Gang. Yesterday afternoon I had to cut out early to see a friend up in Wall Street North. Fine. Except that it resulted in me missing the release of THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD. Naturally, I speak of the latest Lisa Marie Falcone profile. But it’s okay. Like LMF, this thing exists on another plane, in another realm, where time is meaningless. So let’s get to it. First, the accompanying photograph, seen above. Just…take a few minutes with that.
Now, LISA. Did you ever dream there would be more this woman had to share with us, when she’s already shared so much, such as the piano playing pet pig, the bar-in-closets and the outfits? Probably not but Lisa is a gift, clearly heaven sent, that does not stop giving, much like her possessions which she tells BusinessWeek are “…all borrowed stuff. God kind of loans it to us, and somebody takes it afterward.”
In a sense, Lisa is kind of on loan to us from God too. Some people get to spend more time with her than others, like her husband Phil, of course, but also the employees of his hedge fund.
[Mrs.] Falcone is sitting at the head of a conference table, rapping to music by Swizz Beatz and waving her tanned arms above her head. Harbinger analysts walking by barely look up at Lisa, 41, who is striking in a low-cut leather dress and a huge diamond cross pendant. They know she’s the boss’s wife. Harbinger’s young, blond British receptionist brings a tray with a mug of green tea for Lisa, who likes to point out that the space is as much hers as her husband’s. “This is our office,” she says. “Eighteen years and no prenup means family office.” She’s meeting with the two employees of her fledgling company, Everest Entertainment. Just outside the room, her husband, Philip Falcone, is running his $9 billion fund but that doesn’t hold her back. She produced the song and sings along as it blasts from iPod speakers on the table: “Come on bitches, get your hands in the air, ugly bitches too, we don’t care!”
So, magnificent, clearly, but would you know there are people who want to change this woman? Their list of complaints include everything from how she dresses (“I wear what I want to wear,” she says), to how she speaks (“I’m proud of my background,” she says of a slight Puerto Rican accent. “I’m not changing, and I’m not getting a speech coach.”), to where her money comes from (“Obviously, my husband’s made the money, but we’ve been together 18 years, and the person behind the person isn’t usually seen,” she says. “So the money I’m using I’ve earned.”) to her general joie de vivre. These are the people that would probably have a problem with something like this.
Before they started the renovation of the Guccione mansion, expected to cost $10 million, the Falcones hosted an elaborate third birthday party there for their twin daughters, Carolina and Liliana. Lisa had muralists paint the walls with The Wizard of Oz scenes and sent out hand-calligraphed invitations, according to two guests. Little people wore uniforms monogrammed with her daughters’ initials in green rhinestones.
Well those haters can suck on this [raises what are probably a set of diamond encrusted brass knuckles you know LMF owns]. “I do what I want,” she tells BusinessWeek but also the citizens of the world. And later: “I have a very good ear. But God gave me something that I’m better at than anyone else. And that’s being me.”
All comments fail.
This one included.
Tom Wolfe’s daughter shows us she has a gift – I would buy bonobos if she were a regular contributor.
Wow. Just….wow.
Like my bubbe used to say “haters gonna hate”
Remember ladies, no pre-nup sounds great until he works out it’s cheaper to have you killed.
Exploiting midgets for your own personal entertainment will always be killin’ it.
Cover your knees up if you’re gonna be walking around everywhere.
There aren’t enough lights to turn on…
There aren’t enough lights to turn on…
Wouldn’t you think they’d have gotten rid of Guccione’s furniture when they renovated the place?
This can’t be for real. This has to be a treatment for a reality show, “Real Houswives of Park Ave.” No one can act this vulgar and be proud of it. Cmon. You’re making it up, Bberg.
“18 years and no pre-nup”
That, my friends, is called a line in the sand.
“I Do What I Want”
Clearly, because any pr rep worth one’s salt would tell you not to have yourself portrayed like this. And that picture? Who are you posing for, LMF?
“Yesterday afternoon I had to cut out early for a little trip to Wall Street North. ”
Wow, Bess, that was those most elegant rephrase of “I was stalking TBG yesterday afternoon” I’ve ever read.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLVi4v7lSM
They have a mutual understanding – they each get to go hogging once in a while. They just do it a little differently.
What’s really inspiring about this story is how far we’ve advanced as a society. Years ago it would have taken generations of wealth and priviledge to produce this level of insanity and abject stupidity. This woman has managed it in just one generation and in fewer than two decades. I think we can all take a little pride in our collective achievement.
What’s happened? Two minutes ago Bess officially liked my comment. It was the most affirmation I’d had in the office for months. And now it simply says that “two people liked this”. Not “Bess and one other…” just “two people”. Two ordinary mortals. Not Bess any more. I’m crushed.
Stay classy Marie Antoinet… err, Falcone.
While she may not be perfect, she is hotter than a fox in a forest fire.
What is it about being close to money that makes leathery harlem exports film and music experts?
Also, epic comment from TFA:
>Nobody is perfect but what a great role model for her daughters. The lady has got principles and brains something seriously lacking among the Gin and Tonic set She has qualities one would want in a friend.
after more than one person “likes” something it just gives a number.
