Has the financial crisis taken a toll on your drug usage? Fuck no, says recently released data. While only 2 percent of the finance industry failed drug tests last year, according to a firm that screens around 270 shops, versus 3.6% of all workers, those numbers are merely reflective of the fact that most finance gigs will only make you piss in a cup as a new hire, and not on a random Wednesday, several hours off your last bender [wipes brow]. Once you’re in, it’s highly unusual for HR to get up in your face about whether or not that was you blowing rails off the head of IR’s ass in the conference room. And speaking of preferences, what are the drugs of choice among the using set these days?
According to Brad Lamm, president of New York-based Intervention Specialists, there’s been a “surge in…crack and coke” but weed is really what your colleagues are going for, jumping 64% to 80% from 2007 to 2009 among those failing tests. Also trendy? Sullying the good name of Pez.
Among existing employees, psychologists and counselors says that drug abuse has not slackened. Some even says it is peaking, exacerbated by the credit crisis and the volatile and tenuous recovery that has ensued. Seabrook House, a 24-bed luxury rehab facility in Pennsylvania, has been crammed with Wall Street refugees in recent months, according to Clinical Director William Heran. They are paying $24,000 for a three-month program to get clean. Mr. Heran has been around long enough to discern a forex trader from an M&A banker. “We’re in crisis mode,” he says. “Many of these drugs are so accessible to the average person, let alone the person who is well-spoken and professional.” He says the rage these days is a Pez dispenser with the head of a red devil. Inside? Pills of Oxycodone or Percocet.
Coke
OC
Yellowtail Merlot.
Dinner of champions.
I got your devil head Pez dispenser’s right here. Holla
305-305-0814
Know your dope fiend. You will not be able to see his eyes because of tea shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his Bonobos pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can’t find a rape victim.
That’s why I carry my yak and scurz in my fake, “firm issued” bberry
Two words – Coke Monkeys.
Mexican Coke Shark Pez dispensers are the new new killing it.
@5 got it. Time to close down shop like Paolo.
Pez Dispensers with Oxy on the inside > Mexican Sharks with coke on the inside.
-guy trying to bring back Mexican Coke Shark jokes
Wes Luger: I don’t think York was a suicide. She was on to something.
Captain Doyle: On something is more likely. You know as well as I that this guy’s cookies were laced with cocaine.
Wes Luger: No wonder I couldn’t eat just one.
My boss prefers dianabol and a steam.
1 word, 1,000,000,000x better than Percocet+Oxycodone….
HYDROMORPHONE!
I like to sneak into nursing homes and boost all of the old people’s stool relaxers, take them all at once, and then run around Broad Street shitting myself.
Cody Willard
I’m on OC right now.
Marijuana is not a drug. I used to suck dick for coke. Now that’s an addiction. You ever suck some dick for marijuana?
-its not gay if you do it for coke.
Close it down with @3.
Awesome.
I smoke blunts with coke sprinkled on top just like Jimmy Cayne. To be the best you gotta learn from the best right
It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin that shit up everyday.
-Brennan Huff
Diethylpropion, Phentermine, Orlistat, Sibutramine, and Lipitor (clean-up).
I am going to have my boss shove my bonus check directly up my nose and save me the time.
Muscle Milk. Frozen. Shoved right up my ass.
Charles Gasparino – Fox Alpha Reporter
Uh, Mr. Soros? Yeah a, um, Paolo? is on the line? Says you beeped him and he’s downstairs in the white escalade but has to bounce so hurry the fuck up?
These “professionals” always confuse drug use with abuse. They showed up for the tests, didn’t they?!
Two words: Jenkem
-D. Kneale
Do Bonobos pants come with an inside-the-waistband stash sash? My tailor had those put into all my slacks. Backfired when I put strips of acid in there though.
Dennis Kneale is a former LEH Quant?
urine tests are a joke. Has anyone else been asked to submit to a hair test though? I was recently and that scared me. hair testing has become significantly cheaper apparently and I’m concerned employers may be moving to this form of testing. Unfortunately hair tests are pretty damn hard to beat.
Least they’re not on meth
@3 Good Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas reference…the Bonobos pants is a nice twist.
@28 meth is for poor people. No banker would be caught dead with it
Press F9 for crack
Bonobos knows football.
/Guy who had a Bo Jackson special addition baseball card.
BSD20
is all about the green
You’re all invited to Minetta’s. Drinks are on me!
@26 One of my buddies got an offer and had to go in for meetings ect. After the meetings he was given the address of a hair folicale drug testing place. He was good to go if it was pee, hair, however, can go back up to 6 months. Also, dont try and shaving your head they will take it from your pits, pubes or eyebrows. He walked out of the building to go “take the test” and never returned.
How bad do you hafta look/act on the job to make your employer drug test you?
The Whizzinator created a suspicious bulge in my Bonobos.
Anal_yst
How much of a homo do you have to be to refer to yourself as an elite member of the financial community on your podunk blog?
@34 But how will we recognize you?
@39 Ass-less chaps.
-not 39
i got the good stuff…
yo bessy you single gurl?
- #1 stunna
38 ran out of blow, he’s getting confrontational. pretend your a dirt devil and go balls out on the carpet below your mirrored glass-top desk, you might be able to chill a little
Pure ice, white snow, I make hos glow.
I fucked the rainbow. Jews, blacks, gays, I go seven ways.
Test me, must be wrong ways and right turns we
cant make that let me bake all night as I fuck this box
that wont cum in my wake. jizzed up,freezed up, fucked up.
Bess is my blow
Pik Toggle? Preferreds? WTF? Only losers talk shop off the desk. I’d buy pants with names like ‘Lock Pik for Pussy’ or ‘Vagina Jihad’.
– guy who talks loudly about work and hopes others will be impressed.
@35
that’s why i shave my entire body
- the situation
#11 Hydromorphone sucks ass. Oxymorphone is where its at. 10mg of Opana IV is better than 100mg of oxycodone IV, and way better than any amount of hydromorphone.
If its not in your arm its not worth doing!
Ooh White Lines) Vision dreams of passion
(Blowin? through my mind) and all the while I think of you
(High fry) a very strange reaction
(For us to unwind) the more I see, the more I do
(Something like a phenomenon) Baby!
(Tellin your body to come along, but white lines blow away)
(Blow! Rock it! Blow!)
Ticket to ride, white line highway
Tell all your friends, they can go my way
Pay your toll, sell your soul
Pound for pound costs more than gold
The longer you stay, the more you pay
My white lines go a long way
Either up your nose or through your vein
With nothin to gain except killin? your brain
@44 – “Vagina Jihad” would be a great band name.
Well, the other thing is that if you’re getting drug tested, you probably aren’t getting drug tested for stuff like Percocet. A federally approved SAMHSA panel can pick up that sort of stuff as Opiates, but not always, and stuff like this is better for that: http://www.homehealthtesting.com/vicodin-test-oxycontin-test-oxycodone-drug-test-way-urin-p-76.html
The federal panel still has PCP on it…which I suppose is good for Wall Street, wouldn’t want them all thinking they are invicible *eye roll*