There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

August 10, 2010, is the day that will go down in history as the one in which fed up employees left their jobs in style. Yesterday afternoon, Steven Slater, the greatest flight attendant of all time did it via obscenities-laced tirade/inflatable slide and just a few hours prior to that, Assistant Jenny was putting her own spin on things.

Jenny was an admin at a brokerage firm. She toiled away for an unknown period of time, despite the fact that her boss, Spencer, was a real asshole, because her dream was to one day become a broker herself. Then she heard Spencer referring to her as a “HOPA,” which she determined stood for “Hot Piece Of Ass,” and decided she’d had it. She was going to quit. But rather than turn in some sterile resignation letter like everyone does, she decided to get creative and via a series of white board messages, informed Spence and the rest of the firm she was leaving and also that the big guy may have an untreated case of Halitosis. Jenny doesn’t have a new gig lined up yet but surely anyone looking to fill a slot and searching for a candidate with a little thing called panache should get in touch.

As for the rest of you! I’m not going tell you to quit your job but if you’ve been thinking about it for a while anyway, consider doing it this week and strongly consider taking a page from Steve and/or Jenny’s playabooks. If you’d like to make an exit that incorporates elements from both, pick and choose from the following:

– Curse out the object of your rage

– Use a PA system

– Use a whiteboard

– Include embarrassing details about person who pushed you to the edge

– Steal some beers or other alcoholic beverages as you leave

– Exit building in unorthodox fashion

– Be “engaging in sexual intercourse” when people come to check on you to make sure you’re okay and/or arrest you

107 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (107)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 10:45 AM

    I looked at the picture fast, and thought it was of Bess.
    Bess can you do a version of this, but with a smackdown of a commenter or something?

    /Bored at work on a Tuesday

  2. Posted by InfiniteGuest | August 10, 2010 at 10:49 AM

    Unintended consequence of healthcare reform?

  3. Posted by NakedShort | August 10, 2010 at 10:52 AM

    Yes, lights on.

  4. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    Such a boring use of of whiteboard markers. Stupid girl.

    -PJ

  5. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 10:55 AM

    @3 – lights AND glasses on; would love to throw my rope onto those lenses…..BAAAAAAADA BING!!

  6. Posted by Shitting on Tryon St. | August 10, 2010 at 10:56 AM

    As luck would have it, I’ve been thinking about switching to seekingalpha.

    PEACE OUT LOSERS! NAILIN PALIN IN 2012!

    /out

  7. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    @6 seeking alpha? how embarrassing for you. (also, no one gives a shit.)

  8. Posted by anon | August 10, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    @1 great idea (and the chick does look like BL)

  9. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 10:59 AM

    @6 good riddance you fu–ing dickwad. Have fun reading about Cramer and bucket shops.

  10. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:01 AM

    In Soviet Russia, everyone has halitosis.

  11. Posted by Apocalypse Futures | August 10, 2010 at 11:05 AM

    Fully agree with the tag. She can certainly get it! Call me Jenny

    Sincerely yours,

    – AF

  12. Posted by Anonymouse | August 10, 2010 at 11:07 AM

    @4 If onry she were a man. I might have a HF job for her.

    -PJ

  13. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:10 AM

    I think her and Slater should open a consultancy specializing in high level departures from top firms. A letter of resignation to the board is just so piper jaffrayish.

  14. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    Has there ever been a Spencer who wasn’t an asshole?

  15. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:11 AM

    i would bang her six ways to Sunday…

    ~Guy who likes to use out-dated cliches on message boards

  16. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:13 AM

    Marry me.

    -Keith Moss

  17. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:15 AM

    Lights on, glasses on, socks on…..mmmmmmmmm….

  18. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:15 AM

    Say, this would all be understandable if Spencer was on Dealbreaker for 17.5 hrs. But what the hell is Farmville?

  19. Posted by guest | August 10, 2010 at 11:15 AM

    “anyone looking to fill an a slot”

    ???

  20. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:16 AM

    I tried to use a whiteboard at Ping Capital but couldn’t find any markers.

  21. Posted by Ping Jiang | August 10, 2010 at 11:17 AM

    John Stuart Mill is not impressed.

  22. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:19 AM

    Blant misuse of whiteboard markers like this is completely unacceptable around here.

    -PJ

  23. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:20 AM

    HOPA = Hot of Piece Ass?

    -Guy confused by Spencer’s acronym

  24. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:22 AM

    @20 Nicely done.

  25. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:28 AM

    What would Kenny Powers do in this situation?

