At least that seems to be the implication, based on this laminated list of the top things women do to “sabotage their careers,” which is can apparently be found on the desk of every female HR employee at the ‘group. [DX]

316 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (316)

  1. Posted by trojan | September 9, 2010 at 4:17 PM

    vikram pandit treats objects like women

  2. Posted by Chaz | September 9, 2010 at 4:22 PM

    Agree with #10. One good pump after a concise greeting can do wonders for your career.

  3. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 4:23 PM

    Forearms on the table and leaning forward to emphasize cleave?

  4. Posted by guestosaurus | September 9, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    and now the do’s:

    Emasculate OptionsTrader – bully him untill he seeks support and refuge on an anonymous message board.

  5. Posted by guestosaurus | September 9, 2010 at 4:25 PM

    and now the do’s:

    Emasculate OptionsTrader – bully him untill he seeks support and refuge on an anonymous message board.

  6. Posted by 4ft Anal Bead Tail | September 9, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    #11 -Typically give terrible head in the conference room.

  7. Posted by 4ft Anal Bead Tail | September 9, 2010 at 4:26 PM

    #11 -Typically give terrible head in the conference room.

  8. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | September 9, 2010 at 4:30 PM

    PJ used to pass out the same bullet points, but it was a list of all the stuff you’re SUPPOSED to do…

  9. Posted by tough life lessons | September 9, 2010 at 4:31 PM

    #8=no no no BE a scumbag. That’s what ALL successful people do.

  10. Posted by Mitch Cumstein | September 9, 2010 at 4:39 PM

    OH, AND IT’S OKAY THAT VIKRAM GETS HIS EYEBROWS THREADED DURING SIT-INS OF RISK MANAGEMENT MEETINGS??

  11. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 4:41 PM

    In all seriousness this list is complete and utter BS. They’re saying that for a woman to get ahead in this biz she needs to be loud, poorly groomed, convinced she’s right, rude, dishonest and conspicuous? You kidding me?

  12. Posted by Drrsg | September 9, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    Shouldn’t working for Citi be on the list?

  13. Posted by ExtraOrdinaryPopularDelusions | September 9, 2010 at 4:44 PM

    I didn’t bother to read the article, but is this serious?

    I ask because I found this list incredibly offensive. And I’m male. And I agree with the points. And I don’t even know why I’m offended. I’m just saying, it’s rather bizarrely and completely over the top. It’s like this list was written by some woman’s mother and they’ve been arguing about pointlessly inane things since age 3 and this is her mom’s passively aggressive nagging bitchfest.

    No, seriously, I’m male. I don’t know where that came from. Apparently I need nicotine.

  14. Posted by InfiniteGuest | September 9, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    “Men don’t ask for permission” FTW

  15. Posted by Mr. Nobody | September 9, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    I think this list has some merit. For instance, “Do not dress like a slut” is not on the list.

  16. Posted by AmericanBandersnatch | September 9, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    This is HR. Do you think they’re going to focus on substantive issues like working your ass off, being a team player, taking responsibility, coming up with new ideas or driving projects forward? No, all can be solved by sitting properly and not apologizing.

  17. Posted by AmericanBandersnatch | September 9, 2010 at 4:46 PM

    This is HR. Do you think they’re going to focus on substantive issues like working your ass off, being a team player, taking responsibility, coming up with new ideas or driving projects forward? No, all can be solved by sitting properly and not apologizing.

  18. Posted by LongNWrong | September 9, 2010 at 4:53 PM

    No means buy another round

  19. Posted by Louis Finkel | September 9, 2010 at 5:03 PM

    Uhm…What is that small lettering on the bottom?

    Who is Louis Finkel P.h.D?

  20. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 5:06 PM

    “therefore you are not get taken seriously”

    Overlooking typos FTW.

  21. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 5:14 PM

    Actually, most of us would prefer you keep pumping until you get results. But the eye contact thing is definitely a plus.

  22. Posted by Ace | September 9, 2010 at 5:14 PM

    Finkel is Einhorn.

  23. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:14 PM

    So…stretch the rules, and therefore you are get taken seriously? I’m taking this seriously, because, seriously, it explains so much. Apparently moral bankruptcy is the new killing it…also the natural result of testosterone toxicity.

  24. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:15 PM

    What a load of facile b/s. Makes me want to go all OptionsTrader on their arse. Everyone knows that to succeed on The Street all a woman need do is perfect the art of giving head, literally and/or figuratively. Plus have or buy big tits.

