“Life is such a fucking disaster,” a prominent New York hedge fund manager said recently. “We all live in some kind of world we create for ourselves. And I think that what happened is that built into that world were very enlarged expectations about what life was going to be. There’s been this sensation of excessive expectation that, frankly, became unsustainable.” He had just returned from his ranch in the wilderness of central Idaho. “I just like it because it’s massively low human density. It would be a place you could hole up in. But, gosh, I hope that doesn’t happen.” [NYO]
Archive for July 2010
For the most part, you can’t swing a BD without knocking into someone who would rate Jamie Dimon on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “love that guy” 10 being “I’ve built a shrine to his cock at my desk.” Notice I said “FOR THE MOST PART.” Last week a guy on Facebook suggested he’d rather not be counted among the Dimon worshipers and today, in the midst of an otherwise glowing article about JD, Mike Mayo throws some hate in the direction of the House of Dimon.
“They are not Wells Fargo when it comes to retail banking. They are not American Express when it comes to credit cards. They are not BlackRock when it comes to asset management,” said Michael Mayo of Credit Agricole Securities. “And JPMorgan is not Goldman Sachs in emerging markets.”
Well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man. Furthermore, you think a guy who’s achieved the same level of fame as the woman who put the cone bra on the map is losing much sleep over what you think, boy? Continue reading »
[The Oracle Of O and Mr. President talk shop at the White House this afternoon.]
First off, let me start by putting this out there: Team Rebellion doesn’t need your money. As you can plainly see from the photo at left, if this whole hedge fund thing doesn’t work out, the principals can easily find work as a boy band. Having said that, they’re going to keep at this money biz a bit longer and would love to have you along for the ride. Here are the relevant details:
* The Rebels are like a teeny tiny RenTec, sans the Pall Malls.
* They use Artificial Intelligence to invest, being of the mind that computers = smart, man = stupid (“It’s pretty clear that human beings aren’t improving,” said Spencer Greenberg, 27 years old and the brains behind Rebellion’s AI system. “But computers and algorithms are only getting faster and more robust.”)
* You could try to do what they do at home, but you would most likely die.
“No human could do this,” said Michael Kearns, a computer-science professor at the University of Pennsylvania who has used AI to invest at firms such as Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. “Your head would blow off.”
Since it became de rigeur to hate on Wall Street, one of the most common refrains we hear about are financial services employees’ abuse of animals. “Goldman Sachs clubs baby seals in the basement of 85 Broad” this, “bankers kick puppies and have a good laugh about it” that. Well look who the sick fucks are now.
A high-powered Manhattan duo’s beloved French bulldog died after heartless dog sitters let him overheat in the back of a van and then dumped him — to perish alone — at their Upper West Side apartment, according to the suit. Bankers Laura Garner and Robert Hardon entrusted their 5-year-old pooch, Percy, to caretakers at Queens- based Doggie Love for one night in July 2009 while they were out of town, the suit says. “From the instant I saw Percy . . . I knew he was the one,” a devastated Garner wrote in an affidavit, recalling the start of her love affair with her pet.
But that affection wasn’t shared by Doggie Love, says the suit filed by the couple in Queens Supreme Court yesterday.
Break out the massage oils, ladies “Jeffrey Epstein will be a free man next week when his year-long probation ends. The billionaire, who’s been under house arrest since last July, will no longer need permission to travel. A source said Epstein — a registered sex offender because he pleaded guilty to soliciting teenage masseuses for sex — plans to move to Dubai.” [NYP]
Descendent Of Mr. Goldman (Sachs) Not Too Happy About The Way A Certain Someone Is Running Her Grandfather’s Firm
By Bess Levin
As you’re likely aware, there are a whole bunch of people who’ve been giving Lloyd Blankfein shit for the past year or so. Pissant members of Congress, peasants, PETA. They’ve been a bit of a nuisances but their impotent rage has been fairly easy to brush and in many cases laugh off. None of them are writing books about GS and most of them cannot claim to know that the firm’s founder, Marcus Goldman, or his son, Henry, would be pissed about how the place has “changed.” And then you have June Breton Fishe, great granddaughter and granddaughter of Marcus and Hank, respectively. She is writing a book on how much better things were when her relatives were running the place and she has a couple grievances to air with Mr. B. Such as, respect, or a lackthereof as indicated by this shit:
“The entryway on Goldman Sachs’s executive floor is hung with paintings of all the senior partners since the firm’s inception,” says June Breton Fisher. “I took a close look and finally asked, ‘Where’s my grandfather?’”
He wasn’t there. No portrait, no photograph, not even a snapshot recalled Henry Goldman, the founder’s son whose financial innovations created the modern banking business.
Oh, and do you want her opinion on “the current situation” over at 200 West (which I think we’re supposed to infer as “the state of Goldman being a criminal enterprise”)? No? Well you’re gonna get it anyway. Continue reading »
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