As you have most likely heard, yesterday afternoon, DE Shaw cut ten percent of its workforce. The news probably suggests that anyone who’s been trying to make a jump who’d been considering shooting the hedge fund a resume ought to shelve that idea for now. Looking down the road, however, the firm will at some point start hiring again. And when it does, should you get a call back, there’s a question you may not get in interviews with inferior firms that you’ll want to be prepared to answer.
An acquaintance looking for a new gig had dinner with a friend whose buddy worked at DES. It was an informal meeting, though knowing he was rep’ing the firm, the Shaw guy came armed with what is presumably the hedge fund’s typical spiel. The conversation went like this (this was just after they’d sat down):
DE Shaw Guy: Did you go to an Ivy League school?
Acquaintance: Yes.
DE Shaw Guy: Did you have a 4.0?
Acquaintance: Yes.
DE Shaw Guy: Doesn’t matter– everyone at DE Shaw has that. You know who we hire at DE Shaw?
Acquaintance: Uh–
DE Shaw Guy: GENIUSES. [pauses for emphasis]. How do I know you’re a genius?
I’m sure many of you likely consider yourself geniuses but right there, how would you answer that question? Would you whip out a nearly-finished Rubix cube, solve it, throw it on the table and walk out? Start working on figuring that out now.
Baby Geniuses III: Quant’s Revenge
1 + 1 = 3. Do I get the job?
Honey, you know I think you are sweet girl and all, but you have clothes like a f$cking d!ckhead.
I worked with a guy who landed at DE Shaw and he was dumb as a bag of rocks. I’ve heard about the “perfect SAT score” bullshit and all, but this guy is working there and I would be shocked if his IQ broke into three digits.
On my first interview at DE Shaw, I walked into an office where a remarkably averagely dressed man asked: “You know who we hire at DE Shaw? GENIUSES. How do I know you’re a genius?”.
I asked him for a couple of business cards and, after he gave them to me, I quickly wrote out a proof for Beal’s conjecture on the back of them.
He looked at me and said “Doesn’t matter– everyone at DE Shaw could do that. But can you come back next week?”
Ivy League = Voted for Obama != Genius.
i have a huge hair cock. do i get the job?
Trish Regan has a cock like a Burmese python?
So turned out right now.
I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!
-guy who says a hail mary before he goes fishing.
I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!
-guy who says a hail mary before he goes fishing.
DE Shaw Guy: GENIUSES. [pauses for emphasis]. How do I know you’re a genius?
Acquaintance: Touche, well I may not be a genius, but I’m smart enough to know 2 things.
DE Shaw Guy: That’s it? Well, they better be “how to pick up this tab” and “how to lose my # quickly”
Acquaintance: Nope, just David’s address and the location of those polaroids you took with a flock of trannies.
DE Shaw Guy: When can you start?
I love that it’s “flock” of trannies.
Why shouldn’t I work for DE Shaw? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m working at DE Shaw. Somebody puts a pitch deck on my desk, something nobody else can pitch. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I pitch it. And I’m real happy with myself, ’cause I did my job well. But maybe that pitch was going to help a company that funds some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never met, never had no problem with, get killed. Now the politicians are sayin’, “Oh, send in the Marines to secure the area” ’cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there, gettin’ shot. Just like it wasn’t them when their number got called, ’cause they were pullin’ a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some kid from UBS taking shrapnel in the ass. And he comes back to find that the bank he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job ’cause he’ll work for a pair of pik toggles and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile, he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And, of course, the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain’t helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And they’re takin’ their sweet time bringin’ the oil back, of course, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin’ play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain’t too long ’til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy’s out of work and he can’t afford to drive, so he’s got to walk to the fuckin’ job interviews, which sucks ’cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin’ him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he’s starvin’, ’cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat, the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I’m holdin’ out for somethin’ better. I figure fuck it, while I’m at it why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.
-guy who is wicked smaht
the correct term for a group of trannies is actually a “gaggle” or, in british english, a “pride”. but flock sounds good.
I actually had a quant job offer from DE Shaw, coming out of graduate school 8-9 years ago. (I studied computer science + quantitative finance) at MIT. I don’t really think the people there are especially genius-like. The interview just consisted of a bunch of brain-teasers, but nothing shockingly complicated. Not asked to write a proof for BS or anything else. I thought the “manager” interviewing me was a douche, however. He spent 15 minutes talking about how he, at 35, would soon be retiring to San Diego. Never asked me if I gave a fuck.
