Aspiring Broker Quits Job Via Whiteboard, Outs Boss’s Farmville Habit

There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

August 10, 2010, is the day that will go down in history as the one in which fed up employees left their jobs in style. Yesterday afternoon, Steven Slater, the greatest flight attendant of all time did it via obscenities-laced tirade/inflatable slide and just a few hours prior to that, Assistant Jenny was putting her own spin on things.

Jenny was an admin at a brokerage firm. She toiled away for an unknown period of time, despite the fact that her boss, Spencer, was a real asshole, because her dream was to one day become a broker herself. Then she heard Spencer referring to her as a “HOPA,” which she determined stood for “Hot Piece Of Ass,” and decided she’d had it. She was going to quit. But rather than turn in some sterile resignation letter like everyone does, she decided to get creative and via a series of white board messages, informed Spence and the rest of the firm she was leaving and also that the big guy may have an untreated case of Halitosis. Jenny doesn’t have a new gig lined up yet but surely anyone looking to fill a slot and searching for a candidate with a little thing called panache should get in touch.

As for the rest of you! I’m not going tell you to quit your job but if you’ve been thinking about it for a while anyway, consider doing it this week and strongly consider taking a page from Steve and/or Jenny’s playabooks. If you’d like to make an exit that incorporates elements from both, pick and choose from the following:

– Curse out the object of your rage

– Use a PA system

– Use a whiteboard

– Include embarrassing details about person who pushed you to the edge

– Steal some beers or other alcoholic beverages as you leave

– Exit building in unorthodox fashion

– Be “engaging in sexual intercourse” when people come to check on you to make sure you’re okay and/or arrest you

(hidden for your protection)
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107 Responses to “Aspiring Broker Quits Job Via Whiteboard, Outs Boss’s Farmville Habit”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I looked at the picture fast, and thought it was of Bess.
    Bess can you do a version of this, but with a smackdown of a commenter or something?

    /Bored at work on a Tuesday

  2. Unintended consequence of healthcare reform?

  3. Anonymous says:

    Such a boring use of of whiteboard markers. Stupid girl.


  4. Anonymous says:

    @3 – lights AND glasses on; would love to throw my rope onto those lenses…..BAAAAAAADA BING!!

  5. As luck would have it, I’ve been thinking about switching to seekingalpha.



  6. Anonymous says:

    @6 seeking alpha? how embarrassing for you. (also, no one gives a shit.)

  7. anon says:

    @1 great idea (and the chick does look like BL)

  8. Anonymous says:

    @6 good riddance you fu–ing dickwad. Have fun reading about Cramer and bucket shops.

  9. Anonymous says:

    In Soviet Russia, everyone has halitosis.

  10. Apocalypse Futures says:

    Fully agree with the tag. She can certainly get it! Call me Jenny

    Sincerely yours,

    – AF

  11. Anonymouse says:

    @4 If onry she were a man. I might have a HF job for her.


  12. Anonymous says:

    I think her and Slater should open a consultancy specializing in high level departures from top firms. A letter of resignation to the board is just so piper jaffrayish.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Has there ever been a Spencer who wasn’t an asshole?

  14. Anonymous says:

    i would bang her six ways to Sunday…

    ~Guy who likes to use out-dated cliches on message boards

  15. Anonymous says:

    Marry me.

    -Keith Moss

  16. Anonymous says:

    Lights on, glasses on, socks on…..mmmmmmmmm….

  17. Anonymous says:

    Say, this would all be understandable if Spencer was on Dealbreaker for 17.5 hrs. But what the hell is Farmville?

  18. guest says:

    “anyone looking to fill an a slot”


  19. Anonymous says:

    I tried to use a whiteboard at Ping Capital but couldn’t find any markers.

  20. Ping Jiang says:

    John Stuart Mill is not impressed.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Blant misuse of whiteboard markers like this is completely unacceptable around here.