  26. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:29 AM

    That’s nothing. I was caught banging a softporn actress in the executive boardroom. To save everyone a little embarrassment, HR agreed to sugarcoat the details, and I copped to a little expense-account padding. Took my $40 mil in cash severance and stock options on the way out the door.

    — Mark H.

  27. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:31 AM

    I just wanna bust a nut on her Tina Fey glasses, then cry.

    –Guy who busts a nut on things then follows up with inconsolable weeping

  28. Posted by Deep Impact | August 10, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    Like the fist of an angry god!

  29. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:33 AM

    She’s ugly, that’s why she’s treated like shit.

    Here’s a clue, honey- If you aren’t pretty, learn to suck cock very well. It’s the only shot a broad has at getting anywhere.

    Unless she’s really smart and capable……. HAHAHAHAHHAAH

  30. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:36 AM

    @29 Hey, Spencer.

  31. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:39 AM

    I wish I had the opportunity to actually quit a job on my own sometime.

    -Kow-Bell

  32. Posted by Sal Dominick | August 10, 2010 at 11:41 AM

    spencer = spencer greenberg of rebellion capital. he’s always making me access scottrade :(

    -star

  33. Posted by guest | August 10, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    Does she have “Chai” tattoed in Hebrew on her wrist?
    -guy who pays attention to the wrong details, like the antique film projector on her bookshelf.

  34. Posted by NakedShort | August 10, 2010 at 11:49 AM

    Lights on, glasses on, socks on, antique film projector on her bookshelf on and I want the people to watch what is going to be consecrated here. And I will bring my son down here, and he will watch.

  35. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:52 AM

    Hardwood floor or shag carpeting? Or Bess’s fave, hallway runner?

  36. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:56 AM

    I took a dump on Jeff Zucker’s desk before goin’ to Fox. Where’s my fuckin’ kudos?

    -CG

  37. Posted by NakedShort | August 10, 2010 at 11:57 AM

    @35 Vajazzled

  38. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 11:59 AM

    I bet she gives great helmet.

  39. Posted by Anal_yst | August 10, 2010 at 12:00 PM

    1. This girl has a bright future in The Pron. I’m thinking specializing in golden showers and/or DVDA

    2. who the f*ck has the Encyclopedia Britannica in their office?

  40. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:07 PM

    @39 – Zach Kouwe had the Encyclopedia Britannica in his office. Used it all the time.

  41. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:09 PM

    The correct use of apostrohpes has been hell on her as well.

    – not an English major, but someone who knows how to use apostrohpe’s

  42. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:12 PM

    @39/Anal – That apartment does look rather suspiciously like a cheap porno set from Bang Bros or something.

  43. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    I like the flames.

    Dennis Kneale

  44. Posted by DJ LIBOR | August 10, 2010 at 12:15 PM

    @29 The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks. And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unnattractive they are.

  45. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    I bet she would really appreciate my anal bead tail.

    /Guy who has made it.

  46. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:23 PM

    Jenny = next employee at Lido Cabaret

    @44 – Well put, McDermott.

  47. Posted by MD | August 10, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    She doesn’t deserve a job. HOPA is not even an acronym for Hot Piece of Ass. HPOA vs. HOPA what the f***? From the photo, she looks half-asian/japanese, hence hopa would be appropriate.

    Unless, of course, this is another one of Bess’ typos.

    -MANAGING! Director

  48. Posted by NakedShort | August 10, 2010 at 12:27 PM

    I found her number! 867-5309

  49. Posted by Bess Levin | August 10, 2010 at 12:28 PM

    FUCKING! Idiot @47– Read the whiteboard. She wrote “HOPA”.

  50. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:33 PM

    @48 Thanks. Thanks a lot asshole. There goes TWO FUCKING DAYS down the drain with that shit in my head. Off to get a carnivorous ear wig.

  51. Posted by pmco | August 10, 2010 at 12:37 PM

    @48/naked: FTW
    @44/46: I hope your wit is very dry otherwise you are a tool. Meet me @ 113 Macdougal at St at 8pm so I can decide. I’ll be the smart, funny chick with the awesome personality but you’ll probably notice my banging body first.

  52. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 12:40 PM

    @29 you sound like a mental patient. well done.
    also, click through the story. the chick is actually rather hot.

  53. Posted by Yo Me | August 10, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    i haven’t seen an encyclopedia in years. must be her parents house.

