Bill Gross Enforces Total Silence On The Trading Floor Except For When He’s Leading A Conga Line Around People’s Desks

As someone who follows Wall Street and especially hedge funds for a living, I’ve long suspected, nay, known, that the secret to many a money manager’s success is a daily shimmy down the trading floor. However, and I think most of you will back me up on this, I figured the first time anyone would publicly admit to it would be attached to the name of a firm whose headquarters are located in Stamford, CT and whose founder could’ve been a dancer if he hadn’t gotten into stocks. Instead, it’s PIMCO, and it’s Bill Gross’s dancing feet.

Lately, [Gross] has been trying to loosen up a bit in the office, where he prefers to focus, in silence, for hours in front of his trading screens. To break the quiet he helps impose, the morning we meet he starts a new ritual: at 8 a.m., a song that someone recommends is blasted over the sound system. Mr. Gross kicks it off with Short Skirt/Long Jacket by the alt-rock band Cake. He even helps lead a conga line past rows of stunned-looking traders.

If you think this was just for the benefit of the reporter 1) I don’t want to hear about it and 2) think again! Gross has long been the guy the industry looks to when it needs someone to be brave, whether it’s about dancing or speaking out on the evils of the automatic flush. Now that he’s gone first, everyone else should feel confident enough to do the same. Is your trading floor equipped with disco balls that descend from the ceiling when they sense a certain level of hip gyrations, while the rest of the lights dim and house music starts blasting, like bham bham bhamb and boom boom boom? Is it not unusual to see a bunch of PMs shimmying down the aisle like gay chorus line circa 3PM? Is it okay and in fact encouraged for employees to “get low”? Share it with the group.

The Obsessive Life Of Bond Guru Bill Gross [Globe And Mail]

Related: Bill Gross Will Cut A Bitch For Speaking And/Or Audibly Breathing On The Floor
What Does Bill Gross Think About On The Can? He’s Happy You Asked

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37 Responses to “Bill Gross Enforces Total Silence On The Trading Floor Except For When He’s Leading A Conga Line Around People’s Desks”

  1. Angry RMBS Guy says:

    cake is for fudge packers

  2. Anonymous says:

    That shit is so highschool…..what’s next Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down?

  3. If you were long fifty zillion in Treasuries at the end of a 35 year bull market,you’d crack a bit too.

  4. TrueStory says:

    He used to give free mustache rides Tue/Thr 3-5 in the lactation room but those lost their luster after the annual McRib bash. Then the whole ‘stache thing was gone.

  5. tits says:


  6. Jeffrey Gundlach's Brassiere says:

    Reluctantly crouched in his office chair,
    Dildos pumping and thumping without care.
    Youporn lights flash, it moves and goes up,
    Churning and burning, it yearns for 2 girls/1 cup.

    He deftly maneuvers and muscles for the spank,
    Semen burning fast on an empty tank,
    Wreckless and wild he pours through the search tab,
    He finds himself prowless, yet podent and secretly fab.

    As the tranny last moans through the finish it slowly goes down.
    The BBerg terminal lights up, and he starts to frown.
    The office is empty except for one man,
    Still humping and grinding as fast as he can.

    He’s going the distance.
    All things sensy with glee.
    He’s all alone, (all alone) all alone in his office with me.

  7. Pay4Convexity says:

    Gundlach’s “vestiges from a prior life”+Cake lyrics = priceless

  8. So you’re saying you’re, what, 22?

  9. William Gross says:

    I mean I do, I do do things you know. Things that, you know, I’m gonna hide from people. I mean, I like… I go places. I interact, you know? Certain clubs. You know, like fantasy. It’s just something, like when you get in there and the music, like, owns you. It’s like that house music. It’s like bomp, bomp, bomp, bompbompbomp, boom boom boom!

  10. Anonymous says:

    Can I get a borrow in ALV.GR?

  11. Anonymous says:

    It was at a deeply existential moment of crisis late one night in 1985 that BG unsheathed Primitive Love from its twinkling cellophane. Now, what The Sound Machine wants, The Sound Machine gets.

  12. Rho2Gamma says:

    Bess, the proper house track goes uhn-shhh-uhn-shhh-uhn-shhh. You were referencing dubstep or dnb (depending on your bpm reference) with,” bham bham bhamb and boom boom boom”.
    Other than that, no concerns.

  13. You shut your mouth when you’re discussing convexity with me!

  14. Seaman Bodine says:

    This guy is gonna be handing out nike’s and purple ribbons soon. The moon has almost crossed the xenith.

  15. Let the beat consume you. says:

    Snap!’s “Rhythm is a Dancer” always gets my balls tingling.

  16. Anonymous says:

    you get me.

  17. Richard Cripples says:

    I used to live downstairs from Bill Gross, he would always blast music when he first got up in the morning, it used to be “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” by Jermaine Stewart, glad to see he has moved on. Between the music, his dancing and his penchant for peg-leg hookers (story for another time) it was so much of a ruckus that we had to call a special tenants meeting. Thank god the ipod came out.

  18. El-Erian says:

    I lock the door. I put on my diaphonous gown with gold lace. I put on the matching veil. I get out my thumb cymbols. And I start the music and I twirl and sway and dance until I have no cares anymore. Then I go on CNBC.


  19. Anonymous says:

    27 and a half. My braces come off next week.

  20. B to the G says:

    I lock the door. I weep silently b/c I live in Orange County.

  21. Rho2Gamma says:

    Orange County = Jersey Shores with higher limits on their Chase debit cards.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Getting sober people to get in a conga line at 8 in the morning (when they’ve been at their desks since 4 am PST) is the nki?

  23. Holly Smoke says:

    Crouch grabbing Bill.

  24. Real housewife of the OC says:

    Don’t forget the 2 yr mortgage payment holiday on the $1.5MM 2,000SF house….nothing like living rent-free

  25. Guest says:

    true, though he does probably get his way on most matters around there, wouldn’t you think?

  26. 1991 says:

    You get me.

  27. Guest says:

    Do all your accounting in-house + one-man auditing firm and you’ll never crack. Like Uncle Bernie.

  28. Anonymous says:

    This is true. However, I still have to wonder how a) the “conga time” order gets disseminated (email? over the hoot?) and b) which employee gets (forced) to be in front of/behind Uncle Billy in the line…

  29. SteeperCurves says:

    You had me at CPDO.

  30. Rho2Gamma says:

    I am not a big fan of dubstep, don’t get me wrong, there is some good shit out there. I just find an entire set of it boring. A couple of years ago I went to the Dogs on Acid party at WMC, and the dnb room is were it was at. I do like this Nero track a lot, though

  31. darlingNKI says:

    I can’t stop thinking about this.

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