The quants all look like typical Silicon Valley types, and are on one floor. The traders are on a different floor, and look like typical Wall Street types. The two groups rarely cross paths.
my name is wile e coyote
What are you 35 with a quant degree from MIT? Assuming you are on the east coast get the fuck off the internet…shouldn’t you be fucking vogue models in Tribeca while you snort Columbian Fine off their nipples.
Geniuses built the Titanic. Geniuses built the DC-10. Geniuses built the space shuttle.
‘Nuff said.
i’ll bet you tonight’s dinner that you don’t pick up the tab.
Rand Paul, is that you?
DE Shaw Guy: GENIUSES. [pauses for emphasis]. How do I know you’re a genius?
Me: [Equally dramatic - but just slightly shorter pause] Well, by virtue of the fact that you work at DE Shaw, that would have to make YOU a genius…correct?
DE Shaw Guy: Yes…I guess that’s true.
Me: Ok, well last night while I was banging your wife in the ass, she turns around and says, “Oh my God! My husband can never make me cum. You’re a genius!”
What are you 27 with a liberal arts degree from some hippie trash college? Assuming you are on the west coast get the fuck off your high horse and stop puffing your chest like you are a baller…shouldn’t you be watching Milk, jerking off in front of your roomate while acting somewhat nervous a la ” its not gay if you dont touch it?” re: coke you probably were the guy that had a line in front of him once that freaked out and couldnt do it becuase you were worried about a drug test 8 months later.
Time to watch Survivor….
I think I’d do the pulling my thumb apart trick. Maybe I’d add, “I was doing this the whole time during the CDO orgy.”
http://proposition13.blogspot.com/2010/09/tidal-software-great-distances.html
Before Enron collapsed, all their traders and PR people would put out blizzards of bullshit about how smart Enron folk were. Yep. Uh huh. Alright. Sure.
Eh, well, let’s just say I know how use a marker.
- P. Jiang
The first clue someone is not a genius is when he claims to be a genius. Second clue is bragging about SAT scores after senior year in high school.
Who the hell wants to proclaim he is a genius? Nothing like putting a target on your back.
Didn’t vote for Obama=McCain=Palin=Genius=hand job=economic collapse but really good caribou meat=simplistic people=mathman prophecy=community college=bitter
On my initial interview with DE Shaw, I was greeted by a not so impeccably dressed man. I believe I saw a tag on the suit that said Jos.A.Bank, but I did not take a second look at it. He pushed the rim of his glasses back as he went to reach to shake my hand. He had an okay grip, but not very strong. He led me down a hall to the third door on the left. I followed him in the room, and he sat behind a desk. He took a sip of coffee before he proceeded to begin the interview. He set the cup of coffee down, leaned forward and asked, “What school did you attend, what was your gpa, and what were your accomplishments”. Once I said Yale, it looked as if he was holding back from laughing, but then he settled back into his chair. As I proceeded to explain my perfect gpa, and all the clubs and fraternity events I had led, he stood up from his char and walked to the window. I continued on, not knowing if he was listening or not. He continued to look out the window motionless, but then raised his hand up to halt my droning. He then turned around and proceeded to say “We here at DE Shaw are of a certain pedigree”. He leaned forward on his desk, reaching for his cup of coffee taking another sip from it. Then continues “By pedigree, I mean to say we are geniuses”. Then he turns back to his window and sipping on his coffee and asks, “are you a genius like me”? To which I replied, “I know I am smarter than you”. He turned around with such veracious speed, his face getting all red and flustered. He began to snort in anger and asked in a very loud and demonstrative voice “What makes you thinking you are smarter than me”? I leaned back in my chair, putting my feet up on his desk with a large smirk on my face. Then I replied, “While you were at the window staring at the emptiness that is your life, I was calculating my chances here. Then I realized that if I were to work here, I may become a ball-less loser as you are. Now I know I am smarter than you, in that I am not the one drinking another mans protein”. I was promptly lead out by security, but oddly enough, received an offer from some place called Ping Capital.
LOL. Well done I fucking love it. Ladies and Gentlemen this is how you insult me.
Lotta sour grapes going on here from a bunch of men with poor self-esteem about their genitals.
oops, I forgot the woman with poor self-esteem who is editor of ballbreaker, I mean dealbreaker
Can you really be a genius if you went to work for a firm that had to lay off 10% of its workforce? Nuff said.