  22. Anonymous says:

    HOPA = Hot of Piece Ass?

    -Guy confused by Spencer’s acronym

  23. Anonymous says:

    @20 Nicely done.

  24. Anonymous says:

    What would Kenny Powers do in this situation?

  25. Anonymous says:

    That’s nothing. I was caught banging a softporn actress in the executive boardroom. To save everyone a little embarrassment, HR agreed to sugarcoat the details, and I copped to a little expense-account padding. Took my $40 mil in cash severance and stock options on the way out the door.

    — Mark H.

  26. Anonymous says:

    I just wanna bust a nut on her Tina Fey glasses, then cry.

    –Guy who busts a nut on things then follows up with inconsolable weeping

  27. Deep Impact says:

    Like the fist of an angry god!

  28. Anonymous says:

    She’s ugly, that’s why she’s treated like shit.

    Here’s a clue, honey- If you aren’t pretty, learn to suck cock very well. It’s the only shot a broad has at getting anywhere.

    Unless she’s really smart and capable……. HAHAHAHAHHAAH

  29. Anonymous says:

    @29 Hey, Spencer.

  30. Anonymous says:

    I wish I had the opportunity to actually quit a job on my own sometime.


  31. Sal Dominick says:

    spencer = spencer greenberg of rebellion capital. he’s always making me access scottrade :(


  32. guest says:

    Does she have “Chai” tattoed in Hebrew on her wrist?
    -guy who pays attention to the wrong details, like the antique film projector on her bookshelf.

  33. NakedShort says:

    Lights on, glasses on, socks on, antique film projector on her bookshelf on and I want the people to watch what is going to be consecrated here. And I will bring my son down here, and he will watch.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Hardwood floor or shag carpeting? Or Bess’s fave, hallway runner?

  35. Anonymous says:

    I took a dump on Jeff Zucker’s desk before goin’ to Fox. Where’s my fuckin’ kudos?


  36. Anonymous says:

    I bet she gives great helmet.

  37. Anal_yst says:

    1. This girl has a bright future in The Pron. I’m thinking specializing in golden showers and/or DVDA

    2. who the f*ck has the Encyclopedia Britannica in their office?

  38. Anonymous says:

    @39 – Zach Kouwe had the Encyclopedia Britannica in his office. Used it all the time.

  39. Anonymous says:

    The correct use of apostrohpes has been hell on her as well.

    – not an English major, but someone who knows how to use apostrohpe’s

  40. Anonymous says:

    @39/Anal – That apartment does look rather suspiciously like a cheap porno set from Bang Bros or something.

  41. Anonymous says:

    I like the flames.

    Dennis Kneale

  42. DJ LIBOR says:

    @29 The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks. And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unnattractive they are.

  43. Anonymous says:

    I bet she would really appreciate my anal bead tail.

    /Guy who has made it.

  44. Anonymous says:

    Jenny = next employee at Lido Cabaret

    @44 – Well put, McDermott.

  45. MD says:

    She doesn’t deserve a job. HOPA is not even an acronym for Hot Piece of Ass. HPOA vs. HOPA what the f***? From the photo, she looks half-asian/japanese, hence hopa would be appropriate.

    Unless, of course, this is another one of Bess’ typos.

    -MANAGING! Director

  46. NakedShort says:

    I found her number! 867-5309

  47. Bess Levin says:

    FUCKING! Idiot @47– Read the whiteboard. She wrote “HOPA”.

  48. Anonymous says:

    @48 Thanks. Thanks a lot asshole. There goes TWO FUCKING DAYS down the drain with that shit in my head. Off to get a carnivorous ear wig.

  49. pmco says:

    @48/naked: FTW
    @44/46: I hope your wit is very dry otherwise you are a tool. Meet me @ 113 Macdougal at St at 8pm so I can decide. I’ll be the smart, funny chick with the awesome personality but you’ll probably notice my banging body first.

