• 09 Jul 2010 at 9:45 AM

Opening Bell: 07.09.10

Paulson’s Flagship Funds Hit By Volatility (FT)
The $9bn flagship Paulson & Co Advantage fund lost 4.4 per cent in June, and is down 5.8 per cent in the year to date. Mr Paulson’s Credit Opportunities fund – which delivered 340 per cent returns in 2007 thanks to huge short positions against subprime mortgage instruments – was meanwhile down 0.9 per cent in June. Mr Paulson’s gold fund – set up barely a year ago – returned 7.3 per cent last month, however, and is up 13 per cent this year.

Deutsche Bank, Commerzbank, Postbank May Pass Stress Tests (Bloomberg)
The banks are expected to exceed the threshold of a 6 percent Tier 1 ratio under the stress scenario, which assumes an economic slowdown and sovereign-debt losses, said the people, who declined to be identified because the information isn’t official. The lenders are due to submit test results to regulators early next week, they said. “In principle, the stress tests are good news for the banking sector, but there’s been some criticism that the scenarios are too weak,” said Matthias Engelmayer, a Frankfurt- based analyst at Independent Research GmbH. “German political support for the stress tests signaled that the banks would be successful.”

Trichet Says It’s too Early to Say the Crisis Is Over (Reuters)
“Just like consumers and countries, governments cannot live beyond their means forever. Fiscal authorities need to look beyond the current cyclical upturn. There is no alternative to that,” Trichet said.

Hedge Fund Honcho’s Thoughts on Hedge Fund Tax (Forbes)
Leon Cooperman suggests alternative solutions. These include New York State becoming more efficient in cutting back spending and “regrettably, the use of VAT tax to attack the underground economy”. He was also not averse to a raise in taxes on the wealthy as long as it was done in a fair and equitable manner. He opines that Mayor Michael Bloomberg “gets it” and says that it would take just one billionaire leaving to adversely impact tax revenues in the city.

BP Stages a Comeback in Credit Markets (Bloomberg)
“People can make much more of an investable story out of it right now,” said Matthew Eagan, a money manager at Loomis Sayles in Boston, which oversees $145 billion in equity and fixed-income assets. “There is a bit of hope built into the prices here. But people are saying we can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we’re willing to make that leap of faith.”

Biggest Defaulters on Mortgages Are Now the Very Rich (NYT)
“The rich are different: they are more ruthless,” said Sam Khater, CoreLogic’s senior economist.

Open Letter to Fans from Cavaliers Majority Owner Dan Gilbert (NBA)
Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier. This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment. The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you. There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you. You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. You have given so much and deserve so much more. In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”.

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue….

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

Comments (43)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:00 AM

    I’d write something, but as a cleveland fan I’m still too sad to say anything snarky

  2. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:02 AM

    Mistake by the Lake, Poor Man’s Detroit….etc

  3. Posted by 5-o | July 9, 2010 at 10:03 AM

    Nice Font Gilbert. Stop bitching because you just lost $250M, Jimmy C lost more.

  4. Posted by ExtraordinaryPopularDelusions | July 9, 2010 at 10:04 AM

    That letter is a true gold mine of parody in wait.

  5. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:04 AM

    Paulson craps gold. If the fund is up, he must me eating his fiber.

  6. Posted by b2b MD | July 9, 2010 at 10:09 AM

    They don’t call it a Cleveland Steamer for nothing….

  7. Posted by NakedShort | July 9, 2010 at 10:09 AM

    In Soviet Russia the Ts cum on you!

    -Guy who missed the whole Soviet Russia thing last weekend because he was out of the office, thought it was hilarious, and wanted to give it one shot before we move on to the next meme.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:15 AM

    Gilbert, you talk about my mealti…ahem, son like that again and I’ll bury you.
    -Leicester Stovall

  9. Posted by Tito | July 9, 2010 at 10:20 AM

    Vol is king guy = Paulson?

  10. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:23 AM

    Dan Gilbert is to LeBron James as:

    a) Dick Bové is to Ken Lewis
    b) Charles Gaparino is to sopressata
    c) Bess Levin is to Steve Cohen
    d) Henry Blodget is to Elliot Spitzer

    Show your work. 

  11. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:25 AM

    I can’t wait to see Miami fall on their faces as Lebron/Wade try to carry the team with Bosh (second rate schlub) and a bunch of fill in players. Way to suck, Little Cuba.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:31 AM

    If LeBron were caucasian I don’t think you’d all be so snarky and callous.

  13. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:32 AM

    @11 I’ll second that. Being from Toronto I actually got to see Bosh play and he is very 2nd rate. Lebron is a complete d-bag and this past week and been the pinnacle of narcissism. Can’t wait for “King James” to fall flat on his face.

  14. Posted by Texashedge | July 9, 2010 at 10:34 AM

    What a dick LeBron is, exercising his rights as a free agent after 7 years in purgatory.

  15. Posted by guest | July 9, 2010 at 10:34 AM

    Shout out to Chamillionaire.

  16. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:35 AM

    Fack

    *this past week has been….

    -13

  17. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:44 AM

    LeBron is black?

  18. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:47 AM

    @10 e) Debrahlee Lorenzana is to Citi

    Work:
    Dan Gilbert relied on Lebron to make it rain and provide him what he and his city needed. When Lebron betrayed him, he lashed out with a stupid letter. Both people suck, everyone hopes they die.

    Debrahlee relied on Citi to make it rain and prove her with a “rich banker” to C on her T’s on a S. When Citi betrayed her, she lashed out with a lawsuit. Both suck, and everyone hopes they die.