She is a special woman and lucky to have her. I can’t understand why more people don’t want to marry.
Yay. Excuse me, I need to go and throw up 37 paracetamol pills.
who’d you rather: mrs. falcone or mrs. cohen?
Bess, I hope you stopped by Beamers while you were in Stamford
Bess,
In the tags, you left out “ugly bitches to”.
Other than that I have no concerns.
“Here’s you, here’s Giorgio, but what’s the midget doing there?”
Women :
Hot
Sane
Available
Pick two.
Mrs. F, hands (and other things) down. And say what you will about the woman, she’s certainly not trying to pretend to be something she ain’t (unlike prob >50% of the HF wives in this town).
Hey Bess- there’s something wrong with the reply button- the replies aren’t appearing in the right place (thought it was my hangover/lack of sleep at first but now it’s happened twice).
Bess- please dont; tell me you were at Hedge Funds Care. I blew it off-
No, I was not.
Bess please add “Swizz Beats” to the tags. Has to be a first
This is why the terrorists hate us.
I can speak 5 languages fluently, but Puerto Rican is not one of them.
This story would turn Milton Friedman into a Marxist.
I heard that underperforming analysts at Harbinger were forced to choose between their jobs and a one-hour chowbox session with LMF in the conference room.
Ooooh, food for thought, Patty Cohen:
“Obviously, my husband’s made the money, but we’ve been together 18 years, and the person behind the person isn’t usually seen,” she says. “So the money I’m using I’ve earned.”
where are the clients’ little people?
LMF is a national treasure. I’d much rather read about her than litigious cry babies who don’t have the balls to smack their sexist (allegedly) bosses/colleagues up the side of the head.
I can’t get past something…….what the hell are those tassels hanging from the chair arms for?
Think about it…..somebody actually thought about, and decided that would be a good idea.
I’d rather that than a complacent trophy wife.
Not to be a stickler for detail, but wouldn’t it be more “Real Housewives of 5th (or Madison) Ave” instead of Park? I’m just guessing here (and let’s not even mention East of Lex! Quelle Horror!) but the closer-to-the-park crowd may not want to be associated with their lesser cohort on Park Ave (less those in a few select buildings like 740, etc)
I can’t wait for the movie of the personal journey. But which actress can play her? J-Lo? Penelope Cruz? Mariah Carey?
“After seeing the critically acclaimed Precious, about a girl’s ordeal in the projects of New York that reminded Falcone of her own childhood, she hired one of its executive producers, Tom Heller, as her business partner.”
if only the Big Man could go back in time, 18 years ago, with a pre-nup in hand…
Call me, I have a trade for you.
Call me, I have a trade for you.
Charlize Theron
i guess you did not really catch her point: the person behind the person is not always seen. it means, if not for her, he may not have become “the big man”
It’s the Versailles room so the furniture makes sense but I assume the tassels are courtesy of Guccione’s decorator. One never knows when one might need tassels.
Anyone else see the striking resemblance?
http://poorlydressed.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/f7dbe271-c754-4bd5-9084-a735091e7d3d.jpg
“She had recently fallen off a Vespa that her husband had given her. “I thought it worked like a regular bike,” she laments, “but it had a motor.” ”
Quote du jour
I respect your attention to detail, however I disagree. Park is a wider avenue and the zoning is different. Thus the buildings are bigger, the apartments are bigger, and they receive more natural light than Madison. Also, Park can be a more desirable address as those unfamiliar with the city do not necessarily know where Madison is. 5th Avenue may, on the whole, be richer, but Park has twice as many residents, thus more opportunities for Tomfoolery. 5th Ave residents may also tend to be more reclusive, whereas Park ave may have households actually willing to make jackasses of themselves publicly. On 5th, there’s nowhere to go but down.
-Not a real estate anal_yst but shoutld be one
Comment of the week nominee.
NPV hit on LMF > attorney fees
I do what I want, with this marker.
P. Jiang
Nor everyone possesses a GHETTO MENTALITY; ATTACKING A GAY MAN YOU PRAISE FOR DOING A FABULOUS JOB AND BEG TO PLEASE NEVER LEAVE THEIR, THE FALCONES EMPLOY THEN SEXUALLY MOLEST THEM AND BANISH THEM, AFTER THEY REFUSE YOU TO AN AREA WITHOUT POTABLE WATER OR FOOD FOR NEARLY 20 HOURS KNOWING THAT THIS VICTIM EMPLOYEE IS ALSO AN INSULIN DEPENDENT DIABETIC IS MONSTROUS>>>>>>SHE HAS NO REDEEMING qualities and when FALCONE IS INDICTED FOR FRAUD AND ALL ELSE SHE NEEDS TO BE ARRESTED AND ARRAIGNED WITH HIM NOW THAT SHE IS CLAIMING CREDIT FOR MAKING THE MONEY….SHE HAS A MASTERS IN FELLATIO AND THAT IS ABOUT IT FOR HER OTHER THAN HER SWITCH BLADE.
phil is a great fuck =)