. Pure gold.
Very gay, NTTAWWT. He should think before he posts these things.
PS I haven’t yet hammered out the details but I’m thinking mash-up of this + Dan Gilbert = my wet dream.
And/or-omg omg– a dramatic reading by the Buse.
You should join me on my boat for another journey; all I have is a whiteboard marker.
-Ping
“Colony Capital owns a majority stake in Neverland Ranch…”
‘nough said.
Well, at least Goldman won’t be blamed for the real estate crash this time around … this puff will be.
I am digging Tom’s point of view and message…..a mangina is not something to be ashamed of
Fewer clients? Is that the breakthrough? Didn’t work for Jerry Maguire
“A human relationship with a vampire is challenging on many levels [...]”
Oh, and how the fuck would you know?????????????????????
Show me the Twightlight!
Sounds Jerry Mcguire-ish, hopefully with a similar end result
Dramatic reading by Cookie Monster
Tom,
Shut up!..just shut up! You had me at hello…
Imagine if he saw a double rainbow while reading that book
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQSNhk5ICTI
Bess, your wet dreams as well as your inbox are national treasures.
Time to redeem my LP interests…this guy has definately jumped the shark…
Gang,
As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a member of Team Edward.
This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of teenage movie fandom.
Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.
The good news is that the Board of the Team Edward Fan Club and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.
There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.
You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.
You have given so much and deserve so much more.
If you thought we were motivated before tonight to turn the tables on Team Jacob and those who worship his shape shifting faggy self, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.
Some people think they should just automatically be able to be with Bella forever, without giving thought to how much she loves Edward, but NOT have to die to get there.
The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him over to Team Jacob. And until he does “right” by Edward and the Cullens, James (and the Twilight character he supports) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.
Just watch.
Sleep well, Team Edward.
Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….
I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:
DELIVERING YOU Bella which you have long deserved and is long overdue….
Tom Barrack
Majority Owner
Team Edward, LLP.
@21 – ftw.
Tits or GTFO
tl;dr
cliffs anyone?
What’s with all this talk of the bomb dog?
-LEH Quant
@25 – Hmm. A little TOO good. I suspect you gave the topic some thought long before Tom Barrack did.
I feel renewed and refreshed, having gotten out of my comfort zone and experiencing something so totally out of my normal realm.
WTF?
Out of your comfort zone, BY READING A F’N BOOK?
Sounds like this dipshit was on horse tranquilizers and coke. Not a pleasant combo.
If you were a “special” person like Tom and I are, you’d understand how important it is to reveal one’s insights to people who aren’t as special as we are. It is critical to our greatness and continues the legend of our greatness..nay, our “specialness”.. that some people are…well…just born with.
~Guy Who Was Born A Special Person Like Tom
Dalio would have yelled it at people. Just sayin…..
I sympathize. I, too, am terrified by books.
-guest
“…what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may Gd have mercy on your soul.”
Hope they’ve got good company counselors.
Tom Forgot to mention the 3 hits of acid he took that night
LEH Quant = Win
There’s a medical term for this type of behavior. It’s called being a queer.
Whoa. Name that drug!
This sounds like the time the Gang Got Invincible, and Frank and I tripped acid big time. He got stuck in a toilet and then shot a guy. I was Greenman. Sweet Dee broke her foot.
And it was still better than having to read Twilight.
Wildcard!
I had the same reaction after going to Epcot center – a much deeper appreciation and understanding of foreign cultures than any of you hidebound people that never leave their comfort zone have.
colony here today gone today!
Anal_yst… Thoughts?
I cried for 3 days after Bette Midler sang ‘Wind beneath my wings’ in Beaches.
- Tommy “Bathhouse” Barrack
Can we please have this made into a tag?
“Maybe Lebanese really is a sexual preference rather than a nationality”
@36 FTW
nice Billy Madison quote
To quote Melissa Francis,“This was probably something you wake up and wish you’d hit ’save as draft on’”
I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m feeling a bit nauseated from all those quarks hopping around.
That reminds me of the time I once got totally high and downloaded a bunch of late 70s disco and wrote an essay about it… that stuff was deep on so many levels maaaaan
Imagine if Tom’s last name was Cruise. And a couch was on that boat too.
Next time-bored yachting in Turkey pass on Twilight and read Midnight Express-and pass on the crunchy granola man-not the place to do it.
Tj – if they can’t take a joke …. F’em / B
In Soviet Russia, Twilight is time of day.
Not training manual for illegal homosexual capitalists agents.
Turkish boat, dudes alone on the water, only reading material on said boat is Twilight. Yeah that was a different type of planned yaucht outting…ghey.
