News

Someone Finally Bought Jamie Dimon’s House


You’d think sleeping where Jamie Dimon hath slept would’ve been enough but no: the boy-toy CEO’s 13,500 square foot manse, which he bought in 2000 for $4.7 million, sat on the market for almost two and a half years, from the time he tried to sell it in April 2007 with an asking price of $13.5 million. James dropped it to $9.5 million and down to the bargain basement price of $6.5 million just several weeks ago. The buyer and accepted offer were not disclosed though presumably JD sealed the deal by throwing in the masterpiece pictured above, and a couplea busts cast in bronze. [CB]

62 comments
(hidden for your protection)
Show all comments

62 Responses to “Someone Finally Bought Jamie Dimon’s House”

  1. Hey uh guys I don’t know if anyone is out there or reading this but I’m currently in a minor situation over here…I am typing this with my tongue…It seems the Marketing girls have tied me to my chair in my office using those plastic lock things and they are spreading various condiments all over me. I’ve been tortured and tied for my chauvinistic comments I made about women being depreciating assets.

    Someone send help I’m at Spear Tower One Market Plaza San Francisco, California 94105 USA

  2. Anonymous says:

    What the hell is it with these personal portraits? Their home lives must be horrible. I guess one needs extremely self-worshiped because none of them will ever be considered humanitarians.

    The price isn’t disclosed because he failed the Capitalism axiom of buy low, sell high.

  3. Financial_Servicer says:

    Interesting that you can type in caps with just your tongue…Satan? Economist?

    -Guy attempting to reference figures with forked tongues or tendencies for doublespeak

  4. Jack says:

    Who really cares about you or Jamie Dimon……..$#(* you both. Watchmen

  5. Anonymous says:

    1. Your location of San Francisco explains why you can type with your tongue; you use it prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
    2. Those plastic lock things are called zip ties.
    3. Tell them they shouldn’t have so many condiments its making them fat and depreciating their assets even more.

  6. Chuddy says:

    I heard Nails bought it just after talking a squat in the library.

  7. Guest says:

    vikram is the annoymous buyer

  8. Guest says:

    The portrait is rather symbolic of this protracted sale … “Loss My Head When I Originally Priced This Shack”

  9. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    Why would someone add a decorative column right at the top of the stairs, so that you people have to step around it? The other column is also poorly placed.

  10. ahahah says:

    Bess, not trying to tell you how to do your job, but you know you’ll be able to check the public records to find the mystery buyer in a couple of weeks right?

  11. CMBS 4-Life says:

    I call the painting The Celebration…it’s sexual and violent

  12. Anonymous says:

    haha columns are stupid; doric columns are even stupider.

  13. guest says:

    At this level, people usually set up LLCs to do the purchase to preserve their privacy.

  14. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    I had to look up the definition of “doric.” The columns in the (former) Dimon home do not appear to be doric columns, which are fluted and have no base.

    I don’t know what kind of columns these are, but the one atop the stairs may create a safety issue, especially with the rug nearby, which might cause someone to trip as they maneveur around the column.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Looks like it’s the top floor. House was built in the 1880’s so the top floor was where the servants lived. My guess would be that as originally built there was a load-bearing wall running where the columns are now, with small servants bedrooms behind it. Some interior-design type prob thought it would be better to rip these out and create a “gallery” or “great room” or some such nonsense. So, the columns became necessary to keep the roof from falling in and damaging JD’s self-worship altar.

  16. Chuddy says:

    My column is anything BUT doric……….

    CG

  17. Mr. Market says:

    The columns are not decorative; JD “raised the roof” so many times that he said, f’ it, I’m going to permanently raise the roof, take that Vikrami. And so he added columns.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Is $6.5mm really that stratospheric a level? I mean it’s not cheap by any means but it’s not full-floor-at-940-5th-Avenue money either.

  19. Texashedge says:

    Can’t tell if you’re being serious or whether you’re attempting to be ionic.

  20. Tom Servo says:

    He has his phallic reasonings for them.

  21. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    So, the columns may not be only decorative, after all. Perma G’s explanation of the odd placement of the (non-doric) columns makes sense.

    These columns may look odd, be poorly placed, and create a minor safety problem, but they serve a more important function. I can think of analogies to JD’s firm.

  22. Anonymous says:

    completely serious, i fucking hate decorative columns. see: ‘ornamentation and crime’ by a. loos

  23. Guest says:

    @Perma

    Goldcoast in Chicago isn’t 5th Ave in New York.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Not to mention that the wall sconces are disproportionately small for the scale of the space. It gives you a sense of tightness in your plums.

  25. Anonymous says:

    @Guest

    Yeah, I know. That reply got posted in the wrong place– was trying to say that $6.5mm didn’t strike me as such an outsize price that the buyer would be doing this through an LLC.

    • ahahah says:

      plus, 6.5 is the asking price so I’d hope they could get it for $6.0MM. Funny–if that’s the case I’d bet a baller like JD easily drops $1.5MM into his house so I wouldn’t be surprised if he lost money on this one.