  50. Anonymous says:

    @29 you sound like a mental patient. well done.
    also, click through the story. the chick is actually rather hot.

  51. Yo Me says:

    i haven’t seen an encyclopedia in years. must be her parents house.

  52. When she changed in the white tank top…I lost all concentration on closing my AUS/USD short spread. FUCK!!!!!

  53. Anal_yst says:

    @47 Epic, Epic fail. How the f*ck do you get “half-asian/Japanese” from those pics?


    I’ll be there around 8, how should I let you know its me?

  54. Anal_yst says:

    Also: lights on, and I mean floodlights, million+ candle power

  55. Anonymous says:

    Work is blocking all the links can someone give me a clue as to what goes down in them?

    @51 I’ll menacingly point a nailgun at your head so you know it’s me.

  56. John Gay says:

    @1 you idiot, bess is 5000x hotter than this cow (no offense to the HOPA!)

  57. Anonymous says:

    A Chuppa is a canopy under which a Jewish bride and groom stand during their wedding ceremony.

    -Jewish LEH quant

  58. Anonymous says:

    “HOPA” is the litteral pronunciation of “HPoA”. The HO is short for “hot” and the PA is well…you know.

    I’m shocked! Shocked! I say, to learn that their are dickhead bosses in the broker community!!!

    She is attractive though and some other dickhead will hire her probably.

  59. Anonymous says:

    Beth Levin, you vicious animal liar!

  60. I wish this would have come out before Christina Romer decided to quit. Christina, if you are reading this, seriously consider following Bess’ advice, other than the sex part (given the obesity thing).

  61. Anonymous says:

    HOPA > PMB

  62. Anonymous says:

    @41 – She is using a contraction for “assistant has” – therefore the apostrophe’s (<– See what I did there?) correct. Awkward, but correct. There's only so much room on a whiteboard, after all.

  63. Anonymous says:

    HPOA is the new killin’ it.

  64. pmco says:

    @55: bench @57 above your head. He’ll be the one with the nailgun. I’ll be the blonde LMFAO.

  65. Anonymous says:

    FUPA is the new killing it

  66. @64: Its true that that particular whiteboard has limited space, but having examined the photo a second time, I believe she could have written “assistant has” rather than using the contraction. There would have been ample space.

    Furthermore, there are whiteboards which are much larger than the one she is holding up, and therefore your generalization about whiteboards’ size is incorrect.

    I do see what you did there, with the apostrophe, though, and agree with your characterization of the contraction being awkward.

    – guy who occasionally likes to nit-pick for no particular reason

  67. NakedShort says:

    @66, et al. I actually took the time during lunch to find the original MT post. It was a lot funnier reading it the second time around.

    Posted by guest | February 22, 2010 at 5:57 PM
    Why don’t you all come and say your comments to my face tonight – I will be at the Minetta Tavern in an hour. I expect all of you to show up since you talk a big game.
    See you there, but bring your insurance card – you will need it when I am done with you.

  68. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    @41- Actually her phrase, “Being your assistant’s been a special hell,” while a bit unconventional, uses the apostrophe correctly as it abbreviates “assistant has.” Your use, however, in “someone who knows how to use apostrohpe’s” is incorrect as “apostrophes” is plural and does not need an apostrophe. If that was supposed to be ironic, it was far too vague to be funny.

    -NY Times Style Editor who is still trying to wrap his brain around why Jenny wrote “HOPA” so many times and then defined what a “HPOA” was and then sent it to the entire company as her parting words

  69. Anonymous says:

    I heard Kouwe did this when he quit the NYT and DB. It’s his signature goodbye

  70. Anonymous says:

    @69 – I will be at Harry’s tonight drinking a J&B on the rocks AND a corona. Punch me in the face if you want to keep your spleen.

  71. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    @64- Beat me too it. I like the cut of your jib, sailor.

