July 2010

  • News

    Opening Bell: 07.16.10

    Bank of America’s profit slips, but tops estimates (MarketWatch) The bank posted second-quarter net income of $3.12 billion, or 27 cents a share, down from $3.22 billion, or 33 cents a share, from the same period last year. That compares with analysts’ consensus estimate of 22 cents a share, based on estimates compiled by FactSet […]

    / Jul 16, 2010 at 9:30 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 07.15.10

    $$$ Goldman Sachs: Bombmakers bombarded [The Economist] $$$ Waco stripper found guilty of punching, biting fellow stripper during argument [WT] $$$ Penthouse Owner Makes Competing Bid for Playboy [CNBC] $$$ Greenspan Says Congress Should Let Bush’s Tax Cuts Lapse [Bloomberg]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 5:30 PM
  • News

    What Will The SEC’s “Significant Announcement” At 4:45 Be?

    Unfounded speculation encouraged at this time. Update: And it’s Goldman learning 550 million “lessons.”

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 4:00 PM
  • News

    Senate Goes 60-39 In Approval Of Financial Reform Bill

    And hey, guess what else?! At least one person on earth has read the whole thing! [via DI]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 3:07 PM
  • News

    Rush Limbaugh Is Calling Apple A Buy

    True or false: all the Apple/iPhone craziness has left you confused re: how to play this trade. You don’t know which analysts to trust and what you could really use is a sober voice of reason to tell you what to do. Well, today’s your lucky day. Rush Limbaugh has decided to share his formidable […]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 2:51 PM
  • News

    Vikram Pandit: Government Should Be Out Of Our Hair By The End Of The Year

    Pack your bags, Timbo. It’s been real. In other good-for-Vickles news, analyst are predicting that Citi will post profits of of a whole nickel per share tomorrow, in which case you can probably expect something like this to go down in the C-suite in about 18 hours.

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 2:29 PM
  • News

    How Much Would You Pay For A Topless Picture Of Jim Cramer?

    Go with me on this.

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 1:27 PM
  • News

    Hank Paulson Apparently Still Somewhat Defensive About Criticism Over Taking Ski Vacation While Wall Street Burned To The Ground

    As you may know, in December 2008, when things were getting really fun on Wall Street and Ken Lewis was calling him in a fit of drunk tears to ask if it was too late to pull out of the whole BAC-MER thing, Hank Paulson was in Aspen was hitting the slopes. No big deal […]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 1:10 PM
  • News

    Ex-Hedge Fund Manager’s Luck Not Yet Turned Around

    A former hedge fund manager was beaten by his wife with a full bottle of wine following an argument this weekend. Susan Van Cook was arrested on Sunday, after Greenwich Hospital notified Rye, N.Y., police that her husband sought treatment for his injuries, which included a bite on the forearm. Joseph Van Cook, who was […]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 11:46 AM
  • News

    Who Wants Some Pretty Decent Odds Of Getting Laid Tonight (For Charity)?

    Reach: Rewarding Achievement is an educational non-profit started three years ago which helps prepare disadvantaged high school students prep for their AP exams. The program tutors roughly 3,700 kids in 31 New York schools on the weekends and awards them cash prizes of $500 for scoring a 5, $400 for 4’s and $300 for 3’s. […]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 10:20 AM
  • News

    Opening Bell: 07.15.10

    JPMorgan’s Earnings Surge 76% (MarketWatch) The bank said Thursday that its second-quarter profit jumped 76% as results were boosted by a $1.5 billion reduction in the group’s loan loss reserves. JPM posted earnings of $4.8 billion, or $1.09 cents a share for the quarter, compared to $2.7 billion, or 28 cents in the same period […]

    / Jul 15, 2010 at 9:30 AM
  • News

    Write-Offs: 07.14.10

    $$$ Roubini Says Obama Should Address Nation as Adults [Bloomberg] $$$ Eleven Banks Will Fail EU Stress Tests: Strategist [CNBC] $$$ Grant On Potential New Federal Reserve Governors [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC Delves Into ‘Proxy Plumbing‘ [WSJ]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 6:00 PM
  • News

    Anonymous Hedge Fund Manager Is In A Mood

    “Life is such a fucking disaster,” a prominent New York hedge fund manager said recently. “We all live in some kind of world we create for ourselves. And I think that what happened is that built into that world were very enlarged expectations about what life was going to be. There’s been this sensation of […]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 5:34 PM
  • News

    Mike Mayo Doesn’t Think JPMorgan’s That Great

    For the most part, you can’t swing a BD without knocking into someone who would rate Jamie Dimon on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “love that guy” 10 being “I’ve built a shrine to his cock at my desk.” Notice I said “FOR THE MOST PART.” Last week a guy on Facebook […]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 4:57 PM
  • News

    Caption Contest Wednesday

    [The Oracle Of O and Mr. President talk shop at the White House this afternoon.]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 2:24 PM
  • News

    Former SEC Chairman Harvey Pitt: You Could Clip Together 2,000 Copies Of The “Pre-BOOTY Call Agreement,” Slap On A Dodd-Frank Cover Page And No One In Congress Would Be The Wiser

    Why? According to Pitt, in a bold (though perhaps not so far-fetched) claim, nobody’s actually read the thing. Dodd-Frank is a ponderous beast. If Congress were paid by the word or the page, this verbiage might be understandable. But neither of those conditions exists, meaning all we can be certain of is that no one […]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 2:01 PM
  • News

    Who Wants to Become A Rebellion Research Investor?

    First off, let me start by putting this out there: Team Rebellion doesn’t need your money. As you can plainly see from the photo at left, if this whole hedge fund thing doesn’t work out, the principals can easily find work as a boy band. Having said that, they’re going to keep at this money […]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 1:30 PM
  • News

    Banker Couple’s Dog Savagely Murdered

    Since it became de rigeur to hate on Wall Street, one of the most common refrains we hear about are financial services employees’ abuse of animals. “Goldman Sachs clubs baby seals in the basement of 85 Broad” this, “bankers kick puppies and have a good laugh about it” that. Well look who the sick fucks […]

    / Jul 14, 2010 at 12:14 PM

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