Apparently it’s necessary.
From: Morgan Stanley (Security)
Sent: Friday, July 02, 2010 1:05 PM
To: All
Subject: Bear Sighting
The Harrison Police Department has advised that it has received reports of a bear sighting on Mastercard property, which is located just North of our 2000W Campus. It is recommended that employees remain close to the building and refrain from using the jogging paths or walking in remote areas of the Campus for the rest of the afternoon.
The following tips and other information relating to encounters with black bears may be found at http://www.bebearawaresw.org/
* If a black bear is visible, but not close, alter your route so that you will move away from its area.
* If a black bear approaches, do not run. Remain calm, continue facing the bear and slowly back away. If the bear continues to approach, try to group together and pick up small children. Try to scare the bear away by shouting and acting aggressively.
* If a black bear attacks, it is suggested to fight back using everything in your power fists, sticks, rocks, and E.P.A. registered bear pepper spray.Have a good holiday weekend.
4) Call Dwight Schrute immediately!
Looks like someone from Fidelity escaped from their cage.
Power fists.
colbert tried to warn you
It’s a bear market! SELL SELL SELL!!!
Also, try to avoid the urge to have a friend take a picture of you standing next to, and hugging the bear.
The weapon of choice against black bears…..little children!
Please disregard poster at 6. He not make sense.
–Cookie Monster
As a former African American Bear Stearns employee, i find this offensive…
Morgan Stanley have you know shame?????
Remain calm, shout and act agressively. It’s not like you’re facing a 300lbs animal with 2″ fangs and claws or something… oh wait.
@9 – what race are you now?
–Guy who’s considering an examination of his motives
@9 – How did you cease to be African American?
– Former Bear Stearns Quant
Fortunately, I keep rocks, sticks and EPA registered bear spray in my briefcase at all times.
- Guy who’s doing the laughing now
@10 300lb black bear? you are an idiot
I would totally ice the bear.
“group together and pick up small children?”
More like, “outrun the small children,” amirite?
In Soviet Russia, bear f*ck you!
Guys in my high school used to register bear pepper spray with the E.P.A. all the time. It was no big deal.
@16 – that was my thought. Kick the small children in the shins and then run.
@19 -Not Funny.
Jonathan Vosburg
At MS, they teach you how to fight a bear. At GS, its part of the interview process.
@15 FTW
interestingly, these are the same instructions for dealing with an overly aggressive, std carrying barclays trader
First, no water; now bears and child-eating coyotes in the vicinity of the MS Westchester office….
Next week: dysentary strikes, and the wheels fall off the wagon during a river crossing.
Bear Mace Brah
@9 chibondking is that you?
I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
Well, that’s just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you’re putting the whole station in jeopardy.
In Soviet Russia, bear fend off attack from you!
@2
wtf does that even mean? people from fidelity look like bears?
Ooops. Sorry folks, the Smith Barney guys were once again mistaken for wild animals.
@12 Duh! Michael Jackson!
Dan Schnabel is back on Campus
@5/7/11 Beaaaautiful
@21/23/24 tip o the hat
colbear
@14 “Black bears on the East Coast tend to be heavier on average than those on the West Coast. Adult males typically weigh between 125 and 550 lb, while females weigh 33% less at 90–275 lb.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_black_bear . Don’t know if that changes your weekend hiking plans…
@24 You forgot the Indian attack.
Meanwhile, near Charlotte:
The biggest wild American Black Bear ever recorded was a male from North Carolina, shot in 1998, that weighed 400 kg (880 lb).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Black_Bear#Physical_description
@16 and @19
No point in running, black bears can do 25-30 mph. There’s a reason why running is not on the list.
-Question: What kind of bear is best?
-That’s a ridiculous question.
-False. Black Bear.
-Well that’s debatable, there are basically two schools of thought..
-Fact: Bears eat beets.
-Oh..
-Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica!
@37 The dead kind is best, I find, for urban and suburban uses.
@38 i hope a bear eats you for your ignorance of @37′s quote.
-Dwight K. Schrute, Assistant Regional Mangager
In a related story, there was a twink sighting at Ping Capital.
WTF? and….Have a good holiday weekend.
@34 also true of people on East Coast and West Coast
@ 27- WTF?
@43 – I am gonna straight-up murder your ass.
Frank Vitchard
@36 small children don’t run very fast at all. you don’t have to outrun the bear. please try to keep up.
@39 You’re the asst to the regional manager.
You know who
Bear raids on Morgan Stanley are so 2008.
RBS should send out similar tips on how to correctly take a Kouwe
- guy who had to resort to an RBS joke b/c 47 stole his thunder re: Mack and his crusade v. the shorts
A bear stalking Morgan Stanley…anyone seen Einhorn? I think the SEC should check for suspicious charges at Ricky’s NYC
@46 I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
39/Dwight K. Schrute, ASSISTANT REGIONAL MANAGER
@11 .. legendary comment
Try fighting me off bitches.
-Mexican Cocaine Shark
You can identify bear stool as the stool with sticks, rocks and EPA registered pepper spray bottles in it.
@20, well played sir.
-19
MBA > EPA > CFA ???
@50 assistant to the*
It was really Gorman getting his freak on in the woods. You know, lift some weights, high on adrenaline and nothing to punch at the office. Go to the woods, put on his outfit and scare former SB executives hiding out until their pensions kick in.
@26 – no
Is this article a sick JOKE? As a Jewess in the US, I say why don’t all REAL Americans just use a GUN on the bears??? Don’t forget, the US Supreme Court has now TWICE put our 2nd Amendment FIRST!! Don’t have a firearm? Then as the Bible says…sell your cloak and buy one!