As you know, it’s never too early to start thinking about bonus season. Those of you who took our bonus negotiation tips to heart and have been practicing them faithfully in the men’s room bathroom with your wing-man have nothing to worry about. Others should be soiling yourselves in fear. But take heart. Even if it didn’t penetrate when I said to open with a line such as “Listen up you motherfuckers, let me just cut right to the chase. This not my first rodeo. I have signed a hundred other bonus agreements that have been way bigger than this shit, okay? So nobody is going to be fucking bamboozling anyone with this lingo-jingo-fucking mingo” and even if you do work for a shop taking it up the tailpipe this year, you can still do pretty okay with yourself, thanks to a certain philandering sports star with a taste for skanks and an aversion to turkey.
Naturally I’m talking about hooking yourself up with Elin Woods. Her divorce from Tiger was just made final this afternoon and she’s on the Sugar Momma circuit flush with cash (“varying reports have suggested that Elin, 30, could receive anywhere from $100 million in assets to as much as five times that figure”).
Damn cute lass but, based on her ex’s lack of monogamy, you’d be best to keep the cover on your golf club, laddie.
she’s going to have to settle for a pudgy balding semi-bitter middle management type with an increasingly severe alky-haul problem.
Dibs!
$100mm will net one several pairs of Bonobos, even sans the 20% discount.
The worlds most expensive shags?
Married for 6 years @ 3 shags/day.
That’s ~2000 shags
Divorce settlement $750,000,000.
375K per shag is the new killing it.
What’s that saying about renting if it flies, fornicates, sails or has wheels.
- cliffy
She is the 1-iron of women: Rare, hard to hit, expensive, and replaced by more commonly used alternatives.
With that said, I’d happily play with only my 1-iron if I had that club in the bag, and by club, I mean hot rich ass.
-Not Tiger but a fan of his work on the links pre mental collapse.
Live where Tiger has been
Bonus points: No hand bridge required.
@4 3 A DAY?? You clearly have never been married my friend…
@coveredlong – In socialist norway, 1 iron women hit you hard.
@9/AB I believe she’s actually Swedish…
They all look alike to me.
@6, It’s “be where Tiger’s been.”
Please try to keep up.
@8 Must be a cultural thing
Just got back from a trip to Asia where I was told that from a very early age the women are broght up to tend to their men. Somehow things seem to be totally backwards here in the west.
I’m just sayin’
I feel sorry for those married expats in Singapore/Malaysia whose husbands are targeted by extremly hot asian chicks that have only one mission in life. I think I’ll relocate …
Oh, and since I’ve been away for 3 weeks: UBS Sucks!
@13 – I’ve heard good things about Jasians. Can’t remember the site I read it on, was clearly NSFW.
Where are all the clients cum guzzling gutter sluts?
@14 Dude, I was told on more than one occasion to dump my frigid GF and move to Asia for a rolicking good time :-) Good thing there’s no ring or kids …
Bullsh*t on the $500mm figure, Tiger isn’t worth nearly the bn media says he is, definitely not liquid, and probably not even with dubious assumptions for future income. $100m is probably alot closer to the truth + this/that non-cash settlement.
@14/16 Allegedly being taken to Tokyo on vaca by a couple of ex-expat buddies when my d is finalized (got to love NY law); will report back.
@18 Good luck and have fun!
@4, if it floats, flies, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent than buy
@18 – What, are they making it from paper mache?
-Former Penis Quant
@4: 6 years x 365 days/year x 3 times/day = 6570 times. So she’s only costing $114k a roll. I hope that you aren’t a quant.
@22/Guest you must be new here.
I would tap her harder than a 40 foot uphill put. And miss on purpose. So I could tap it again.
John Daley
Tiger got caught up is the very rare “Pussy Bubble”.
Bess, I’m single now.You haven’t given me your telephone number.
Tiger
Race Traitor!
As is said: “Once they go black, we don’t want them back.”
“He ain’t all black.”
@20 So if I’m actually after a rocket submarine crewed with Oral Fixation girls, I should really be looking to buy?
Giving your smoking hot ex-wife $100-$500M cuz you like skanky hos is the new killin it