Here’s one: how many times have you watched Charlie Gasparino break a story and wonder to yourself, “How does this guy do it? Where does he get these stories? Who are his sources? How does he get them to crack?” Whether it’s the Goldman prop situation, Jimmy Cayne’s uromysitisis condition or Dick Fuld’s inability to post bail after getting arrested for going ape-shit on a CostoCo employee, Gaspo’s always got it. Is it that Chaz:
a) Has put in quality time with this broad, who knows all?
b) Leaves threatening voicemails on people’s machines, suggesting if he doesn’t get the story, he’ll break off their cojones and boil them in motor oil, which typically motivates them to give him the dirt?
c) Tails Andrew Ross Sorkin to his source meetings, waits for him outside and proceeds to rub a chloroform soaked rag on ARS’s face, steal his notes and make a mad dash for Elaine’s, where no one will ask questions?
d) Has an army of San Pietro bus boys on payroll who report back anything they heard from the movers and shakers dining at the restaurant after their shift?
e) Has realized that it’s the interns in every organization who hold the secrets, and to that end has endeared himself to the ones at the major banks by taking them out for drinks at Tropix, his favorite joint in Rego Park, where they have a lax policy on underage drinking?
The holiday season is nigh and you still haven’t shopped. While you’re dreaming only of sugar plum fairies bearing fat bonuses, you don’t the time to mingle with the riff raff at some big box nightmare. Dealbreaker is here to help. Behold the 2013 Dealbreaker Holiday Gift Guide, chockfull of descriptors like “custom,” “gourmet,” “housecleaning,” and “DB swag.”
Click through to check out all of our gift choices for the hardcore capitalist in your life.