  25. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    Bella Abzug is channelling me right now and boy is she not happy.

  26. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:16 PM

    Also alternate switching from plural (“you are”) to singular (“emphasizes”), and from 2nd person to 3rd person. Not to mention the implicit statement in #5 that women = children.

    Shitty writing, worse proofreading: two more reasons women fail to get the corner office.

  27. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:17 PM

    Speaking as someone who’s met Bess on multiple occasions, I can testify under oath that not one of these applies to her. Hence why she has the corner blog. Kouwe, on the other hand needs to review #1-3, #5-8, and #10.

  28. Posted by PasteSpecialFormats | September 9, 2010 at 5:18 PM

    Your gun is digging into my hip…

  29. Posted by Peter Griffin | September 9, 2010 at 5:19 PM

    Remember, nothing says ‘good job’ like a firm, open-palm slap on the behind.

  30. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:22 PM

    Citi plagirized this, and added a “NOT”, from “Naughty Girls Get The Marker” by Ping Jiang, CFA.

  31. Posted by Yourkidbrother | September 9, 2010 at 5:22 PM

    whats it like to figuratively get head?

    – guy whos might have just realized his naivete

  32. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 9, 2010 at 5:23 PM

    I like your style pmco. You have a position at my desk anytime

  33. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 9, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    This is funny every woman at my company does the opposite of this. I guess trading desks are not the same as Shittybank.

    FYI

    10. Everyone knows women should give 100 good pumps and a smile.

  34. Posted by NakedShort | September 9, 2010 at 5:26 PM

    When one little panda sticks his winkie in another little panda’s ear… that’s sexual harassment. That makes me a saaaad panda

  35. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    or you could just say surprise first.

  36. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    Yeah, right? I mean wtf? If I were a competent female Citigroup employee I’d be seriously po’d at this. Totally insulting. A woman doesn’t get ahead in this biz by acting like a douchebag guy with no sense of humor. She gets ahead like anyone else– being good at her JOB.

    Being well dressed and hot is also a plus, especially if you’re in a client/counterparty facing role.

    -a heterosexual WASP who is amazed he’s actually commenting like this but anyway

  37. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    Yeah, right? I mean wtf? If I were a competent female Citigroup employee I’d be seriously po’d at this. Totally insulting. A woman doesn’t get ahead in this biz by acting like a douchebag guy with no sense of humor. She gets ahead like anyone else– being good at her JOB.

    Being well dressed and hot is also a plus, especially if you’re in a client/counterparty facing role.

    -a heterosexual WASP who is amazed he’s actually commenting like this but anyway

  38. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:29 PM

    Yeah, right? I mean wtf? If I were a competent female Citigroup employee I’d be seriously po’d at this. Totally insulting. A woman doesn’t get ahead in this biz by acting like a douchebag guy with no sense of humor. She gets ahead like anyone else– being good at her JOB.

    Being well dressed and hot is also a plus, especially if you’re in a client/counterparty facing role.

    -a heterosexual WASP who is amazed he’s actually commenting like this but anyway

  39. Posted by NakedShort | September 9, 2010 at 5:32 PM

    Or in your case 2 pumps and a puzzled “that was it” look.

  40. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:33 PM

    Nice ass helps too

  41. Posted by 23rd Floor Trading Room | September 9, 2010 at 5:36 PM

    So forcing the desk assistant to run out and get lunch for all the traders isn’t sabotaging her career? Cool.

  42. Posted by Lloyd Bateman | September 9, 2010 at 5:38 PM

    or in my case, 1 pump, a quick mirror flex, another pump and a warm fuzzy feeling inside

  43. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 9, 2010 at 5:41 PM

    HAHAH how about I raise you with the NakedShort special – which consists of 3 pumps with a trannie hooker and and a post-sex sobbing session in a heap of your empty bottles of Zima.

  44. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:42 PM

    “Is it meant to be this soft?”

  45. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:43 PM

    Yes means no and no means go?

  46. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    How is this not an HR violation in itself? I mean it’s true…but I can see that angry fem in the office seeing this and getting all angry and bitchy about it.

  47. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:53 PM

    show me that pressed ham

  48. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 5:54 PM

    have you never verbally fellated anyone? i do it to my female boss all the time. for example:

    that idea that you just came up with all by yourself is AMAZING. i love your new honeykissed highlights; and those wedges are to die for, you sly girl you!

