Emma Dorfman, 15, is soon to become part of the global financial system. Her future’s going to be packaged into the first teenage-backed bond. The reward? A boatload of cash. The risks? Well, Emma might have missed the fine print… “Monetizing Emma” returns. Tickets & More Info.
Archive for August 2010
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As you may have heard, Wall Street is not, lets just call it, the most “popular” place these days. This is especially true if you’re currently in or running for office. Gotta give the people what they want and what the people want is, for example, you to very publicly and hurtfully break off your bro-mance with anyone in the upper echelons of the Street, no matter how charming, handsome, and sweet they may be. The fact that he was once a managing director at Lehman Brothers is naturally something that Republican Gubernatorial hopeful John Kasich’s opponents are throwing in his face but it wasn’t until recently that they uncovered a relationship that could ruin his chances. It’s not with a hooker and it’s doesn’t involve a source who identified Kasich servicing a hobo in the men’s room of the Port Authority, though it does involve a Dick. Continue reading »
Only half-serious, of course (though Vickles does love a charity case). What the bank does care about is having its wealthy clients’ hard-earned money pissed away by a bunch of pissants who need to be put on a leash.
Citigroup is testing a website to let millionaires’ children manage their allowances, while alerting parents and bankers when scions blow through cash too quickly. Heirs to Citigroup’s wealthiest clients can log in to parent-funded accounts for discretionary spending, investments and “one-click giving” to charities. The site was developed by Tile Financial LLC, founded by former New York Stock Exchange finance chief and Bear Stearns Cos. analyst Amy Butte.
General Motors Posts $1.3 Billion Profit (WSJ)
Revenue soared 43% from a year ago to $33 billion for the April-through-June period as global production grew by 50%. Sales volume grew more modestly, rising 11% in the same period. The profit is GM’s largest since 2004 and first time its has two money-making quarters in a row since that time. GM recorded an $865 million profit for the first quarter. The auto maker lost money from 2005 through 2009 and has been living off a $50 billion U.S. government bailout since last year.
Rubin to Join Centerview, a Young Firm (NYT)
Bobby’s back, baby!
Far From H-P And Hurd, Fisher Takes Job In Jersey (WSJ)
Jodi has traded a life in Hollywood to work as a branch manager at a New Jersey staffing agency run by her mother. Ms. Fisher moved to New Jersey because she “needed work like a lot of people these days,” said her mother, Polly McDonald, founder and president of TeleSearch Staffing Solutions. She said her daughter sought her counsel on whether to proceed with sexual harassment allegations against former H-P Chief Executive Mark Hurd “some months ago” and her mother urged her to go forward.
Credit Suisse to Cut 75 U.K. Jobs, Joining Barclays (Bloomberg)
75 out at the Swiss bank.
Man Group Dogged By Series Of Setbacks (FT)
With the shares at 212p, Man is trading at slightly more than 9 times forecast 2011 earnings, while rival fund managers trade at nearer 10 times. Analysts say the discount implies problems with AHL, the computer-driven fund that contributes up to three-quarters of the group’s profits. “On our estimates the market attributes a 50 per cent probability of AHL being ‘broken’ ” analysts at UBS wrote last month.
Hedge Funds Develop Taste For US Treasury Bonds (FT)
Hedge fund managers now account for one-fifth of all trading volume in the $10,000bn US Treasury bond market, up from just 3 per cent in 2009, according to a comprehensive investor survey by consultancy Greenwich Associates.
Hero Flight Attendant’s Impassioned Online Warnings [ValleyWag]
Stevie: “The airlines have created a monster. Lousy bagggage handling, theft, and now gouging with bag fees, why WOULD anyone want to check a bag? Add to the our collective laxidasical approach to enforcement, and you get a disaster. At the end of the day, the airlines have to step it up. I hate to be bag nazi when i work a flight, but I feel if I am not, then I am letting down all those who cooperate and thry to help out as well.” Continue reading »
$$$ Nuns and vets lead €5m suit against Morgan Stanley [FN]
$$$ Fortress to Buy 80% Of AIG Lending Unit [WSJ]
$$$ “I’m very pessimistic,” Nassim Taleb said at the Discovery Invest Leadership Summit in Johannesburg today. “By staying in cash or hedging against inflation, you won’t regret it in two years.” [Bloomberg] Continue reading »
“Eric is pleased with the result,” said Zachary Johnson, a lawyer representing the Morgan Stanley broker convicted of securities fraud said of the decision by FINRA that allowed his client to keep his multi-million dollar signing bonus. A testy Morgan Stanley was apparently less pleased. Continue reading »
[image via Gawker]
Also available on YouTube in case you can’t swing the $1.99. Continue reading »
What’s this joyous news you hear? Continue reading »
Hey you. Market got ya in a bit of a funk? Not turning out numbers like this guy? Tony Robbins is here to help. Please, don’t scoff– Anthony has been coaching “one of the top ten financial traders in the history of the world,” and in April 2008, took the guy and a bunch of his industry pals to Dubai and said, “Listen you guys, I always bring you the best, I try to give you an advantage on things, in advance if I know they’re coming. THE FINANCIAL WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE RADICALLY, IN LEVELS YOU CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE.” I can’t tell you when, but it’s coming real quick. Sometime in the next 3, 4, 5, 6 or 7 months. And we spent three days, where we brought in experts, and I painted a picture of how they can protect themselves. A lot of people were disturbed that weekend but the ones that listened made some very smart moves, which saved them hundreds of thousands of dollars and in some case millions of dollars.” You do the math. Continue reading »
When you work for UBS, on any given day of the week, you know there are an endless amount of ways for your company to potentially embarrass itself. Obviously there’s the ‘lose, like, insane amounts of money’ route, in addition to the tax stuff– always good for a little egg on the face– but also lots of much more creative ways to get the job done that don’t take much man power. For example, you could piss off a client so much that he makes good on his threat to chain a bull to the side of your building. Or, you could get shitfaced at a strip club and while being arrested for driving while under the influence (and carrying an unlicensed firearm), feel the need to tell the officer you’re a managing director at the Swiss bank. And so on and so forth. Alternatively, if you’re an unimaginative fuck but still want to do the brand proud, you could just go with a move de rigeur among lazy high school students.
UBS AG’s U.K. unit was sued for allegedly copying articles from oil and gas publications and reprinting them in the investment research it distributed to clients.
The previously rumored layoffs at BarCap, expected to affect 7% of the global staff, are apparently going down circa now in New York. That’s all the info we have right at the moment.
