Do not get your hopes up. This is completely unconfirmed. But: Continue reading »
Archive for September 2010
Tepper: “You can’t take a chance on not being a little longer now, you gotta buy. That doesn’t mean I’m going balls to the walls– can you say that?”
Joe Kernan: “You can say that. Balls to the walls. I’ll say it a couple times. Balls to the walls.”
Tepper: “Balls to the walls. It’s that easy right now.”
Clinton Bemoans Scant Hedge Fund Support For His Global Initiative (Bloomberg)
Clinton said he knew of only two hedge-fund firms represented at the Clinton Global Initiative annual meeting this year, which President Barack Obama will address today. He didn’t name the firms. “There should be more,” Clinton said in an interview on Bloomberg Television’s “Political Capital With Al Hunt.”
Macro Forces Stump Stock Pickers (WSJ)
More and more investors aren’t bothering to pore through corporate reports searching for gems and duds, but are trading big buckets of stocks, bonds and commodities based mainly on macro concerns. As a result, all kinds of stocks—good as well as bad—are moving more in lock step. “It’s unbelievably frustrating,” says Mr. Pedowitz, who helps manage $4.5 billion for wealthy clients and has 25 years of investing experience. “It’s enough to make you crazy.”
Cash Cameos: Wall Street Pays (NYP)
Jim Chanos, who plays himself in the movie and got a “Special Thanks” in the credits, told The Post he’s spending the standard acting fee he earned from the flick on “acting lessons, obviously.” When asked what he earned from his appearance he told The Post he received $1.24. Maria Bartiromo, who refused to disclose what she earned from her stint, isn’t blowing her appearance fee on champagne and caviar — or even a pepperoni pizza from Spumoni Gardens in her native Brooklyn. Bartiromo told The Post she’s sockin’ away the cash instead. “I’m a big believer in savings so when I receive the check it will just go in my savings account,” she said.
Congress Delays Tax Cut Battle Until After November Elections (Bloomberg)
“The reality is we’re not going to pass” the tax cuts before the election, Illinois Senator Richard Durbin, the chamber’s No. 2 Democrat, said yesterday. Blaming politics, he said, “We are so tightly wound up in this campaign” that Democrats and Republicans won’t be able to reach an agreement.
Blackstone Forecasts Return Of $10 Billion LBO (Reuters)
“We’ve had a recovery in the credit markets which has frankly been a bit surprising,” Vikrant Sawhney, senior managing director, told investors.
Volcker Spares No One In Broad Critique (WSJ)
“The financial system is broken. We can use that term in late 2008, and I think it’s fair to still use the term unfortunately. We know that parts of it are absolutely broken, like the mortgage market which only happens to be the most important part of our capital markets [and has] become a subsidiary of the U.S. government.”