  49. Posted by HR Dept. | September 9, 2010 at 5:54 PM

    this is Citi, not Handbridge Capital

  50. Posted by Mitch Cumstein | September 9, 2010 at 5:55 PM

    Thumb it in.

  51. Posted by Sean Bateman | September 9, 2010 at 5:58 PM

    #8 is the best. Encouraging Citi employee to stretch the rules. You know, in order to maximize profit. It worked wonders for them in the past.

  52. Posted by Yourkidbrother | September 9, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    I didn’t even know female bosses existed

  53. Posted by HAHA | September 9, 2010 at 5:59 PM

    So let me get this straight:
    – Citi HR takes some random drivel to make a “What NOT to do list”, makes all sorts of grammatical errors while copying it, laminates it, slaps it on the door, and their project of the month is complete??? HR is the most useless function at every freaking shop.
    Maybe unemployment should go up to 12% and maybe Meredith Whitney is right.

  54. Posted by ChicagoChick | September 9, 2010 at 6:00 PM

    “Women tend to smile inappropriately- when delivering a message, therefore you are not get taken seriously.” Seriously? Yeah I tend smile inappropriately all the time, but that usually just means you aint getting me off you illiterate tool.—My Blewme is way misbehaving today so I guess I got some time to burn. Watch. The. Eff. Out. Let’s not even talk about “one good pump…”

  55. Posted by 4ft Anal Bead Tail | September 9, 2010 at 6:01 PM

    There is nothing mentioned about struggling less during forced secretarial sodomy…….odd.

  56. Posted by guestosaurus | September 9, 2010 at 6:02 PM

    you obviously have never been in a relation

  57. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 6:04 PM

    not sure why you guys are speaking of this pejoratively.

    i like to think of it as a race. a race that i win. every time.

  58. Posted by Ping | September 9, 2010 at 6:05 PM

    Change “inform” to “insert” in #5 and I’ll be satisfied.

  59. Posted by guestosaurus | September 9, 2010 at 6:08 PM

    i wish women would smile at me while I’m hopelessly failing at satisfying them, that would make the whole experience of sex a lot less frightening

    – OptionsTrader, but really

  60. Posted by Ernest J Shoemaker+YouGetMe | September 9, 2010 at 6:23 PM

    #11 Bitch! Learn how to fucking make coffee, you fucking whore!

  61. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 9, 2010 at 6:27 PM

    It’s like that Bess?

  62. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 6:43 PM

    two more reasons [those] women [will] fail to get the corner office

  63. Posted by ChicagoChick | September 9, 2010 at 6:49 PM

    awww guesto, thats sad. see if i am smiling chances are i aint cuming…cause then i is usually screamin my dam head off–cause if you getting there may as well get there hard–Ex-options goddess

  64. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 6:52 PM

    It’s the whole “must-not-laugh-at-miniature-wanker” thing that makes them look at you so stony-faced, OT. Don’t worry, after your third or fourth time in bed with an actual woman you won’t notice.

  65. Posted by Guest | September 9, 2010 at 6:53 PM
  66. Posted by LongNWrong | September 9, 2010 at 6:54 PM

    I believe the phrase is “I gots mine, byotch!”

  67. Posted by Chuddy | September 9, 2010 at 7:10 PM

    where do you take a woman’s watch to get repaired?

    nowhere, there is a clock on the stove!!

    BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADA BINNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!

  68. Posted by antoine merriweather | September 9, 2010 at 7:10 PM

    sometimes I have relations with myself…

  69. Posted by GuestHouseBathroom | September 9, 2010 at 7:11 PM

    #11 – All “successful” women drive an Acura MDX
    #12 – All “successful” women buy autotune, call themselves a bitch, and release a music video so everyone can see your and your fat ugly friends.

  70. Posted by GuestHouseBathroom | September 9, 2010 at 7:12 PM

    and have horrible grammar/spelling skills.

  71. Posted by Frank Sinatra | September 9, 2010 at 7:13 PM

    All I hear are cracks and pops

  72. Posted by Walter | September 9, 2010 at 7:24 PM

    Why can’t Helen Keller drive a car?

    Because she’s a woman!

    You’re out of your element Donny.