…everyone here has that. But how do I know you’re a genius? How do I know you’re worth having your brain frozen for future generations?
WesternSkyFinancial…
Guy walks into a bar and says, “Hey bartender, give me a f*cking drink!”. Bartender says, “Who do you think you are talking to me like that. This is my f*cking bar!”. Guy says, “I work at DE Shaw. I’m a genius.” Bartender says, “Well, I’m may not be a genius, but I if I were one, I’d sure as he!! know not to walk into a bar with a whitboard parker sticking out of my @ss.”
Tell me more.
Got laid off the other day huh? At least you can sleep in and drink on taxpayers dollars for the next 26 weeks. Live it up, quite being so full of hate. If you are feeling worthless, go solve an equation or two and you will feel better. BTW do not fear that big bright thing in the sky, it is called the sun. You remember the sun right?
I really can’t wait for this whole hedge fund thing to be over for good. It’s a zero sum game and it’s really pushing up the price of negotiable tail.
Wow, really? I wish I could come up with an incredibly witty retort, but I guess I am not a genius. So just go kill yourself.
Guy who is not a genius, but can dissect a 10q and has managed to remain employed in this biz for 20 years.
Did you bring it in a vial? How prescient of you, talk about staying ahead of the curve!
You are hired!
Strange indeed! As my money would have been on cumbreath to get the offer.
I would fill the restaurant with ping pong balls and then roll every single manhole cover down broadway while riding a canoe with 7 midgets wearing shuttlecocks as earrings.
I didn’t know people still did mescaline.
I had to divide by zero to get the job
Did he play sports? They had some teams in corporate leagues, and hired ringers to be competitive.
Rho, you don’t have to work at D.E. Shaw or be a genius to figure that this place is filled with losers.
I’m not going to get into the fact that it would strike most people as odd that you would describe a place as “filled with losers” but continue to come back to it, or that you clearly have some personal issues you’re working through but I am genuinely curious– what about this post upsets you? I was not insensitive in reporting that people from DE Shaw got laid off (see previous coverage of the situation), nor have I ever been when reporting layoffs and the above dialogue is something that actually happened. I wrote about it b/c a) it was mildly amusing and b) to give anyone who may ever interview there a head’s up. did you not get that? what is the source of your bitterness?
I’m not going to get into the fact that it would strike most people as odd that you would describe a place as “filled with losers” but continue to come back to it, or that you clearly have some personal issues you’re working through but I am genuinely curious– what about this post upsets you? I was not insensitive in reporting that people from DE Shaw got laid off (see previous coverage of the situation), nor have I ever been when reporting layoffs and the above dialogue is something that actually happened. I wrote about it b/c a) it was mildly amusing and b) to give anyone who may ever interview there a head’s up. did you not get that? what is the source of your bitterness?
Ha, ha. What bitterness? This is a tired old trick: change the subject and try to make the other person look bad. Hello? What’s up with all this negative stuff about D.E. Shaw? You guys sound like jealous, puerile losers.
“What’s up with all this negative stuff about D.E. Shaw? ”
are you some kind of idiot? the (whopping 2) stories that have appeared
about DE Shaw this week are negative because they’ve had some negative stuff
happen there recently. were you unaware?
Hello, Beth? This is earth calling. Evidentally, you don’t know the difference between something bad happening to a company and taking (alleged) incidents taken out of context and otherwise mudslinging. You also indulge the juvenile testosterone-poisoned cry babies who hang out here. They can’t handle the fact that are people are smart and more accomplished than they are. But maybe you like having them around. Given that “story” in your header, I can believe it.
Bess, no you’re the idiot. You don’t the difference between something bad happening to a company and smearing them by taking (alleged) incidents out of context. You obviously don’t know or understand anything about D.E. Shaw and probably much else on Wall Street.
OK, that’s a little harsh. You probably know something about Wall Street but clearly there is a great deal of prejudice and misunderstanding about DE Shaw on this blog.
LOL in regards to the comment made by JUST HIRED AT DE SHAW
D.E. Shaw Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: My SAT scores were 1400, I have a big hairy cock and you look ridiculous with that whiteboard market sticking out of your ass.
D.E. Shaw Inteviewer: Hm, well you’re smart enough to work here but your social skills suck so unfortunately we are not going to be able to offer you a job.
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