It might seem all fun and games but there is a downside to being a billionaire. Namely, the task of coming up with what to do with your shit-tons of money. It’s not that, at 53 years old, David Tepper hasn’t had plenty of time to think about how he might put his stacks of coin to use. In fact, according to his sister, as a little boy he predicted he’d be a millionaire “before turning 30.” So, we’re talking decades here. But back in a suburb of Pittsburgh, when the Appaloosa founder was looking at a railing on the front porch and asking his brother, “If I put my head in there, would it get suck,” hadn’t dreamed he’d have the amount of money he does today. And those extra zeros really kind of expand your options to be limitless, making the task all the more difficult. Along the way, ideas, of course, have presented themselves. He could, for instance:
* Pay for a whole bunch of kids to go to college. But Tepps isn’t too keen on that one. “I’m gonna have somebody put together a form letter for that,” he says. “It’ll say something like, I’m going to give you a great gift. What I got: Nothing.”
* Have a mold of his balls made (but a former employee already gave him just those, in all their “cartoonishly huge and grotesquely veiny” glory) or a pair of tits for everyone in the office (ditto on that base already being covered: “We had this client, they make breast implants,” says a former employee. “He loved to keep them on the desk, he’d love to throw them around.”)
* Get back at the girlfriend of five years, Cindy Perl, who dumped him, citing a question in her mind as to whether or not he’d be able to “support the lifestyle” she was hoping for, by, I don’t know, hiring one of those skywriting planes to leave the message “How do you like me now, bitch?” every morning over her house? But the poor girl has probably suffered enough, having married a dentist.
* Buy a private jet? No: “I have NetJets.”
* A piece of the Steelers? Already owns a minority stake.
* A hot piece of just barely legal ass? “I could get myself a 22-year-old!” he says, but then there is the matter of the wife of thirty years, Marlene.
Okay, well WHAT THEN? Think, god damn it, THINK.
“Sometimes,” he whispers, leaning across the table, “if someone is an asshole, like a waiter at a restaurant, I think, I could just buy this place and fire that guy.”
Ready To Be Rich [NYM]
Too good for hookers and blow David? Really?
Polish the guillotines.
Drive sports cars, date movie stars, buy things that aren’t for sale
INFESTACION!!!
-Philippe Davison
“If I put my head in there, would it get suck,”
So David, did it get suck ?
This guy makes me look good!
A miniature giraffe, a hover-board, and a license to kill.
Momma always said a man only needs so much money and after that it’s all for show.
-Forrest Gump
Opulence, I has it
You want to see how I have testicle molds made?? Show your face again in Atlantic City.
-Nucky Johnson
Atlantic City
Who is this “Mailer Demon” who keeps sending my emails back???????
-Former Lehman Risk Manager
Bess, can you sweet-talk him into buying DB and fire the entire 19th century IT department?
How much is enough, Tepper? When does it all end, huh? How many yachts can you water-ski behind? How much is enough, huh?
That makes me want to track down every restaurant he dines at, and instruct every owner how he will buy the place if a waiter is an asshole. Hopefully the owners want to watch him burn through cash as much as I do.
Mr. Tepper is exhibiting signs of being in the later stages of syphilis.
He can’t be a good trader because apparently he don’t play golf.
~East Texas Gas Trader
I am not rich enough, until I can absorb all the water of the Earth with dollar bills.
-David Tepper
Actually, he do play golf.
Buy BHO a freakin’ clue and send him to ECON101.
GTFO 2012
I don’t read the articles; I jist look at the pichers.
$1,000,000 for 1 night with Bessar Levin.
Thank me in advance,
Robert Redford
Does a degree from Pitt count as a degree?
Wisecrack him all you want..The man clearly has balls of steel to pull the trigger when he did…
He barely owns any rich people things
If he has a longstanding wife and a former girlfriend, I don’t see the issue in acquiring the aforementioned 22 year-old. No conflict of interest there.
http://proposition13.blogspot.com/2010/09/vmware-irrelevance.html
And if he got it wrong, you would have no idea. Press never follows up on the losers…unless you’re Amaranth and you start punching people
Who said he didn’t? And why are you so defensive? Finally, “wisecrack”? LOL.
Idk, but he’s got every Ivy asshole on the street sucking his kneecaps.
Buy MF Global and turn it into a restaurant.
Love you.
On the other hand, I can have a whole lot of markers than that Ping Jiang guy has.
I will, you twerp.
– D. Tepper
Thompson, genious.
two chicks at the same time.
saw his cnbc appearance – what a prick. thinks he’s a tough guy since he can say “balls to the wall” on tv. what an arrogant ahole. I dont care how much money you have Tepper, I wouldnt walk across the street to shake your hand.
Buy the rights to the word “Baller” then change your full name to it. Done.
nothing says BSD like having your HS drama trophies next to a set of brass balls on your desk
nothing says BSD like having your HS drama trophies next to a set of brass balls on your desk
nothing says BSD like having your HS drama trophies next to a set of brass balls on your desk
he kinda has a right to be…
Carnegie Mellon, try reading.
Carnegie Mellon, try reading.
Carnegie Mellon, try reading.
Nucky Thompson is a TV character. Enoch “Nucky” Johnson is the actual boss of Atlantic City the character is based on. Fail.
Except that he’s quoting the TV character, jerkoff.
“genious”, genius?
Punch Daddy, we’d like to follow up on what you’ve been doing lately……
The Press
at least he’s modest and doesn’t hold grudges
golf sucks. boring game thats an excuse for old fat guys to smoke cigars and drink beer.
throughout his time at the University of Pittsburgh and then at Carnegie Mellon, where he regaled classmates in the M.B.A. program
throughout his time at the University of Pittsburgh and then at Carnegie Mellon, where he regaled classmates in the M.B.A. program
throughout his time at the University of Pittsburgh and then at Carnegie Mellon, where he regaled classmates in the M.B.A. program
did you go to pitt? clearly it states he went to pitt for undergrad. does one get paid to attend ‘it’ (clearly you cannot call pitt an institution right?)
Buying your ex-boss’s $50m Southampton house and razing it is nothing?
A8hcRm Fantastic blog. Want more.
Looking forward to reading more. Great blog.Thanks Again. Want more.