Credit Suisse Commodities Unit Bolts (WSJ)
A senior global commodities trader at Credit Suisse Group AG is leading an eight-person team out of the bank to start a hedge fund backed by Blackstone Group LP, people familiar with the matter say. The planned spinout involves one of the biggest trading groups to leave Wall Street. The team is one of the first Blackstone has selected for startup funding since U.S. lawmakers in July passed sweeping legislation to curb so-called proprietary trading, or trading using banks’ capital rather than clients’ funds. Continue reading »
Confidential To Any Hedge Fund Managers Who Are Expecting To Have Bad News For Investors At Year End
By Bess LevinDon’t listen to your legal team, IR or other handlers when they recommend cleaning up a letter that starts out by saying, “Sac ripping. Ass bleeding. Clown facing. Donkey punching. All vivid descriptions of what has happened to Team [insert name of fund here] this month slash quarter slash oh fuck it, the whole damn year thanks to the market not getting the memo about being our bitch”…for fear of offending clients’ Victorian sensibilities. Trust me. They like it. Continue reading »
Recently Fired Bank Of America Employees Most Bummed About Not Getting To Party At One Of Worst Bars In New York
By Bess LevinAs previously mentioned, layoffs went down at Bank of America Merrill Lynch earlier this week with the investment banking industry groups’ Associates and VP’s getting “hit hard.” Additionally, a round of cuts is said to have taken place in Tom Montag’s capital markets arm. Layoffs are, of course, of a terrible thing, generally filled with depression, confusion and self-doubt, particularly if one gets the boot in a not so great job market. Bank of Amerillwide employees who got the ax this week are predictably going through all those emotions, though in their case, suffering an indignity perhaps even worse than not knowing where your paycheck will come from when the severance runs out. Continue reading »
The piano playing pig who lives and works at the Lisa and Phil Falcone residence is named Pickles. [Forbes]
Update: Soon-To-Be Banker Terrified Of Not Having Time To Score Chicks Breaks Out Thesaurus To Clarify A Few Things
By Bess LevinYesterday, a soon to be first year analyst wrote in with a request. Quivering with fear at the thought of being chained to his desk for the next several years with zero time to tap ass, he wondered if some seasoned veterans would offer some advice with regard to juggling work and reeling tail. Today, he would like to elaborate a bit about himself and his situation. Continue reading »
Former JPMorgan Analyst Valentina Savelyeva Wants To Whip Your Piss-Poor Spreadsheets Into Shape
By Bess LevinTraining the Street will teach anyone willing to fork over the $6,000 tuition for a five-day “core skills” workshop. But most of the firm’s classes in financial accounting, corporate valuation, and merger/buyout analysis are packed with new hires from firms like Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Citigroup, and Deutsche Bank. Every year, more than 20,000 young financiers participate in a program Training the Street founder Scott Rostan calls “banker boot camp.” Savelyeva’s first assignment: Take a sloppy, ill-formatted spreadsheet and clean it up as quickly as possible. As the class raced to align numbers and reformat cells, she mentioned that the record belonged to an analyst at the investment firm Moelis & Co., who finished in 35 seconds last year. I was still trying to change font sizes when Savelyeva called a halt to the contest after seven minutes. “Remember, guys: Instead of typing out the sum function, you can just hit alt-equals and press enter,” said Savelyeva, leading the group through a five-year projection of amortization expenses for the handbag manufacturer Coach, Inc. “We’re saving time here! This should bring some joy to your hearts!” [Daily Intel]
So, there is a hedge fund run by two brothers, Abe and Jack Eisenstat, which is up almost 25 percent for the year. It’s called Dabroes Management LP and is pronounced “Da Bros,” according to the outgoing message on the firm’s voicemail. Naturally, we need have some questions that need answering here. One, does a prospectus with the name DaBroes make you really want to invest or really really want to invest? Two, and more importantly, we need to know the genesis of the name. The bros previously worked for SAC Capital, and presumably approached Steve about investing– did he give them money on the stipulation he got to name the thing and they had to go with whatever he came up with (which is how a recently launched long/short fund got the name Steers ‘n Queers)? Do bros in fact come before hoes at DaBroes Management? Or are we going to be looking at a scene like this 8-12 months from now? Continue reading »
As you know, it’s never too early to start thinking about bonus season and what sort of goodies you’re going to pick up. To that end, today brings some bad news. For those of you who were considering treating yourself to a new ride and driver, Bentley has announced their cars will no longer come with the one reason you’d want to buy them– a deadly “winged B” hood ornament that doesn’t retract and could potentially kill a person should there be an unfortunate collision with an underperforming trader in the parking lot, or something. [AP via Gawker]
They haven’t had nice things to say about him over the past year and a half. Called him McSleeps a lot and, oh, the jokes about his Diet Coke consumption came fast and furiously. But now that he’s announced he’s taking off, suddenly the business community wants the lovable schlub back, according to Charlie Gasparino. Apparently no one wants ot live in a world without Big Lar. Continue reading »