    -@70 who is still more concerned with the “HOPA”/”HPOA” error

  72. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    @73- You should use “to” correctly as you are supposedly the NY Times Style Editor on this thread.

    -guy speaking in the third person who claimed to be the NY Times Style Editor on this thread

  73. Anonymous says:

    @72, what if I just tell you about the specials?

  74. @naked 48 – FT(MF)W

    jenny – assistant’s assistant has

  75. Rafiki says:

    HOPA = Her Outstanding Promotion Awaits

    Dumb bitch was about to become a broker…

  76. Anonymous says:

    @51/66 – I will bring Christie, along with two doses of mdma. Order a bottle of fine Chardonnay for the two of you, a J&B NEAT for myself.

    – 46

  77. guest says:

    Bess is our HOPA!

    Kudos to all posters on this thread. Very, very high quality!!!!!

  78. PermaGuest says:

    @74 You are, in fact, not speaking in the third person.

  79. Anonymous says:

    WTF is abbreviated “has”. There is no such thing as abbreviating “has”.

    Is that what passes for grammar?

    She is an idiot who gives herself too much credit. OMG. She sucks.

    Honey, in America, white man own you!

  80. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    @80- You’re right! What an idiot he is!

    -guy now speaking in third person who realizes this has gone on too long but who figured he’d finish what he started

  81. Hal E. Tosis says:

    What an ingrate..

  82. Hal E. Tosis says:

    What an ingrate..

  83. Frozen Caveman Lawyer says:

    Your use of apostrophe’s confuses and frightens me

  84. Anonymous says:

    Methinks she might want to upgrade that home library and dump the Encyclopedia Britannica for something more “brokerish.”

  85. Anonymous says:

    This kind of sh*t happens all the time at CNBC

  86. Anal_yst says:

    @NS/@69 ftmwf, I was wondering where this all started, now we know!


    Meet me on Stone Street at 7:30, I’ll be the guy who looks like all the rest but with fluorescent yellow frogskins. Buy me a beer so I know its you (thanksss)

  87. WBO says:

    I wonder how she likes her new Iphone?

    – Guy who likes to play photo hunt

  88. Unemployed Editor says:

    @68, It’s “it’s,” not its. It’s = it is. Its = the possessive, meaning belonging to it.

  89. Anonymous says:

    @81 Contracting “has” is routine, e.g. “he has been fired” = “he’s been fired.” Contracting an STD from a HOPA, however, is a rare and special treat.

    I can’t believe no one’s identified the brokerage yet. How lazy are you people?

  90. Anonymous says:

    @91 that is the big mystery; some saying hoax

  91. Anonymous says:

    The Great HOPA Hoax? I want to believe in the HOPA.

  92. Anonymous says:

    so her boss loses his assistant but she provides him with some hot pictures of her in daisy dukes and a tank top? gee, i wonder if Spencer thinks he came out behind or ahead on that trade!

  93. Anonymous says:

    It’s the new Obama slogan: “HOPe and Ass”

  94. Repo Finance says:

    If only Slater had used whiteboards. She gets 200,000+ likes on facebook and he gets one free can of beer (plus jail time for “criminal mischief”).

  95. Louis Winthorpe III says:

    @91/92/97- Call me old-fashioned but I think that if the DB commentariat and Bess can’t confirm which brokerage this came from within 12 hours then it’s a hoax.

    Not to mention the obvious– this girl leaves her job at a brokerage in a blaze of glory in a major recession because her boss used an acronym calling her hot? Grow up. Also she lacks attention to detail (HPOA vs. HOPA), seems questionably a little too cute, and her coworkers would have been forced to open 33 pictures of her, one-by-one? Nope.

  96. Anonymous says:


    Uhhh…guys, has anyone considered that maybe her boss was doing a toast in Greek?

    ~AIG Aegean Quant

  97. Anonymous says:

    i heard this whole thing was a hoax.

  98. Anonymous says:

    I heard this whole thing was ridiculous.

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