This is the sound of the Wall Street Journal calling all 18-34 year-old’s pussies. Continue reading »
Archive for August 2010
Investors Under The Age Of 34 Bigger Pansies Than Previously Assumed When It Comes To Taking On Risk
By Bess LevinListen up, people. It’s never to early to start talking year-end bonuses and in order to ensure you’ll be making it rain, today we’re going to talk about this: strategy. Pick a number, any number. Visualize that number. What is it? A unit? A buncha units? You want it? You can have it, so long as you arm yourselves with the tools to go get it. This is an organic conversation in which you should feel free to toss ideas of your own but to get things started I’m going to offer a bunch of tips I’ve picked up in conversations with seasoned vets. Such as:
1. You must–must!– have a wing-negotiator. I don’t care if it’s a first year analyst, an intern, or the receptionist, you need someone who’ll be there to a) back you up but most importantly announce your entrance. You will wait outside the conference room and he/she will go in and let everyone know, “Alright, you suits, prepare yourselves for [your first name]-motherfucking [your last name].” Continue reading »
What Was The Thought Process Behind Eliot Spitzer Go-To Hooker Supplier Kristin Davis’s Decision To Leave Her Job At A Hedge Fund To Become A Madam?
By Bess Levin
“It was a business decision. The economics of sex were appealing. I worked in the back office of a hedge fund, making six figures but I was always taking crap from everyone. I put together a market analysis on the sex industry and it looked to be a lucrative appealing endeavor.” Continue reading »
Did you know that last year Citi was a “market leader”? From the mailbag: Continue reading »
Do you have plans on August 11? Do you fancy yourself a poker player? A really good poker player? Do you think you could beat David Einhorn, even if he’s wearing his lucky sweatshirt? Do you think it would not be so awkward that the two of you could then enjoy a meal together and talk shop after which he picks up the tab? (Go with me on this as I think I might have something you’ll be interested in.) Continue reading »
Broker dealer Lighthouse Financial Group, which includes prime brokerage unit Lighthouse Prime Services, has ceased trading, a source close to the firm tells FINalternatives. The New York-based firm has reportedly been unable to make payroll for weeks, and today it informed clients that they could no longer place trades through the firm—they could only sell assets. A different source close to the firm says that Lighthouse is in talks with a boutique firm that has eyes on becoming a much larger player and is making a bid for all of the divisions, and an announcement could come as early as this afternoon.
Ex-RBS Chief’s Best Friend Getting Out There To Randomly Defend The Guy, Making It About Anti-Semitism
By Bess Levin
Almost a year and a half ago, a bunch of hoodlums attacked the Edinburgh home of former RBS chief Fred “The Shred” Goodwin, smashing several windows and the windshield of his Mercedes-Benz S600. At issue: the matter of FG’s £700,000/year pension despite the minor matter of the bank reporting the largest annual loss in British corporate history a month prior. Over the weekend, one of his buddies who maybe hadn’t heard about it ’til now or who he’d perhaps lost touch with until they recently reconnected on Facebook, weighed in on the matter. Continue reading »
They really had nothing much to talk about, given that Albany called off the proposed tax on New York-based hedge fund managers who live out of state, i.e. the impetus for Connecticut governor Jodi Rell’s invitation to an ‘intimate dinner’ in Darien, but damn it, girlfriend was having her night. At 5:30 last evening, Rell came in “through the back door” at The Water’s Edge and stuffed crab cakes, shrimp, fried calamari and filet mignon down the throats of 15 city-based financial firms’ representatives while she made her pitch. It’s unclear on what exactly her talking points were, or what else she’s got up her sleeve**, but at least one guy, perhaps feeling used and abused by Governor Paterson et al, is in the bag.
“It’s nice to be wanted,” said Brett Cohen of JGB Capital, located on Madison Avenue.
JPMorgan’s Masters Urges No `Panic’ as Commodities Unit Slips (Bloomberg)
“Don’t panic,” she said in summing up the 35-minute call, a recording of which was obtained by Bloomberg News. “No one’s going to get screwed. We’re not going to do crazy things on compensation at the end of the year.” She hopes the second quarter “proves to be a record bad quarter for us in that there’s nothing but upside from here,” she said. “The outcome was both significantly below plan, significantly below last quarter and significantly below the year-ago linked quarter,” she said. The unit would have been in position to meet goals for the first half except for $83 million in revenue that the company deferred booking during the first six months “for a variety of sensible reasons.”
Tim Geithner: Welcome To The Recovery (NYT)
And also the jungle.
Marc Faber: Fed Printing May Create ‘Final’ Crisis (CNBC)
“Investors should have listened to me already six months ago when I wrote that the Fed will continue to monetize … they will print and print and print until the final crisis wipes out the whole system,” Faber said.
SEC Probes BP Potential Insider Trading (Reuters)
The SEC probe is one of a number of investigations of the company and others tied to the spill. Congressional committees and a presidentially appointed panel are probing various aspects of the spill. The Justice Department is looking at potential civil and criminal violations of federal environmental laws. Continue reading »
$$$ Och-Ziff’s 23% Return Lures Investors Even as Shares Falter [Bloomberg]
$$$ Win for Hedge Funds In U.K. Lehman Ruling [WSJ]
$$$ Warren Buffett’s Mr. Fix-It [Fortune] Continue reading »
He says it’s his policy not to do walk and talks but Charlie Gasparino knows better. This guy’s got something to hide. Continue reading »
