When Kevin Dillon started working for JPMorgan in March 2008 as a “client processing specialist,” everybody liked him just fine. Better than fine, in fact. He was praised by his superiors, he received glowing reviews and in just a few months time, he was slated to receive a bonus and a promotion. This was all, however, before he filed a report citing “highly questionable accounting and management practices” at Highland Capital Management LP and recommending that JPM cease “facilitating Highland’s improper practices.” In doing so, Dillon was forcing his bosses to make a decision re: how to deal with the findings. They could 1) follow his suggestion and cut the hedge fund loose or 2) acknowledge the findings and decide to do nothing about them. In this case, Dill’s bosses decided to go with the second option, telling him they were “aware of Highland’s improper practices [but] that nothing would be done to remedy the issue.”
As I’m sure many of you know, however, when you’ve got a situation like a Kevin Dillon situation, it does not end there. Because if there’s one thing I’ve found in my multiple decades long career on Wall Street is that a guy like Dillon is gonna be trouble. He won’t just accept your decision to look the other way, which is admittedly annoying but something you can deal with if you’ve got the skills or someone coaching you from the sidelines (me).
First off, you can’t fire a Dillon-type straight-away, because it’ll be too obvious. This is something that requires a more subtle touch. You will want to, of course, make work life unpalatable for the employee in question, so taking away his bonus, promoting incompetents over him and offering negative but purposely vague reviews is a given. That’ll go a long way in psyching out said problem employee. But if you really want to break him…if you really want to leave your mark…if you really want to, in the event this thing ends up a lawsuit, make a name for yourself, give the readers something to aspire to and have people say “that guy may be a whack-job and potentially a racist but he knew how to deal with people,” you’ll try something like this.
In addition to the retaliatory action, Dillon cites two examples of “alarming behavior” by his supervisor. In one instance in 2008, the supervisor told Dillon he needed to clean “the mess” that was created by an African-American employee “who the supervisor admitted was hired primarily to combat adverse fallout from previous racial and sexual discrimination suits brought against the defendant because of the supervisor’s acts,” according to the lawsuit.*
In another instance, the lawsuit details how his unnamed supervisor allegedly discussed with Dillon the “wide array of guns he possessed and described to (Dillon) the violent acts he would commit if anybody crossed him or his family,” according complaint.
This is just a blueprint of course, feel free to put your own spin on it in whatever way feels natural. For those of you unimaginative fucks who need me to do everything for you, one idea, if you’re going to test out the gun scenario on a colleague today, is to do it wearing a purple jumpsuit and start off with something along the lines of “Let me tell you something, pendejo. You see this piece? You pull any of your crazy shit with us, I’ll take and I’ll stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger till it goes ‘click’.” But I encourage you to test out all kinds of things and let us all know how it goes.
JPMorgan Employee Fires Whistleblower Lawsuit [GT via BI]
*Can the name of this guy who not only tried to (hilariously) intimidate someone by showing them his gun collection but b) also apparently got pawsy with the ladies PLEASE, for the love of god, have his name released? Otherwise we’re just going to be forced to come up with the contents of him sexual discrimination cases on our own.
nobody fucks with the jesus
Reminds me of when I used to work for Mel Gibson.
guy looks like a loser.
so does his manager.
Is it illegal to draw a firearm during league play?
Sounds like someone needs to rent American Booty…I mean American Beauty.
–Gundlach
This kid is out of his element
JP morgan is the rake
One of the things the banks do with staff that causes trouble like Dillon is to move them all on to a trading floor so they can all be watched or monitored like prisoners. Its not uncommon to see such scenes on CNBC or Bloomberg TV or FBN when investment banking trade rooms jammed with seemingly hundreds of traders/originators are used as background for business channel’s “talking head”. It’s just another little known secret among financial trading firms. Now you know.
~The Guy Who Reveals Little Known Trading Room Secrets
VICTORY!
i quit watching after all that medellin nonsense. so i take it johnny drama got shit-canned from that sitcom if he’s working at JPM now, huh?
Kev – do not sweat it Wall St. is a psychological game, how else do we get anyone to buy all this sh!t we create. It is like a staring contest….stare them back down.
@9 ftw
Johnny fucking Drama
Matt Dillon never would’ve taken that shit.
I knew a guy ………
Roubini is an “unimaginative fuck,” apparently.
Investment banking supervisors! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of investment banking, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.
shomer shabbos
He was very good in Viking Quest, a most under appreciated show.
@17, the man works in treasury and securities services, not the IB.
In Soviet Russia … ?
And Nooobody likes cleaning up after the black guy.
the guy is hanging to the right. highly unusual. 99% hang to the left.
@23, I concur :)
@23 Sounds like you’ve done your research.
I would invest half of it in Doris Mutual Funds and give the other half to my friend Asadaluh in Securities
Have you ever had you’re sh*t pusehd in?
@23 = barack hussein obama
@21 In Soviet Russia, net asset value manipulate you!
@8, You forgot: and knowing is half the battle!
Hedge funds are always the source of trouble, it seems. But it looks like they are on track for their worst year since ’08, so there’s always that to help you sleep at night.
http://www.wallstmemo.com/news/2010/7/7/market-analysis-hedge-funds-have-worst-performance-since-08.html
Also: don’t know if I would trust a banker who also happens to be the big lebowski’s jesus quintana. Excellent photo choice.
8 year olds, dude
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wait the article says he’s seeking comp in excess of 15k…I’m not a lawyer, but I hope that is a general categorization of small vs large…if he’s only going for 15k that dudes an idiot.
This is a complicated case, Bess. A lot of ins, a lot of outs, a lot of what-have-yous, a lot of strands to keep in my head, man. Lot of strands in old Duder’s head.
Well sure, look at it! Young trophy hedge fund, I mean, in the parlance of our times, owes money all over town, including to known pornographers- and that’s cool, that’s cool- but I’m saying, they need money, and of course they’re gonna say they didn’t get it cause they want more, man, they’ve gotta feed the monkey, I mean- hasn’t that ever occurred to you…? Sir?
The man in the black pajamas dude
Do you see what happens Kevin when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Hey Kevin
I’ll fuck you til you love me
-MIke Tyson, CFA
What’s a pederast Walter?
No no no no, mean is when I make Jess Mansenie ride her bike home after I ass fucked her.
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Anal_yst- thoughts?
@23 – What’s he bench?
@23 – What’s he bench? BowFlex or Barbells?
When I show you my gun you don’t tell nobody. Nobody.
-Vinnie the Guinea
nobody f*cks with marsellus wallace!
In Soviet Russia, CFA fucks Mike Tyson
Supervisor’s name is Walter
In Soviet Russa, Marcellus Wallace fucks with nobody!
Kevin Dillon loved that bathroom. It had that high, high toilet. He felt like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building.
leave the gun. take the cannoli.
don’t pee on the rug man
what a shit show