• 19 Aug 2010 at 3:45 PM

Attention Macquarie Employees: Get Your Tit Fix Here

Back in February, Macquarie employee David Kiely got in a little hot water with his employer for looking at some topless shots of Miranda Kerr on his computer. It should’ve been no big deal but unfortunately his floor was being filmed on live TV at the time and as the Aussies couldn’t be perceived as condoning that sort of thing, they put him on a time-out. He was ultimately allowed to keep his job but management has taken extreme precautions to ensure something like this won’t happen again, namely equipping everyone’s computers with a child-lock. What’s a horny Aussie to do? Consider taking lunch at this establishment, where you can get you fix.

A WOMAN has stripped off naked in front of dozens of people having breakfast at a popular Darwin restaurant. Witnesses said the woman took off all her clothes after she and another woman had a full-on fist fight over a man yesterday. “That was just a shocker,” eyewitness Fernando Dentes, 34, said. “People were trying to eat.”

Police said a 39-year-old woman had to be picked up from the median strip on Dick Ward Drive after she bared all in front of the Cool Spot Cafe in Fannie Bay. The woman was lying naked on the ground smoking a cigarette in full view of customers at the restaurant. Three uniformed officers, in a paddy wagon and a sedan, arrived at the scene before giving the woman an on-the-spot fine and taking her to her home to Moulden, in Palmerston. It is unclear whether she was drunk. Mr Dentes, who was the shift manager at the restaurant at the time, said that staff had alerted police after customers complained about the striptease.

He said he saw two women arguing near the Cool Spot entrance before one of them was pushed to the ground. “The two ladies were arguing about the fella they were there with,” he said. “It was pretty verbal. “One had the other on the ground,” he said. “She was pretty much just defending herself and then she was lifting up her shirt and showing her breasts. “She took off her clothes and then she walked to the median strip lid a cigarette and laid down. Mr Dentes said it was not the first time police were called to near the restaurant to resolve a disturbance.

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Comments (27)

  1. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 3:58 PM

    Clearly a Private Equity employee.

  2. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 4:03 PM

    Dick Ward Drive…Cool Spot Cafe…Fannie Bay…

    You can’t make this shit up.

  3. Posted by And the machine that goes, PING! | August 19, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    Not to be juvenile, but haha Dick Ward

  4. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 4:13 PM

    what no fish on the menu?

  5. Posted by Jagson | August 19, 2010 at 4:27 PM

    @4 That was a good one!

  6. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 5:05 PM

    there was a fish taco special that day

  7. Posted by Dennis Kneale | August 19, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    Stuff like this happens every day in my mind, except it’s a doberman and a pit going at it in Michael Vick’s basement, battling for my warm (sometimes lubricated) embrace.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 6:20 PM

    Maybe I’m just dense, but how is this relate to Macquarie?

  9. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 6:59 PM

    Or anything remotely financial? I highly doubt that the woman in question looked /anything/ like the picture.. Bess do you even know where Darwin is?

  10. Posted by Bess Levin | August 19, 2010 at 7:13 PM

    @9 hi there. occasionally we do stories that don’t actually have a link to finance but we make one up because they’re amusing. it’s the dead of august. you should consider lightening up. (although I did appreciate how serious/upset/skeptical you got re: the notion that the woman in the story might look like the one in the picture.)

  11. Posted by drover's dog | August 19, 2010 at 7:39 PM

    Bess, just to let you New Yorker’s know, Darwin is in the Northern Territory, at the top and to the middle of Australia. It is known for heavy drinking and crocodiles. Macquarie Bank scumbags only really get sighted in Sydney – and occasionally Canberra when they are bribing the government to rescue their asses or to provide them with jobs and consultancy’s – the mini me Goldies.

  12. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 7:57 PM

    @11 – it is a known fact that heavy drinking and crocodiles do not mix. The crocs simply can’t hold their liquor – much like the Abo’s.

  13. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 9:02 PM

    “It is unclear whether she was drunk.”

    I think it’s perfectly clear.

  14. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 10:31 PM

    Aussie’s are very sensitive

  15. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 10:56 PM

    @11 That’s ridiculous. Darwin’s the guy who wrote the Theory of Evolution. I know. I won the award many times.

    @12 But when you combine a drunk financial worker and a crocodile, the financial worker loses. It’s true; look it up in the search box.

  16. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 11:20 PM

    Darwin is 2,400 miles from Sydney. The stories are getting thinner and thinner…

  17. Posted by Anonymous | August 19, 2010 at 11:36 PM

    Bess, here is a promising lead, since you are running low on stories. This is Google StreetView of the highway from Darwin to Sydney.

    http://bit.ly/bdNME7

    It is facing towards Sydney, but one would want to have a good 360-degree look around, so as to not miss any clues.

  18. Posted by VonSloneker | August 20, 2010 at 8:20 AM

    I once drank an entire village of abos under the table in Gunda Windy. Walkabout…good times

  19. Posted by Anonymous | August 20, 2010 at 9:50 AM

    @15 – I tried looking it up as you suggested. What I learned was that a drunk financial worker pik toggled a crocodile once and got totally bonobo’d for it. I’m now horribly confused.

    -12

  20. Posted by miami | August 20, 2010 at 10:33 AM

    Bess, not providing us with actual, on-the-scene footage of the women and question and their resumes at ‘mini-GS’ makes baby Jesu cry.

  21. Posted by guest | August 20, 2010 at 11:24 AM

    Woman strips naked + Customers complain = Ugly Chick

  22. Posted by jj | August 20, 2010 at 3:03 PM

    I know some Macquarie equity/sales girls who “gobble”

  23. Posted by Willis Eschenbach | August 20, 2010 at 3:20 PM
  24. Posted by Molly Hagerty | August 20, 2010 at 3:22 PM

    @15=Al Gore

  25. Posted by The Plastics | August 20, 2010 at 4:02 PM

    @ 22 =’s TD intern

  26. Posted by Anonymous | August 23, 2010 at 12:33 AM

    @24=Sarah Palin

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