If you were going to (ALLEGEDLY!) try to murder someone, how would you do it? For those who’ve been searching in vain for a way that might not immediately reveal itself to the authorities, a pioneering hedge fund manager’s got a tip for you.

Police have allegedly confiscated four pieces of dangerous sound equipment from the Lyford Cay home of billionaire Louis Bacon. The speakers are said to emit certain frequencies of irritating and annoying soundwaves that could possibly stretch over a wide range. Further investigations revealed that if used properly, the speakers have the potential to cause structural damage and even death.

Nygard Cay Property Manager, Eric Gibson, alleged that he experienced the effects of these high powered pieces of equipment. “They would find the most annoying sounds like anything with a high string, or anything with a high pitch that they could play, and they would just play the sounds as loudly as they possibly could,” Mr. Gibson alleged. It is understood that some charges could be filed soon regarding this incident.

Related(…?): Man Dies At Bahamas Home Owned By Louis Bacon

54 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (54)

  1. Posted by guest | July 29, 2010 at 11:46 AM

    Big vuvuzelas?

  2. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 11:51 AM

    Big vaginas?

  3. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 11:53 AM

    Do I smell Bacon? Why yes, its my new bacon chalupa. Guys love the smell of my bacon chalamala.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 11:55 AM
  5. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 12:06 PM

    No to all of the above. Something fishy is going on. There is the lone holdout to Bacon’s attempt to own the entire peninsula on Lyford, whose home remains an unsolved arson attack. There is also the matter of the caretaker of Bacon’s property turning up dead in his pool, and whose remains were whisked out of the Bahamas immediately. Now this. Perhaps the rumours about this guy are true…..

  6. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 12:26 PM

    It’s like 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon, just instead of actors you list weird shit going down in Nassau and specifically Lyford!

  7. Posted by Louie B | July 29, 2010 at 12:34 PM

    Hey listen – Don’t blame me. I told that guy not to play with the stereo when I was gone but did he listen? noooooooooo…

  8. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 12:36 PM

    6, nice try. All on his property or property he covets for himself.

  9. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    Does nobody here watch the discovery channel? There was a special on those devices. The thought is that big $$ can be had by selling them to the DOD & such. I’m not surprised a fund mgr might have one from a pitch team laying around to fool with

    –Guy who flips back & forth between History & Discovery so knows a lot about Sharks & Nazis

  10. Posted by Senor~ Bacon | July 29, 2010 at 12:40 PM

    Pretty cool stuff huh? Yeah, I saw it in that Ocean 11 movie and thought, I gotsta get me one of doze for my Cay Crib – ya know, mess with the neighbors and knock down a few lean-tos and huts when I get bored counting my money!

  11. Posted by Abe Froman - Chicago | July 29, 2010 at 12:45 PM

    That deadly stereo equipment? It is so choice – if you have the means I highly recommend you pick one up.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 12:47 PM

    9. They came from a DOD supplier and are not available to the public at large. Probably not allowed for export either, but there they were hanging from the trees on Lyford. Only question is, in addition to being the largest landowner in the United States, does he also own the Bahamiam Justice Department?

  13. Posted by Abe Froman - Chicago | July 29, 2010 at 12:48 PM

    What? The deadly, annoying, wide range stereo equipment? It is so choice. If you have the means I highly recommend you pick one up.

  14. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 12:51 PM

    I like History International channel better than The History Channel

    /Guy who likes H.I. Channel

  15. Posted by Sammy | July 29, 2010 at 12:55 PM

    Death by Stereo.

  16. Posted by Dallas flooring | July 29, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    Sammy – LOL :-)

    I can just see the coroner’s report.

    Cause of death: FM coronary arrest.

  17. Posted by NakedShort | July 29, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    See this system here? This is Hi-Fi…high fidelity. What that means is that it’s the highest quality fidelity.

  18. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:02 PM

    This sounds like something out of James Bond…

  19. Posted by el stupido | July 29, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    … and just when they think it can’t possibly get any worse, we hit them with the brown note.

  20. Posted by plang1 | July 29, 2010 at 1:11 PM

    another trash fund manager on his way to jail.nothing new here

  21. Posted by Old French Predator | July 29, 2010 at 1:11 PM

    Somewhere, deep inside the Pentagon, the CIA has Celine Dion in a cage, ready to deploy with the same intent – annoy and kill with sound. True Story.

  22. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:12 PM

    Extra points if he blasted Huey Lewis and The News’ hit single It’s Hip To Be Square

    Also, no “Was that allegedly wrong? Should I have allegedly not done that?” tag?

  23. Posted by guest | July 29, 2010 at 1:16 PM

    Stuff like this happens at D. E. Shaw all the time.

  24. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:21 PM

    @22 – Second sentence unmasks you as an attorney looking to defend. You Johnny Cochran?

  25. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    @14, I agree. H.I. is like the old History Channel, before it went all E! on us.

  26. Posted by LB of The Cay | July 29, 2010 at 1:29 PM

    You call it attempted murder and a felony, I call it music.

  27. Posted by guest | July 29, 2010 at 1:30 PM

    Nick,

    PLEASE FEED THE POOR HAMSTER

    Thanks,

    Captian Obvious

  28. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:37 PM

    @24, I was just making a play on the usual “was that wrong? should I not have done that” tag together with the all caps bold ALLEGEDLY! Bess, the owner of the inbox which is a national treasure, subsequently added to the story.
    -22

  29. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    @22, No, I’m with you……the use of ALLEGEDLY made the comment hilarious.
    24

  30. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    Also, the point was the “Hip To Be Square” bit, although some Genesis wouldn’t be a bad choice either.