  54. Posted by OptionsTrader | August 10, 2010 at 12:56 PM

    When she changed in the white tank top…I lost all concentration on closing my AUS/USD short spread. FUCK!!!!!

  55. Posted by Anal_yst | August 10, 2010 at 12:57 PM

    @47 Epic, Epic fail. How the f*ck do you get “half-asian/Japanese” from those pics?

    @51

    I’ll be there around 8, how should I let you know its me?

  56. Posted by Anal_yst | August 10, 2010 at 1:01 PM

    Also: lights on, and I mean floodlights, million+ candle power

  57. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:04 PM

    Work is blocking all the links can someone give me a clue as to what goes down in them?

    @51 I’ll menacingly point a nailgun at your head so you know it’s me.

  58. Posted by John Gay | August 10, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    @1 you idiot, bess is 5000x hotter than this cow (no offense to the HOPA!)

  59. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    A Chuppa is a canopy under which a Jewish bride and groom stand during their wedding ceremony.

    -Jewish LEH quant

  60. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:19 PM

    “HOPA” is the litteral pronunciation of “HPoA”. The HO is short for “hot” and the PA is well…you know.

    I’m shocked! Shocked! I say, to learn that their are dickhead bosses in the broker community!!!

    She is attractive though and some other dickhead will hire her probably.

  61. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:25 PM

    Beth Levin, you vicious animal liar!

  62. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | August 10, 2010 at 1:28 PM

    I wish this would have come out before Christina Romer decided to quit. Christina, if you are reading this, seriously consider following Bess’ advice, other than the sex part (given the obesity thing).

  63. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:31 PM

    HOPA > PMB

  64. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:34 PM

    @41 – She is using a contraction for “assistant has” – therefore the apostrophe’s (<– See what I did there?) correct. Awkward, but correct. There's only so much room on a whiteboard, after all.

  65. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    HPOA is the new killin’ it.

  66. Posted by pmco | August 10, 2010 at 1:49 PM

    @55: bench @57 above your head. He’ll be the one with the nailgun. I’ll be the blonde LMFAO.

  67. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 1:54 PM

    FUPA is the new killing it

  68. Posted by Pfluger the Barbarian | August 10, 2010 at 1:56 PM

    @64: Its true that that particular whiteboard has limited space, but having examined the photo a second time, I believe she could have written “assistant has” rather than using the contraction. There would have been ample space.

    Furthermore, there are whiteboards which are much larger than the one she is holding up, and therefore your generalization about whiteboards’ size is incorrect.

    I do see what you did there, with the apostrophe, though, and agree with your characterization of the contraction being awkward.

    – guy who occasionally likes to nit-pick for no particular reason

  69. Posted by NakedShort | August 10, 2010 at 1:59 PM

    @66, et al. I actually took the time during lunch to find the original MT post. It was a lot funnier reading it the second time around.

    http://dealbreaker.com/2010/02/charlie-gasparino-i-left-cnbc-extremely-amicably/

    Posted by guest | February 22, 2010 at 5:57 PM
    Why don’t you all come and say your comments to my face tonight – I will be at the Minetta Tavern in an hour. I expect all of you to show up since you talk a big game.
    See you there, but bring your insurance card – you will need it when I am done with you.

  70. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | August 10, 2010 at 2:05 PM

    @41- Actually her phrase, “Being your assistant’s been a special hell,” while a bit unconventional, uses the apostrophe correctly as it abbreviates “assistant has.” Your use, however, in “someone who knows how to use apostrohpe’s” is incorrect as “apostrophes” is plural and does not need an apostrophe. If that was supposed to be ironic, it was far too vague to be funny.

    -NY Times Style Editor who is still trying to wrap his brain around why Jenny wrote “HOPA” so many times and then defined what a “HPOA” was and then sent it to the entire company as her parting words

  71. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    I heard Kouwe did this when he quit the NYT and DB. It’s his signature goodbye

  72. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 2:06 PM

    @69 – I will be at Harry’s tonight drinking a J&B on the rocks AND a corona. Punch me in the face if you want to keep your spleen.

  73. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | August 10, 2010 at 2:08 PM

    @64- Beat me too it. I like the cut of your jib, sailor.

    -@70 who is still more concerned with the “HOPA”/”HPOA” error

  74. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | August 10, 2010 at 2:11 PM

    @73- You should use “to” correctly as you are supposedly the NY Times Style Editor on this thread.

    -guy speaking in the third person who claimed to be the NY Times Style Editor on this thread

  75. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 2:14 PM

    @72, what if I just tell you about the specials?