  73. Posted by Mr. Market | September 9, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    Not to make a sexist comment, but this will hopefully inspire a ‘Women of Citi’ Playboy issue. Or, ‘Women of Bailout’.

  74. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    True that– you gals aren’t usually smiling politely while being satisfied…

  75. Posted by ChicagoChick | September 9, 2010 at 8:02 PM

    perma? WTF you know about satisfying? am guessing there’s more to it than that…blow-up dolls never smile…

  76. Posted by ChicagoChick | September 9, 2010 at 8:04 PM

    And BOOM! Once again I got 69!

  77. Posted by gentleman trader | September 9, 2010 at 8:07 PM

    in fact, why dont you stick two thumbs in there…like the fonz. Heyyy!!

  78. Posted by AIGQuant | September 9, 2010 at 8:11 PM

    Man, that #7 is so true!! When I’m shucking my duds and they see those company logo-ed tube socks ….well it’s sort of a buzz kill.

    AIG Quant

  79. Posted by Bob BenMushin | September 9, 2010 at 8:15 PM

    Attended an AIG swim party and noticed all the males had one hairy leg and one smooth, shaved leg. Asked the host about it and he said that it was a common practice at AIG as the guys there all want to experience what laying with a woman might be like.

  80. Posted by Anonymous | September 9, 2010 at 8:16 PM

    DK about the blowup dolls. Happy to give a personal demo.

  81. Posted by 2020 | September 9, 2010 at 8:26 PM

    3 pumps still beats 2

  82. Posted by Mitch Cumstein | September 9, 2010 at 10:16 PM

    Remove yourself from my bed, strange man.

    -Star

  83. Posted by dzdz | September 10, 2010 at 6:23 AM

    pretty freaking ironic that this post about corporate sexism has devolved into a comment orgy of sexist/emasculation jokes. pretty damn ironic but oh wait, this blog is a wall street gossip blog…

  84. Posted by Anonymous | September 10, 2010 at 8:01 AM

    One good pump and a concise squirt will do the trick. Other than that, i have no concerns.

  85. Posted by Your Mom | September 10, 2010 at 2:23 PM

    Go to bed young man – you have school in the morning!

  86. Posted by Anonymous | September 10, 2010 at 3:23 PM

    Alternately: “Wow, OptionsTrader. That’s sort of like a penis, only a lot smaller”

  87. Posted by Giggasaur | September 10, 2010 at 3:28 PM

    #1 should be not giving HJ’s or BJ’s to your superiors

  88. Posted by Writergrrl11 | September 10, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    What about the men who assume I have a wussy handshake and initiate a limp fish hold. How insulting!

  89. Posted by oyd7987 | September 10, 2010 at 3:37 PM

    “which is can apparently”?
    Apparently poor grammar doesn’t screw up your career…

  90. Posted by Tina | September 10, 2010 at 3:38 PM

    Is #7 from “Engrish.com”? It includes the phrase “… you are not get taken seriously.” SERIOUSLY!

  91. Posted by Blah | September 10, 2010 at 3:46 PM

    Women? Want power? Show us your tits. It really is that simple.

  92. Posted by Jabaw | September 10, 2010 at 3:46 PM

    This is basically saying women need to act in a more assertive manner. And that is correct. For example, studies have shown one of the reasons for the “wage gap” is women don’t tend to negotiate for higher salaries starting out as aggressively as men do. Women get a lot of social signals that being assertive=being a biatch.

    None of these suggestions are telling women to do that though, or act like a boorish man, as other commenters seem to think. These are basically simple tricks for women to present themselves with more confidence.

    I have no idea if this list is real or a hoax, but the overall message isn’t a bad one.

  93. Posted by MooseBayou | September 10, 2010 at 3:49 PM

    Unlike their male counterparts?

  94. Posted by Christopher Guest | September 10, 2010 at 3:52 PM

    BWUAH! Who is this guy, and why is he so funny!
    Seriously, the “clock on the stove” joke and others like it are pretty f-ing entertaining…
    /Not a woman hater

  95. Posted by Junk999 | September 10, 2010 at 3:53 PM

    Works for men, so why not?

  96. Posted by John | September 10, 2010 at 4:00 PM

    Kick him in the balls and then immasculate him with your constant nagging.

  97. Posted by SweetieBear | September 10, 2010 at 4:04 PM

    And any woman who behaves like this is immediately labeled a “bitch” and treated as a “threat” and then targeted by every man in order to “bring her down a peg or two”.