  19. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:50 AM

    pink on the inside

  20. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    Last night, Lebron grew to be 300 feet tall, squatted over Cleveland, and took the world’s largest Kouwe.

  21. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:54 AM

    Rock N Roll hall of fame breaking their lease in Cleveland to head bayside in MIAMI!

  22. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:57 AM

    Who would voluntarily chose to live/work in Cleveland?

  23. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 10:59 AM

    @18, other than the typo with “prove” very solid work.

  24. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 11:00 AM

    writing rants in comic sans is the new killing it

  25. Posted by sladd | July 9, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    Dan Gilbert is a whiny little biatch. Lebron is making the right move for his career. Trying to spin it otherwise is the new stupiding it.

  26. Posted by NakedShort | July 9, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    Was it me or did LeBron say “axe” about 5 times last night?

  27. Posted by sladd | July 9, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    Maybe it should have read:

    Dear Cleveland,

    It is only fitting Lebron left. We lost our jobs to China, our homes to foreclosure, and our country to Obama.

    On the positive side we did get Hot in Cleveland, and Betty White makes my john thomas smile everyday.

    Dan

  28. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 11:12 AM

    25=Pat Riley… I never knew you were so articulate. I’ve always been distracted by that great hair!

  29. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 11:14 AM

    @26 – IDK but I think “the process has been everything [he] thought and more” X about 24.

  30. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    LeBron gots a smaller penis than that cracker Anal_yst.

    /Mrs. James

    Ps: Anybody got da hookup fer sum Purple Drank? Momma’s thersty!

  31. Posted by EvilBuzzard | July 9, 2010 at 11:22 AM

    @30 – Delonte West done went South on his Momma, so Bron-Bron did the smae to the Cadaviliers.

  32. Posted by NakedShort | July 9, 2010 at 11:23 AM

    @30 Ask Jamarcus Russell

  33. Posted by Texashedge | July 9, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    The outrage over LeBron is absolutely ridiculous.

    Imagine if this happened in the finance world: you get your MBA (or CFA, whatever) and you get drafted by Citi. You can’t negotiate with any other bank or fund–you have to work for Citi or exit the finance industry. You take the job and work there for 7 years, never missing a day, night, or weekend, selling the hell out of those CMBS or whatever it is they do at Citi so well. You even earn several of those employee of the month plaques they give out there.

    Finally, 7 years of your youth gone, you earn the right to take a job somewhere else and you get a call from Jim Simons. You mull over the decision for a while and decide it’s best for your career to take the offer so you send out one–perhaps overly enthusiastic–mass email about it.

    Then Vikram writes an open letter to everyone in NY talking about what a dick you are and everyone hates you for it.

    Come on!

  34. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 11:42 AM

    @33 – all the while, an MD in your group at Citi is banging your Mom and Mark Klein, MD is suing you for claiming to have bed your Mom and to be your Dad. The heartache of which can only be solved by, um, let’s see . . . $4 million.

    Wait . . . what?

  35. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 11:55 AM

    @33 and @34 (well done 34)

    And then, instead of continuing your track as the star, lead trader on the CMBS structured products desk, you move to Houston to trade equities and pitch penny stocks with 2 other all star traders. One of those all star traders has been on the desk for years, already made it rain, and is about to make it rain all over again. So you piggy back this trader and his desk, make it rain, and are never remembered for being that legend all star, lead CMBS trader who turned a “crap pool and shitty deal” into dolla dolla bills.

    FYI, CMBS = Cleaveland Monkey Ball Sacks

  36. Posted by Bess Levin | July 9, 2010 at 12:08 PM

    “you send out one–perhaps overly enthusiastic–mass email about it.”

    was it hard to type this with just one hand? (that’s me presupposing your ‘jobs include at least one hand working the shaft.)

    also! I think it goes without saying but I will anyway that all of your comments today should channel the Dan Gilbert frame of mind.

  37. Posted by Texashedge | July 9, 2010 at 12:19 PM

    @36, two hands free to type actually. Like a divorce court judge, I can S my own D.

  38. Posted by Bess Levin | July 9, 2010 at 12:23 PM

    @37 The ‘job I of course was referring to was the one you were performing on LBJ.

  39. Posted by Texashedge | July 9, 2010 at 12:38 PM

    The HBJ for LBJ?

  40. Posted by Anonymous | July 9, 2010 at 12:39 PM

    I wish you bunch of jock-sniffing jerkoffs would move on to another subject and maybe even post something humorous.
    -guy who is sick unto death of this LeBron bullshit

  41. Posted by Sterling | July 9, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    Its a little odd to me that DGil writes an open letter concerning the ‘betrayal’ of Cleveland by LeBron while the company he owns (Rock Holdings = Quicken Loans, Rock Financial, title servicing, and the Cavs) is the main financial sponsor of the Detroit Pistons. Isn’t that just a continuous betrayal of the Cavs?

    That said, the LeBron Decision Event was the height of D-Baggery. It’s right up there with other basketball greats like Jordan’s HoF acceptance speech.

    Oh, and ‘nor NEVER will betray you.’?

    - Guy who worked for DGil

  42. Posted by Safewood | July 9, 2010 at 5:03 PM

    LeCare?

  43. Posted by Anonymous | July 10, 2010 at 6:58 AM

    LeBron has sparked a libertarian revolution, people across America are realizing that when states tax people that make more money than them, their personal happiness can be diminished much much more than a measly welfare check can raise it. Florida 0%. It’s worth NYC not having a decent basketball team for two consecutive generations.

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