  76. Posted by Investorcluzo | August 10, 2010 at 2:21 PM

    @naked 48 – FT(MF)W

    jenny – assistant’s assistant has

  77. Posted by Rafiki | August 10, 2010 at 2:24 PM

    HOPA = Her Outstanding Promotion Awaits

    Dumb bitch was about to become a broker…

  78. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 2:26 PM

    @51/66 – I will bring Christie, along with two doses of mdma. Order a bottle of fine Chardonnay for the two of you, a J&B NEAT for myself.

    – 46

  79. Posted by guest | August 10, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    Bess is our HOPA!

    Kudos to all posters on this thread. Very, very high quality!!!!!

  80. Posted by PermaGuest | August 10, 2010 at 2:37 PM

    @74 You are, in fact, not speaking in the third person.

  81. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 3:14 PM

    WTF is abbreviated “has”. There is no such thing as abbreviating “has”.

    Is that what passes for grammar?

    She is an idiot who gives herself too much credit. OMG. She sucks.

    Honey, in America, white man own you!

  82. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | August 10, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    @80- You’re right! What an idiot he is!

    -guy now speaking in third person who realizes this has gone on too long but who figured he’d finish what he started

  83. Posted by Hal E. Tosis | August 10, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    What an ingrate..

  84. Posted by Hal E. Tosis | August 10, 2010 at 3:26 PM

    What an ingrate..

  85. Posted by Frozen Caveman Lawyer | August 10, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    Your use of apostrophe’s confuses and frightens me

  86. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 3:55 PM

    Methinks she might want to upgrade that home library and dump the Encyclopedia Britannica for something more “brokerish.”

  87. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 3:59 PM

    This kind of sh*t happens all the time at CNBC

  88. Posted by Anal_yst | August 10, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    @NS/@69 ftmwf, I was wondering where this all started, now we know!

    @66

    Meet me on Stone Street at 7:30, I’ll be the guy who looks like all the rest but with fluorescent yellow frogskins. Buy me a beer so I know its you (thanksss)

  89. Posted by WBO | August 10, 2010 at 4:06 PM

    I wonder how she likes her new Iphone?

    – Guy who likes to play photo hunt

  90. Posted by Unemployed Editor | August 10, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    @68, It’s “it’s,” not its. It’s = it is. Its = the possessive, meaning belonging to it.

  91. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 4:34 PM

    @81 Contracting “has” is routine, e.g. “he has been fired” = “he’s been fired.” Contracting an STD from a HOPA, however, is a rare and special treat.

    I can’t believe no one’s identified the brokerage yet. How lazy are you people?

  92. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 5:01 PM

    @91 that is the big mystery; some saying hoax

  93. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 5:24 PM

    The Great HOPA Hoax? I want to believe in the HOPA.

  94. Posted by b | August 10, 2010 at 6:01 PM

    mo-ron

  95. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 6:10 PM

    so her boss loses his assistant but she provides him with some hot pictures of her in daisy dukes and a tank top? gee, i wonder if Spencer thinks he came out behind or ahead on that trade!

  96. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 7:04 PM

    It’s the new Obama slogan: “HOPe and Ass”

  97. Posted by Anonymous | August 10, 2010 at 9:03 PM
  98. Posted by Repo Finance | August 10, 2010 at 11:20 PM

    If only Slater had used whiteboards. She gets 200,000+ likes on facebook and he gets one free can of beer (plus jail time for “criminal mischief”).

  99. Posted by Louis Winthorpe III | August 10, 2010 at 11:51 PM

    @91/92/97- Call me old-fashioned but I think that if the DB commentariat and Bess can’t confirm which brokerage this came from within 12 hours then it’s a hoax.

    Not to mention the obvious– this girl leaves her job at a brokerage in a blaze of glory in a major recession because her boss used an acronym calling her hot? Grow up. Also she lacks attention to detail (HPOA vs. HOPA), seems questionably a little too cute, and her coworkers would have been forced to open 33 pictures of her, one-by-one? Nope.

  100. Posted by Anonymous | August 11, 2010 at 12:44 AM

    “Hopa”?

    Uhhh…guys, has anyone considered that maybe her boss was doing a toast in Greek?

    ~AIG Aegean Quant

  101. Posted by Anonymous | August 11, 2010 at 9:04 AM

    i heard this whole thing was a hoax.

  102. Posted by Anonymous | August 11, 2010 at 11:26 AM
  103. Posted by Anonymous | August 11, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    I heard this whole thing was ridiculous.
    Confirmed.

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