  31. Posted by Anonymouse | July 29, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    @12

    Fyi.. Ted Turner is the largest landowner in the US.

  32. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:51 PM

    @31

    Please update your records. The ranch in the St. Luis Valley (175,000 more acres he owns) put him over the top by far.

  33. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 1:58 PM

    30, the speakers were not square. They were of a shape that is not easily described by geometric form, and the word “speaker” doesn’t really catch what they looked like. “Nefarious high-tech device” is more apt…I am betting they go missing from the evidence locker, as Lyford Cay is a VERY EXPENSIVE place to live, but buying off the police is pretty cheap. That’s why it is known as the sunny place for shady people. Viktor lives in exile there.

  34. Posted by guest | July 29, 2010 at 2:00 PM

    @31+32 i own almost the intyre assteroid belt. i plan on cultivating some chronic weed on seres.

  35. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:13 PM

    33, I think you’re missing the point here. And I know what Lyford is, in fact last time I was there I remember Nygard not being all that popular with some residents, he does not in fact live in Lyford Cay. Also I have never heard Lyford referred to as a “Sunny place for shady people.”

    I’ll leave you with this:

    In ’87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is “Hip to be Square”, a song so catchy, most people probably don’t listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it’s not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it’s also a personal statement about the band itself.

  36. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    I don’t get it — Bacon is worth $1.5 – $2.0 billion, and he doesn’t get 4 or 5 super deadly ninjas to discreetly handle his beefs ??? !!! Instead, he goes with some sloppy-assed DOD grade loud speakers ???

    I think I may have to withdraw my funds from Moore Capital — I no longer trust this guy’s judgement …

  37. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:17 PM

    @35. Totally off point. What is your intention? To muddy the waters? The reason people choose Lyford is the water is crystal-clear. Only the water. Everything else is a “riddle, wrapped in a mystery, covered in an enigma.”

  38. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:22 PM

    HEY 35!!

    TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

  39. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    Bacon is worth $7 billion to $10 billion. Forbes doesn’t know shit when it comes to their list. Only those with stakes in publicly-traded companies can be estimated. Bacon, notoriously private, has a 20 year history of 20% returns of what is now a $15(?)billion dollar fund. 3% mgmt. fee and 20-25% of the profits over that period does not add up to one or two. Seriously.

  40. Posted by guest | July 29, 2010 at 2:32 PM

    The numbers all go to eleven. You see, most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You’re on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you’re on ten. Where can you go from there? Where?

  41. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:34 PM

    @36, Sean Connery lives at Lyford ironically (what with this all seeming James Bondish enough already), accordingly Ninja’s charge dramatically inflated rights to go anywhere near the place.

  42. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    @40, my new Altec’s dial up to 25. Priceless.

  43. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:44 PM

    Agreed Lyford (was) nice.
    (late) Sir John Templeton

  44. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 2:54 PM

    @43, Haven’t been there in years so you could be quite right, I mean if you can get multiple Ninjas to storm houses there for a paltry few million then the place really has gone to pot.

  45. Posted by Lifeless | July 29, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    Heard that Lyford is dying on the Vine while Billionaire Joe Lewis is crating ALBANY nearby which will be the death knell for Lifeless Cay… Bacon should move house !

  46. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    As well-known as Bacon is in trading circles, he’s little-known outside of them. That’s partly because he is good at controlling his own exposure, with suspicion that can verge on paranoia. A former Moore employee recalls a day in 1991 when James Kelly, Moore’s president at the time, strolled through the office with a private detective who carried a box that had a TV-like antenna and blinking lights, sweeping for bugs. Staffers won’t even tell you whether Bacon’s in town. He’s serious about confidentiality agreements and not above some intimidation. “If I talk, only bad things can happen,” says James Capra of hedge fund Capra Asset Management in New York.

  47. Posted by decryobliviots | July 29, 2010 at 3:58 PM

    I can’t believe some of the moronic and untrue statements in posts on here. Bacon owns all of 8 acres on the cay, and has not ever attempted to buy more. He has, as have most other of Nygard’s neighbors, been subjected to days-long noise and light pollution from the parties held for Nygard’s paying guests. Nygard has flagrantly violated government restrictions on what he can build, and where. He has had a 24-hour sand dredging operation underway for years trying to add dry land to his holdings to build more amusement-park-like structures for his renters, despite official warnings that he would not be allowed to build on any of the accreted areas. The man tried to build a restaurant in a bird sanctuary frequented by several endangered species. He treats even his daughter Bianca like an indentured servant…his hired help have it much worse. So don’t go crying for the guy! I’m sure Mr. Capra is right, insofar as I hope Bacon would sue for any libelous/slanderous statements Capra might make.

  48. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 3:59 PM

    In Capitalist Bahamas, stereo tunes you!

    -guy who couldn’t resist

  49. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 5:50 PM

    @48 finally a good one. Meet me at minettas I’ll be wearing a Jimmy Buffett hat and suing someone for libel.

  50. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 6:57 PM

    @47

    “I’m sure Mr. Capra is right, insofar as I hope Bacon would sue for any libelous/slanderous statements Capra might make.”

    Jim is a gentleman and otherwise above your stupid remark -

  51. Posted by Anonymous | July 29, 2010 at 7:15 PM

    @39 – You forgot to account for the $5.5 to $8.0 billion that Bacon has sunk into “Loud-Assed Deadly Speaker” research. This could take the net worth figures that you cite back down to the $1 billion to $ 2 billion range.

    @41 – I checked Lyford prices with a few of the super deadly ninjas that drink at my favorite bar. You are right – even Bacon couldn’t afford to send 4 or 5 of them to Lyford to settle a beef.

    But I’m sure Buffett and/or Gates could spot him the difference – under the right terms, of course …

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