    It says it right on the card: Men stretch the rules to breaking and then break them if need be. That’s how you get the Enrons and BP’s and Goldman Sach’s and Karl Rove’s of the world. Basically the card says if you want unethical neanderthals, hire men. If you want mature capable people, hire women.

  98. Posted by Milly | September 10, 2010 at 4:18 PM

    You shouldn’t have to act like a man in order to get ahead in your career if you are qualified and good at it. You should be allowed to just be yourself.

  99. Posted by mdm-adph | September 10, 2010 at 4:20 PM

    It’s hard to beat those who have access to the equipment 24 hours a day.

  100. Posted by doug | September 10, 2010 at 4:40 PM

    Strangest part is that this list was penned by a woman. Lois P. Frankel

  101. Posted by nellie | September 10, 2010 at 4:43 PM

    do you guys seriously think this is real? LOL

  102. Posted by Helpmejeeebus | September 10, 2010 at 5:00 PM

    It’s got grammatical errors. Either a fake, or in a non-English-speaking country.

  103. Posted by sim | September 10, 2010 at 5:27 PM

    surely this isn’t real.

  104. Posted by Dan | September 10, 2010 at 5:30 PM

    No one gets to be themselves. Not even men. We have to obey all those rules (I refused to listen to #8 though. I have my integrity) why shouldn’t women. It isn’t about being male or female but showing the boss that you are going to move the company forward.

  105. Posted by Anonymous | September 10, 2010 at 5:34 PM

    First, I think this list can apply to all people not just women. @PermaGuest – I think you are missing the point. Seems like you just went to an extreme that is not useful for anybody.

    -Talking so people can hear you is polite. It doesn’t say talk loudly, just not softly.
    -Not grooming in public (at work) is obvious to me. Don’t trim your nails or do your hair (male or female) at your desk. Do it in the rest room. It doesn’t mean be poorly groomed.

    I could go on, but it seems like most of the rest is just saying “hey, this is how the world currently is (in general) so avoid these pitfalls.” It’s like a list saying don’t wear shorts to an interview, don’t answer “what’s your greatest weakness” with an answer just saying your weakness; spin it into a positive attribute, etc. They are just tips that you can take or leave but are meant to help you avoid what the author thinks are common pitfalls.

  106. Posted by Anonymous | September 10, 2010 at 5:54 PM

    Well the person to whom the list is attributed appears to exist: http://www.drloisfrankel.com/

  107. Posted by Lem288 | September 10, 2010 at 6:06 PM

    so in other words, women: BE A MAN.

    signed,
    sarcastic and offended woman.

  108. Posted by A.A. | September 10, 2010 at 6:33 PM

    Oh. Then my female district manager must really be a man, because ‘she’ is an arrogant ‘prince’ if ever there was one.

  109. Posted by Andrew | September 10, 2010 at 6:39 PM

    Yes, men are much better. I’ve tried both.

  110. Posted by Queen Wannabee | September 10, 2010 at 6:56 PM

    Having lived through middle school, I can tell you that women are far better than men at being deceitful, manipulative and morally bankrupt. The only woman who is naive is the author of this list.

  111. Posted by Matt Clara | September 10, 2010 at 7:04 PM

    Crush their limp little fists in your big sweaty one, Helga!

  112. Posted by M | September 10, 2010 at 8:59 PM

    An obvious joke. If you don’t get it, you are stupid. Go away.

  113. Posted by Jasmine Adamson | September 10, 2010 at 10:29 PM

    Does not work for straight guys.

  114. Posted by Jasmine Adamson | September 10, 2010 at 10:33 PM

    This is the exact list of things that transgender women are supposed to do – to fit in with the other women.

  115. Posted by Jessemalgren | September 11, 2010 at 8:48 AM

    Sure. That’s how Meg Whitman did it.

  116. Posted by Shannon Bell | September 11, 2010 at 2:29 PM

    To clarify this matter, it appears that material from a published book by a noted expert in the field of executive coaching was shared with a limited number of individuals within the company. The material in question is not part of formal Human Resources communications or any other communications or training program, including Citi’s global programs on women’s leadership.

    Shannon Bell
    Director, Corporate Communications
    Citigroup

  117. Posted by specator | September 11, 2010 at 11:25 PM
  118. Posted by Guest | September 12, 2010 at 5:32 PM

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