  26. Pfluger the Barbarian says:

    @Ham05: I understand that Adolf Loos “announced as early as 1898 his intention to avoid the use of unnecessary ornament.” I also learned that his “best-known large structure is the Goldman and Salatsch Building in Vienna (1910), in which small amounts of Classical detail are offset by large areas of blank, polished marble.”

    A. Loos would have hated JD’s old house, regardless of whether the columns are decorative or functional.

  27. Anonymous says:

    If you’re really doing it right you set up a single purpose vehicle registered in the caymans – there are legitimate reasons for those things despite what Parmalat and Enron have done to their reputations!

    • ahahah says:

      Well, if he gets a mortgage, then you can always just go to the recorder’s website and download the mortgage/note and check who signed it and work backwards from there. Also, sometimes you can get clues from the LLC name but that’s not a layup.

  28. note the placement of the far-left light

  29. its me stevie says:

    Fake plant? I think so. Looks like Jamie might have a heck of a gaming room in the back though.

  30. its me stevie says:

    Fake plant? I think so. Looks like Jamie might have a heck of a gaming room in the back though.

  31. Guest says:

    @Perma

    My parents employed an LCC when they purchased me a crib during undergrad, and we don’t have the coin JD rakes. It’s not only done to protect the owners identity but can also be used to protect against lawsuits and the like if my friends and I gangbanged a stripper and she ran to the DA.

    FYI, the college house was something around $300k.

  32. Guest says:

    Looks you like you failed the Capitalism axiom of reading comprehension. Or perhaps counting. Isn’t 6.5>4.7? I could be wrong tho, I did pursue the CFA afterall

    • Shaw says:

      The article never said the house sold for $6.5 million. It stated that the “accepted offer” was not “disclosed.” You’re the one who failed reading comprehension.

  33. Anonymous says:

    I read this too quickly and thought you had an infant crib and you were a little baby gang banging a stripper. I almost peed my pants

  34. Stevenson says:

    metaphor for a glowing and radiant penis

  35. Chuddy says:

    The details of my life are quite inconsequential … Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament … My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon … luge lessons … In the spring, we’d make meat helmets … When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum — it’s breathtaking … I suggest you try it.

  36. Hank says:

    This “free srhaing” of information seems too good to be true. Like communism.

  37. Chas Grim says:

    Anne, we will investigate!

  38. It?¦s actually a cool and helpful piece of info. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  39. more here says:

    As a Newbie, I am continuously exploring online for articles that can aid me. Thank you

  40. What i do not realize is actually how you are not really a lot more well-preferred than you might be now. You’re very intelligent. You understand thus significantly relating to this subject, made me in my view imagine it from numerous varied angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved unless it¡¦s something to do with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. Always maintain it up!

  41. I in addition to my friends ended up following the excellent procedures from your web blog and then the sudden developed a horrible feeling I had not expressed respect to you for those secrets. All the women are actually absolutely joyful to learn all of them and already have extremely been using those things. Thanks for being quite considerate as well as for pick out this kind of helpful subject areas millions of individuals are really desirous to understand about. My very own sincere apologies for not expressing gratitude to you earlier.

  42. go here says:

    I¡¦m no longer certain the place you are getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time studying more or working out more. Thank you for excellent info I used to be looking for this information for my mission.

  43. Have you ever thought about creating an e-book or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would enjoy your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e mail.

  44. Pretty component of content. I simply stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to say that I get in fact loved account your weblog posts. Any way I will be subscribing in your feeds and even I fulfillment you access persistently rapidly.

  45. It¡¦s really a great and useful piece of info. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.

  46. Very well written post. It will be helpful to everyone who utilizes it, as well as myself. Keep up the good work – i will definitely read more posts.

  47. Very efficiently written story. It will be useful to anyone who utilizes it, including me. Keep up the good work – i will definitely read more posts.

  48. towers says:

    naturally like your web-site however you need to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very troublesome to inform the truth then again I¡¦ll certainly come back again.

  49. Very well written story. It will be useful to anybody who usess it, including myself. Keep doing what you are doing – i will definitely read more posts.

  50. I simply could not depart your web site prior to suggesting that I actually loved the standard info a person provide in your visitors? Is gonna be again continuously in order to investigate cross-check new posts

  51. Good route of significant, and polite item to obtain facts regarding my presentation focus, which i am free to deliver in academy.

  52. I precisely wanted to thank you so much once more. I am not sure what I would have taken care of without the type of pointers shared by you about such problem. It actually was the depressing concern in my position, but being able to view a new professional approach you dealt with it forced me to leap for contentment. I will be happy for the service and even trust you are aware of an amazing job that you are carrying out instructing many people thru your website. I’m certain you’ve never come across all of us.

  53. Goodbye at hand, in basic terms crooked into alert to your weblog by Google, and located that it is especially informative. I’m gonna watch made known on behalf of brussels. I will be present pleasing when you proceed this in outlook. Abundant inhabitants will liable be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  54. Thanks for this informative post it’s really a great experience for me to visit your posts.

  55. the market for almost two and a half years, from the time he tried to sell it in April 2007 with an asking price of $13.5 million.