OK I think I see what happened here. He was hanging around on a yacht in Turkey, waiting on a boatload of oiled up Turkish man-tail to show up. But they must have got side-tracked somewhere – maybe Bess was in town. Meanwhile our hero has taken all the drugs already and is now staggering around his pink gin palace, desperately looking for somewhere to direct his tortured libido. He finds the book, which he bought and packed himself in a blackout of denial, and has an epiphany. And since hedgies don’t have mothers, he told the only people who even pretend to love him: his employees.
Twilight rocks. I’m just sayin
OK I think I see what happened here. He was hanging around on a yacht in Turkey, waiting on a boatload of oiled up Turkish man-tail to show up. But they must have got side-tracked somewhere – maybe Bess was in town. Meanwhile our hero has taken all the drugs already and is now staggering around his pink gin palace, desperately looking for somewhere to direct his tortured libido. He finds the book, which he bought and packed himself in a blackout of denial, and has an epiphany. And since hedgies don’t have mothers, he told the only people who even pretend to love him: his employees.
+1
and some people trust this nut to invest thier life savings………
Takes a special kind of idiot to allow thier pension funds to be managed by these crackpots!
This guy is getting slaughtered for admitting that doing something out of the ordinary brought him some (reading) pleasure and perspective.
It’s an odd email to be sure but I can’t help but feel that he had a point that could have been better made if some of the more histrionic parts of his email had been chopped.
He did something different, realised he’d been writing off a few books he actually enjoyed and decided to tell his staff to not be so caught up in how they’re expected to think and behave. He may have a point as much of the commentary about this email is describing his behavior as weird, “queer” or shark-jumping, as if whatever financial expertise and credibility he had built up over the years was dissolved by reading and writing about a fantasy novel.
I fail to see how this is any more dumbass than the cliched testosterone-addled “wrestle a bear for breakfast” bullshit that the industry clearly expects from someone in his position. Perhaps his line about kicking a werevolf in the crotch got canned?
Maybe, instead of trying to bankrupt the developed world hedge funders will catch up on some “me time” by retiring to their yachts reading Harry Potter, Twilight and watching Lord of the Rings on loop.
This guy must be smoking something special or has created his own internal light! For his head must have been up somewhere VERY personal and VERY dark ;) !
He needs to get out of fiction and into fact.
We have all the Global knowledge? Yeah right!
Given his level of narcissism, he should go where no man has gone before to discover himself. LOL
Now I’m tempted to read this too… I’ve been staying away from it but I’m starting to realise that resistance may be futile.
The commentariat misses an important point. He says: “Here is my point. The idea of devoting half a day to reading these books was something that never, NEVER, entered my mind as something I would ever, EVER do.” Now listen up — he read these books in half a day! Less time than it would take any of us — days for three books. He’s still top dog and this is a kind way to let you all know that
@61: Tom is gonna be kicking himself now: “Damn, forgot to mention wrestling with the bears!”
And it doesn’t make it any less gay, neither. Try a google image search for “turkish bear”, and let us know how that works out for you.
The reason there’s ‘no imagination in entertainment anymore’ is because of millionaire dicks like Tom!
Hello,
I’m working on a television series for BBC Two called ‘The British at Work’ and I’m looking for people who can’t stand the language of management. If you have a story to tell about management jargon, please email at britishatwork@bbc.co.uk
Many thanks,
Jo Wade
“My macho reputation would be finished! I would be kicked out of the bench press section of the gym. My polo compadres would send me packing to the pony rides and my surfing buddies would exile me to the kiddie pool.”
Is it disturbing or reassuring to know that you can have vast wealth and all the power and influence that comes with it, and still be insecure about your masculinity?
“But it was a long night and there was absolutely nothing, and I mean NOTHING else to do.”
Sleeping? Transcendental meditation? Going ashore? Swimming? Onanism?
The hedge fund manager doth protest too much, methinks.
Look out in future for the story of how he got snowed in at a ski resort with NOTHING else except a DVD player and the complete collection of “The Bold and Beautiful”.
@65 I might pass on that :)
Read this again for my gf. She thinks it’s hilarious too. Actually, Tom seems an astute judge of character and maybe the only way to communicate to his staff was to send something so effusive and plain daft that they saw the funny side. It is ironic, right???
I wonder if I should write him a letter and ask him to leave his comfort zone by giving me a million bucks?
I think he concocted the whole Yacht business. This poser is so obsessed about himself there is no way he would spend time alone. He needs to feel the gaze of others on him. He needs people to view his pecs and see what an amazingly, creative and successful guy he is. Look everybody, I have 45 billion invested and 10 offices in 11 countries.
But…..all that aside. I respect the guy. He has achieved. And he is thinking about his team. He’s showing a bit of spunk and a bit of leadership.
I say box on Mr Pecs. I’m sure it’ll be great for your business. And it’ll be great for us. So keep those new experiences (real or otherwise) and insights flowing.
He could have saved himself those precious 12 hours by reading this in 5 mins:
http://theoatmeal.com/story/twilight
- The Guy Who Only Used Cliffnotes to Ace his way out of Community College