Back in March, Lindsay Lohan filed a suit against E*Trade, claiming that the baby in the brokerage’s latest commercial was based on her life. Lohan came to this conclusion because the character’s name is Lindsay, she’s referred to as a “milk-a-holic,” and there’s a suggestion that the young one is a man-stealing tramp (she also claimed that though the name “Lohan” is never mentioned, she’s attained first name recognition. Plus, the stuff about the baby being a strung out slut). For the grave offense, Lohan demanded the spots pulled, and $100 million for the emotional distress they caused her.

At the time, E*Trade said the bitch be crazy, and claimed that they used the name Lindsay because it’s “a popular baby name” and not because they were trying to insinuate that Lohan is some sort of strung out whore (baby). They also shot back that Lindsay does not have “one name” recognition like “Madonna” or “RuPaul” or “Lloyd,” and that the commercial could have been about any one of the 250,000 people named Lindsay in the U.S.

Lohan’s lawyers responded that the issue isn’t “how many people in the USA are with the name ‘Lindsay’,” the issue was “how many celebrities are with this name ‘Lindsay’ in the USA, and then in the context, manner, characterization, persona.” For instance, when you take the name “Tiger” and put it in the context of golf or proclivity skanky ass bitches, it’s obvious you’re talking about Tiger Woods. To that end, it’s apparently patently obvious that when you have the name “Lindsay” in the context of an alcoholic “bimbus” (the lawyer’s words), we’re talking about Lindsay Lohan.

And apparently…that logic may have worked! Allegedly, a settlement between Lindsay and E*Trade has been reached and ole one name is said to be “very happy with the results.”

33 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
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Comments (33)

  1. Posted by Guest | September 20, 2010 at 9:43 PM

    I fucking hate people.

  2. Posted by Captain Obvious | September 20, 2010 at 9:51 PM

    Weathered and sagging is setting in already, I see.

  3. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 20, 2010 at 9:59 PM

    You’re a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death

  4. Posted by Guest | September 20, 2010 at 9:58 PM

    I just love pic.

  5. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 20, 2010 at 10:01 PM

    and then play around with your blood.

    -PB

  6. Posted by Guest | September 20, 2010 at 10:02 PM

    Crap, now I can’t think now that my member is erect.

  7. Posted by Liberal | September 20, 2010 at 10:05 PM

    Let’s check back in 8 or 9 months and see if any of the E-Trade lawyers have a new gig in Hollywood.

  8. Posted by Anonymous | September 20, 2010 at 10:14 PM

    Thanks for clearing up that that was a quote by patrick bateman.

  9. Posted by sweet settlement numbers | September 20, 2010 at 10:33 PM

    TMZ has already reported the settlement:

    Two (2) bottles Absolute Red
    Three (3) grams Bolivian Marching Powder
    Five (5) 15mg tabs Oxycodone
    One (1) bottle Champaign (White Star)
    Two (2) condoms, used
    Twelve Dollars, Fifty-Five cents ($12.55) cab fare to get the FUCK OUT OF THE ETRADE OFFICE

  10. Posted by trojan | September 20, 2010 at 10:47 PM

    I only had sex with her because I’m in love with you.
    -Sean Bateman

  11. Posted by Ww | September 20, 2010 at 10:50 PM

    Absolutely no way she got any money. E Trade agreed to a gag order so she could try to save face, but she got nothing, guaranteed.

  12. Posted by DennisQuaid | September 20, 2010 at 10:52 PM

    Can the people of the United States file a class action lawsuit against her for making The Parent Trap or is statute of limitations expired?

  13. Posted by Etrade Spokesperson | September 20, 2010 at 10:52 PM

    The settlement agreement provides $1,000,000 in an E-Trade account for the personal use of Ms. Lohan with the sole proviso being that she makes at least 10,500 trades per month.

  14. Posted by OptionsTrader | September 20, 2010 at 11:37 PM

    One of these days Bessie we are going to grab a drink in West Village, we are of the same age and although I’m slightly more attractive I find you fascinating.

  15. Posted by guest | September 20, 2010 at 11:47 PM

    No matter what the settlement was, she is still Linsay Lohan, which has to suck.

  16. Posted by Guestapo | September 21, 2010 at 12:02 AM

    LOL at Bess ever having a drink with you, tool shed.

  17. Posted by RickJamesBitch | September 21, 2010 at 12:40 AM

    Cocaine is a very powerful drug

  18. Posted by EtradeBaby | September 21, 2010 at 2:10 AM

    Counter suit – she touched me where the teacher said she shouldn’t.

    Slore!

  19. Posted by Head Bouf | September 21, 2010 at 3:13 AM

    And further stipulates she use LeBouf Capital Mgt to run the account.

  20. Posted by Eurex Husband | September 21, 2010 at 4:19 AM

    Dear OptionsTrader,

    You are the worst.

  21. Posted by sds | September 21, 2010 at 4:18 AM

    Dear OptionsTrader,

    You are the absolute worst.

  22. Posted by Shaolin is the NKI | September 21, 2010 at 12:32 PM

    She should really look in to Wu-Tang Financial

  23. Posted by Chuddy | September 21, 2010 at 1:06 PM

    definitely hardwood flooring on this one……lights on, camera on, three condoms on……..i just love the crazy bitches!

  24. Posted by Anonymous | September 21, 2010 at 3:21 PM

    I’m short coke in LA in anticipation of her re-imprisonment–citywide demand will drop sharply while she’s behind bars.

  25. Posted by Mr. Market | September 21, 2010 at 3:33 PM

    I thought you work in Dallas?

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    “hell’ave drug” – what did 5 fingers say to the face, slap!

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    I honestly don’t know which I love more: befreckled ginger ho’z or online discount trading

  28. Posted by Texashedge | September 21, 2010 at 4:41 PM

    That’s because it’s from 2004

  29. Posted by Guest | September 21, 2010 at 5:41 PM

    And?

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